


Day Follows Night; Dark Follows Light

by LyricalRiot



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, I Always Reply To Comments, LongFic - Many Chapters Planned, POV Rey (Star Wars), Patience Required, Payoff Is Coming, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-05-19 04:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 138,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14866652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalRiot/pseuds/LyricalRiot
Summary: Post-TLJ. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren is distracted, leaving him vulnerable to dangerous plots from within the First Order itself. When death comes for him, he'll have to face it alone — unless the Force can convince one new Jedi to save him. Difficult choices and uncomfortable reunions lie ahead. They'll have to navigate carefully if they have any hope of any tentative alliance between them. But hard as it may be, both know that neither can walk away again.A slow burn Reylo-centered speculation about Ep. IX (with Leia.)





	1. Prologue

**Kylo Ren**

* * *

 

"Supreme Leader Ren, you are displeased with our victory?" The annoyance in Hux's voice made his words fall flat.

"I would hardly call this a victory," Kylo said coldly. "These industrial systems clamor for someone to tell them what to do and provide steady business. Bringing them to heel is no cause for celebration, General."

As Hux turned away, Kylo saw a flash of contempt in his eye. It was nothing new. He'd often seen contempt in the eyes of his enemies. In just about everyone, actually. Still, he knew he had to be careful of the weasel before him. Hux devoted unflagging loyalty to Snoke out of fear, yes, but also awe, ambition, and a shared vision for the future. At the moment, Kylo knew he only inspired fear. Certainly Hux felt no awe of him, and as for the shared vision — he sensed doubt in the general over where Kylo's priorities lay. His obedience, therefore, was given only reluctantly and very tenuously. The failure on Crait had bred disgust as well as contempt.

Hux cleared his throat and offered a quiet rebuttal. "Simple though the task was, my lord, these successes are important in building your empire. And others have been more difficult victories. You brought the notoriously difficult Mantell system into compliance despite our devastated armada. That was no small feat. I would have expected our excellent progress to please you, Supreme Leader."

"General, what was the undoing of our forefathers? The downfall of the Empire? Remind me."

Hux looked at the ground, his jaw tightening. "A Jedi and the rebellion"

"And who was it who killed Supreme Leader Snoke and devastated the armada  _you_  commanded?"

"A Jedi and the resistance."

"And for months now you have failed to bring me any information on the whereabouts of that same Jedi and her resistance. You expect me to congratulate you on a job well done?"

Hux made a noise of impatience. "With all due  _respect_ , Supreme Leader, we haven't been troubled by a single resistance fighter since you let them trick you on Crait. I've brought you no news because we cannot find any. No disturbances. No rumors. Our uncontested victories clearly show that they are too small and weak to keep up their pathetic fight. We ruined them. They are finished."

But Kylo Ren knew he was wrong.

There  _had_  been disturbances, just not the kind Hux could identify. Kylo could feel them, the ripples of her power through the Force. She wasn't finished. And he knew there was nothing small or weak about what she had inside her, nor what she would build out of the shattered resistance remnants.

He stared out at the vast emptiness of space, his fist tightening. Hux began to cough and tug at his collar. His little accusation had not gone unnoticed. Not bothering to look at him, Kylo said firmly, "She's out there somewhere, reforming the rebellion, making plans to tear us down. To underestimate her is dangerous, General. We will not make the same mistakes as our forefathers. Do you understand?"

Hux trembled and nodded, clutching at his throat, face turning purple.

Kylo released him, and he fell to the ground, gasping. "You will not come scraping and clawing after praise again until you have brought me the information I require."

"Yes, my lord," Hux wheezed.

"And chart a course for the new shipyard. It's time we check on the fleet."

With that, Kylo spun on his heel and left the bridge, cape flowing behind him like a shroud of darkness.

He felt good about his decision to visit the construction site of his new armada, just as he felt good about his decision to come to the bridge to oversee the takeover of this small star system himself. He would not make the same mistake that Snoke, or even the Emperor before him did. They put too much trust in their weak, flawed subordinates, relying on threats and an apprentice emissary to ensure their commands be carried out. Not him.

Supreme Leader Ren would not be the holographic ruler, the absent father. He would personally oversee every step of this business of building a new empire.

Every crewman he passed radiated with white hot fear at the sight of him. They went about their business without making eye contact, hoping to go unnoticed. That wasn't anything new either, though it was stronger now than before. People had been looking at him with contempt and fear for a long time. He first saw it in the eyes of Luke, and then in the faces of his fellow students who turned against him and fought for their murderous teacher — a man who tried to kill his own nephew! That was when he knew for certain that light was more sinister and evil than dark. It compelled people to take the "noble," if very wrong, course of action. Not in the dark. In the dark there was absolute justice.

Except...it wasn't in the dark that Snoke met his justice.

It was somewhere in the hazy twilight of gray, when his dark and her light mingled into one powerful Force.

He tried not to think about it, hating the gnawing, empty feeling inside him that came on the heels of that memory.

Nothing was ever enough to drive out that feeling anymore. Not the victories of his new empire, not his own rise to glory, not his full and unhindered access to everything the dark side had to offer. Even as his mastery over it increased and his power in the Force grew, the darkness inside him swelling to knew strength, he continued to feel empty. Dissatisfied. Unbalanced.

Damn her.

Riding a lift to his private quarters, he deliberately ignored the glimpse of his reflection in a mirrored panel. That jagged scar slicing down the right half of his face was the only thing he could see anymore. She'd made her mark, and he knew that it cut far beneath the surface. She had sliced right to the very core of him.

Snoke accused him of becoming unbalanced when he killed his father, and in many ways he wasn't wrong — but Kylo knew the scales had started to tip before that. The chasm of chaos inside him had split open the moment she pushed back against the intrusion in her mind, and glimpsed into his instead. Something powerful and intense had been forged in that moment, each prying open the other's inner heart. It had sent him reeling, and he hadn't been able to catch his footing ever since.

Miserable little creature. She'd come in and carved up his already conflicted soul into a thousand pieces, then left him again in a heap upon the floor, unable to rebuild himself without a gaping hole. He thought she understood. He thought she finally saw the truth. She'd gotten in to the most vulnerable places inside him, and now he didn't know how to cut her out. In that most intimate of all moments, when their minds melded and she reached for him, and his flesh touched her flesh — in that moment, they'd promised each other that neither was alone. Yet in the end, she'd left him more alone than ever. Traitor. Like her traitor friends.

So why couldn't he hate her? He wanted to. Wanted to dream of her death, to plan the vengeful killing of her. After all, he'd promised Luke to destroy her. But try as he might, hate would not rise. Even as he tried to convince himself of her betrayal, he knew she hadn't truly left him alone. She was still out there, dealing with the same uncertainty, the same crushing loneliness, the same eternal pull towards the other side. She too struggled to understand this immense power within her, difficult to wield and even more difficult to balance. She felt the same thing he did. The whisper of a shared destiny.

The lift opened and he stalked off, grinding his teeth. He needed to find a quiet space to meditate, to access the well of darkness deep inside him and remember his purpose. It wasn't to find her. It wasn't to fixate on her like this. It wasn't even to root out the remainder of her resistance efforts and crush them. They were tiny insects beneath his boot now. His purpose was to bring each and every star system under First Order control and restore the empire his grandfather helped build. It was his legacy, his birthright. That effort was going well, but there was a ways to go yet. He needed to stay focused on that. Not on her.

Not. On.  _Her_.

Perhaps it was time to gather his Knights of Ren, scattered throughout the galaxy on various assignments given to them by Snoke. If word got back to them about his new leadership, they would likely come anyway. Unlike Hux, they were force users and would be better able to sense where resistance fighters were hiding, where the force moved around powerful light. Then again, perhaps that wasn't such a good thing. Yes, he wanted them to kill the traitorous defector, the irritating pilot, and all their co-conspirators. But what if they killed Rey, too?

— And so what if they did? Wasn't that the best solution, in the end? The last Jedi needed to be destroyed — if he couldn't do it by his own hand, what did it matter if someone else did it? Spare him the torment of looking into her eyes again.

Then again, knowing how powerful she was, would they even be able to defeat her? If his mood weren't so tired, so melancholy, he might have entertained a smile at this thought. They'd be no match for her.

As if thinking about her had triggered it, he felt her presence brush against his through tremors in the Force. He froze, barely daring to breathe. They were very close this time, despite the great distance he sensed between them. Any closer and he knew he'd see her. But what would he say? What was there to say?

_Come back to me. Please._

But even the whisper of that felt inadequate and tired. He'd begged her twice now to be with him. The first time she'd slashed his face open and the second she'd split his family's lightsaber and shut the door. She wasn't going to come running to him now just because he said it a third time.

But it didn't matter. The feeling of her receded again before the Force could resolve them into an intimate, face-to-face connection. Still, he had felt her, and he knew she had felt him. When she was gone, an ache began in the pit of his stomach.

Could they never escape one another?

He delivered an irritated kick to a small custodial droid scuttling in his way, sending it spinning across the floor.

Snoke boasted about bridging their minds as one of his many manipulation tactics, but he was gone now, and the Force continued to pull them together like this. A powerful link had been established between them that no longer needed the aid of Snoke. This time, they had more control. Kylo always waited to see what she would do, but she did not allow them to lay eyes on one another. She shut out the Force in that moment and cut herself off from him. Effectively shutting the door again.

Each time he was a little bit hurt, and a little bit relieved.

The worst part about all of this was knowing just how horribly unbalanced he was. Before Rey, he'd been certain he belonged in the dark. Struggling always against the tug of light, perhaps, but he knew what he wanted. He couldn't get back to that now — it remained just out of his reach. Holding on to anger and hate gave him just enough grasp to continue, but he knew how hollow and empty it all was. He thought he wanted this, but now he wasn't sure of anything.

Nothing could compare to what he'd felt that day in Snoke's throne room. That moment when conflict turned to resolve, and he finally,  _finally_  knew exactly what must be done.

Hearing his master taunt Rey, he realized that Snoke had manipulated him. Like a puppet dancing on a damn string.

This time, however, he'd gone a step too far. Exploiting them like this had meant he'd allowed them to glimpse into each other's fractured souls, and something intimate and precious had developed because of it. They understood one another now, understood the crippling loneliness and uncertainty that lurked in the heart of both of them. They were two of a kind. Two sides of one coin. She was the first to look at him in that way — as an equal. That bond had become something he valued greatly, and only realized how much when he saw Snoke making a mockery of it, using it to torment the girl who so recently had offered him her touch.

Hurting her.  _Hurting her_.

His rage made him calm, centered, sure. And he acted.

And she rose beside him. And all the chaos in their two souls settled into place, fitting like twin pieces snapping together. Fighting with her felt  _right_. It had fulfilled him, satisfied him. For the first time in his life, he felt perfect harmony. Two halves of one powerful whole.

"Do you know what you've done?" He whispered, now in the privacy of his own chambers. "Do you feel it too?"

The emptiness. The incompletion. The splintered knowledge that nothing now could compare to that singular moment.

He pulled off his cape and gloves, agitation gone in favor of that dull, tired ache. He was just so  _tired_. Tired of the constant struggle, the fracture of his soul, the fight every single day of his life had been. He thought Rey offered a balm of rest, of acceptance and understanding, but the absence of her had only made it all worse. Now he had to figure out how to destroy her, or at least her people, and he knew even that would bring him no relief. Nothing would, except the unity and purpose they'd so fleetingly enjoyed.

"You've ruined everything," he snarled accusingly into the emptiness of his chambers.

Well, not everything, he knew. Because of her, he had ascended to heights achieved by no Skywalker before him. Would his grandfather be proud? Darth Vader never got to rule, he never sat at the very top. But his grandson now did. She was the catalyst for him finally overthrowing his master. Because of her, the blood of Anakin now reigned over the entire galaxy. So no, she hadn't ruined everything, just ruined his ability to feel satisfied in his achievement.

She must have felt the same. He saw it in her eyes, felt the shared anguish between them in that final meeting — across the red-strewn mineral of Crait, in the ashes of his humiliation and the triumph of her victory. They found one another in the tremors of the Force. But she did not look victorious, and she did not rejoice in his humiliation. Her gaze held the same regret churning in him. The regret of perfect balance, now lost. She could not submit to his darkness, nor he to her light. She had disappointed him, and her eyes clearly conveyed her disappointment in him. They were right for each other for one brief instant, and then it was gone.

They could not advance towards one another. But after what they'd felt in that throne room together, they could not retreat either.

Did it torment her as much as it did him? Did she think of him as constantly as he thought of her?

No! Damn it! Why did he always slide into these fixated ruminations? He wanted to forget her! She had rejected him. Left him. Just like his father, just like Luke, just like  _everyone_. They all chose something else over him. He wasn't enough for them, or her. Despite her regret, she had closed the door in the end. Closed the door on him.

He shuddered.

His utter failure against Luke, his mistake in allowing the resistance to escape while he played the fool, and then that final, painful encounter with Rey in the Force — it all culminated into the worst moment of recent memory. This, on the heels of his triumph over Snoke.

He had to win. He  _had to win_! He had to prove his supremacy over her, over the galaxy, over the weakness and pull to the light inside him. He had to rise in the darkness and become the titan of power his birthright promised. He must overcome. All would bow and tremble before him, and no one would be able to reject or close the door on him again. His word would be law throughout every system. No one could walk away then.

Except Rey. She would never bow.


	2. Against Better Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All those pretty plans. Such a pretty little mess they make when they don't work out. An abrupt shift requires a very distant Rey to pick up the Force call and connect with someone she's been avoiding for a long time.

**Kylo Ren**

* * *

Nothing had gone according to plan. It all unraveled in an unmitigated disaster.

The TIE  _Silencer_  spun an expert spiral through two enclosing Fighters, hoping their missiles would cross and take each other out. It didn't happen, and they swooped back around for another pass. Kylo unleashed a soft curse as he dove into an evasive maneuver. This was the last thing he'd expected to do today. Somehow, it had all gone horribly wrong. He'd have to examine it later, when he could devote more mental faculty to the series of events that had led him to  _this_. Hunted by his own men. But then - they weren't his men anymore, were they? The red devil had finally found his courage and caught his Supreme Leader foolishly unaware.

It didn't matter. If he could just focus on piloting, soon he'd be out of range and Hux would be forced to call the fighters back.

One fell into his sights and he pressed the cannon trigger, unleashing a barrage of missiles that easily took out his opponent in a short-lived, explosive fireball.

Kylo's vision blurred at the edges. He shook his head, fighting off the pain that threatened to overwhelm him. Blood soaked the front of his doublet, filling the cockpit with the faint scent of iron. Iron and pain. Pain was an old, familiar companion, and he knew how to turn it into strength — it fueled his anger. He could do this. He  _must do this_.

Another fighter went down under a hail of laser missiles. Air expelled from him, partially in relief, partially in agony as the others fell back and returned to the  _Finalizer_. He must be far enough out, then.

Allowing himself a moment's breath, he tried to think. The Force around him churned in nauseating upheaval, and his brain fought for clarity, like trying to see through a thick fog. His head swam, thoughts coming in jagged shards of consciousness. Images. Relief - power - friends turned enemy - weapons cutting into him, opening his flesh, spilling his life out into the open. He fought past these stabs of memory and dragged himself into the present.

Where to go where they wouldn't find him?

Something he'd seen on the fringes of a galactic map surfaced through the murk of his muddled mind. He punched in the coordinates, vaguely hoping there was somewhere to land there. Time to see if the  _Silencer's_  hyperdrive was up to the task. He flicked the preparatory controls, grunting as each tiny movement lanced through his middle with breathtaking pain.

Breathing was getting harder. Thinking too. Soon flying would be out of his control as well. He moved the ship over to autopilot and braced himself as it jumped to hyperspace.

Darkness swamped his vision and his body sagged against the seat. Hopefully the coordinates led to empty space and not into a planet core. He didn't think he'd be conscious enough to deal with any problems when the ship emerged.

Hux would win. He knew this, as surely as he knew he was dying. All his plans, all his glory and supremacy, his triumph over Snoke — all of it had come to nothing. He'd been arrogant, and his hubris had blinded him. Worse, he'd been betrayed by those he thought he could still count on. There was no hope for him now. No one to help. At the end of all things, he had no one to turn to. The spoils of his cruel life, he knew.

Ben Solo would die today, utterly and completely alone.

His fevered thoughts turned first to his mother and the warmth that had washed over him when he'd tried to fire on the bridge. She hadn't been angry. Even though she must have known what he'd done to his father, she wanted him back. Unwillingly, his thoughts next drifted in delirious haze to the girl. The scavenger.

"Rey," he whispered.

Or maybe he only thought it. He felt peculiarly detached from his body now. But her name brought up the illusion of her face, the expression she wore the last time he saw her. Dark eyes, soft and sad, the hope in them reduced to dying embers. He had done that. He'd hurt her. Right now, it didn't even matter that she had hurt him too. With every final beat of his heart, he yearned to feel her presence. But he was too far gone to find her in the Force.

He would have liked to see her...

* * *

**Rey**

* * *

The soldering iron clattered against the ground in the ringing report of metal against metal. Rey jerked her head, heedless of the tool she'd dropped, and ripped her goggles off sharply.

Beside her, Poe startled. "What happened? You get shocked?"

Rey could barely hear him. The Force around her trembled in a familiar shift. Here? Now? She fought it, clinging to her surroundings, turning her gaze to Poe to try and hold his face in focus. Every time this had happened since Crait, she'd been able to force it back before it could bring them together. She was getting quite good at it, actually. It happened often enough to give her plenty of practice.

But this was different. Her mind rapidly filled with his familiar presence, and trying to hold it back was like trying to stop water from bursting through a crumbling dam. The feeling strengthened, swelling so quickly and sharply she couldn't breathe and her heart began to pound frantically against her chest in echoes of panic.

Poe saw her pallor and frowned, touching her arm lightly. "Hey, are you alright? That shouldn't have happened. We removed the power source. BB-8, test for any live currents."

The droid must have beeped, but Rey didn't hear. Poe's voice came from faraway, muffled and unimportant. She stared past him, her whole psyche filled with terrible dread. The Force moved powerfully through her, raw and demanding, rougher than she'd ever felt it.

Ben was everywhere. His presence surrounded her, filled her, dominated her every gasp of air.

"Ben?" She asked aloud, fearful of a response, and more fearful of no response. Her body rose from the work bench, striding a little ways away from it as she whipped her head around the hangar, searching. "Where are you?"

His breathing echoed in the vacuum of sound that always came with these connections, the one that left them intimately alone with one another. But his breath was wrong. Ragged, fading. Pain sliced through her middle, crippling and sharp. She doubled over, clutching her stomach. The icy finger of death trailed down her spine, making her shiver. She felt his horror, his grief, his loneliness. The loneliness was the worst part. It drove a shaft of pain right into her heart, worse than whatever was going on with their stomach. She tried to escape that familiar agony, but there was no escape. Ben was her and she was Ben and together they were dying. Alone.

Something horrible had happened.

"Rey!" Poe cried, coming to her side, grabbing her in his alarm. "Rey, what's wrong?"

His insistence broke into her awareness, pulling her back from Ben's abyss. Her breath hitched as she found it again. " _Ben..."_

Poe shook his head. "Who? What's going on?"

BB-8 joined his master's worried inquiry in a string of anxious blips and beeps.

Rey struggled to focus on their combined chatter. "He...he needs me."

"Who?"

"Ben." She'd been shutting him out for so long - had he been trying to reach her for help all this time?

"Yeah, you said that. Ben who?" Poe shook his head, baffled.

"Solo. Ben Solo."

The color drained from Poe's face even as his eyes widened. " _Ben Solo_? As in,  _Kylo Ren_?"

"Yes. Kylo Ren." She looked around, the need to take action seizing her with sudden ferocity. She couldn't let him die.

Poe wasn't about to let her terse response satisfy. "He  _needs_  you? How do you know? And what does that even mean?"

"I have to go."

"Go where?"

She cleaned her hands on a rag, wiping the grease as best she could. "I need to go to him."

"Whoa, whoa, hold up. You want to go to  _Kylo Ren_? Are you insane? You do remember he's our greatest enemy, right?"

The incredulity in his voice bordered on insulting, but she knew it didn't come from a place of malice. Still, she felt impatient to be done with this needless explanation. Poe was good company, and she liked him a great deal — saw that he liked her even more — but he really didn't have anything to do with the awful sensation tugging at her through the Force, and the sooner she shook him off, the sooner she could leave and go to Ben.

"Poe, I don't have a choice. He's in trouble."

"Good. That's good. Isn't it? We need him to find trouble. Rey, the guy wants to  _kill us_. He wants all of us dead."

She brushed past him while offering her brusque reply. "Yeah, he does."

Poe followed her as they moved through the base, waves of incredulity pouring off him and brushing against her. "Then why on earth would you go to him? Do you even know where he is?"

"He helped me once. I don't know where he is, but I know that now he needs my help," she said simply. They arrived at her bunk room and she ignored the fact that he had followed her inside. She darted around the tiny compartment, throwing a few necessary things into her pack.

"Yeah, help finding  _us_! How do you know this isn't a trap? He's going to capture you, Rey, and he's going to question you, and when he gets what he wants, he'll kill you and come after us."

"No, he won't." She found her lightsaber, newly constructed, and slid it onto her belt. "It's not like that for us. He can't kill me."

Poe's voice became pleading. "This is  _insane_. You have to know that."

She turned to face him, something close to anger rising in her now. "Look, Poe, you didn't feel what I just did. He is in trouble, maybe dying. And I know it doesn't make sense, but this is...it's difficult to explain. I'm not supposed to ignore this. I can't."

"I'm not asking you to ignore it, I'm begging you to be smarter than him. He's manipulating you."

"No. He's not." Ben had never lied to her, not ever. Even when he was cruel and cold, his words had always held the iron ring of truth. She glanced again at her unhappy companion. "Find Chewie and ask him to meet me at the hangar, will you?"

Poe folded his arms across his chest. "I don't think I will. Besides, Chewie would definitely agree with me on this."

Instead, BB-8 turned and zipped off obligingly. Poe whipped around, hollering after him.

Rey was grateful to the little droid. She glanced at Poe again. "I know this is hard to understand. You don't know him."

"He tortured me, Rey. That's all I need to know about the guy. He would have killed us on Crait if it weren't for you and Luke."

Rey didn't have a rebuttal. It was true. Ben had done awful things in the service of Snoke, in the name of Kylo Ren. Still, what she'd felt had shaken her to the very core. The Force still demanded her attention, and she knew the insistent tugging wouldn't cease until she answered it. Or Ben died.

"I'm still going," she said softly.

She moved past him and headed back to the medical bay. Gratefully, Poe did not follow. She snagged as many medical supplies as she could, not knowing what could be useful. He might not even need that kind of help, but better to be prepared. Hopefully Chewie would meet her at the Falcon. Even if he didn't, though, she knew how to pilot one of their new X-Wings. Nothing would stop her from going.

Poe reappeared with Finn in tow when she got to the hangar.

She winced. Not Finn.

"Rey?" He asked, approaching her quickly. "Tell me what he's saying isn't true."

"It's true."

"You're leaving us to go  _save_  Kylo Ren?"

She let out a long breath and met his dark eyes. They reminded her of other eyes, darker still. "Yes."

The confusion and betrayal in his face was hard to stomach. He stepped in close, his voice softening. "Why? Why do you want to do this?"

Something within her gave way, undermined by the affection she held for him. Her fellow refugee, parentless survivor, both escaped prisoners from worlds they no longer fit. Her first friend. She touched his arm.

"Finn, I know how this looks. But I have to. I felt him just now, as if he were right here. He'd dying. Something bad has happened — I don't know what, but I know I have to go to him."

Unlike Poe, Finn didn't have a look of vehement objection. Instead, he seemed to be trying hard to understand, his gaze searching hers while a frown tugged at his mouth. "Okay, so I don't know how the Force works. I do know that you can do things I can't even understand. But I also know what I saw that day on Starkiller Base. How can the Force want you to save him? Rey, he murdered his own father. He murdered Han."

A stab of pain flared in her, and she looked at the ground. "I know."

"He tried to kill us too. We both fought him. We both felt the evil in him."

"I know." She shuddered, unable to forget the wrenching horror of seeing Finn dead in the snow. "But something in him is calling out to me. The good in him, I hope. And something in me wants to answer. I'm the only one he has. Finn, this could be a turning point. I thought once that I could help him come back, but I was wrong. Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe now he's ready."

Poe, standing near enough to overhear all of this, reacted with bodily revulsion. "There's no light in a creature like that, Rey. He'll never be able to come back from the things he's done."

"Perhaps you're right," she said honestly. "But I don't think so."

"Rey." Finn looked sad, though resigned. "Please don't do this."

"Tell Leia," she urged. "Tell her what I've felt and where I've gone. She will understand. She'll help you understand."

Finn wrapped her in a tight embrace and she could feel his body, tense and shaky, against hers. He was afraid for her. She hugged him back tightly, trying to will some of her calm certainty into him. They couldn't embrace hard enough or long enough to satisfy either heart.

Poe let his hands fall in a helpless gesture. "I can't believe this. Finn, you can't let her go."

"What do you want me to do, Poe? We can't stop her. Besides, she can handle herself. She faced him before and survived. Twice, actually. You saw what she did with the rocks. Besides, what if she's right? If I can snap out of all that brainwashing, maybe Kylo Ren can too."

Poe shook his head. "No, no. I hate to pull rank here but you are not authorized to leave, Rey. Doing so will be considered desertion. You'll face disciplinary action."

Rey rolled her eyes. "With all due respect,  _Commander_  Dameron, I don't answer to you. I don't have a rank in your military. And if anyone has authority over me, it's Leia. She can decide my fate and I'll accept whatever consequence she gives me when I get back. But I am going. I'm sorry."

Chewie hadn't appeared, and Rey didn't want to wait any longer. The urgency in her was mounting. She needed to be on her way.

Finn moved aside to let her pass. She grabbed his hand one last time and gave it a squeeze. "I'll be back, I promise."

Poe looked like he might explode. She patted his shoulder briefly. She knew he meant well, that he came from a place of loyalty to his beloved resistance and concern for her safety. They'd become close over the last few months. She was drawn to his playful, fearless exuberance. They admired one another as natural born pilots, comparing notes and stories of daring flights. Both shared a deep love for BB-8 and Leia clearly held great affection for him, which was a recommendation in and of itself. They'd gone on a few recruiting missions together and always returned happier. The Force gave her accidental glimpses into his mind which stirred up her compassion, but also revealed his budding feelings for her. She tried to shut that out, because she couldn't reciprocate. Friendship was easier without peeking into the secret places of the heart. It didn't always work.

Right now, for example, when she patted him, his mind flashed open to her and she saw white hot fear, shaded with anger. He felt this was a betrayal on her part, that she was turning against the Resistance. And he was afraid of what would happen to her.

She accepted this assessment sadly and without argument, and she did not look back at him as she headed towards one of the new X-Wings.

BB-8 emerged from somewhere and rolled up to Poe, a string of beeps and whistles tumbling from him.

Poe sighed stormily. "Take care of her, old buddy. Try to make her understand."

He gave a peep of gladness and zipped off to position himself in the X-wing's droid socket.

"Thank you," Rey said, and climbed into the plane. Putting the helmet on filled her with bittersweet nostalgia. This was a newer model, and it fit her better than the one she had on Jakku, but it evoked pride in her all the same. She'd worn that old one out of idle curiosity and a desire for something different in her world of sameness. Now she wore one for real, because something different  _had_  happened.

Starting the takeoff protocol, she saw the faces of Finn and Poe watching her from the ground. Their expressions made her ache. Despite their resignation, they did not understand. She knew they couldn't — they hadn't felt the awful, wrenching need she had. They hadn't seen into Ben's soul and found the loneliness there. The lost child inside him searching for something just out of reach.

And even if they had, would they have recognized it? Finn wasn't raised in a family, but he was constantly surrounded by his brothers in arms who, by his own admission, were something like a family to him. And Poe, well, she didn't know much about Poe's background except that he had always been with the Resistance, his parents had been Rebellion fighters in the war against the Empire. Growing up in the rebel community, Poe had found purpose and people to love. Neither he nor Finn had ever felt the strange stirring of the Force within them and feared its unknown power. For as much as they cared for her, there was that part which they could never understand.

But Ben did.

They didn't know what kind of person Ben Solo still was, behind the facade of Kylo Ren he so desperately clung to.

Still, she was grateful for their concern. For most of her life she had longed for someone —  _anyone_  — to worry about her, to care about what happened to her. Now she had that, and found it as painful as it was reassuring.

She gave them a brief wave as she steered the X-Wing around and lifted off, blasting out of the hangar and leaving her friends behind.


	3. Unknown Moon

**Rey**

* * *

The silver-blue planet of Evryn, scattered with city lights and bioluminescent forests, spun its lonely orbit around a small, cool star. Concealed somewhere on that surface, the new rebel base was making its evening preparations. It had been Rey's world for a few galactic months as the remaining Resistance fighters, guided by the deft strategic mind of Leia Organa, slowly seeded a new rebellion.

And though Rey believed in their cause, believed in Leia, she felt an odd sense of relief to be leaving it now. Leia had made Rey's task very clear: she was to learn as much as she could about the Jedi way and enhance her mastery of the Force. She didn't operate within the same rigid structure of military organization. Rey's calling was something else. But somehow, despite all of that, Rey only now felt free to be alone with the Force for the first time since Crait.

Both the base and the planet fell behind without ceremony as Rey settled in to her flight.

BB-8's bleeping query came through her helmet's transmitter. She shook her head.

"I'm not sure where. Leave it on manual for a little bit while I figure it out."

The droid chirped its agreement and fell silent. Rey was grateful. BB-8 had determined, in its mostly mechanical way, that Poe's instruction to dissuade her wasn't appropriate at this time.

Beneath the helmet, Rey closed her eyes to the vast infinity of space and flexed that phantom muscle within her, reaching out in the way Luke had explained. She smiled faintly at the memory, almost able to feel the sting against the back of her hand again. Her feelings expanded outward infinitely, searching for that familiar presence among the swirling eddies of the Force.

She found him - a faint, flickering light - and she knew where to go. Banking left, she adjusted her course trajectory and instructed BB-8 to prepare the jump to light speed.

The slight whine of the hyperdrive powering up filled the cockpit as she punched in the approximate coordinates.

Suddenly the Force around her swelled. She felt the tremor and looked up. Someone was with her. Someone unseen.

"Luke."

Yes, it was him. She knew it as surely as she knew Ben needed help. This wasn't the first time - she'd heard his voice before, offering instruction or clarification on something she'd read in the ancient Jedi texts, and once when she was reconstructing her lightsaber. Death had not prevented him from guiding her learning when she most needed it. She was always grateful and awed by the phenomenon, but right now she felt uneasy.

"Have you come to talk me out of it?" She asked.

_"No."_

"Then…?"

His voice echoed more in her mind than in her ear.  _"I came to give you strength. The path ahead of you will be difficult and painful."_

Rey frowned. "What does that mean? Is saving him a mistake?"

_"The future is yet uncertain. You must do what you feel is right, but whatever you choose, turbulent times lie ahead."_

"That's hopeful," she sighed, a touch of sarcasm coloring her words. "You've changed your tune. What happened to trying to keep me away from him?"

_"That was before. I didn't see it then, but I do now. Your fate and his are inextricably intertwined."_

Something inside her leapt at that insight. Or maybe it was just the wrenching feeling of the X-Wing suddenly roaring to hyperspace. Stars became streaks of light sliding past her windshield, swirling into a nebulous blue mass as she hurtled through space at impossible speed.

Luke's presence stayed with her, though neither addressed one another again for a long time. Still, it was comforting to have him near and know that he, at least, sanctioned the journey. Or, if not the journey, perhaps her motives.

She came out of hyperspace a few quiet hours later, whirling blue resolving itself into star-studded space again and a small solar system comprised of three gas giants. Each of these giants conducted a harem of modest terrestrial moons. She instinctually guided her ship towards the smallest of these planets, to the smallest of these moons.

BB-8 chattered at her again.

"Yes, I can see that. Massive lifeforms readings. He's among them, but where? Scan for salvage, BB-8. Let's see if we can find a downed ship."

For a brief moment, she experienced a flicker of doubt. What if this was a trap after all?

_"Search your feelings, Rey,"_  Luke's voice urged.  _"What do they tell you?"_

That it wasn't a trap, for one, and also — "He's there, in the northeast hemisphere."

Their descent into the atmosphere went smoothly, though the moment they emerged from the purplish clouds she almost hit a huge flying creature, covered with leaf-like feathers. It let out a bizarre wail of sound even as she shrieked in surprise, and both careened out of each other's way.

They sky was full of them - hundreds! All flying in the same direction. Each of their four appendages was a huge wing, barely fluttering as they rode warm thermals of air. She swerved and maneuvered her way through them as if they were explosives, fearful of hitting even a single one. This was as much born of compassion for the living things as it was fear of what damage their enormous size could inflict on her plane.

Eventually she got below them, and observed the terrain beneath her.

BB-8 had finished his scan and began beeping excitedly. But she didn't need his assessment to know what her eyes already told her.

A downed TIE  _Silencer_ , custom in its unique design, lay strewn amidst torn foliage, a path of destruction carved out in a trail behind it. It had suffered a hard landing. She circled the site in her descent, eventually setting the X-Wing down almost next to it.

BB-8 beeped inquisitively.

"Alright," she agreed. "Looks safe enough for you."

The two of them disengaged their restraints and exited the plane, Rey grabbing her pack of supplies as she went. She met BB-8 on the ground.

His soft purr of sound followed her as she approached the black ship. It was First Order alright, and certainly not a standard-issue craft. She recognized it as a modification on the Empire's TIE Interceptor. She'd pillaged enough ruined Interceptors to know one when she saw it. This one's heavy customization led her to believe it was a prototype, meant for testing by an ace pilot. Not that it mattered much, these hints at identity. She already knew who it belonged to.

The hatch was open. She climbed to it and leaned in a little, peering at the cockpit. A few fuzzy lizard-like creatures had invaded and now crawled around the controls. Except for them, the cockpit was empty. She tamped down a moment of panic. Where was he? Had he left of his own accord, or been forced out and abducted? Why was his ship here, so far from any sign of the rest of the First Order? Or any civilization, for that matter?

BB-8's head swiveled on his spherical body, scanning the forest. She squatted down next to him after emerging from the ship.

"Where could he be?"

BB-8 chirped a bewildered response.

Rey noticed an ominous stain on some of the crushed foliage a few feet away. The plants were a curious shade of blue-green, but the stain was dark red. Coldness descended on her. Blood? Scrambling over to it, she found another not far away. And another after that.

"Look," she whispered. BB-8 rolled up beside her, his head sliding along the convex shell to examine the spot more closely.

It was as she'd feared. "He's hurt."

BB-8 agreed with this assessment.

She pulled her pack tighter on her shoulder and followed the intermittent splotches of blood away from the wreckage. The more she walked, the more nervous she grew.

Was he even still alive? This couldn't be a mere flesh wound — no, for it to produce the kind of dread that called to her from the Force, this had to be a very grave injury indeed. And why did it call to her? She wasn't a medic or anyone qualified to deal with life-threatening injury, to save anyone like that. If there was anything to be saved.

And if there was? What would she say to him?

Her stomach turned nervously. The last time she'd seen him, staring up at her in the ruins of his defeat on Crait...she squirmed at the memory. She'd been so resigned to his choice, regretting it but accepting it. Her priority had been him, but he'd withdrawn back into what he knew, and she couldn't do anything else for him. So she had made her choice in turn, and the Resistance became her priority after that. It wasn't how she wanted it, but it was what must be. Ben wasn't willing to step into the unknown, and neither was she. The pain from that parting had not faded in the slightest over the last few months. It remained a fresh sting, a wound unable to heal. Shutting him out was less painful than examining it, so she'd done exactly that. But now?

Now she had no choice.

The blood trail didn't go far. It disappeared into a fallen tree — a giant trunk so large one could have fit an X-Wing comfortably inside. It lay in rot and decay, but provided shelter enough.

She paused outside it. Turning to BB-8 she said softly, "Maybe you should wait here for a minute. I...I don't know what I'll find in there."

BB-8 signaled his protest.

She shook her head. "I'll be okay. Besides, I need you to keep a lookout for me and warn me if anything changes out here."

Placated by this duty, BB-8 rolled a half-step back and beeped.

Rey swallowed what uncertainty she felt and ducked inside.

Very little light filtered through the mostly intact trunk, though the brittle bark was only a thin shell against exposure. Still, she saw enough. She saw what she needed to.

A dark mass puddled on the ground, barely recognizable as the shape of a human body.

Instinct took over and she rushed to him, heart suddenly pounding through her chest like a herd of rathtars as fear and horror choked her throat. No matter what had happened, she knew with raging certainty that she did not want him to be dead. He  _couldn't_  be dead!

_Please, please don't let him be dead._

She gently tugged one shoulder and shifted him just enough that she could see his face. That beautiful face. His eyes were closed, lips slightly parted. She brushed his dark hair aside and felt his cheek with the back of her hand. Alarmingly cold, despite the warm, humid air around them. His layers of clothing made it difficult to tell whether or not he was breathing, so she checked his pulse. Her fingers found the spot beneath his jaw, pressing into the side of his neck. There! Erratic and definitely weak, but a heartbeat nonetheless.

Okay, so he wasn't dead — but he wasn't doing well either. The trail of blood meant there had to be an open wound. Where? How much did she dare move him to find out?

"What, no advice?" She growled softly.

But Luke wasn't with her anymore. She wasn't sure at what point his presence had receded.

"Come on, Ben, don't die while I figure this out, okay?"

She worked his cloak off, handling his limp body as gingerly as she could. With that great swath of fabric out of the way, he looked smaller, easier to manage. The ground he lay on was full of dirt and mushrooms, along with the creeping insect life that one usually found amid rotting trees. Or at least, Rey assumed they were the normal ones. Trees didn't grow on Jakku, let alone rot and provide islands of life.

She spread the cloak next to him, trying to tuck some of it under his side. With it in place, she was ready to risk moving him.

BB-8 peeped softly and inquisitively from outside. She returned to the entrance to give him a quick nod.

"He's here. Unconscious, but alive. Stand by. Might need you. Ever performed surgery before?"

A series of alarmed beeps erupted, provoking a smile from her.

"Don't worry. I'm kidding — I think."

Turning inward again, she left the droid once more and returned to the unconscious Supreme Leader.

"I hope I don't kill you trying to save you," she admitted quietly.

Then, drawing a deep breath, she pushed him over so that he rolled to his back on top of the cloak.

A very soft sound of pain escaped his lips.

She immediately set to work assessing the situation. The front of his doublet was soaked in blood. It would have to go. Her old trusty knife, the same she'd used to free BB-8 on Jakku what felt like a lifetime ago, was up to the task. Quickly she cut the stained fabric away to reveal another layer. Perhaps his bad mood stemmed from all the clothes he wore. She cut the second shirt away too and peeled it off his strong, broad chest.

The only other time she'd seen him shirtless, it had been an uncomfortably intimate experience. This time, it made her breath catch for an entirely different reason.

His torso was a ruined mass of torn flesh and deep wounds. His slow heart rate had stemmed some of the bleeding, but discoloration around the edges of most wounds told her infection had begun to set in. The injuries were jagged and uneven, some deep and bleeding like blades had bit into him - others cauterized slashes as if from a lightsaber or blaster.

Her hands trembled as she began to dig for supplies in her backpack. This was more severe than she imagined. How was he even alive at all?

Scavenging on Jakku had brought about more than the occasional injury, and she she'd learned her basic emergency medical care well. Still, she'd never dealt with anything this severe. The supplies she'd brought from the base were more sophisticated than what she'd had at home, so she hoped they were up to the monumental task ahead of them. Still, she needed to get him somewhere more suited to recovery than a dirty tree trunk.

"BB-8," she called.

The droid wheeled in to the shelter, his shadowy form coming up beside her.

He beeped and whistled softly at the sight of the torn human.

"I know," Rey agreed, a touch of despair in her voice. She looked at him. "I need you to go back to the ship and run another scan. See if you can find a village or civilization anywhere nearby. Within walking distance, preferably. Also, see if you can get an encrypted message back to the base. Don't tell them everything, just let them know we're alive and safe."

The little droid rolled off quickly and obediently.

Rey returned to her work.

What felt like an eternity later, she had managed to clean and patch his wounds, though getting a properly tight bandage around his huge torso while he lay supine like that was extraordinarily difficult. What she did manage to wrap was looser than she liked, but she'd have to wait for him to wake and help her a little to get it any tighter.

Whenever that would be. Exhausted from her efforts, she turned and sat down next to him, expelling a soft breath. A steady stream of worry made her feel almost nauseated. She closed her eyes and steadied her mind. What strange times these were. It wasn't long ago that she woke to find herself restrained on a table designed for torture and interrogation, confronted with a terrifying specter in a mask. Now she was here, working hard to save the life of that same specter. A man who killed the first father figure in her life. A man who she herself had tried to kill more than once.

No wonder Poe thought she was crazy.

But the thing that she had not anticipated in all of this was discovering the human within the monster. The lonely, frightened human, searching for validation and meaning. Not unlike her. She hadn't expected to find someone who was willing to make himself vulnerable to her. And above all of that, she hadn't expected to feel so complete and fulfilled when they joined forces to kill Snoke's guards. That moment hadn't left her, and she suspected it never would. She couldn't forget it. Couldn't forget how exactly  _right_  it felt.

What had Luke said? Their fates were intertwined?

She looked down at him, eyes roving over the features of his face, over the thin scar that had been her doing. He didn't exactly look peaceful — tension in his brow hinted at the pain radiating throughout him — but he looked more innocent than the last time she'd seen him. Unconsciousness had stripped away his pretense of power, made him younger, softer. He looked vulnerable again.

Impatient with the ache of sadness that bloomed at this observation, she grabbed her pack and set it behind her, then scooted down to lay her head on it. She didn't think sleep would come easily, but it had been a while since she'd gotten a full night. Rey didn't like to think of herself as someone easily traumatized, but even she was beginning to admit to herself that what had happened on the  _Supremacy_  still haunted her. Harrowing flashbacks came to her in the night, and she woke in a cold sweat, panicked, sick, violated. In those moments she still felt Snoke inside her, the torture she'd endured at his hand echoing through her veins with residual agony. She didn't like to sleep anymore.

Thankfully, building a rebellion without attracting attention of any First Order sympathizers was hard work and required long hours. And even when they had a moment to breathe, Finn and Poe were always cajoling her into game or another. Chewie taught her how to play Han's favorite version of Sabbac, and she'd found enjoyment in the risk. Rose sometimes joined them in their games too. Rey liked her. The engineer was good company. The diversions helped her forget the shadows that awaited in the night.

But somehow, she felt a little better about the prospect of sleep right now. She rolled over to face Ben's inert body, remembering how he had avenged her torment. He had killed his master, for her. She felt somehow safer beside him, even though there were no real demons to fight and he would have been useless for it anyway. For the first time in months, she truly felt how  _tired_  she was. Knowing there was nothing else she could do for Ben, and that he would either die or live regardless of her being awake, she allowed herself to relax and give in to sweet oblivion of sleep.


	4. Awake

**Rey**

* * *

She woke sometime later with a violent start.

Not a nightmare this time, but a sound had jerked her out of sleep. She waited and listened, but felt nothing. Heard nothing.

_Heard nothing_ …

It wasn't a sound, she realized, but the silence that disturbed her. She illuminated her flashlight and straightway glanced at Ben, afraid to see he'd stopped breathing. But his chest rose and fell a little more steadily than before, and she allowed herself a moment of relief. Getting to her feet, she headed to the entrance and peered out at a darkened world. The shadow of the huge gas planet blocked half the night sky, and it was difficult to see without the light of any moon. But she could make out that the sky was empty. The great cloud of those huge flying creatures had finally passed, and their constant shrieks no longer echoed over the verdant landscape.

In fact, nothing squawked or squeaked, croaked or chirped. The night was eerily silent. It gave Rey the creeps. Even in the barren deserts of Jakku, nocturnal creatures made their nightly conversation.

Where was BB-8? The scan shouldn't have taken this long. Maybe he'd plugged in and powered down for the night. Maybe she should check to make sure.

A soft cough broke the stillness, whipping her around. She hurried back to Ben's side, gratified to see him stirring for the first time. His face scrunched into an expression of agony and a hand drifted towards his midsection.

She caught his arm before he could touch any of it. "Don't."

His eyes popped open in alarm.

Their gazes met, and she watched at his uncomprehending expression moved from surprise to gladness, then confusion.

"Rey?" Though his voice was ragged and hoarse, the word tumbled from him with unusual reverence. His arm, still caught in her grasp, drifted up as his fingers reached hesitantly for her face. "Are you...?"

She pulled away from him before he could touch her, struggling against her own wave of emotions. It was suddenly difficult to speak. Mustering what willpower remained, she murmured. "I'm here, Ben. I'm real."

"But how?" He tried to sit up, grimaced in pain and looked down at his stomach. "What…?"

She pushed him firmly back down by the shoulders. "Don't. You'll mess everything up."

He shivered under her touch. "I'm alive."

"Yeah. I can't believe it either. You're welcome, I think," she said more tersely than she meant.

"How did you know? Why are you here?"

She shrugged, looking away. "We...connected. I felt you were in trouble."

He didn't say anything to that, but she felt his intense gaze on her. She didn't trust herself to meet it, not knowing what she would find there, not knowing what reaction it would invoke in her. She wrestled against sadness and anger and so much relief she wanted to touch him again.

"Thank you," he said at last, his voice soft.

She shuddered. This was going to be difficult. Only a minute of him being awake and she already felt desperation rising. She stifled the urge to plead with him again to abandon his dark path and join her in the light. To stay with her.

"Ben, what happened?" she asked after a moment. "Who did this to you?"

"Hux," he said, his countenance darkening. "I made a mistake. I underestimated him. I was…" he glanced at her, frowning. "Too distracted to see how dangerous the situation had become."

"General Hux did this?" She suppressed her incredulity.

He turned his face away, ashamed. "I asked him to summon what remained of the Knights of Ren. They wouldn't come. What I did not know is that some did come, but he lied to me about it and then intercepted them. I don't know what deception he fed them, but they fought for him. Together, they ambushed me. I barely escaped."

Rey's memory flashed with Luke's retelling of the night everything went wrong. Ben had taken some of Luke's students, and together they killed the rest. She remembered too the vision she had in Maz Kanata's storage room. The seven black-clad figures bearing down on her menacingly. A chill of fear echoed through her.

"They were the students who went with you."

Ben didn't react except to utter a short, "Yes."

"You were their leader."

She felt the force tremble with darkness and knew this must have evoked rage in him. Maybe talking about this was a mistake. She didn't want to remind him of his anger.

"They betrayed me. They will pay."

Given his current condition, she very much doubted that, but wisely chose to keep this observation to herself.

"Rey," he said suddenly, turning to her, dark eyes illuminating feverishly. "Help me."

"With what?"

"Help me destroy them. You're more powerful than they are, and together, you and I are unstoppable. They wouldn't stand a chance against us. Hux, the traitors, none of them."

"Ben," Rey sighed in exasperation.

"No," he snapped, lashing out at the reminder of the pain they were both pretending to ignore. "Stop denying it. We're meant to work together."

She snatched her flashlight off the ground and stood. "I'm not doing this dance right now."

Rey stalked off angrily, heading to the entrance again. Why did he have to bring it back to that so soon after waking? Why couldn't he just let her enjoy his company for one minute without reminding her of how impossible their situation was? She couldn't join him any more than he could join her. He knew that. She knew that. Why talk about it? It only irritated the wound and brought them both pain.

She stepped outside the tree.

"BB-8?" She called softly.

There was no answer. The ship wasn't far away, and Ben seemed to be in stable condition. Besides, it might be good for him to think about his mistake in solitude for a minute. She made the decision and headed out, sweeping her flashlight along the ground to illuminate the barely discernible path back to the two ships.

In this way, she found BB-8, plugged in and powered down, as expected. He sat as inert as any other part of the ship, just a hunk of metal. He would have come out of standby mode if she addressed him, but she didn't. Let him power up as much as he could. She might need him in the morning if she decided to leave.

And she would leave, if Ben insisted on being immutable.

Staring up at the night sky, she wondered what her friends were doing. It could be daytime there, for all she knew. Different planets had different orbits and rotations. They might be strategizing with Leia over the next city to infiltrate, or they might be out in the city itself trying to find and seed rebellious sentiment. The rebels didn't know that a power struggle threatened the hierarchy of the First Order. They didn't know that Hux had now surrounded himself with at least two dark force users. Leia didn't know that her son had been almost killed by these same men.

If she did know, would that make a difference?

How far Rey had come from her scavenger life. How strange and large these new problems had grown. For the briefest moment, she felt a longing for those simple days of worrying only about how much food her latest haul would earn her. Nothing happened on Jakku, nothing required that much soul-searching or moral deliberation. The only fortitude needed was the kind that allowed one to survive in the harsh environment.

But that had been an empty life. A life of longing. Now she had friends, people who loved her and cared for her. She had purpose. She had the Force, which was more than she ever dreamed.

And she had, for better or worse, Ben.

This crucial missing piece she couldn't seem to forget or live without. The missing piece she also couldn't keep. Whatever this connection was between them, it was clearly here to stay. Months of trying to sever it hadn't diminished its power in any degree. Maybe Ben was right. Maybe Luke was right. But she didn't know how to move forward when they were stuck in such a stalemate.

Her gaze lowered again, scanning her surroundings by the light her softly glowing lantern.

"What do I do now?" She asked the empty night, hoping Luke would hear and answer.

He didn't. She sighed.

There was only one thing to do.

* * *

 

"I'm sorry," Ben said when she returned. He had shifted himself to a semi-upright position, reclining against the wall of his chosen shelter.

The words were unexpected, and made her pause. Had he ever apologized before? She gave him a piece of protein ration from her bag. "Eat. Your body won't heal if it doesn't have fuel."

He took the offering, but didn't bring it to his mouth. "I made you angry. I'm sorry."

"That's a new feeling for you."

"It isn't. I just don't say it. I can't afford to. Apologies admit mistake, which indicate weakness."

"It makes you seem human."

He finally nibbled at the food reluctantly. "I'm not a human, I'm a monster. Remember?"

"Don't," she said quickly, casting him a sharp look. "You've done monstrous things, but you know damn well I don't see a monster anymore."

"What do you see?" He asked, his voice level and soft, but tinged with curiosity.

She dug around in her bag again, trying to decide what to say. She wasn't really even sure of the answer herself. Eventually his unwavering gaze drew her brief glance. "Someone…someone like me."

"Like you?" He blinked. A kind of sardonic smile twisted his lips. "Not very much like you. I've never had to sell garbage for food."

Boy, he really struggled with the whole friendship thing, didn't he? She rolled her eyes, refusing to rise to his taunt. "You're right. You were raised by a princess. That makes you a prince. Maybe that explains your delusions about real life."

"A prince of a dead world doesn't count. I was raised by myself," he countered.

Rey didn't believe that. She knew Han had not been a very present father, and Leia had hinted at her own failings in one conversation, but she sensed deep love in the mother for her son. She refused to believe Leia had been neglectful in her upbringing. "You had parents, at least. I didn't."

Ben conceded this point. "You're right. But is it better to have never had parents than to have them always just out of reach? To have them, but watch them leave you again and again, to pine every day for their love and attention and never receive it?"

"They  _did_  love you," she said suddenly, a hint of viciousness rising in her voice. "Don't you dare try to negate that. She still loves you. I can feel it every time I'm with her."

"With her?" His face registered shock and confusion. Suddenly the taunting, steely man vanished in favor of a lost boy, casting about for something to ground him. "She's…alive?"

"Yes." She said it softly. He hadn't known she survived, then. He hadn't known she'd been on Crait. Poe and Finn had told Rey all about what happened when they came out of hyperspace to find the First Order directly on their heels. They told her about Kylo Ren leading the TIE Fighters in the attack.

Suddenly furious that he would fire on his own mother, she added with particular venom, "Despite your best efforts."

He looked at the ground, gaze distant, brow troubled. He shook his head once. "I…I didn't. I couldn't."

Rey blinked, surprised at his sincerity. Seeing that this confession tormented him took the heat right out of her anger. "You didn't blow up the bridge?"

"I was going to but…" he cringed. "I'm still so weak. Snoke saw that. He knew."

"Snoke is dead, because of you. Love for your mother doesn't make you weak, Ben, it makes you strong."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Sentiment was the downfall of the Empire."

"Sentiment is unavoidable, unless you're a droid. Even then, some droids can be remarkably sentimental." She thought of BB-8 and smiled faintly.

He seemed amused by the turn of conversation. "Your Jedi predecessors would be ashamed, Rey. Attachment is forbidden by the Jedi, didn't you know? Mothers, fathers, siblings, lovers, even friends. All of it must be lanced off, lest attachment lead to fear and fear lead to the dark side."

She shrugged. "I guess I'm not a very good Jedi, then. I've lived a life of no attachments and it didn't make me free. It didn't make me strong. I don't intend to live that way again. It sounds like the dark side isn't much different, though. Why is cutting yourself off from others for the dark better than cutting yourself off from others for the light?"

This seemed to perturb Ben in a way he hadn't considered before. Instead of a rebuttal, however, he asked evenly, "You think you draw strength from the love of your friends?"

"Yes. As Vader drew strength to overthrow the Emperor from the love of his son."  _As you drew strength to overthrow your abuser from our connection_ , she wanted to add but didn't.

Ben's visage darkened at this mention and for a moment she thought he might react angrily. Why was Vader such a sensitive subject for him? Eventually the storm clouds receded a little and he fell into contemplative, brooding silence.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, finally finding what she wanted in her bag. An antibiotic patch.

He glanced down at his stomach, frowning. "This might be the crudest medical care I've ever received."

"Sorry I don't have the resources of the First Order at my disposal," she fired back. "The Force asked a scavenger to patch you up, so you got a scavenger's quality repair."

Approaching, she reached for his wrapping.

He recoiled.

Rey frowned. "Really? You're going to have an issue with me touching you now?"

"It's different. I'm awake," he said defensively. "Besides, I don't know if I've ever had human hands do this. Humans are prone to error. Usually medical care is handled by droids."

"For the wealthy, royal, and highly ranked, maybe. Some of us haven't had that luxury. You certainly don't have it now." She smirked and reached again. This time he didn't pull away, but she saw that he was plainly uncomfortable. She tugged his already loose wrapping and peeled back one of the bandages. The wound seemed a little less angry than before, but she didn't like the look of the discoloration. Patting the bandage back in place, she stuck the antibiotic patch on one of the intact sections of skin. It would work quickly and hopefully attack all of the infected wounds in the immediate area.

He watched her, his attention more focused on her face than what her hands were doing. To his credit, he didn't flinch or wince.

She grabbed the binding again. "Now that you're awake I can get this a little tighter. I couldn't move you around very well when you were unconscious."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Sit forward as best you can when I'm pulling it behind you." She started the wrap at his side and pulled it tight around him. He crunched forward with each pass, grunting with pain. As quickly as she could, she wrapped the rest. Though sill not perfect, it was much better.

Being this close to him sent her heart tripping along a new beat unnecessarily, and she felt the proximity of their flesh in every nerve. Ben was right, it was a  _lot_  different when he was awake. His eyes continued to search her face. The intensity of his gaze had always unnerved her, and now it did so in a new way. As she was wrapping him, her fingers brushed the scar where Chewie's blaster had caught him. Her eyes turned from it to the line along the front of his right shoulder, the end of the damage done to his face. His body bore the evidence of his resilience. It was a good body. Strong, and well-formed.

When she was finished, she sat back and tried to recover her unsteady breath. "So…um, I think you should try to get some rest now."

"What about you?"

"I'll sleep too. I need it."

Slowly, and with great effort, he slid himself back down onto his cloak. Fortunately the night was hot and muggy. He wouldn't be cold, shirtless and exposed as he was.

As for herself, she moved her pack closer to the entrance and laid down several feet away from him. Still, she found it difficult to fall asleep at first, knowing now that he was aware of her.

The Force moved powerfully between them. Both sensed it. Both sensed each other. Both tried hard not to think about what it meant.


	5. Something About The Trees

**Rey**

* * *

Rey once more heard the sounds that had filled her waking moments yesterday, heard them as soon as the sun broke over the horizon. She rolled over and sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Outside, the sky was once again full of those flying creatures. She watched them for a moment, wondering why they were there and why they never seemed to land.

BB-8 came whirring up to her, beeping and chirping cheerfully.

She smiled when she saw him. "Hello. Have a good night?"

Behind her, she heard a stir. BB-8 turned with her to stare at at the source of the sound.

Ben coughed and rolled to his side, curling up painfully. Rey hurried to him, BB-8 right behind her.

"Ben!" She felt his forehead, recoiling quickly. He burned hotter than a saber beneath her hand.

BB-8 intoned a skeptical question through his electronic beeps and blips.

She shot him a glare. "He was! Last night he was fine. The antibiotic patch must not have been strong enough. He's burning up."

"Rey," Ben groaned through tightly grit teeth.

"I'm here, it's okay," she said, hoping to sound more soothing than worried. Turning to her pack, she fished for a bottle of analgesic and tried to undo the stopper. "Can you drink this? It will help the pain."

Pulling his head up a little, she held the bottle to his lips. He parted them and swallowed the dose she dumped into his mouth.

It worked quickly. Within a minute, his body had begun to relax.

Rey looked up at the droid, rocking anxiously beside them. "Were you able to scan for civilization last night? Did you find anything?"

BB-8 beeped his response — one which wasn't exactly the news she wanted to hear.

"Nothing we could get you to," she told Ben. "Not in your condition. But maybe if we can get you stabilized, I could go. At least find some stronger medicine. Or maybe get a message to Chewie to pick us up, bring more supplies. Something."

"No," Ben managed to say, his body finally calming down enough for him to focus on his surroundings. "Not him."

"He's my friend, we trust each other. He'll help me. We could get you somewhere better than this."

"Not him." For someone so weak, he managed to put a fierce, dangerous edge to his insistence.

Rey thought this was no time to hang on to old grudges, not when your life was on the line, but she decided not to share this opinion. The first task was to make sure he wouldn't die while she made the trek to the nearest village.

Checking his bandages confirmed her fears. Blackness spread from each of the wound sites.

"What, did they attack you with poisoned weapons?" she marveled. "The infection looks so much worse than yesterday."

BB-8 chirped in agreement.

Ben glanced at the droid, seeming to take it in for the first time. He blinked. "You."

BB-8 rocked back and made a noise of alarm.

"You're the droid…" he expelled a short burst of air, as close to a laugh as she'd ever heard him make, and then immediately regretted the action as he doubled over in pain again.

"Try not to find anything funny," Rey remarked coolly as she watched him recover from this mistake. Her worry hadn't receded, but it was good to see his mind turn to other things.

He didn't take his eyes off the little sentient sphere. "The droid that started all of this. I don't suppose you have any new information I need to acquire?"

BB-8 rotated his head, chirping a quick, clipped beep.

"You're a lot of trouble, you know that?"

Rey grinned. "I think he knows."

"He," Ben scoffed, eyes flashing to her. "It's a machine."

"Yeah. I know he is. But he's got more personality in his processor than some people have in their whole biological bodies."

If BB-8 could have puffed out his chest, Rey felt certain he would have by the way he proudly beeped and slid his head back.

Returning her attention to Ben, she peeled the bandages off and poured antiseptic drops into each wound. The analgesic prevented Ben from feeling the sting of this. He made a soft, derisive sound. "You're fond of a hunk of metal."

"Hunks of metal have kept me alive my whole life," she said, unbothered. "I admit, BB-8 is one of the few I didn't strip down for parts, but he's proved far more useful to me assembled and operative than sold off in pieces."

BB-8 didn't seem wholly appreciative of this comment, as evidenced in the plaintive sound he produced.

"Do you feel affection for everything?" Ben asked. She couldn't tell if his dry tone was mocking or curious. "Do you feel it for this tree that shelters us?"

"No. I actually think it's more threatening than helpful, to be honest. Rot doesn't seem like the best environment for healing."

"What about those noisy flying creatures out there. Feel affection for them?"

"No." She shot him an irritated glance. "As you said, they're noisy. And they almost brought down my plane when we made our landing approach."

A small, ghostly grin seemed to tease at the corners of his ordinarily sullen mouth. Almost. It never did quite materialize. "So you  _are_  discerning in whom — or what — you give your fondness to."

"Why does that matter?"

"Just trying to understand this whole sentiment thing. Also you. Trying to understand you."

She offered no reply to this, re-wrapping his wounds in studied silence. Her mood vacillated between annoyed and wary. She didn't really see the point in trying to get unriddle each others intricacies. It wouldn't solve anything.

After a moment, he asked quietly. "Do you feel anything for me?"

Her gaze darted to him, a stab of petulance flaring at this intrusion. "What, you're not going to open up my mind and find the answer for yourself?"

He frowned. "Is that what you would prefer?"

"No."

"I thought not. Besides, that isn't sitting on the surface, easily read. You've got that hidden away. I'd have to dive deeper to find it."

She sat back, considering him, squinting at him. The wariness returned, tainted by cynicism. Surely he hadn't suddenly developed scruples about prying into her secret thoughts. "You don't want to see too far into my mind because you don't want me to see too far into yours."

His gaze moved from her face to study the far wall of their shelter. "You've already seen everything I might have tried to hide from you. My past, my weaknesses, my failures."

Yes, she had seen all that. She'd also seen him standing beside her in a future no longer likely, so she knew how quickly things could change.

"Understanding breeds affection," she said after a moment. "I recognized something in you that's also in me. It was inevitable that hostility give way to caring."

Even though, she thought privately, caring was turning out to be more painful than hating him.

"I care for you too." His deep voice barely uttered the words on an audible level. Then his expression changed and she felt the Force around him grow colder, darker. "But it doesn't make me stronger. It makes me vulnerable. Distracted me. Did this." He motioned to his wounds.

"I didn't do that to you, Ben."

"No?" His words were accusatory, his voice bitter. "Because of you I haven't been operating at full capacity. If I had, I would have seen the plan Hux was formulating before he could implement it."

Rey stared at him, frustrated again. Why did he need to be like this? They knew how to be so gentle with each other, why seek to cast blame? Hadn't they both been wounded by what happened? This annoyance came through in her voice when she said, "I'm not accepting responsibility for your failings."

His lip curled into a sneer. "If you hadn't put your precious Resistance over your destiny, we'd still be in power right now. I wouldn't have been distracted, reduced to half my ability."

"How can someone who is  _nothing_  lead you to such distraction?" She continued, sarcasm coloring her tone. "You can't pin the blame for this on me leaving you that day. You chose a path I could not follow. You left  _me_  by going down a road you knew I couldn't take. We both abandoned each other on that ship, and your pain over it isn't any greater than mine. Maybe you were distracted — I know I have been, but you can't make me come running back with guilt over what happened to you. It won't work."

Silence hung heavily between them for a while. Rey felt something…some stirring of emotion echoing faintly from him. But she did not let it touch her. She didn't want to know what he thought or felt about what she said - she wanted the ring of her words to echo for a while. It felt good to say them. It vented some of the pressure that had been building in her ever since she closed the door of the Falcon and severed the connection.

Eventually, he found something to say. His voice came in a hushed confessional.

"When I called you nothing…" He shook his head, troubled and uncertain of his next words. "That's not what I meant."

"Well, whatever you meant by it, just know that you were wrong. I'm not nothing. I carry in me the final ember of the Jedi tradition. Because of me, the flame survives. I may not be part of a royal, mystical dynasty like you, but I am your equal in the Force."

"You are," he agreed.

Rey stood up, too flushed and heated to continue this conversation. Ben seemed to be backing down from the fight, and she didn't want to deal with being the only one still angry. "BB-8, I think we should find that village."

The droid rolled forward, beeping inquisitively at Ben.

"He seems fine now," Rey said dismissively. She threw the vial of analgesic at her human companion. "Drink more if it becomes unbearable again. I'll be back in a while."

* * *

The settlement BB-8 lead her to was a few miles away. Though not a difficult journey — a mostly level walk of a couple hours through the cathedral-like forest - it would have been impossible for Ben to make it in his condition. Hopefully whatever aid she found would be easy to bring back to him.

The village emerged abruptly — she almost didn't see it until she was in it. The buildings were carved into the immense trees - somehow delving deep into their trunks without hindering their growth. Droids of unusual construction whirred around the little village, busy with their agricultural duties. It didn't take much observation to realize farming was the way of life for these people. Beyond the village, the forest floor had been cultivated in great swaths of crops. Rey hoped her own trek hadn't inadvertently taken her through someone's field.

The inhabitants of this village were composed of entirely one race — and not one Rey had ever seen before. They were bipedal creatures, shorter than average human height, with long cervid-like faces and long oval ears tufted with white fur. Their eyes slanted at steep angles, big and dewy. Short dark fur covered most of their bodies, as far as Rey could tell from their clothing. The males had little curved horns coming from their heads.

Apparently the appearance of an outsider was a rare occurrence. They reacted to her arrival with as much wonder as if the trees themselves had begun to sing. A single citizen spotted them, and soon the entire village had dropped whatever they were doing to come stare at Rey and BB-8.

They whispered in a language she had never heard.

A well-dressed male emerged from among them and approached her. He tried a couple of languages before producing one she could understand.

"Welcome to Kee-git," he said in a deep, resonant voice.

"Thank you," Rey replied, glancing around. "I'm sorry to disturb you. I need help."

"We will provide what you need," the male said immediately.

This surprised her. She'd expected some explanation would be required. "Do you have medicine?"

"We do. How much do you need, and what kind?"

"Something for an infection."

"Viral or bacterial?"

Rey hesitated. "I'm not sure."

"Would you like our physicians to have a look at you to find out?"

"It isn't for me. My companion is injured a few miles away."

The male nodded. "Our physicians can examine your companion. Do you need transportation?"

"To bring him here?" She looked around again. Though the village was obviously rural and modest, they seemed to have modern farming equipment and recent technological advances. The medical care was probably modern as well. Slowly, she nodded. "Yes, if you have something I could borrow, I could bring him."

The male turned to a nearby female and uttered something in his own language. She turned and hurried off. He offered Rey an apologetic blink. "She does not speak anything but our indigenous tongue, I apologize for my rudeness."

"I understand."

"She will bring your speeder. Is your companion gravely ill?"

"I don't know… I thought he was going be alright last night, but he was worse this morning. We're lucky we landed so close to civilization."

"Fortunate indeed," the male agreed. "These forests stretch for many thousands of miles. The nearest settlement to us is several hours by speeder. The nearest metropolitan area — several days. I am surprised you made it through the Jubirlir migration."

He motioned to the sky, still filled with those huge flying creatures.

Rey wrinkled her nose. "Yeah…we almost didn't. How long will they keep doing that?"

"There are many millions. They follow the season. They eat atmosphere, birth flying young, spending their entire life cycle aloft, only landing at night when their poor eyesight drives them from the darkening skies. The migration lasts all summer."

A soft mechanical hum alerted her to the approach of a vehicle.

It wasn't like the speeders she was used to, but it would do. It contained a driver's seat and a long, flat cargo bed clearly meant for transporting crops. It would serve as a place for Ben to lie. No room for BB-8, though. She frowned.

As if reading her thoughts, the individual before her motioned to the village. "Your droid may remain safely with us for your journey, if you like."

"BB-8?" She asked. Surprisingly, she didn't feel worried at the prospect. Something about these people stirred up trust in her. She sensed they were good people.

Perhaps the droid thought so too, because he chirped a willing enough response.

She smiled. "Alright then, he'll wait with you. Thank you…eh…I don't know your name."

"It would be difficult for your human tongue to pronounce. You may call me Veze."

"Veze," she repeated, smiling a little. "Thank you for helping us."

He bowed a little. "It is the duty of the living to serve life itself, in all its forms."

Rey thought about this little comment as she zipped away from the village on the speeder. It was an unexpected insight into the culture of the village, and one that surprised her. Few on Jakku had religious notions of any kind, or higher morals other than a vague respect for everyone else trying to eek out a desperate living amid the sun and sand. She knew by now that the galaxy was much bigger and more varied than the way of life on Jakku, but she still wasn't used to meeting people with philosophies of any kind, let alone charitable convictions like that. She was encouraged to know that such goodness could still exist in a First Order galaxy.

Could people like this be persuaded to join the Rebellion effort — in the name of freedom and life? The First Order represented death and a threat to all that was good. Was it reason enough for them to get involved?

Did she even have the right to ask? They seemed peaceful in their little corner of their world; modern enough to have some contact with more advanced civilization but rural enough to preserve old tradition and lifestyle. The last thing she wanted was to bring war and pain to their little community.

She found her way back more easily than she expected, following both her instincts and her innate navigational ability after living so long in a landscape with very few visual cues.

Ben was still lucid, but she saw that he had taken the rest of the medicine. Still hurting, then. Her anger had receded, leaving room for concern to resurface.

"Are you alright?" She asked gently, kneeling down next to him.

His gaze scanned hers, his brow furrowed. "Why are you kind to me?"

"What?"

"I've tried to kill you. I've tried to kill the people you love. I've pushed you, hurt you with cruel truths. Why do you return with compassion?"  _I don't deserve it._ The rest of it he didn't say, but she felt the conclusion echo from him.

"I... suppose I haven't lost hope," she admitted, as much to herself as to him. There was more to it than that, she knew. There was something about his aching soul that she recognized and wanted to comfort. Something that wanted his comfort too. "But let's not get philosophical now. I have a ride for you and somewhere for us to go where you can get better."

He looked around, brow lifting. "This is fine."

"It isn't. I don't have enough supplies to combat your infection. You said yourself my medical treatment was poor quality."

"I changed my mind. It's adequate. I will be fine here."

She frowned. "Don't be difficult. Why don't you want to go?"

"I like it here. Do you know how long it's been since I've slept outside? Breathed untreated, unfiltered air for this long?"

"We'll come back when I'm no longer afraid you're going to expire on my watch. Mollified?"

"No. Where's the droid?"

"Waiting for us at the village. They're friendly creatures with access to better remedies than I was able to steal from the med bay. We'll be better off there."

His chin lifted defiantly, gaze avoiding hers, turning into the depths of the great trunk. "The death of this tree speaks to me. The force moves around it in an unusual way. Dark with the decay, and light where new life springs from it."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I feel that too and it's fascinating, but it isn't a reason for you to stay."

"I'd like to."

" _Ben._ "

He glanced at her then, and she saw uncertainty flickering there. "I'm not going."

"What's the problem? I sense fear in you. Why?"

Ah, he didn't like that. He didn't like that she saw too easily what he wanted to hide. His jaw muscles twitched with the clenching and unclenching of his jaw. She sensed more too, sensed his deliberation over how to respond. Finally, he answered: "They won't help me, when they learn who I am."

She paused, as this has not occurred to her. She chose her words carefully. "I don't think the First Order means much here. Or the Rebellion, for that matter. I don't think the war has touched them."

At first, he seemed incredulous and she thought he was going to say something to that effect. Instead, he murmured, "I did try to get as far away from the Order's reach as I could."

"Then you succeeded," she continued. "Besides, even if they did, you made yourself quite conspicuous with that mask — everyone who has heard the name Kylo Ren knows that a mask comes with the character. But few know the face of Ben Solo, which is all you have now. They wouldn't recognize you even if they knew what to look for."

He ran out of arguments — he knew it, and she knew it. When no further attempt issued from him, she gave a nod of satisfaction and turned to quickly assemble her pack again.

He watched her. "How do you plan to get me there?"

"Lie down and I'll show you."

She balled up his cloak and shoved it into her bag before he lay on the ground. And to his credit, he did so without further argument.

She took her pack to the speeder and returned for him.

He was heavy, she knew - a sculpture of raw muscle - but she had lifted heavier rocks on Crait. Besides, she'd come far in her powers since that day. It wouldn't be difficult. Settling in, she searched for that center of power within herself, felt the fabric of energy flowing between them.

As soon as he felt the Force moving around him, he tried to sit up.

"What do you think you're doing?" He cried, furious. His wounds prevented a bigger reaction.

She sighed, concentration broken. "Stop flailing about. This will be easier if you just relax."

"You have no idea what you're doing. You have no training for this kind of thing."

"Yes, I do, and yes I have."

"No, help me up, I can walk."

"You can't. Ben, you have to trust me."

He glowered at her, and she knew this truth had made him entirely uncomfortable.

Still, he'd fallen silent so she tried once more.

He tensed up again when the Force swirled around him, but at least he didn't try to stop her. He lifted a few feet off the ground, and she stepped back, drawing him with her.

It didn't take much effort at all, but she didn't feel entirely sure he wouldn't ruin it somehow by losing his cool. She knew this wasn't easy for him. He hated every minute of it, from the moment she lifted him to the moment she set him down on the cargo bed.

Finally, he relaxed again.

"You survived?" She asked.

"For now."


	6. Treatment For Pain

**Rey**

* * *

The ride back to the village was quick and — at least for Rey — painless. When they arrived, she found BB-8 happily awaiting them, alongside Veze and a few others. The rest of the village tried to go about their work this time, though she noticed they kept pausing to glance her way.

Veze approached and bowed to her again.

"Welcome back. These are our physicians, ready to assist you. They will review your companion's injuries and consult you on the appropriate course of treatment."

"I'd like to stay with him," she said. "Will that be permitted?"

"If that is what you wish, of course."

The physicians discussed adamantly with one another, and Rey didn't have to speak their language to know they were debating on the best way to get Ben onto the hovergurney beside the speeder.

Ben watched them with suspicion and displeasure.

Rey caught his eye and a question passed wordlessly between them. He grimaced, but returned his assent.

She extended her hand, repeating her earlier trick of gathering the Force around him and lifting him from the bed of the speeder.

This time he forced himself to relax. It went more smoothly. Rey tingled with hope. Maybe they really could learn to trust each other.

A rumble of sound moved through the village, begun by those who saw this display. Rey realized she hadn't anticipated what effect such a show of power might have among these farm folk.

Veze approached her excitedly. "You know the Force!"

She offered a small smile, setting Ben gently down on the gurney. "Yes, we both do."

"Astonishing!" He could hardly contain himself. "To have two of you here! Among our people, a child is born every three hundred years who can harness the sacred power. It is a rare thing indeed. That child must eventually leave us to study this calling further, so we do not have the pleasure of seeing full mastery of control. You must be very powerful."

She didn't tell him that this was a new thing for her too, that a year ago in Jakku's time she didn't know anything of the Force beyond the legends and myths people passed around when they were bored. She didn't tell him that without the guide of a master, her learning of the Force was a lot like feeling her way through a heavy mist. Powerful though she was, her skills were yet unrefined. The sacred texts helped, and she was learning to trust her instincts, but she did not yet feel like a master. Ben's own mentoring had been more about manipulating him than truly teaching him. They both now had to forge their own paths through the mist, without the aid of a guide.

Instead of explaining any of these, she cleared her throat and merely said, "There is much to learn in the ways of the Force."

"Come, we must not let such an asset to our galaxy die from something as insignificant as an injury," Veze said quickly, ushering them.

Rey signaled to BB-8, who heeled after her as the group began to move away.

* * *

The physicians determined that Ben's infection was not bacterial, but rather born of a metal-based pathogen. Rey's medicines would not have helped.

"Metal-based pathogen?" Rey asked, bewildered. "I've never heard of such a thing."

"It is rare, even in this sector of the galaxy," Veze explained. "They say it was introduced from beyond our galactic shores. Nevertheless, it appears in this sector from time to time. Rumor has reached us that a few enterprising individuals have begun to harness and sell the pathogen for villainous use. Might he have come to violence with someone who would have wished to kill him? Particularly someone with a modified energy weapon?"

"Yes, he did." Rey said with a nod. Violence and murderous intent had been part of Kylo Ren's life for a long time. It finally turned on him. She wished, but did not dare hope, that the experience might have stripped away the Kylo from his heart at last and left only Ben Solo exposed. "What can we do? Will he recover?"

One of the physicians delivered a report she could not understand, but which was summarily translated by Veze.

"His body will not be able to rid itself of the pathogen on its own. We have medication which will do that, but it must be aggressively administered in each wound site and then the wounds must be closed. He will be sedated for the process, so he shouldn't feel any discomfort. Fortunately, the scarring will be very minimal."

"No," Ben said from the exam table, his eyes flashing dangerously. "No sedation."

Rey moved to his side, placing her hands on the table next to him. "Ben, don't put yourself through that. Let them help you. I'll stay to make sure you're alright."

"No." His voice was low and final.

This time, she didn't push him. His condition had forced him to submit body and will to her, and she'd persuaded him into enough new, uncomfortable situations. She didn't want to press him too far. Besides, the shadowy bridge between their minds revealed a tangible level of fear in him. He loathed and dreaded the thought of such total loss of control. It stirred her compassion, even though she knew it was the more painful path for him.

"Okay," she said softly. To Veze and physicians she instructed, "No sedation."

As it turned out, Ben was much more practiced at handling pain than she realized. He closed his eyes and forced himself to regulate his breathing, jaw muscles tensing as he grit his teeth. Rey watched and marveled. His discomfort barely showed, flickering at the edges of his carefully concentrated mask. She was impressed that he didn't flinch when they began plunging swabs of medication deep into his wounds.

As for herself, Rey tried to emulate his self-control and watched the work with studied impassivity. The methods seemed alarming and invasive, but she did not let the concern break through her own cool disguise.

Shortly into the procedure, a flare of psychic distress from him caused her hand to unconsciously reached for his. Her flesh pressed against him, no glove to separate the physical connection this time. He opened his eyes and found hers. Their gazes held. Studying him was easier than watching the treatment.

His eyes were so dark. Deep brown, almost black. Like Leia's eyes. Infinite pools of inky depth, endless cosmos unto themselves.

His brows knit together in the barest hint of a wince, his breath hitching and his hand clutching hers a little tighter. She willed peace to flow from her heart to his, and was surprised when he let it in. His breathing steadied again.

To distract him, she recalled days gone by, filling their shared mind with images of sunsets on Jakku. The heat of the burning sun finally sliding away from the baked desert sands, filling the sky with hazy color. The silhouettes of star destroyers becoming black monuments against the fading twilight. She remembered too the first time she'd felt rain. The driving gales of Ahch-Too forced sheets of water down on her, stinging like needles against the skin. It was chaotic and confusing, but became pleasant and wondrous as soon as she was able to escape it and find shelter. The joy of seeing this necessary resource falling in such gratuitous excess delighted her. She'd laughed, once the terror of being caught in the gale had passed.

Sharing these images, she eased him through the procedure.

When it was finished, Ben's body reflected a slick sheen of sweat and beads of it pebbled his brow. Rey breathed in relief and allowed the intense connection between them to recede once more. She let go of his hand to wipe his brow with a cloth handed to her from the physicians.

They stepped back from their work and said something to her. She squinted, trying to understand.

Seeing that it was fruitless, they turned and left.

Ben seemed to have slipped into a state of exhaustion, drifting somewhere just outside of full consciousness.

Was the departure indicative of good news? Or bad?

Eventually, Veze returned and delivered the report. "He has done well. We've never seen anyone endure something like this as calmly as he did. Quite remarkable. The next few days will determine how well his body responds to the treatment, but the physicians assure me that the prognosis is good. We've prepared a place of convalescence for you in one of the unoccupied bungalows. Your droid is waiting for you now. Would you like to go there?"

All of this surprised Rey beyond words. She glanced at Ben uncertainly. "Is it safe to move him?"

"Certainly. The physicians will transfer him from the operating table to the convalescent home in comfort, I assure you."

"Thank you very much for your kindness," she said, wanting to take his hand in gratitude — she resisted this impulse, not certain how such an act might be perceived in this culture.

Veze blinked his angled, dewy eyes and inclined his head a little. "We are honored to provide assistance to servants of the Force."

"I only have credits, but if you can direct me to an exchange office I'd be happy to pay whatever the cost."

Veze waved her off. "We have no use for currency here. We maintain a general fund for dealing with outside communities, but among ourselves we simply meet needs without regard to compensation."

This coaxed a gentle smile from her, touched by their simple goodness. The galaxy would be a vastly different place if more people were like them.

* * *

The "bungalow" they had prepared was a dwelling carved into one of the slightly smaller trees - though it wasn't smaller by much. Little orbs of soft light rested on the various surfaces, illuminating the space with just enough glow to preserve a dim, soothing atmosphere.

BB-8 chirped happily at their arrival. They had provided him with a docking station in the front section of the room.

He beeped a query to Rey.

"Yes," she told him. "I think he's going to be alright."

Behind a partition wall, two beds had been prepared, a few feet away from one another. Both looked softer than anything Rey had ever seen.

"I apologize," Veze said as the physicians began transferring Ben to one of them. "I understand that males and females of your species usually share a single bed, but we do not have anything of that sort here. Additionally, the physicians assured me that your companion will be more comfortable recovering without a bedpartner."

Heat flooded Rey's cheeks and she was suddenly grateful for the muted light. "He and I don't have that arrangement anyway, so this is perfect."

One of the physicians handed her a vial very similar to what she'd brought from the rebel base.

"You may administer this to him as often as he needs," Veze explained. "He has been given some now so he should be quite comfortable very soon."

Rey thanked them again, as sincerely as she knew how, and accepted their promise to come back and check on Ben's progress soon. Veze encouraged her to see more of the village when she felt ready. Then, at last, they were all left alone.

BB-8 rolled in to the bedroom, but said nothing.

Rey sat on the edge of her bed, sinking into it in the most delicious way. She smiled at the little droid.

"Lucky we found these people, isn't it? They're wonderful."

BB-8 chirped a happily little series of beeps. He approved of her assessment.

"They're fools."

Rey glanced over at Ben's bed. He seemed lucid again, his dark eyes sharp and hyper-vigilant, as usual. She got up and approached, consciously aware of the stark difference between her flash of annoyance and surge of concern.

"They just saved your life. Why does that make them fools?" She asked, as she sat again on the side of his bed.

"They're naive. Someone will come along who takes advantage of their innocence and robs them blind, or worse."

Rey set her mouth into a thin line. "Your optimism is really overwhelming, you know that?"

For the briefest moment, she thought he might smile at this. But like so often happened, the moment passed and the twitch at the corner of his lips never did become a grin.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, more gently now.

"I'm fine."

"You know you don't have to be strong every minute, Ben. It's alright to hurt."

He looked away, lips parting to expel of a soft breath. And with that particular insight she never sought but which came unbidden anyway, she knew that he felt a flicker of self-doubt.

Unconsciously, her hand reached for his again. He pulled away and moved his arm across his chest. "Save your sympathy, Rey. I don't want it."

"Is it hard for you to believe I genuinely care?" she sighed, exasperated.

He didn't reply, but she saw a glimmer of accusation in his gaze before he turned. She didn't pry into his thoughts, but guessed with reasonable confidence that he was thinking of what happened on the  _Supremacy_  again. If she cared, how could she have left? Just suspecting those were his thoughts stirred her up into indignation again. How could he blame her for leaving when he gave her no choice?

Before either could voice their frustrations aloud, however, their two minds suddenly filled with the memory of that night in the hut on Ahch-Too.

Wet from her plunge into the sea cave, but warm from the fire within the ancient stone walls. She put forth her hand, and he responded. Two willing hearts sought one another, found one another, and each saw a future wherein they stood together, side by side, as allies — or maybe something more. Neither of them were alone, then. If the world neglected them, sold them off, left them behind, at least they had each other. They could fill the gap left by those who should have loved them most. If belonging could come from no other source, they could find it together. Thunderous purpose crashed over both of them and left each breathless.

Was this memory surging in his own mind and echoing to hers, or had she conjured it herself? She glanced at him, and his gaze met hers. Neither knew where it came from, but they both felt it. Their mirrored anger drained away.

She stood up and walked out of the bedroom, away from Ben, away from the flood of pain that memory brought.

They'd both been wrong that night.

She saw him joining her in the light, he saw her coming to him in the dark. But that would never happen, and now they knew it.

Where was Luke? She had further questions for him. Particularly about why she wanted and needed to save him when Ben Solo could only ever be Kylo Ren.

Or maybe Leia. If she could talk to Leia, maybe she'd understand all of this a little better.

BB-8 rolled up behind her.

She crouched down next to him. Little friend. The curious apparition that started all of this. She smiled gently at him. "You're not complicated, at least."

He beeped softly.

She went to the entrance of their shelter and gazed out at a dusk-filled sky. The great sky-beasts were dissipating now, their numbers thinning as light faded from the purple-red evening. Her stomach rumbled. In all this chaos, she'd forgotten to eat. While she still had rations left, the smell of food being prepared somewhere in the village made the idea of eating them less than exciting.

As if on cue, a female came forward with a tray overflowing with steaming offerings. She smiled when she saw Rey watching.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, with a surprisingly clear accent.

Rey nodded. "Yes, thank you. I didn't know there were others besides Veze who knew other languages."

"There are a few of us. But Veze is our leader, so we let him take the lead if he wants it."

Rey moved to let her inside. She put the tray on the table and spread out the fare, making Rey's mouth water with the compelling smells.

"I hope this is sufficient. If it isn't, please come find me and I will be happy to provide more. You may call me Pru."

"Pru," Rey repeated, smiling. "Thank you."

"How is the patient doing?" She asked. "They requested I check on him. Is he sleeping?"

"No." Rey wished. She wouldn't have to avoid him if he were asleep. Sighing, she motioned. "Come on."

Ben eyed their new visitor skeptically as she approached his bed.

"Are you in pain?" Pru asked.

"No." Ben responded to the steely glance Rey gave him with a sigh and a beseeching look at the ceiling. Finally, he admitted, "Not enough to be significant."

Satisfied with this, Pru stood up and turned to Rey.

"That is all we can hope for this night. We will know more in the morning. If you need anything, send your droid to find me and I will provide it."

"Thank you," Rey said fervently.

Pru gave her a soft look that wasn't quite a smile, but evoked the same meaning anyway. Then, bowing once to each of them, she left.

When she'd gone, Rey eyed the food and addressed Ben. "Hungry?"

"Yes."

The platter contained all kinds of items she couldn't identify, but it didn't matter. Any and all food piled onto two plates as she portioned out a meal for each of them. Fishing a chair out of the other room and bringing it to his bedside, she settled in with her own plate while he picked at his. She couldn't eat fast enough. It had been a problem since she had her first meal in Maz Kanata's castle. Access to unlimited food of mind-blowing quality and variety, for which she did not have to barter or salvage, made her inner animal emerge. She attacked her plate ravenously.

Ben, on the other hand, ate his in a deliberate, dignified way even from his reclined position. He cast her a sidelong glance as she shoveled in bite after bite.

"The rebels don't feed you enough?"

She couldn't reply, so she ignored him.

"Rey, no one's going to take that away from you. Relax."

She finally swallowed and looked up at him. "My whole life I've skirted the edge of starvation, barely keeping a step ahead. If there's food before me, I'm not going to be shy. But it's no wonder you can't understand. I bet you've never known hunger. You were probably provided a prince's feast every day of your life."

Though her comment was designed to cut, he didn't seem bothered by it. Instead, he nodded once. "You're right. I've had many privileges you haven't. I'm sorry for the way you had to grow up. But now you can have better. The privileges I've had can be yours too. You know, you could have as much food as you want. Any food from anywhere, any time. All the time"

"I don't want to talk about this again," she muttered, returning to her plate.

"You're remarkably stubborn," he decided, watching her as she stuffed a bread-like item into her mouth.

That struck her as an ironic observation. She pointed her fork at him and raised her brows, but otherwise did not reply.

He didn't bring the subject up again that night.

Their food eaten — mostly by Rey — and another round of analgesic administered, they settled in to the darkening night and the eerie silence that came in the absence of millions of wings.

Rey sent BB-8 to send another encrypted "all's well" signal to the rebel base and satisfied herself with the physicians' final assessment for the day. When everything had been settled, she climbed into her bed and allowed all the tension and tightness in her body to slowly flow out of her.

Was it only last night she'd trekked out to BB-8 in the dark? It felt like a lifetime ago now. So much had happened today, so many emotions churning against one another like the waves of Ahch-Too. So much to think about. So much to process.

So little energy.

She heard the soft whir of BB-8 returning, no doubt coming to deliver his report.

Her body wouldn't move, her mind already sliding in and out of focus. She tried to turn to address the droid, but she couldn't.

"Leave her," Ben instructed through a baritone whisper. "Whatever it is, she can know in the morning."

BB-8 produced a single beep and rolled back to his docking station.

Somewhere in the vague grey of twilight consciousness, Rey felt grateful and affectionate to both man and droid. It was the last real thought she had.


	7. Lore

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Ben woke early, as soon as the first rays of light brought the first call of those cacophonous leaf-feathered creatures. He tried to sit up, expecting the same sharp, slicing agony that had accompanied every previous attempt, and was surprised when he was met only with a dull ache. This pleased him. Satisfied him. It meant his body was still strong and responsive to healing, despite recent attempts to weaken him.

So he did sit up, moving his legs over the side of his bed. His gaze traveled across to the other bed, where the lithe form of Rey was sprawled across her soft bedding. She'd pulled her hair loose before climbing in bed, and now it fell every which way, some strands brushing her cheeks while the rest fanned out behind her in wild array.

Asleep like that, she looked a lot less powerful. Less dangerous. Less headstrong. A lot more vulnerable.

He clenched the linens on the bed beneath him, reminding himself that this was real. For so many months now he'd tried in vain to excise Rey from his every thought, convinced of her rejection. Yet now she was here. A few feet away. Beautiful in her sleepy serenity. She had come in his loneliest hour. She had come back for him.

He grappled with surging, conflicting emotions every moment spent in her presence. On the one hand, she had rejected him in his most vulnerable, tender moment — a pain he couldn't endure as well as his current physical wounds. She had disappointed him, stubbornly clinging to the past, to the light, to tired old notions of Jedis and families. He'd tried to help her let go of them, to finally be free of the chains that bound her as she had helped him be free of his. He tried to show her that though the universe might look at her and see merely a scavenger, he saw someone infinitely more important. The most important person of all, in fact. He  _begged_  her! After swearing he'd never subject himself to anyone again, after a lifetime of begging for his busy parents attention and Luke's approbation, after years of clawing after Snoke's approval, he was finally free of needing  _anyone_!

Except her. A shining light that grappled with darkness within, the mirror image to his dark wrestle with light. He did need her. He would have given anything,  _done anything_  to get her to stay. So he had begged. And she still walked away, cutting him down in the most important question he'd ever asked.

It was hard to forget that — but it was also hard to be angry. Not all the pain and rage in the world would compel him to stay angry at her. Their connection allowed him too-frequent glimpses into her heart. What he found there made him want to shelter her, to take care of her, to be with her. Amidst the vulnerability, he found strength and resilience, too, which fascinated him. And within her he found that indomitable spark of hope, which nothing seemed to extinguish. She cared for him, more genuinely and more deeply than anyone had in a long, long time. But she couldn't join him. Couldn't take his hand and all that went along with it.

Confusing creature.

Still, something bound them together that went far beyond Snoke's manipulative tactics.

And when he was certain he'd die alone on a foreign planet, she'd appeared. The things he'd tried to use to hate her all this time melted away until he couldn't even remember what they were.

She stirred, rubbing her eyes. He watched her sit up, glance in his direction, and double-take at his position at the edge of his bed.

"Ben!"

He gave a short, single nod. "I believe my recovery is progressing."

"That's an understatement!" She was at his side in an instant, fingers gently probing his bare skin near the bandages. Her touch left spots of warmth and pleasure radiating through him. She seemed to have no hesitation being so close anymore, and it made his pulse quicken. He swallowed hard, watching her investigate his wounds, observing the messy flow of her hair.

Rey peeled back one of the bandages and examined underneath it. Her eyes flicked up to his, a grin breaking across her face.

"It looks a lot better than yesterday."

"Good."

The little round droid came rolling in, beeping happily at the sight of Rey. She left Ben to go kneel down next to it. Ben wondered why, since the droid's optical sensor could properly scan her at any height. Nevertheless, she knelt to it's level and gave it a surprisingly gentle smile.

"Good morning, BB-8."

The droid issued a series of beeps and chirps. Ben had never had much patience or interest in droids and never bothered to learn the mechanical signals they used to communicate. Rey's ability to understand it seemed like a superfluous skill, like bending down to talk to it.

Nevertheless, she found the comprehension useful now, apparently. Her brows lowered and concern twitched at the corner of her mouth.

"You didn't tell them, did you?"

Another beep.

She relaxed a little. "Good. No, don't give them any information except that you and I are both safe and in good health. I don't care how insistent they are."

A quick succession of beeps this time.

"Yes," Rey smiled. "You can tell her that next time."

For a brief moment, isolation swept over Ben like a wave. She had people who were concerned about her wellbeing, people who wanted to hear from her. If she were ambushed and dying, she'd have a whole army of loving companions around to help her survive it. No - he cut the feeling off immediately, hardening himself against any such future moment of weakness. The more people she cared about, the more vulnerable and divided she was. She just didn't know it yet.

He glanced back at her. She patted BB-8's little round head and stood up again, pulling her hair halfway up, the way she'd been wearing it since Ahch-To.

"Your friends are worried about you." Ben remarked.

"Yes."

"Do they know why you left?"

"Yes."

He couldn't help it, his brow lifted in surprise. "And they let you leave?"

"No one had to  _let_  me. I decided. They tried their best to persuade me, but they were unsuccessful."

For a moment he saw a flash of faces, one dark of skin, the other dark of hair, both pleading with her. The pilot and the traitor. Yes, they would be the most vocal against a mission such as this.

"Your friends thought you should let me die."

She met his gaze and he found no shame or apology there, only a hint of sadness. "They did. And with good reason. You've tried to kill them every chance you've had."

"Yes." In fact, he should have killed the pilot when he had extracted the information he needed. That damn pilot had started all of this.

Her eyes flashed with sudden coldness, and he realized she must have felt that thought leak from him. He'd have to be more careful. Whatever this connection was, it had the troubling side-effect of thinning the veil of privacy between their minds.

"Maybe he was right," Ben said after a moment of stoney silence from both of them.

"Who?"

"Your pilot." Again their gazes met and he saw that he wasn't necessarily wrong in his assumption. She liked the pilot, at least a little. They were close. But where did the traitor fit in to all this? He remembered the intense connection the two of them had shared in the frosty forest of Starkiller Base. The ex-trooper had even abandoned the fight momentarily when he thought Rey was gravely hurt.

Ben decided to brush this all off as a side-effect of Rey's propensity to love everything. "Maybe they were both right and you should have let me die."

She said nothing, but waited for him to continue.

He didn't know why he was telling her this. It was something that had been lurking in his mind for a long time, but not something he'd ever vocalized. "Perhaps the galaxy needs the Skywalker line to end."

Something…something flashed in her countenance. A memory? He couldn't quite see it.

"Perhaps," she agreed slowly. "But that's easily solved. Don't produce any heirs. Then my mistake in saving you will be corrected."

She was grinning by the end. Teasing him, he guessed. It was an unusual experience. Nobody teased him. Not since he was a small child. As an adult, they may have taunted, perhaps, and jeered, but that was born from malice and cruelty and this felt different. Something about her voice was almost playful. He looked down, confused.

The bustle of approaching footsteps distracted them, and they both turned to look. The two physicians, and the two Rey had spoken with yesterday had all returned at one time.

The female came bearing fragrant, mouth-watering food again. Ben glanced at Rey to see if she had noticed. She had, and tracked the platter with her eyes as Pru set it on the table.

The physicians came immediately to Ben, and he stifled the urge to brush them away. He felt fine. He didn't need or want them. Their proximity made him uncomfortable, made him annoyed. Still, after a tense moment, he moved back into a reclined position on the bed and allowed them to examine his wounds more thoroughly than Rey had done.

"Did you have a restful night?" The other male asked them.

Rey answered for them both. "Yes, we did. Thanks to your hospitality. And Ben seems to be doing better this morning."

"I am pleased to hear it."

The two of them joined the physicians at Ben's bedside. He searched for Rey's glance and found it. It became a little easier to endure the poking and prodding of the irritating doctors.

Finally they stepped back and said a few short words to Veze. He relayed them in turn to Rey.

"The healing is remarkable. The physicians are mightily encouraged. It is suggested that he begin walking about, as soon as he feels comfortable."

He'd get up and walk right now, if it meant he could get away from them. Ben imagined it glibly. Why did she like these creatures? Their soft-spoken, calm and deliberate way of talking made him feel impatient. They reminded him of the nanny droids that surrounded him throughout his childhood.

Rey liked the idea too. She nodded quickly. "Alright, we'll do that."

"They would like to know if you are in pain?" Veze asked Ben, speaking to him directly now.

Ben didn't blink. "No."

"That is good." He translated the information for the doctors. Then, to Rey, he added. "Pru has brought you some food again, as we understand your species eats several times a day. If you feel so inclined, the village is at your disposal. You may explore at your leisure. Nothing will be forbidden you."

"Thank you," Rey said again, for what Ben felt like was the millionth time.

Veze and the physicians left. Pru lingered a moment longer.

"Was your meal to your satisfaction last night?"

Rey grinned. "More than satisfactory. It was wonderful."

This seemed to please the purple-furred female. "If you need more, please fine me."

"We will."

Ben, watching Pru with a skeptical, cynical feeling brooding inside him, saw Rey glance his direction out of the corner of her eye.

"Pru…" she hesitated.

The female turned back to them.

Rey ventured her hesitant question. "How did you all know that I meant you no harm? When I arrived in the village, I mean. You all were so quick to help me. How did you know I wasn't hostile?"

Pru shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean."

"How did you know I wasn't here for violent purposes?"

Apparently, this hadn't occurred to Pru before. Her deer-like visage betrayed puzzlement. "What purpose would you have for violence against us?"

"If I were a bad person, I might be motivated by greed to take everything you had."

"We offer it freely."

"Right…but an evil person might not care."

"We could not stand in the way of someone determined to do evil. But we have never met an individual like the one you speak of. True evil is rare, they say."

Rey frowned a little, and Ben could feel her heart quicken with worry. "Darkness isn't as rare in the galaxy as you would think."

"Oh, darkness is not evil." Pru picked up a fruit off the tray, something they'd both eaten and enjoyed the night before. She turned it in her hands. "Corrupted darkness produces evil acts, but corrupted light can also do that. After the dark comes the light, and after the day comes the night. They are inseparable companions. In the natural cycle, each has its turn, and frequently they merge as one. Darkness is justice, light is mercy. Both are required for balance. Eventually, it all resolves into gray anyway."

Rey and Ben watched her, silence following her brief pause.

She traced her fingers along the swirling red-and-white patterns of the fruit. "Dark becomes evil and devouring when not balanced by an inner light, and light becomes rigid and brittle when not balanced by an inner dark. Dark may not be rare, therefore, but we believe true evil is. Many who would seem it actually have light hiding in them somewhere, and many who would seem righteous and pious often have a demon lurking in their secret shadows."

Setting the fruit back on the tray, she glanced back at Rey. "Did I answer your question?"

"Um…" Rey had a strange look on her face. Finally, she gave one short nod. "Yes, thank you."

Pru smiled then, or as close to it as her species could produce. "You are not evil. We could feel it when you arrived. Neither of you. We are pleased to accommodate your needs."

Since Rey offered no reply, she turned and exited.

Ben felt a stirring with him — fascination and admiration. Rey had been listening to him after all, when he told her these creatures were naive fools. It turned out he was right, big surprise there, but her willingness to find out impressed him. She wasn't too stubborn to test a theory she didn't agree with. Perhaps there was hope for her after all.

Rey didn't move for several seconds after Pru's departure. Ben sat up again, gritting his teeth a little against the soreness caused by the physician's probing exam. Still, it wasn't as bad as it had been the day before.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and shifted his weight down onto them, upright for the first time in days.

Rey, emerging from her deep rumination, came immediately to his side and wrapped her hands around one of his arms, steadying him.

While helpful, this was also amusing. She was so small compared to him. If he should fall, would she really be able to catch him? Then again, he had first hand experience with her strength and knew she packed a surprising amount in her slight frame.

At first being upright made the world careen perilously in his peripheral vision, but soon enough he got his bearings.

Before he could attempt a step, Rey shifted, worming herself under his arm. One of her own wrapped around his waist while she held his other, grip firm, support steady. With her in place, she indicated that he should try now.

He did, but he really couldn't have said after the fact how many steps he took with her hooked under his arm like that. His awareness filled exclusively with the press of her body against his, the way her hair still inexplicably smelled like the incense-and-sand of Jakku, and how profound his pleasure was at having her close.

Somehow, he made it to the table where the food awaited them. She left his side then, and he slid automatically into a chair.

"Your progress is amazing, Ben," she said happily, sitting in a chair across from him. "Two days ago when I found you, I didn't know if you'd live through the night, let alone make a full recovery. But you're doing remarkably well."

He picked at his food, saying nothing. Why did her praise feel so good? Why did he enjoy knowing she was happy? It shouldn't matter - now that he had no master, he needed no one's approval and sought no one's praise. He was his own master. So why did he care that she was pleased with him?

But he did. He soaked up her approbation like it was water, and he a dying plant.

"I haven't forgotten the fallen tree," he said after a moment. "I'm ready to go back when you are."

Perhaps it was bad timing, because Rey looked from him to her overflowing plate and back to him like he'd sprouted a second head.

She finished chewing her bite and finally laughed.

"You aren't enjoying the stay here?"

He didn't like the interruptions. He wanted to preserve as much time he had with her alone as he could. Because the thing neither of them wanted to think about, in fact we're very careful to avoid thinking about, was what happened next. After he was fully recovered. What then?

"Have you give any more thought to my proposal?" He asked.

She hunched over her plate, transforming her body into a shield against his question.

"Rey," he pressed softly.

She glanced up briefly, as as usually happened between them, her gaze caught and lingered for a while. She searched his face, something troubled and yearning within her own.

"Ben, I can't. Please stop asking. It hurts too much."

He knew the pain she referred to. He felt it himself. Wanting so badly, but unable to submit.

"If you just—" he began.

She picked up her plate and moved away from him, went to sit on the floor by BB-8.

That was becoming the familiar response now, he knew. Rather than argue, she just left. It frustrated him. He wanted to talk her through these misgivings, persuade her that what he saw in their future could still happen. Persuade her that he didn't expect or even want her to change. He wanted to explain himself better. But she wasn't giving him the chance, and that was aggravating. 

And though he wouldn't admit it, even to himself, it stung every time she walked away.


	8. And Legend

**Rey**

* * *

Rey wanted to throttle Ben any time he brought up his damned invitation to join him in the dark and rule together.

Couldn't he feel how hard it was for her to repeatedly deny him? Couldn't he tell how much she wanted to accept, but simply couldn't?  _He_  was the stubborn one. A lot like his mother, actually. And his father, from what she remembered. Persistent, unrelenting, persuasive.

Fortunately he didn't bring it up again for the rest of the day. He walked around their tree a little bit, at first with her assistance and then without it. Eventually he returned to his bed and she went out with BB-8. They explored the village for a while. The farmers cultivated crops for a few miles into the forest, curious plants of huge variety that thrived in the shade of the giant trees. They would suffer under direct sunlight, one of the well-educated farmers explained. They grew best in shadow.

She found Pru again, and discovered that Pru was a mother with two little daughters. This surprised her for some reason. The children were instantly fascinated with BB-8, who seemed happy to oblige them with a showcase of his little tricks. Rey asked Pru about what she'd said earlier, about how she knew so much about the Force.

"My people have passed on our knowledge of the Force since the beginning. It is sacred to us."

"Few in the galaxy still believe it exists," Rey told her quietly. She herself had been one of those unbelievers just a short time ago. The thought made in inexplicably sad.

Pru patted her serenely. "The two of you will restore their belief."

When Rey returned to the tree in the evening, she felt confused and tired, caught somewhere between renewed hope and the dread of pain.

That evening, she told Ben about her life on Jakku. Mostly it was to fill up the conversation with anything but talk of them, or the future, or light and dark. Ben listened intently, asking questions here and there. He seemed very interested in how she had grown up alone in such a hostile, unforgiving environment. And just like that night on Ahch-To, he proved himself to be a good listener - one Rey liked talking to.

When she mentioned salvaging in the old star destroyers, a strange look came over his face.

Shadowy images of a menacing legend drifted through her mind, prompting her to ask, "Are you thinking of Darth Vader now?"

A single nod. "I wonder how the Battle of Jakku would have turned out if he'd still been alive."

She considered him closely. Why the fixation with Vader? She sensed less hero-worship in him now, but no less reverence. Certainly it had to be more than just some imagined family bond — right? He identified with the legendary terrorist in more ways than just blood. But why?

Ensuring her words carried a deliberate tone of curiosity instead of confrontation, she asked, "What do you know about him? I only know the legends. They aren't good. Everyone feared him."

A gleam flashed through Ben's eye. She'd struck on the right topic. He leaned forward and when he spoke, intensity hummed in his low voice. "Good, bad, call them whatever you like. His tactics had a purpose. He was trying to bring order to the galaxy."

Rey was no student of history, but even she knew this was a wildly generous assessment of the demon whose memory could still invoke a shudder today. "Order? The Empire didn't bring order. It brought enslavement and poverty. He wasn't the hero of a grand new age, he was the wardog of a madman."

As soon as the words left her mouth, she knew she might have crossed a line. Arguing Vader's villainy with Ben seemed like a good way to provoke his anger. But he surprised her. His voice didn't rise, his eyes didn't flash, he merely watched her with that kind of intensity he always wore when he wanted her to understand something. "He made them know his name. His legacy survives, long after his death. Just the fact that  _you_  know about him proves that. No one could ignore him in life, and everyone remembers him in death. In that way, he achieved immortality."

Oh...a glimmer of understanding trickled down her spine, stirring her compassion. She wanted him to keep going, and so asked gently, "Do you know much of his story?"

"Some. The people who should have told me the most, his children, never spoke of him. I didn't even know..." he stopped himself. Now there  _was_  a spike of anger in his countenance.

Rey stiffened in surprise. She was about to ask for clarification on what exactly he didn't know-

-But he moved on, deflecting. "When I got access to the old archives of the empire, I unearthed anything I could find on Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. There were some interesting things in the records of Coruscant. Some information has been lost. I know he was born on Tatooine, but taken to Coruscant when they recognized how strong he was with the Force. They tried to train him as a Jedi, but when his true power became known they turned against him. They felt threatened by him, and he saw through their hypocrisy."

She thought about Luke and his own assessment of the situation. It didn't sound far off. She also recognized the echoes of what happened at Luke's training temple. Not for the first time, she felt her perception of the man before her shift under her feet.

Ben continued. "I know he married a senator in secret because the Jedi wouldn't allow it."

"He was married?" Rey asked, startled. For some reason she hadn't given much thought to the mother of Vader's children. She supposed some part of her had always assumed Luke and Leia had been born to a woman who didn't realize the real identity of the person she'd slept with, or quite possibly she was his unwilling victim.

Ben watched her closely, studying her face in that piercing way he always did. "Yes. He was."

"Why?" She asked, not sure if she was horrified or mystified to learn this truth. Marriage wasn't something she understood well anyway, much less in a case like this.

"They were in love." He said it so simply, as if it explained everything.

For Rey, it explained nothing, and in fact provoked more questions. She struggled to reconcile the evil wraith of legend with someone capable of loving and being loved in such a tender capacity.

Ben watched her in silence for a moment, his thoughts distant and difficult to discern. Eventually he added, "But perhaps the Jedi were right for forbid it. Something happened. I have not been able to determine what, exactly, but they were estranged when she died. The records claim he killed her. But that can't be right because she bore his children before her death, and he didn't know about them. The best I can guess is that she concealed herself and gave birth. Whether by his hand or something else, she died shortly after. The twins were taken and hidden from him."

_The records claim he killed her_. An icy finger of alarm trailed down Rey's spine at that throwaway phrase, wondering how it could come so quickly on the heels of the claim that they were in love. This story got darker and stranger the more it went on. And to think, this was the legacy Ben inherited at his birth. She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on the last thing he'd said. "They were hidden for their safety?"

He shrugged. "Very little information about all that exists. I don't know who made the decision, or why. But I wonder if that too was a mistake. Perhaps if they'd been brought to him at their mother's death, if he'd had the opportunity to know them, he wouldn't have thrown it all away in the end. If they'd grown up preparing to take their place beside him, he might still be alive today — ruling the galaxy, as he should be."

"And you would get to be his heir."

But no, that wasn't what he wanted most. Something…a flicker…he shut down his thoughts before she could properly see, but she felt his yearning had less to do with his grandfather and more to do with — his mother. That puzzled her.

"In the end, it all goes back to that senator, though," Ben murmured, as much thinking aloud as explaining now. "He loved her, and because Luke was a piece of her, he loved his son. Weakness. Foolishness. That's what ruined him."

"That turned him back to the light at the end. It's a story of redemption, Ben, not of failure," Rey said softly.

"Depends on your perspective."

That evening, her thoughts were filled with trying to imagine who this senator was and what kind of woman could fall in love with a man so lost to darkness. Did that happen before or after he turned to the dark side? At some point she must have seen the monster he'd become. Why else run from him and conceal herself? And what went through her mind when she gave birth knowing she had to hide her babies from their own father?

Rey decided to ask Leia if she had any more insight into this strange, sad story. And what did this mean for Ben? He tried so hard to emulate the power and respect Vader represented — was he as determined to avoid the mistakes as well? Is that why he struck down the love his father offered, and flinched away from the idea that his mother loved him still?

Vader, she knew, was prophesied to bring balance to the Force. The legend was that he did so, in the end when he turned back to Luke. But was that even true? The Force didn't  _feel_  balanced. Luke and Snoke had represented both sides of it, but now both were gone. Only Rey and Ben remained, standing across from one another in light and dark, both refusing to move towards the other and tip the scales in either direction. Yet both of them struggled with their positions, feeling forever pulled by the other side.

It was all too much to think about. She was grateful when the physicians arrived for the final check of the day and gave her something else to do. Ben endured their inspection with thinly veiled impatience. She knew the better he felt, the less willing he'd be to submit to these creatures. Maybe if the village were wealthier, they could purchase some medical droids to do these kinds of things. Ben would have been more comfortable with that.

Still, their report was very encouraging. They were astonished with how quickly he was healing. If it were Finn sitting there after this happy news, she would have hugged him in celebration. But because it was Ben, she held back. She didn't know if he  _did_  hugs, and she wasn't sure what she'd find in him or herself if she initiated something like that.

That night, they both lay in silence on their beds, simultaneously too near each other and too far apart. Why did everything about their relationship push the boundaries of uncomfortable?

Rey thought about the hug she didn't give, wondering what would have happened if she had. To be that close…the feel so much of him against so much of her all at once… No. She had to be careful. Thoughts spilled too easily between them. If he saw her wondering about it, what would he think?

But he was too occupied in his own thoughts to read hers. This became evident when he voiced them aloud, drawing her attention outward again.

"What happens from here?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, even though she already suspected the answer.

"When I'm healed, which will be soon. What then? You return to your resistance?"

It was the very question she'd been avoiding asking herself. She stared up at the dark ceiling, the core of the living tree that sheltered them.

"I don't know," she confessed, her voice softly halting.

Because the truth that neither of them could quite say out loud was that parting a second time, especially after all of this, would be excruciating. Even though every step on this road with him was uncomfortable in new ways, it also felt somehow...right. Being with him was calming and empowering.

"Yes," he agreed, to her thoughts more than her words. "I feel that too."

A lump rose in her throat. She found herself missing the simplicity of her friends. Of the rebellion. This was so complicated, so frustrating. It demanded so much of her heart in decisions she didn't know how to make.

"Has it occurred to you that we are meant to kill one another?" Ben asked after another minute. "That for the Force to finally be balanced, there can be no users of dark and light? That we will have to end?"

"Yes," she said softly. "I have thought of that."

Luke said the future was still unclear, still in motion. He also said that their fates were intertwined. One of the roads he saw ahead of them — did it lead to their mutual demise? And when the time came, could she do it? Because right now she did not feel strong enough for that. Nothing in the galaxy could could compel her to kill him now. Was Ben right? Did her feelings for him make her weaker?

Ben was still thinking about this dread future. "If that is our destiny, why did you save me? Why didn't you let me die?"

The answer came from somewhere inside her, without thought, without contemplating its meaning.

"Because you're not going anywhere while I'm still here. We either belong in his life together or we leave it together. The Force won't have it any other way. I don't know why."

He fell silent at this, and while she couldn't see clear thoughts she could feel intense emotion rolling from him in waves. It was an emotion without a name, but one she recognized as something inside her too.

Finally, he asked again, his voice soft and halting, "So what do we do when this is over?"

She still didn't know, and couldn't think of an answer. Tears stung her eyes and spilled over down the sides of her face. She turned over in her bed that now felt far too soft, felt like it was swallowing her whole.


	9. Alliance

**Rey**

* * *

Two days later, Veze presented Ben with a long tunic, so dark blue it might have passed for black. He did so with great ceremony, as if it were some treasure of his people, but when it was over he revealed his true purpose:

"Now that you'll be walking among us, it is better for you to be covered. Our people are not used to seeing the hairless bodies of your species. It would disturb them."

This amused Rey, who had been rather touched by the whole gesture until this point. She grinned.

Ben's still wore the pants he had arrived in, though the black had been dusted to a dirty grey by now. His original doublet, however, had been ripped to shreds that first night and he didn't have anything to replace it with. Now he did. He accepted the garment without comment.

Rey thanked Veze on his behalf.

Ben tried to lift his arms to to get the tunic on, but winced and dropped them immediately.

Veze frowned. "Perhaps we should have used a different design. We were operating off what we know of your species, and the seamstresses determined this was the most authentic kind of covering."

"I don't know if there is one authentic kind for our species. We tend to adopt whatever culture we infiltrate. But ordinarily yes, this would be fine." Rey moved towards Ben in his struggle. She took the garment from him and, leaning up on her toes while he bent as best he could, worked the tunic over his head. She then helped him gingerly guide his arms through the sleeves, trying to be as gentle as possible.

"Fortunately your teamwork compensates for our poor foresight," Veze remarked.

Ben adjusted the bottom of the shirt. It was clearly not made by a species who understood humans well, as it fit him loosely and oddly, but it would work. He glanced at Rey, his gaze softening with gratitude.

She offered a smile.

He cleared his throat. "Do you have my lightsaber?"

"Of course I do. I'm not sure you're ready for it, though. How will you wield it without being able to raise your arms?"

"All the same, I would like it back."

"Alright." She shrugged, retrieving the heavy black hilt and crossguard from her bag. When she turned around, she almost laughed. Ben's bare and bandaged torso was all she'd known for the last few days, so to see him now in an ill-fitting raiment a little too large for his strong body was delightfully strange. All she'd ever known of him was formality — very well put together always. He looked so casual and informal.

She had his belt, which might have helped pull the tunic into something more dignified, but did not offer it. He probably couldn't have worn it over his wounds anyway and she enjoyed seeing him a little rough around the edges.

"You look very  _devil-may-care_ ," she told him, handing over the saber.

"What does that mean?"

"Nevermind." She grinned again, glancing at Veze. "Thank you again."

The leader of the village didn't seem at all bothered that his guests preferred to walk around fully armed. He merely replied mildly, "Please make yourselves at home here and alert myself or Pru if you need anything else."

"We will," Rey promised. "BB-8 — coming?"

The two humans and the spherical droid took a different path than their host did when they all exited the bungalow-within-a-tree. He went one way, and they went the opposite.

"Are you sure about this plan?" Rey asked as they made their way through the dim forest paths through the village. The canopy of the mammoth trees was so thick, only a high breeze allowed sunlight to briefly dapple the ground. Beyond the village, however, a small clearing afforded them a glimpse of the sky — filled with those great flying things as always.

Ben moved a little slower than normal, but his gait was steady. "I'm sure."

She wasn't, but didn't say it. He could decide how far he wanted to go. She grinned down at BB-8, who chirped and beeped excitedly at all the children stopping to wave at or hug him.

They walked to the edge of the village and did not stop. The forest stretched on and on for miles in every direction, but Rey remembered the way through the huge columns of trees. BB-8 remembered too, and issued a series of inquiring sounds when he recognized it.

"Yeah," Rey told him. "If Ben can make it that far."

"I can."

"-And back again," she pointed out, though they'd already gone through this exact conversation twice this morning.

"It's fine."

Rey thought that a trek of several miles might be a bit too much for a man who still couldn't lift his arms over his head, but all her arguments had fallen on deaf ears. Regardless, she planned to send BB-8 back to request a ride if things went south. Being cooped up in that tree for a fifth day in a row was not an option for Ben, now that he felt some semblance of strength returning, and she did concede that the walk might be good for them. At least it would get her out of her own head for a little while.

"You love those creatures. Our hosts," Ben observed as the village fell behind them.

BB-8 beeped, and Rey grinned. "Yeah, I do. They're very generous."

"Too generous."

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, well, those  _too-generous_  people have saved us and asked for nothing in return, so I don't think you're in a position to be critical."

"What I mean," Ben said patiently. "Is that they need protection. They're too good for this galaxy. Someone will take advantage. We could give them that protection."

She turned her head to look at him, trying to study the expression on his face. He wasn't mocking. She found only sincerity. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we could give them our galactic protection. Together, we could ensure that any violence enacted against a passive community such as this becomes a capitol offense."

Rey let out a long breath of air that was part sigh and part groan.

"What?" Ben demanded. "They need someone to look after them. Isn't that what you want?"

"They  _need_  representatives who can speak for them. People who know them better than we do. Who are we to decide what they need?"

A republic — that's what Poe was always talking about, wasn't it?

Ben made a face of disgust. "Representatives can be corrupted. They can be bought by the highest bidder. They don't always act in the best interest of those they represent. Twice now the galaxy has had one, and twice they've chosen a stronger hand."

To this, Rey had no argument. She didn't know the first thing about politics. Jakku might have had a place in the New Republic before the First Order destroyed it, but if so she never knew and never felt its effects. And it was true, twice the galaxy had let its senate fall into dictatorial hands. Maybe that way  _was_  broken.

"We could be benevolent rulers, Rey. It doesn't have to be murder and tyranny as it was under Snoke. Under the Empire."

She couldn't deny his offer  _was_  tempting. Beside him at the helm, she would personally ensure safe havens like this little village continued to exist in the galaxy, untainted, unmolested. Rey could be a voice of good and protection, looking out for the smallfolk of the galaxy.

No.  _No_. She shook her head. "I'm not suited to ruling anyone. I have no experience. I'm a scavenger from Jakku pretending to be a Jedi. And you said yourself, I'm too sentimental. I give my affections too easily."

"You aren't pretending, Rey. And caring about people is something most  _experienced_  politicians forget."

"It's not a game I'm qualified to play, Ben."

He paused in his step, glancing at her. "We could be the father and mother of the whole galaxy - the parents they need, better and more worthy parents than you or I ever had."

She didn't stop walking, just stared hard at the ground and continued on, BB-8 rolling beside her. The little droid peeped a soft remark about Ben's programming being stuck in a loop, making him determined to pursue a subject again and again. She smiled.

Eventually, the man resumed his stride and fell in line with her again. She didn't say anything else to him for the next mile. Her thoughts were occupied trying to come up with sound reasons why his proposal was a bad one. She couldn't think of any, except that the idea put a pit of sickness in her stomach and she knew that she did not want to rule over anyone.

"Or," he said quietly after a while. "We could stay here."

"Stay here?"

He motioned to the monumental trees around them. "Forget the Order. Forget the Resistance -"

"Why do all your ideas involve letting the Resistance die?" She interrupted impatiently. "I'm not doing that. They need my help."

"-Stay here and guard the village ourselves," he finished, glancing at her.

Rey frowned. "Just live here? For the rest of our lives?"

His gaze held steady. "Why not?"

"You'd hate it." She knew that for certain. Ben was restless and ambitious. The lowly farmer life was not for him.

"But would _you_ like that?"

Part of her wanted to say yes, wanted to adopt a simple lifestyle free of heavy concerns and cares again. Like scavenging, but better because this society operated on kindness instead of harshness. But it was as absurd for him as a life of regency was for her. Besides, she wasn't sure she'd be content either. She'd tasted adventure beyond a monotonous daily existence, and she wasn't sure settling down like that would satisfy her anymore than it would him.

"It would feel like running from our destiny."

"Destiny," he said, frustration making his voice sharp and derisive. "And what is that destiny?"

"I  _don't know,"_  Rey replied. "I know you're trying to figure it out, and trust me, I appreciate the effort, but..." she shook her head, at a loss for words.

He fell into brooding silence, and she could feel despair radiating from his mind. He wanted to be with her, didn't want to break this feeling of purpose that existed when they were together, but he was now confronting the possibility that she would leave. Again.

It wracked her with guilt and desperation of her own. She didn't want to separate either, but she couldn't really see a way across this impasse. 

"Will you still try to take out Hux and the other knights?" she asked quietly.

His wordless nod made her sick. He would die trying to exact his revenge.

"Ben," she grabbed his arm, pulling them both to a stop. He looked at her, storms clouding his gaze as he searched hers. She swallowed. "Please don't go back. They'll kill you."

"They can't be allowed to rule," he said simply.

"Do you really think Hux will be able to take control over the galaxy without you or Snoke guiding his reins?"

Ben laughed — a sound she'd never heard from him before. Only, this laughter wasn't natural. It was harsh and rough, full of contempt for his enemy. "Hux was a better tactician and strategist than I ever was. Snoke used him for his keen military mind. And with the Knights behind him, he'll probably sweep this galaxy into his full control before anyone even knows what happens."

Alarms rang in Rey's head at this analysis, and her pulse quickened. She hadn't realized that Ben's expulsion had cut their timetable so drastically. While they were lounging around here, relaxing beneath mammoth trees and feasting three times a day, Hux was out there somewhere taking over, and the rebellion knew nothing about the change in regime. They needed to know. They needed to prepare. 

"BB-8, when we get to the ship we need to send an urgent message. Encrypted, as usual."

BB-8 chirped a quick response.

Soon enough, they arrived at the fallen tree where she'd first found Ben.

He peered inside. "I don't remember getting here from the  _Silencer_. I don't remember anything from the time I jumped to hyperspace, until I woke up to find you next to me."

"I don't know if you walked or crawled, but you left a blood trail." Rey looked around the cavernous depths, wondering how it could be so recently that they were here when it already felt like a lifetime ago.

Ben mimicked her gaze, taking in the emptiness of it all. A wistful feeling echoed from somewhere inside him, reverberating through her. She understood it.

Softly, as if afraid to disturb the peaceful silence of the place, he said, "You know, there is a third option."

She braced herself.

His eyes slid to regard her from the side. "One that, while not a permanent solution to the whole  _destiny_  issue, would certainly be a logical choice for both of us."

"What is it?"

"We want the same thing at the moment, you and I. Curious, isn't it? Standing on the same side for once."

Rey rolled her eyes. She made a sound of impatience. "Ben."

"You want the galaxy safe from Hux. I just so happen to want him dead. Our goals complement one another. Why don't we join forces unto that mutually beneficial end?"

Her instinct was to  _again_  reject this offer, and she opened her mouth to do it - except, she realized, he wasn't offering the same thing.

"You mean...a temporary alliance?"

Ben gave her a short nod, studying her face intently.

She considered this, brows furrowing as she tried to find a hidden angle. There was no way he was willingly proposing something so indefinite, was he? Surely there had to be some hidden trick in all of this. But then, he wasn't really one for leading her into tricks. He preferred to be honest — isn't that what he'd said the first time they'd spoken?

Still, she had to clarify. "Not contingent on me embracing the dark side?"

"Nor I the light."

"And... we just...take out Hux and the Knights, together?"

His eyes glinted with relish at the thought. "As we did with the Praetorians."

Even before she'd consciously decided, she felt herself nodding. Her mind already worked through the scenario. A glimmer of excitement flashed through her. They were stronger together, it was true, and these Knights couldn't be more powerful than the Guards, could they? They could do it.

"Meanwhile the rebellion could bring down the rest of the Order, cripple it for good."

Ben frowned. "They're not part of this. I meant you and I. Alone."

She shot him a knowing look. "What, you think we'd just take off the head and set you in its place? Leave the military nice and intact for you to take command when this was all over? The point is to rid the galaxy of a tyrant, not support one claim over another."

Ben's jaw and mouth tightened and she felt how much this annoyed him. He didn't see himself as a tyrant. And maybe he wouldn't be. Maybe he'd be a good leader after all. But Rey couldn't afford the risk, and she knew nobody else would either.

"Ben, if I agree to this, we do it with their help."

"I'm not joining the rebellion."

"No, you're not. You're joining me." She stretched out her hand to him, her heart quickening with something thrilling and terrifying all at once.

He looked at her hand, and then at her. This was all too familiar.

Finally, he took it.


	10. The First Steps

**Rey**

* * *

The message was a quick one. BB-8 transmitted it in a short burst:  _All's well. Need ride. Send Chewie._

The droid waited for a return confirmation message. It might be a while, Rey knew. His message had to travel halfway across the galaxy, bouncing off random relay points to confuse any tracking efforts. The confirmation would have to take a similarly convoluted route. 

While BB-8 waited by the X-Wing, Ben sat against the ruins of his own Silencer, recovering and preparing for the long walk back to the village. His expression betrayed how uneasy he was with the current plan. The alliance was tentatively struck, and while she didn't believe he would back out, Rey knew he was full of reluctance and doubt. 

She tried to take his mind off the inevitable reunions he didn't want to have.

"Were you testing this prototype?" She patted one of the laser canon barrels on the ship.

"I was."

"Did it handle well for you? She looks powerful."

His gaze flicked to her. "Powerful, yes."

Rey admired the sleek lines and devotion to a clean, if menacing, aesthetic. She ran her hand down the side of a wing, wishing she could pilot such a craft. Perhaps she could have, if she'd taken Ben up on his first offer. She probably could have tried her hand at every kind of ship the First Order had if she wanted. With an amused smile, she allowed herself to indulge this little fantasy for a moment.

Ben stood up and walked to the nose of the ship, touching lightly the red-tinted viewer. "I intend to come back for her one day. I'll get her flyworthy again."

Rey drifted his direction, drawn by the subtle notes of affection buried in his voice. He felt  _sentimental_  towards the ship? She might have laughed, if it hadn't touched her deeply. "You love her," she realized.

He met her stare and she saw no defensiveness, no protest. "Mm...perhaps. She's a strong vessel. Beautiful, and deadly. She saved my life. It's difficult to think of leaving her."

The way he said it made tingles scatter across Rey's skin and she had to look away. Her heart jumped a little too quickly beneath her ribs.

She cleared her throat. "We should probably get back to the village before it gets dark. I expect he'll be here by morning."

Ben frowned, but otherwise voiced no protest as she turned to head back to the X-Wing.

She crouched down by BB-8. "Will you be alright waiting here? If Chewie shows up before we're back, you'll come get us?"

BB-8 rocked back and forth, issuing his easygoing mechanical reply.

Ben waited for her, and together they left the little droid behind beside the inert X-Wing and TIE Silencer, two metallic monuments amid the flowing green forest floor.

They were well and truly alone now, without their little sentient companion. Yet neither could think of anything to say. There was too much dread, too much unknown about their future. Both wondered if they made a mistake, if this was a plan that would backfire in dangerous ways. Each wondered, more than once, if running away and abandoning the problems of the galaxy together wasn't such a bad idea after all.

When they got back to the village, Ben went directly to his bed and sat heavily upon it, wincing. Rey knew the excursion had taken him to the limits of his still healing body. She also could sense, however, that he preferred to be alone in his pain.

She left to find Veze.

"How did your companion fare on his walk?" He asked genially when she found him, weeding in a field of floating plumbs. "You were gone nearly all day. I take that for a good sign."

She nodded once. "He is stronger than any of us predicted. He did very well."

He smiled, plucking a plumb and handing it to her. "Derig? The first ones just started to ripen today."

She took it hesitantly. "You've all been so wonderful. I can't thank you enough."

His strange face betrayed surprise. "That sounds as if you're leaving."

"In the morning, I'm afraid," she replied, nodding.

"I hope we have not made you feel that you must rush your stay. Your mate may convalesce here as long as he needs."

"No, he isn't —" she stopped herself. That didn't matter. She sighed, her voice softening. "The truth is, he and I come from chaotic situations. Dangerous circumstances. Do you understand?"

He nodded. "The Force would not raise up two complementary champions if the galaxy were at peace. We have heard rumors of this chaos."

"It's a miracle it hasn't touched you already," she admitted. "But Ben and I...we have played and must play again important roles in the conflict. And it's only a matter of time until that finds us, wherever we hide. The last thing we want is for it to find us here, and bring violence to your community."

Veze watched her for a long time, something deep swimming behind those strange angled eyes.

"You are brave and good. Your heart is strong with protective instinct. Both of you. Thank you for thinking of us. We will send supplies to aid your efforts."

She blinked back a sudden surge of emotion. "I hope one day to repay the kindness you have shown to us."

He patted her gently, smiling in that curious way of his species. "It has been our honor."

That night, in dark with only a couple illuminated orbs giving them enough light to see by, Rey and Ben sat on the edges of their two beds, facing one another. They knew, without speaking, everything the other was feeling.

This was an ending.

Despite the dire injury, and despite the heated tempers after arguments, this had been a retreat from reality for both of them. A chance to be together, away from the push and pull of their two diametric worlds. Yet each wondered: had they wasted their opportunity? Had they been so focused on not saying too much, that they didn't say enough?

Was there time now?

Everything would change as soon as Chewie landed. Explanations would have to be made, defending their impossible plan to everyone who wanted Ben dead. He would have to endure an alliance with those he hated. And there was Leia herself to contend with.

Luke was right, this was going to be a difficult road.

"Ben..." she started softly, but the words trapped in her throat. She drew in a shuddering breath. "I want you to know that I...I'm with you. I will be, every step of the way. I'm your partner in this fight."

"I know." His voice was soft too, as soft and gentle as the night he told her she wasn't alone.

She suppressed a sudden urge to go over to him on his bed, to be nearer, to touch the scar she regretted giving him. She wanted to feel that synergetic flow of force between them that happened whenever they were close. She wanted to comfort him and draw comfort from him, a final draught before the storm.

But she didn't, because she was afraid. Afraid of what all that meant, what lay beneath the surface of all that wanting, and what dam might break if she got that close right now.

So they went to bed without saying anything more. She turned her way, and he turned his, and each stared into the gloom trying not to wonder what might have been.

* * *

In the morning, the entire village assembled to see them off. It all seemed excessive to both Rey and Ben, who didn't quite know how to respond to the dramatic farewell proceedings. Characteristically, Ben stayed silent and let Rey handle the diplomacy.

Rey thought that was a little backwards. He was the one who had been raised as a politician's child, while she was the uncouth junkyard stray whose only recommendation for this sort of thing was that she knew how to be polite. Still, she played the role as best she could and was met with gracious understanding.

Ben accepted armfuls of food and supplies from the villagers while Rey and Veze exchanged their final words. They loaded their gifts into a glider cart and programmed it to follow the corresponding leader chip clipped to Rey's belt.

Both relaxed with immense relief as soon as they were out of sight of the waving, smiling village.

Rey shook her head. "So much for sneaking out quietly."

Ben looked something more like himself again. The tunic they'd given him was finally tamed with the return of his belt, though he wore it looser than usual as to not aggravate his wound site. That morning when he dressed, he'd asked for his cloak back too, but she wouldn't give it to him.

"It makes you look a lot more menacing," she explained.

"A benefit, not a problem," he said flatly.

She shook her head. "Not in this case. We need to convince Chewie that you aren't out to kill everyone, and what will he think if you're dressed like you were when you..." her words faltered.

"When I killed Han Solo," he finished for her.

She nodded, fresh pain washing over her at the memory. Knowing his motivation for doing it, understanding him better now, did not take away the sting of that moment. He killed Han in an attempt to kill the boy inside himself who still yearned and waited for his father. The need. The weakness.

She also knew that sometimes, when he believed he was alone with his thoughts, he felt the flicker of regret.

In the end, she had convinced him not to wear the cloak.

The Millennium Falcon loomed amid the foliage of the clearing, resting near the X-Wing and the TIE Silencer. Her old and exposed components made her look huge and shabby next to the sleek new combat vessels, but Rey thought she was the most beautiful sight in the world. Her heart swelled with love.

Next to her, however, Ben seemed to shrink. He hung back, his face expressionless.

Chewie appeared on the loading ramp, groaning his familiar Wookiee wail at the sight of Rey.

She couldn't help herself, she ran to him and threw herself into his huge, powerful arms. Her face buried into his shaggy fur as he embraced her gently.

"I'm happy to see you," she gushed.

Chewbacca was happy too, and relieved to find her alive. His body stiffened, however, when he saw her companion standing like a living shadow in the grass.

Rey stepped back, keeping her gaze trained on her giant, hairy friend. "Chewie, listen."

Deep in the Wookiee's chest, a rumbling, aggressive sound rolled around like thunder. She put a hand on his arm.

" _Listen_. You supported me when I thought there was a chance to save Ben, to turn him to the light. You believed in me when Luke did not."

Chewie muttered in response.

She nodded. "That's true. It didn't. I failed. But now we have a plan. Ben is ready to take down the First Order. He wants to help us kill General Hux and his men."

An incredulous, biting reply issued from him.

Rey winced. This was only the beginning. Many more would react like this, and some would be even worse. "I know, Chewie. I know how it sounds. But I can sense what's inside him, and this will be good for everyone. We need his help. Hux is powerful and strategic. With Ben on our side, it will shift the fight to our favor. Instead of him working against us, he'll be working with us."

Chewie wasn't placated, but she could feel his submission before he finally voiced it.

She nodded again. "Yes, we'll let her make the final decision."

He stalked off the ship then, heading sulkily to unload the items from the cart.

BB-8 appeared at the top of the Falcon's ramp, beeping happily at the sight of Rey.

She grinned. "Glad to see you made it through the night. Ready to see Poe again?"

The little droid produced a series of so many excited beeps and squeaks that she had to laugh.

"You'll be fine handling the X-Wing all by yourself?"

A confident chirp.

She turned back to Ben, who was still standing in the grass with an unreadable expression, his body rigid. Rey returned to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. Her mind pressed into his and, surprisingly, he let her through. She saw a fragment of a memory — a small boy hiding behind some cargo crates from the people in charge of watching him. He peeked through the crates towards the huge ship, humming with life as it powered up. His father walked up the ramp, shouting instructions to someone on the interior. Then he disappeared inside, the ramp closed, and the ship lifted off. The boy closed his eyes, the memory faded, and aching sorrow washed over Rey, echoing on the ripples of the past.

Ben did not want to get on that ship.

"I could pilot the X-Wing," he said slowly, keeping his voice deliberately emotionless. "I've flown them before."

Her hand on his arm tightened a little. "Stay with me? Please?"

His gaze drifted down to hers, intense heat passing between them momentarily. He released a shuddering breath. He didn't like it, but she felt his surrender a moment before he finally nodded. 


	11. Motivator

**Rey**

* * *

With that surprisingly affectionate deference he showed her for their flight to Ahch-Too, Chewie again gave Rey the pilot's seat. Han's position. She settled in, pleased to be flying beside the galaxy's best copilot once again. Ben chose to remain in the main compartment for liftoff, despite Rey's attempts to draw him into the cockpit. Without him there, it was almost easy to forget he was part of this voyage at all.

They blazed out of orbit on the small moon and set the coordinates to Evryn, to the rebel base. Behind them loomed the huge gas giant and its attending moons, all wreathed in an elegant crescent of sunlight. For a moment, Rey felt a stab of regret. It had been such a peaceful little place. A good refuge from the chaotic storm awaiting them. A place to forget the galaxy was at war. Not like where they were headed now.

Chewie glanced at her, no doubt wondering at her hesitation.

She pushed aside these nostalgic feelings and punched the hyperdrive ignition. The sound of it warming up filled the old craft and its three passengers braced themselves for the gut-swallowing leap to light speed. Instead, they were met with the loud bang of something bursting and the ship shuddered to a stall.

Chewie groaned his frustration.

Rey laughed. "This feels familiar. Is it the motivator again?"

Grumbling, Chewie set off to go see where the problem had occurred — though they both already knew Rey's assessment was probably correct. The Falcon was an old ship so heavily modified, it operated just on the edge of disaster at all times.

Adrift as they were in empty, debris-free space, Rey seized the opportunity to contact the base.

Poe answered the signal immediately. "Chewie? Is she alive?"

"Yeah, still alive," Rey said into the communicator, grinning.

"Rey!" Poe cried. "I can't believe it! And you sound good!"

"So much surprise." She shook her head, even though he couldn't see it. "I told you I'd be fine."

"You're on the Falcon — does that mean you're coming home?"

Warmth spread through her in a deliciously sentimental way at the mention of home. She loved being able to call somewhere, or some group,  _home_.

"We are, but we've had a bit of a set back. Something's up with the hyperdrive. Chewie's repairing it now, no need to worry. Just a delay."

"What can you expect from a rust bucket like that?" Laughter came through in his slightly distorted voice. "So you couldn't stick the landing, huh? Had to go and incapacitate one of our brand new X-Wings?"

He was teasing her. She might have gone along with it, except for the inevitable segue into news he would not like to hear. "I landed just fine, thank you. The X-Wing's in perfect shape. BB-8 is taking her home right now."

"Hey, that's great news!"

A pregnant pause followed this exclamation, and she knew he expected her continue, to explain why she needed a lift. She winced, drawing her bottom lip in beneath her teeth. This would not be a pleasant reveal.

"I'm…I'm not coming alone."

"What does that mean?" He asked.

She hesitated.

He understood. Heavy, intense silence followed for a long time. So long she started to wonder if the connection had been lost.

Finally, a clipped, hard word came slashing over the communicator. "Him?"

"Yeah."

"No."

"I can ex—"

" _No._  Turn around. Take him back. You can't bring him here."

"Listen—"

"Rey, have you lost your  _mind_? First you wanted to go save his life, and now you want to  _bring him here_? He's not some homeless porg to bring home and take care of. He's a murderer."

"Find Leia," Rey finally cut in, seizing his angry pause as an opportunity to get a word in. "Get her, I'll explain it all."

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" His outrage came through more clearly than his crackling words. "This will kill Leia. It's the cruelest thing you could have done to her."

This stung. Was it true? Rey felt sudden worry clench in her stomach. Was it cruel to bring Ben back there, to his mother? Isn't that what she wanted? Then again, Han's funeral was still fresh in everyone's mind. Would she want to see the man who murdered him, son or not?

Poe wasn't finished. "And after he's done killing her, he'll slaughter the rest of us. He'll bring the First Order down on our heads and obliterate us."

"He won't, Poe—"

"You've risked  _everything_  Rey,  _everything_. You've put all our lives in danger. If you insist on doing this, don't expect a warm welcome!" He raged, and then the communicator went perfectly silent.

The signal had been severed.

Her heart thundered wildly in her chest and she realized she was breathing too hard. Adrenaline coursed through her and something else…anger? She had to do something, lest this frustration burst from her in violent fashion. How could Poe, her  _friend_ , fearless hero and jokester, loved by all who knew him, treat her with such distrust? Such fury? Hadn't their time together shown him where her loyalties lay?

She stood up, stalking back to the main compartment with boiling blood.

Chewie was below, wrestling with the motivator as expected. He howled his annoyance. Rey felt like howling too.

She cast a dark look unfairly in Ben's direction, where he sat uncomfortably on a chair beside the main computer.

His eyes narrowed when he saw her expression. "What happened?"

Poe's reaction had hurt her, but it wasn't necessarily Ben's fault. He didn't deserve to be the scapegoat for her feelings. To save him from that fate, she turned her back on him and bent over the compartment below.

"Need a hand?"

Chewie groaned that he did. She retrieved the requested tools and climbed down beside him to help.

He muttered a begrudging explanation while they worked.

She smirked. "Really? I'm not surprised. Twice now it's gone out when I've been aboard. I don't know how you guys got out of as many scrapes as you did, depending on something as unreliable as this motivator."

He made the Wookie's version of a laugh. It helped ease both their moods.

By the time they had invented a makeshift repair, both felt calmer. Chewie headed back to the cockpit to engage the hyperdrive.

Rey wrestled the floor panel back in place and wiped her hands on her pants. She could feel Ben watching her.

"She really is a fine ship, when she's running smoothly." She offered a half-smile.

Ben did not. He never did, but his expression didn't even acknowledge her attempt at humor.

Shifting her attention to that bond that ever lurked under the surface between them, she realized he was deeply unhappy. Moving towards him, she sat on the bench that surrounded the Dejarik board. "Ben?"

His eyes flashed to hers, and she saw they were hard, cold. Kylo Ren lurked in them. An icy finger of fear traced down her spine.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be here."

Of course he didn't. This place was no doubt fraught with too much memory. Too much reminder of his father.

His voice carried a bladed edge. "I asked you not to call the Wookiee."

She nodded once in understanding. "I know. We couldn't both fly back in the X-Wing with BB-8 though. And Chewie is the one who brought me too you on Snoke's ship. If anyone was going to go along with our plan, with our alliance, it was always going to be him."

Ben's gaze slid away from hers, jaw tightening. He didn't fight her logic, but he still chafed under it.

After a minute of silence, Rey ventured softly, "Were you ever close him? To Chewie?"

"He was Han's partner. No."

Something about the way he said it…or perhaps something that leaked through their force bond… _something_  made her doubt the truth of that reply. She wanted to ask more about it, but decided a different direction might be wiser. "Did you ever get to fly this ship?"

"No."

"Really?" This  _did_  surprise her. She knew Ben was a naturally gifted pilot, an ace in the cockpit. This should have been a source of pride for his father, and she assumed he'd spent many hours teaching his son the nuances of flying the Millennium Falcon.

Now his gaze did flick to hers. This time the truth rang softly behind his cool words. "Neither of my parents were eager to see me aboard this piece of garbage. They claimed safety reasons. And then it was just gone. He lost it through his foolishness, as was typical for him. I never saw it again until Starkiller."

In his voice she heard the notes of longing, of regret. And blame — lots of blame. A sick feeling swept through her stomach and she ventured a final, almost timid question.

"Are you afraid to see her?"

"I feel nothing for her," he said quickly. Too quickly. Too detached.

Rey frowned. "That's not true. You told me yourself, you couldn't pull the trigger on the bridge of the  _Raddus_. You still care for her."

"It doesn't matter."

"It  _does_ , Ben. And I've been with her, I've felt it myself, she still deeply loves you."

Flames blazed in his eyes and his lips curled into a sneer. She recoiled from the deadly expression.

"No,  _no_. Don't believe that lie. Not you. Don't let her deceive you. A loving mother doesn't put  _politics_ , her precious Republic, above her own child. Especially when she might have helped him understand what was happening inside him, instead of sending him away to learn from a murderous uncle. A mother doesn't  _discard her son_  like a nuisance. Like trash."

He got up out of his seat and paced around the compartment like a caged animal. His fingers twitched towards his saber but he did not draw it.

Rey's heart squeezed with pain. And an echo of her own. The fleeting image of a ship leaving, carrying an unloving mother away from her heartbroken daughter. She shuddered, understanding now better than ever. He wasn't trying to hurt her when he hurled the awful truth at her. When he said her parents threw her away like garbage — he had been trying to say he knew how it felt. They were two children aching for the love they did not receive from those who should have loved them best.

And now he faced the impending reunion with this woman who, at least in his mind, had wounded him more than anyone else. But who he still needed, who he still loved — try as he might to hate her.

Rey knew the feeling.

She stood up and went to him, catching him in his stride and planting herself in front of him. He tried to twist away from her on reflex, but her fingers caught his tunic and she pulled him back to face her.

"Ben."

His body almost seemed to buzz with so much distress and anger. Still, he did not try to pull from her grasp. This close, she had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes. He looked down at her, his dark gaze windows into a violent tempest.

She kept her voice soft, but firm. "I understand."

He glanced down at her fingers tangled in his shirt, saying nothing.

"No child deserves to feel like an afterthought. No child should have to endure the pain we have. We'll carry our wounds forever. Like scars." Unconsciously, she reached up and gently traced her thumb along his scar, cupping the side of his face in her hand. She felt him press against it just a little.

The raging storm in his eyes began to calm.

She continued, her voice barely above a whisper. "But we are worth coming back for. We are worth loving. Let your mother come back for you. Mine can't, but you have that chance. She understands and regrets where she failed you. Let her come back. Let her try."

He shuddered beneath her touch.

She pulled him in a little closer. "You want me to let the past die, but you haven't been able to do it either. It's with you every moment. All the time."

He did try to pull away now, body flinching with shame.

She did not let him go. "But maybe that isn't weakness, Ben. Maybe we aren't supposed to kill the past. Maybe we're stronger living  _with_  our pain, accepting what has happened to us and who we are because of it. Maybe we need it."

His brow furrowed as this new theory settled into his mind, and into hers. It was a difficult concept to swallow. Both had been running from what hurt them for so long. Turning to face it was much harder. But their pain had forced them to become independent and resourceful, resilient in Rey's case and powerful in Ben's. They had both unknowingly used it as a tool, while only seeing it as a weakness.

_I'm afraid,_  he finally admitted, a voice somewhere in the back of her mind because he couldn't say the words out loud.

_So am I_ , she thought back in return.

His hands lifted, tracing down her arms until he found her own. He held them against him for a moment longer. Was he trembling, or was she?

"Will she be there when we disembark?" He asked, aloud this time.

"I don't know." She hesitated. "Poe wasn't very happy when I told him we had formed an alliance. I don't know if he'll tell Leia. I don't believe we'll get a pleased reception when we arrive."

He stepped back, letting her go. His body straightened as he adjusted his tunic. "I'll be ready."

The doors to his vulnerability shut again, and the moment ended. Rey felt the loss like a cold rush of air when a warm blanket falls off.


	12. Sticking the Landing

**Rey**

* * *

Evryn's verdant landscape looked gray where daylight muted the brilliant bioluminescent display of its foliage, banked by copper seas. Buried within that tangled silver jungle lay the rebel base, where Rey and Chewie now made their landing approach. Chewie signaled to receive clearance, alerting them to the arrival of this new hostile presence. In response, a large group had assembled in the hangar when they finally touched down. Rey could see that they were all armed.

Chewie glanced at her, and she exchanged a grim look.

This wasn't going to be fun.

Ben waited in the main compartment. He noticed her agitation immediately.

"It's as you thought," he said knowingly. "They've come prepared."

She nodded. "But so have I. Don't worry, I won't let them take you."

But he didn't seem worried, or even angry anymore. His demeanor was eerily calm.

Rey took a moment to center herself, to find that peaceful certainty that all would come to a harmless resolution. She couldn't find it. There was no certainty at all. Still, this had to be done, and she had to trust her instinct that this was the right way forward.

She walked purposefully towards the door, Ben in step behind her. Chewie would still be occupied with the shut-down procedures and had indicated only the barest hint of complicity in this plan thus far. She did not expect his help here.

Drawing a deep breath, she pressed the button to lower the ramp.

Poe's eyes met hers from a cross a brief expanse of empty hangar. He stood at the center of the assembled group, his blaster pointed at the floor. Rey saw the accusation he silently hurled at her.  _Traitor_.

She steeled herself and descended the ramp, sweeping her gaze over the rest of the group. Finn was there too, next to Poe. He also held a blaster, though his expression was noticeably less resolute than Rose, who stood beside him.

As soon as she felt Ben reach the bottom of the ramp behind her, every blaster except Finn's came up and aimed directly at them.

Rey was ready for this. She ignited one side of her lightsaber, its single blade humming to life at her side. Blue-white light spilled over her, reflecting in the dark of her eyes. Every part of her silently begged her friends not to force her hand, but if they insisted, she would keep even a single blaster missile from reaching Ben. They would be wiser not to try.

They clearly hadn't expected this. A few of them balked at this specter of a lioness guarding her kill. Poe didn't. He looked angrier.

"Rey, step aside so we can arrest this war criminal and put him in a secure location until his trial," he called across the hangar.

Finn leaned over to whisper urgently, "Whoa, wait, you're not really going to fire on Rey, are you? You didn't say anything about that, and I'm not shooting at her."

Poe shrugged him off. "Not on Rey, on the monster behind her." He lifted his voice tauntingly. "Tell me,  _Kylo_ _Ren_ , can you stop all our shots at once?"

Finn wasn't reassured. He leaned in again. "Okay, but I think shooting at Kylo kind of also means shooting at Rey, given the circumstances."

Rey nodded once, affirming this observation and drawing an uncertain look from Finn. He was clearly confused by her determined and aggressive defense.

"He's not going to be arrested," she said calmly.

Rose's expression betrayed hurt and confusion over her blaster barrel. "Why are you doing this? He killed our pilots, and everyone on the bridge of the  _Raddus_. He captured and tortured you and Poe. He murdered Han Solo and tried to murder Finn. He tried to  _kill us all_  on Crait. Being arrested is the kindest of what he deserves right now."

"I know what he's done," Rey replied. "But I think we can work together."

"That seems really naive. Rey, don't do this," Rose continued, almost imploring now. "Let us take him."

Rey shook her head once. "No."

Behind her, Ben was tense and annoyed. She could feel his emotions simmering, could feel him itching to reach for his own lightsaber, or to send a force blast to knock them all to the ground.

_Don't,_  she warned, making her thoughts as clear and direct as she could.  _Trust me_.

Displeasure rolled from him in waves. He didn't like being in this position — relying on someone else to defend him. But he listened, adopting a statuesque stillness behind her. She detected a flash of admiration too, amidst all the anger.

Heavy footfalls on the ramp behind them told her that Chewie had descended. He assessed the scene, ignored Ben, and took a position on Rey's left side. He casually moved his own bowcaster into his grip, aiming it at the ground in front of him. Rey felt a surge of love for the hairy giant. Without Han around, Chewie didn't have much invested in this rebellion. He stuck around because he didn't really know what else to do with himself now, because Han had given his life for it, and because he felt some affinity for Leia and Rey. But it wasn't hard for him to choose a side in this moment. Han had wanted Rey to join their crew before his death, and Chewie was nothing if not loyal to his crew.

Another aircraft came into the hangar, filling the space with the roar of a slowing engine. BB-8 set the borrowed X-Wing down gently, powering it down and lowering himself out of his compartment while techs ran to inspect the craft.

He beeped happily and enthusiastically at the sight of Poe, rolling towards him with a string of pleased droid expressions.

Poe visibly wrestled with his instinct to learn over and properly greet the droid. He settled on a pained nod of acknowledgement. "Good to see you too, buddy. Welcome back."

BB-8 chirped in confusion. His head swiveled in Rey's direction, then back to Poe, then back to Rey. He rolled over to her, issuing an inquiring sound.

"Glad to see you made it," she told him, not taking her eyes off the others. "Your master seems to think we've come here as a threat. Mind explaining the situation to him again?"

BB-8 rolled back to Poe obligingly and almost burst his processor with all the hurried sounds he tried to emit.

Poe shook his head. "Sorry, pal, I don't buy it. I got your message about Hux, and that doesn't change anything about what happens right now."

Finn stepped out of the line, moving slowly towards Rey. "Okay, okay, everybody just calm down. We're all on the same side, remember?"

"No, we aren't," Rose protested, motioning her blaster at Ben. "He's not."

"Okay, yes, but clearly Rey isn't going to let us just shoot him so this whole show with the blasters and the lightsaber is kind of pointless, don't you think? Let's all just take a breath and put down our weapons so we can figure this out."

Rey nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

Nobody on the other side moved.

Finn dropped his hands, annoyed. "Okay, that's great. Are we the good guys here, or the bad guys, if we're not willing to listen to a new idea from one of our own?"

Rose frowned, her barrel dipping a little in hesitation. A few others did as well.

Finn took another step towards Rey. She watched him cautiously get nearer. Eventually he asked in a low, private voice: "Okay, but seriously what's your plan here? What are you doing?"

"He can help us, Finn. We share the same goal now." Her own voice dropped too, becoming gentle and almost pleading. She searched his familiar face — the face of her dearest friend. "We finally have everything we need to end this war, if we're willing to work together."

"This is…" He glanced at Ben. "This is crazy."

Rey nodded. "I know, it is."

Addressing Ben, Finn almost growled, "You do know why they don't believe you at all, right? I mean, you can understand why the think you're lying?"

Ben's voice came from behind Rey, low and flat and emotionless. "Yes."

Finn turned back to the group. Rose watched him with a pained look. He motioned to Rey. "Guys, I think we should trust her. She's…she's our Jedi now, after all — right? We're supposed to trust the Force, and she  _has_  the Force. Maybe she knows something we don't. Let's just listen to what she has to say, and then we can decide. She's been on our side all along, even before I was. I think she deserves the chance to explain all this."

The tide was turning. Finn's words percolated through the group like too much wind against too small a flame. Their fire began to die. They glanced at one another, whispering. Rey sensed the dissolution of their resolve.

Poe could feel it too. He looked around at the others, voice rising. "Have you all forgotten who that is?"

"Poe," Rose said reluctantly. "Finn's right. We aren't getting anywhere like this, and maybe we should listen to Rey's explanation."

He made a noise of disgust and put his blaster down, turning to shoulder his way through the crowd. Rey caught a glimpse of him stalking off down the tunnel, defeated and betrayed. It wasn't over for him.

But was over here. Rey allowed herself to breathe again, extinguishing her lightsaber. The absence of its sound left a vacuum of silence between the two groups.

A young woman came forward, two small braided buns high on the crown of her head. She clipped her blaster to her side and strode purposefully towards them.

Rey recognized her as Lieutenant Connix, fiercely loyal to both Leia and Poe. She didn't seem hostile, so Rey forced herself to relax.

"Looks like you've won. While he won't be arrested at this time, we can't have Kylo Ren wandering the base unsupervised. He already knows our location, which is jeopardizing enough. He cannot know the layout as well."

"He doesn't know where we are," Rey corrected quickly. "I didn't tell him, and he never came into the cockpit throughout our flight."

She probably would have told him, if he'd asked, and she kept wishing he would come into the cockpit. But he handn't, and perhaps it was just as well now, so she could claim the preservation of their secrets.

Connix nodded. "As you say. Still, you will escort him directly to the residence block and remain there with him until the General can be apprised of the situation and decide what to do."

"Which residence will be his?"

Connix made a strange face. "At this stage, I'm not prepared to give an assignment. We do not have available private rooms, and he is considered too dangerous to put with any bunkmates. As you have one of the two private residences, and you have heretofore proven he is not a threat to you, escort him to your room and wait there for further instruction. He is never to be allowed out of your sight, do you understand?"

Rey nodded. This was generous leniency by their standards, she knew. Connix spun on her heel and left, along with the majority of the crowd. Rey glanced at Chewie on her left, and Finn on her right.

Finn looked so relieved she thought he might actually fall over. Instead he let out a long, slow breath. Rose had lingered and Finn went to her now, both sharing uneasy expressions.

Chewie half groaned, half growled a quick explanation of his own plan to unload their supplies from the village and deliver them to her room in short order.

She put a gentle hand on his arm and smiled. "Thank you."

He patted her hand and then turned to enter the Falcon again.

She glanced back at Ben. "Shall we?"

He said nothing and made no movement except to meet her gaze and give one short nod.


	13. Water For Fresh Starts

**Rey**

* * *

A week ago, Rey would have felt all kinds of uncomfortable and conflicting emotions about having Kylo Ren stuck in her room. After spending her recent days bunking with him in trees of various life stages, however, she no longer felt weird about it at all. In fact, it was easier to relax in the relative safety of her familiar, private quarters where she knew no one would try to hurt him.

He looked around her compartment, gaze roving over the various pieces of furniture crammed into the hexagonal shape. They were odd items, most of them, cobbled together from scraps and bits. A chair from an old speeder sat against the wall. A table made of stripped S-coils stood on legs of random droid parts. On top of the table were her stolen books. She felt suddenly embarrassed to have him see all this. Leia had made it clear that the rebellion would provide anything she needed, but didn't like the idea of exploiting their preciously thin resources when she had the ability to gather what she needed herself.

Clearing her throat, she drew his attention and told him she was going to wash up. The other residences shared a public refresher, but Rey's special position had accorded her a private one attached to her room. It was there that she retreated now, before Ben could opine on her lingering scavenging habits. This was in direct contradiction to Lieutenant Connix's orders to not let him out of her sight, but she wasn't worried. Besides, it didn't take long. When she came back out, dressed in flesh, clean clothes and toweling off her hair, she found him lying on her bed, eyes closed.

"I'm not asleep," he said when she began to ask herself that very question.

"You can if you want to. It's better for your wounds if you do, actually. I think it would be night back there on that moon. I feel it. Besides, it will probably be a few hours before they really decide what to do with you."

"I don't want to sleep."

"Okay." She shrugged and lowered herself into the old speeder seat, still squeezing the water out of her hair.

He turned his head and opened his eyes, watching her. After a moment, he remarked quietly, "You like that you can be clean now."

She felt a little self-conscious under his stare, though he'd seen her in a similar state before. She nodded. "When I can be, yes. If I can't, I don't even think about it. Nothing and no one is really ever clean on Jakku."

"You're the same way with food, I think," he decided.

He wasn't wrong. Hunger and dirt were natural states of being for her - she hardly noticed them. But when a bounty of food and fresh water were available to her, she indulged greedily.

"I suppose you've been clean your whole life," she mused.

He studied the ceiling idly. "The other pupils at the training temple teased me about it. I didn't mind. Cleanliness doesn't seem like a bad thing."

No wonder he always smelled nice, she realized. Finn too. Finn always smelled fresh. "Do the stormtroopers wash daily?"

"Of course they do. The barracks would become dens of malodorous squalor if they weren't required to wash before and after every shift."

Rey grinned at this thought. Finn was an oddball among many of the rebels for his scrupulously tidy habits. But he'd been programmed to do them his whole life. Only those rebels who had grown up wealthy shared his passion for cleanliness, and not even all of them, at that.

"Do you want to?" She asked, realizing these last few days of grit and dirt had probably been harder on him than her. "Wash up?"

"I don't have anything clean to wear."

But she saw that he did want to, so she went to the door of her room and found a rebel officer standing nearby, pretending not to be on guard. She smirked.

"Hey, find me a launder droid?"

The officer said something low into a communicator, and in a few short seconds a cylindrical droid came rolling around the corner. Rey ushered it inside her room. "Thanks," she told it good-naturedly. "Got a small load for you today."

She opened the hatch on top and stuffed in her own soiled clothes from the trip. She then motioned to Ben.

"Put your stuff in there, and it'll be clean by the time you come out."

He got up and tried to pull off his tunic. He still paused several times to suck in a deep breath and brace himself against the soreness, but managed to do it without her help. He dropped it into the launder droid.

She moved towards him, fingers brushing the bandages still wrapped around his abs. He held very still and let her examine them. Beneath, she found his wounds were closing up well. His stomach was starting to resemble something human again. She pressed her fingertips along the edges of the wound. He didn't flinch.

"It doesn't hurt on the surface anymore. Just deep within," he murmured.

She flicked her gaze up to his, nodding thoughtfully. Finally, she pulled the bandages clean off. "I think you're better off without these now."

Because she seemed to be done, he moved past her to the refresher room. She sent the droid in after him to retrieve his other clothes and return. When it did, she closed the hatch and started the cleaning cycle. It moved to a corner and sat, quietly humming, an intense blue glow radiating from the edges of its top hatch.

She pulled on her trusty old belt, looping it twice and fastening it around her middle again. She never felt quite right without it.

A proximity alarm chirped the announcement of a visitor just before the door to her residence opened. It was Finn.

"Rey," he breathed with relief when he saw her. Alarm immediately replaced relief, however. "Where's Kylo Ren? Did he escape?"

She laughed. "He's in the refresher, calm down. Come in."

"Oh, yeah. Lucky. Being our resident Jedi sure gets you a lot of perks," he said, sitting heavily in her speeder chair. "I thought Connix said not to let him out of your sight?"

"You want me to stand in there with him?" she teased. "He can't go anywhere. Besides, he's not used to going without bathing."

"I can sympathize with that." He saw Ben's lightsaber on her bed, and his expression changed. The grin vanished. "Rey…are you really sure about this? I know I asked you before, but… really,  _really_  sure?"

"I'm sure." She sat on the floor next to his chair, leaning against the side of her bed. "He's more like you and me than we thought, Finn. Inside him is a kid who doesn't know his place in the world, just like us. The people he thought were loyal to him, he thought were his friends, they tried to kill him. They would have succeeded too if…"

"If you hadn't saved him," Finn finished.

She nodded. "Exactly. He needs people to show him that love and loyalty and goodness still exist, and that he's worthy of them. He needs people like us. He needs a family."

"He  _killed_  his family, Rey. Or would have, if Leia hadn't survived that explosion. I saw with my own eyes. She was out there one minute and then…" he shook his head. "I don't know. It was weird."

"He didn't pull the trigger on the bridge," she said quietly, not that it really mattered. "He couldn't. And all the stuff he's done - he was being manipulated. I saw  _that_  with my own eyes. Snoke used Ben's pain against him, poisoning and convince him that killing his father was the only way to be strong. I know he regrets it, Finn. I can feel it."

Finn sighed heavily. "Well, you know I'm on your side. I think this is absolutely insane, but I'm with you. If you say he'll help us, then... I believe you. After all, if I can snap out of it, maybe he can too."

She felt such a surge of love for him that it could not be contained, and she got up to throw herself at him, wrapping her arms so tightly around him that she wondered if he could even breathe. But Finn was stronger than she gave him credit for and he laughed, hugging her back.

She had missed that feeling. He was the first one to hug her like that, and he was still the best at it.

Eventually she sat back down again, still glowing with relief. She had an ally in this crazy plan. It was a bigger comfort than she could properly express. "Hopefully Poe will come around eventually. And Rose. And Leia."

"Poe's going to be the tough one, I think. Rose will get used to the idea if she becomes convinced that Kylo really is here to help us and not endanger us. And Leia...Leia is her own person with her own personal issues tied to this. So, who knows? Poe didn't tell her you were coming, though I think she sensed it."

"Poe needs to trust me," Rey sighed, a twinge of pain twisting somewhere inside her.

"Yeah...well...I think he was pretty messed up by what Kylo did to him. When I found him on the  _Finalizer_ , he was pretty broken. And you know Poe, he's really hard to break. Whatever Kylo did to him, he hasn't forgotten it. And that you're defending him now, when you should have been the one who understood what he went through the most — I think that hurts him too."

Rey hadn't thought about that. No wonder he felt betrayed. She let out a long, soft breath. "I should try to talk to him."

"It's a good idea. It might help. You're a very persuasive persooooo—" his voice trailed off awkwardly.

Rey turned to see what he was gaping at. Ben stood in the doorway to the refresher, only a towel around his waist. Whatever setting he'd used as part of his drying process had perfectly quaffed his soft dark hair. Rey never used the drying setting. It seemed silly to her to wait around for a machine to do what the air itself would do on its own eventually. It was a superfluous part of of the cleaning regimen in her opinion. But right now, admiring his hair, she appreciated the practicality.

"Come on, put on some clothes. Nobody wants to see that," Finn complained.

Ben stared hard at him, some great wrestle going on behind that stare. Rey suspected he was trying to suppress his instinct to lash out at this former subordinate. After a second, he simply said, "I can't."

Rey got to her feet and went to check on the droid humming away in the corner. She crouched down next to it. "How's the cycle going?"

It chirped.

Turning, she translated. "A few more seconds."

Ben frowned. "They gave you the slow droid."

"These old models are all we have," Finn explained. "They're nothing like what the First Order has now. These rust buckets take several minutes, but the new ones get the whole sanitation process done in a few seconds."

Ben glanced at him again, less hostile this time. He nodded.

Finn, encouraged, continued. "But it's not like the Resistance really wants to use all its resources on new launder droids. This one little guy services the whole residence block. You're actually kind of lucky he was free right now. Usually he's pretty busy all day long."

Rey moved to Ben's side, checking his wounds one more time. It didn't look like the water had done them any harm. He must have used a gentle setting - she knew some of the controls activated a rigorous wash that felt like it was trying to clean off all your skin. She hated that setting. Then again, he probably knew how to use the refresher far better than she did.

"How'd they do under the pressure?" She asked.

"Fine," he said quietly, watching her investigation.

The droid peeped softly to indicate it was finished.

Rey retrieved Ben's clothes from it, now soft and clean, and handed it to him. He returned to the refresher.

Finn raised his brow at her as sat down once more. "So…that was weird."

She shrugged. Weird had been the defining description of every day since BB-8 showed up in her life. She was becoming immune to unusual situations.

"You seemed pretty comfortable with the fact that he was basically naked," he observed.

She laughed. "If this were the first time, it would have been a different story.  _That_  was weird."

"Oh, so him being shirtless is a normal thing now? It happens a lot?"

"Finn." She sighed.

"What? I'm trying to figure out how you get to this level of nonchalance with your mortal enemy."

"He's not. And I didn't have much choice. You saw his stomach?"

"Yeah. Pretty gross. That looked like bad news."

"It was. Especially when I first found him. He would have died. I had to get over being uncomfortable about seeing too much of him pretty quickly if I was going to save his life."

Finn didn't seem wholly convinced, but he didn't argue further.

The proximity alert sounded again and once more the main door opened. Rose appeared in the doorway. She didn't seem any happier than she was in the hangar. "Rey, Finn. Leia is on her way."

Finn jumped up out of the chair. "Okay, that's definitely my cue. Much as I'd like to stick around to see what she says about all this, I think this a reunion she won't want anyone else here for. Um, see you later, Rey?"

"Yeah. See you later."

He took Rose's hand and pulled her away like there was a rathtar on his heels.

Ben exited the washroom, fully dressed now, just in time to see the two of them vanishing from the doorway.

"Ben…" Rey turned around. They could both feel the ripples of the Force closing in on them now. She didn't have to explain. Ben understood what it meant. His bemused expression fell into solemn consternation.

"I didn't know she'd come this soon," Rey said softly.

"I knew." He drew in a slow, deep breath.

She wanted to do something — to touch him, hug him, be close enough to draw the ache out of him and lend her strength instead. But she didn't. She hung back. Something in the way he held himself made it clear: she wasn't part of this. So, slowly, she nodded.

"I'll wait in the hall."

She slipped out and heard the door whisper shut behind her.

The guard glanced at her sideways and moved a little further down the hall when he saw she wasn't going anywhere.

Rey tried to imagine how she would react if her own mother were about to walk into view. What would she say? Just the thought of it made her feel angry, that someone who had so cruelly abandoned her could just expect to walk back into her life now, after all this time. After she'd managed to build herself into something strong. But more than anger, Rey felt throbbing, aching  _want_. She knew that even if it hurt, she would hug her mother and sob like the child they'd left behind. Because the need for them never went away. Ben was right. She'd never stopped needing them. And though he had tried to convince himself otherwise, he hadn't stopped needing his either.

Leia touched her arm lightly.

Rey came to, surfacing from her painful thoughts to find tears slipping down her cheeks. She brushed them away quickly, embarrassed. "Leia," she said softly.

The older woman, so graceful and regal, smiled. "My dear Rey. Remarkable girl. I knew you'd be the one to bring him back."

"Leia…" Rey said again, her voice breaking. "He's not…he's not back. Not back to the light. Not really. He needs our help, and we need his. But he hasn't turned. I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"I understand. But this is the first step. And for the first time in years, I get to speak to him. That's no small thing."

Leia may not have been a perfect mother — in fact she might have been a very flawed mother — but Rey could feel the powerful, deep love emanating from her. She did care for her son. She always had.

Giving her hand a squeeze, Leia left her in the hallway and went in to Rey's room alone.


	14. Mother and Son

**Leia**

* * *

Leia Organa, daughter of Bail and Breha, and of Anakin and Padme, had only ever struggled to adapt to one role in her entire life. The role of motherhood.

She had been gifted with a resilient, fearless nature from both her birth parents — a fiery temper that brooked no obstacles in her path of ambition. To complement this inner strength, she'd received a diplomat's education and training by her adopted parents, raised to be a mover and shaker — more than a princess. A leader. A rebel. A ruler. Leia the Huttslayer, the Senator, the General. Her life's work had been dedicated to the destruction of an empire and the building of a new government. Peace was the ultimate goal, but she'd been willing to use violence when it became necessary. Fire burned in her blood, and focus gave it somewhere to go.

The one thing she hadn't planned on, who came in with his utter disdain for duty and responsibility, with his combative but irresistible allure, was Han Solo. The roguish scoundrel accustomed to forging his own, less-than-honest way through life had come in and shaken up every carefully constructed narrative she had about herself. He didn't fit her story at all. He was uncouth and unconventional, a wild card when she needed dependability. But perhaps it was that very contradiction that drew her to him — like a magnet. Like a drug. In those early days after Endor, their love had sustained them. It glowed brightly, warmly, within each dichotomous heart. It drove them to the rushed, heady, dizzying decision to marry, and for a while, it had been enough.

It had been enough to carry them triumphant through more than a few scrapes in that first year of marriage, and it been enough to produce a new element, as unexpected as Han's arrival in her life had been. The prospect of parenthood.

Nothing in her life had prepared her for that. Nothing had prepared him. She hadn't really ever seen herself as a mother — he had certainly  _never_  seen himself as a father. Together they faced a new, daunting, thrilling adventure completely out of their depth.

The first stirrings of life within her had quickened an image in her mind of light, a band of beautiful light, sometimes streaked with veins of darkness. The Force moved within her, within her womb, and the bond with her son began. Even before he was much of anything, they were aware of each other. Her love for him burned fierce and hot, like her love for his bewildered father. She prepared for his coming as best she could amid those turbulent times, when hunting down the remains of the Empire more vital and important to the galaxy than anything else. At night, her dreams sometimes moved darkly around image of her son, and she was occasionally concerned with the duality she felt in him. But these quiet fears couldn't be something she gave attention to. The battle at Jakku had required all of her mental and emotional resources, and before she knew it, her baby was in her arms on the very day peace was finally signed into contract.

She thought it was a good sign. Her son arrived with the dawn of a new, golden age.

Her baby. Tiny in her arms, head full of dark downy hair, a serene little blend of herself and Han, and Anakin and Padme, and the legacy surrounding all of them. Such a burden for such a sweet, small thing.

A burden that, ultimately, proved too heavy for his little shoulders.

Leia's heart raced in her chest, crashing so hard against her ribs it felt like it was trying to escape. Behind this door stood the grown version of that tiny infant, now bruised and cracked and battered from the violent buffets of his harsh, confused life. She didn't let Rey see that her entire soul was full of fear.

But Leia Organa did not shrink in the face of fear, and even though the prospect of facing her estranged child filled her with dread, she swallowed it and entered.

He stood there beside Rey's makeshift table, fingers running along the tops of her books.

The first stab of pain caught Leia's breath away, seeing how much he'd changed, how he'd grown. It hurt, this physical manifestation of how much time she'd lost with him. Gone was his small, youthful frame of the boy she sent away. Now he was large and strong, towering a little higher than Han had.

"Ben…" the whisper escaped her before she even realized it was forming.

He turned, the face of her boy barely visible beneath the mask of this hardened man. His abundant dark hair triggered memories of her slender fingers forever brushing out of his eyes — the same eyes that met hers now, hooded in inner shadow. She could almost hear the bubbling, infectious laughter of his childhood, echoing through her painful memories. Laughter that seemed to fade in time, until she arrived here, to this horrible, deafening silence.

There was so much to say, but nothing would come out. Too much regret choked her, made her preparations feel feeble.

She had failed him. More than Luke had failed him, more than Han. Throughout his childhood, she had always understood him best of anyone. They shared something no one else had: a bond that allowed them to glimpse into each others hearts and feel the things they couldn't say aloud. They were so close then. He was affectionate and playful with Han, but in the end had always reached for her. She had a way with him, her precious band of light, that no one could rival. She alone felt the darkness in him first, before Luke ever suspected it. She kept it to herself, pretending it didn't exist, pretending his light was stronger. But she'd known.

And now before her stood the consequence of her failure to face it.

A man who barely resembled her son, glaring at her with accusation and coldness.

She wanted to retreat. This had been a mistake. Let the girl work with him. She seemed to have some unique access to the humanity in him that no one else, not even his own father, had been able to find. Whatever the reason for that, it made Rey the right person for this job. Not Leia. Her own bond with him was faded and weak, barely strong enough to identify him as the pilot who led the attack on the  _Raddus_. Not strong enough to tell her what was in his heart now.

"You lied to me," he finally said, breaking the torturous silence.

She didn't have to ask what he meant. She knew. For nearly eight years, Leia had been awaiting this accusation. It was a charge he had every right to level at her, for she was guilty.

"I tried to tell you so many times…" she faltered, not wanting it to sound like she was making excuses. He needed her to own her mistakes, not try to justify them. "I should have trusted you with the truth sooner."

"Why didn't you?" Again, that cool, detached tone. "Why did I have to find out when the entire galaxy did? As if I were merely one of them. Just another stranger hearing the latest senatorial scandal. As if I meant nothing?"

"It shouldn't have happened like that. We wanted to tell you ourselves. But, I...I was afraid. Afraid that if you knew who your grandfather was, it would fuel the darkness growing inside you."

His gaze drifted away from hers. "How could it not? He is part of me, and I of him. His legacy is mine."

"Yes, it is. But if you must embrace it, remember all of it. The beginning, when he was an agent of the light, and the end, when he remembered and became one again." Leia heard the pleading in her own voice and stifled it. Pleading wouldn't move him, she knew. She forced her tone steady again. "I fought Darth Vader's memory for so long, trying to prove that I was more Organa than Skywalker, hoping the truth about him would never come out to ruin my work. When I sensed him in you, I feared it. I feared him. Luke got his closure, but all I ever knew of my father was the horror he exacted on the innocent, and the torture I endured at his hand. I couldn't see my son follow that path."

"Ironic." He said, glancing back.

She nodded once, swallowing. "Because I was afraid you'd pursue him, I shut you out from what you deserved to know. I pushed you right onto that path."

"You shut me out from  _you_." His words were clipped. "Inaccessible Senator Organa."

Here she felt a stab of anguish, not knowing what she could have done differently. She had a duty to the greater good, she had important work to do and she'd tried to balance her time as best she could. But the budding new Republic had needed her, the work she was  _born_  to do needed her. At the same time, her nature began to clash with Han's, and they saw that their early plans had been built on naivety. He wasn't cut out for fatherhood. His intentions were good, but somehow everything he tried to do for Ben ended up being wrong. The domestic life frustrated him, stifled him, suffocated him. And then there was that business with Lando, and they both began to see the painful truth. Han had to be free to return to what he did best, and so did she. Their love remained and drew them together whenever it could, but they both had ambitions that could not be realized together. In their pursuits and separation, they had neglected a son who had greater needs and more fiery passions than an ordinary child. She'd entrusted the caregivers to provide him with everything he could want, but she still felt his longing whenever she was with him. What she could give was not enough. But maybe Luke could teach him what she could not. Maybe he could fulfill the role Ben wanted from her.

Her silence provoked him. He spoke biting words through gritted teeth. "You retreated from me when you saw something that scared you. Like a coward."

"Yes." The accusation stung like a physical blow, but she did not flinch from it. Let him injure her with all the wounds he had suffered because of her choices. Let him have his revenge. "I was a coward."

He didn't expect this reaction. It threw him off, and she saw a flicker of doubt break through the ice in his eyes.

She ventured a cautious step forward. "I should have helped you make sense of your power, of your heritage. Instead, I pulled away. I thought I was inadequate, that Luke could do a better job. I left you vulnerable to Snoke."

He jerked, turning away as a look of agony briefly flashed over his face. When he did speak, his voice trembled in a low whisper. "Your brother tried to kill me. And Snoke… Snoke used me…"

What abuse and torture her son had endured at the hands of that monster Leia could hardly imagine, and trying to do so filled her with so much guilt she thought she might break. And though she'd forgiven Luke for his own brief weakness in the face of fear, she still regretted that he had sealed Ben's fate. She regretted that her boy had to endure that moment of terror, when he saw that his family truly had abandoned him. If she could go back, she'd do anything to spare him that hurt.

She took another step towards him, her voice gentle.

"You're free of them now. Free of Snoke."

"I am." The weakness left his voice. It grew strong again. "I realized that the only person I could trust was myself. So I ended him and his manipulation."

Leia grieved for the loneliness he must feel, believing that. But then she experienced her own itch of doubt. She hesitated. "What about Rey?"

His gaze flashed to hers, something rebellious glinting there. He didn't want to talk about that with her. Still, she knew he must have some trust in the girl, or else she wouldn't have been able to convince him to come here.

She took one more step - close enough now to touch him. She reached out, forcing her trembling hand steady as she placed it on his arm.

He didn't draw away. This surprised her, encouraged her. His gaze fell to her grip, face wreathed in barely contained conflict.

"Ben," she said, uttering his name again, softly. "I'm sorry."

A faltering expulsion of air issued from him, trying to scoff at her apology but revealing his inner wanting.

She pulled his arm, and he turned to face her. Her eyes caught his and bore into them, willing him to feel the depth of her sorrow. " _I am so sorry._ "

He swallowed.

She closed the last few inches between them and gathered him in a fierce embrace. His body felt stiff against her, not at all like the soft little baby they placed in her arms the first time she laid eyes on him. A stranger, not a child. Still, she held him, pressing her head against his sternum and hearing the anxious thrum of his powerful heart.

He shuddered, and she felt he was restraining himself. This gave her courage. He could have reacted to her with violence, ultimately choosing to give her the same fate he had given his father. But something quiet moved between them, between two hurting, yearning souls.

It whispered now, echoing from those early days when they understood one another better than anyone else in the world. It whispered love between them. Heartbroken and aching love.

He began to tremble, and his resolve started to crumble.

She hugged him more tightly, as if to keep all his thousands of splinters and pieces from flying apart.

His body finally softened against hers, and his arms lifted. Even as they touched her though, his composure finally fractured and he slid to his knees, reversing their roles so that now his head pressed against her chest. He wept, a child again in her arms. And she wept with him, for the loss they had endured. For the grief they both felt throughout the long absence. For the time they could never get back.

Though she knew he wasn't back in the way she wanted, at least for this moment she was able to hold her son again.


	15. The Fragility of a Moment

**Rey**

* * *

Out in the hallway, all was relatively quiet. During the day, general activity did not permit people to return to their residences often. Twice, however, someone did disturb the silence of the hall by accessing their bunk room briefly, drawing the attention of Rey and the guard. Everyone continued about their day as if it were an ordinary one, as if the most important meeting in a couple decades were not happening in their midst.

Rey watched their movements with determined concentration, trying to block any feelings or thoughts that might accidentally slip from Ben's mind to her own through that unshakeable connection they shared when they were in the same place. She wanted to give him privacy, despite her burning, tempting curiosity.

She hoped, but did not know for certain, that Ben would not try to hurt his mother. If he retreated into his Kylo Ren persona, he might try to justify it as a way to make himself stronger and more impervious to feelings. But if she could rely on Kylo Ren to be so cruel, she could also rely on him to want vengeance on Hux and the Knights of Ren more than on his mother. And that might keep Leia safe.

Besides, Ben hadn't been able to do it before, she trusted he wouldn't be able to do it now.

Trying to distract herself from this uncertainty and her itching desire to know what was going on inside, she turned her gaze to the surreptitious guard standing a few feet away, trying to be invisible. He wasn't someone she knew personally. They'd successfully recruited many new faces over the last few months, and she'd lost track of which names belonged to who. Her daily routine didn't involve most of them.

Interested, she reached for him with her mind, extending a few discreet fingers in his direction while brushing against his consciousness with her own.

He scratched his head, glancing around nervously, but otherwise didn't seem to notice the intrusion. He wasn't trying to resist her and so didn't feel the pain that came with having one's mind forcefully clawed open. His was already accessible, undefended.

_I hope she doesn't think I'm actually going to put up a fight if she pulls out that lightsaber. Commander Dameron didn't say anything about that. Oh god, is she looking at me? When is my shift change? I thought we'd be fighting the First Order, not babysitting our own Jedi. Jedi — that's crazy. It was all supposed to be a myth._

She withdrew, his frantic thoughts and unwarranted fear coaxing a smile out of her and she looked away again, hoping her disinterest would help him relax.

Her attention shifted suddenly as the current of awareness that ran between herself and Ben swelled with sudden need.

He wanted her.

She stood up quickly and moved to the door before even stopping to ask herself if she ought to respond or not. It had felt like a request, not a passing thought. He was asking for her.

She pressed the button to open the door.

Within, Leia sat on Rey's bed beside her son, holding his hand in her lap. Both seemed calm, but the air was full of intense emotion. Rey entered cautiously, certain she'd been summoned but still fearful of interrupting this intimate moment.

Leia smiled. It was a weak smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Rey, good timing. Come sit down."

She motioned to the speeder chair, which Rey sank down into obediently.

"It's time to talk about what happens now," Leia said, her voice quiet but still full of that authority she always seemed to exude.

Rey tried to catch Ben's eyes, but he stared at the floor. His face was impossible to read. It looked as if he were a thousand miles away.

"The message you sent said Hux is in full power now," Leia continued. "And has surrounded himself with Force users. Correct?"

Rey hesitated. Ben should be the one to explain all this. He didn't seem like he was about to respond, though, so she turned to Leia with a nod. "Hux has taken the role of Supreme Leader for himself. According to Ben, he will move more quickly now, without anyone to overrule his decisions. The Knights of Ren are there to protect him from…well, us, I think. Or any Force user."

"He will collect the remaining systems immediately, if he hasn't already," Ben said quietly.

Leia frowned. "Our reports tell us it has already happened. The Inner and the Outer Rim have already fallen. The Western Reaches fell relatively peacefully, so we haven't felt the impact here yet, but it will come. We're gathering as much information as we can about where Hux is making his headquarters now. If we can get you to him, you believe you'll be able to take him out yourselves?"

"We do," Rey replied.

Ben nodded in silent affirmation.

Leia smiled again, this time a little more genuinely. She patted her son's hand. "We are fortunate to have you both on our side, even if it is temporary. Now, Rey, we're going to have to alter your usual schedule a bit to include more training time. You think you can get used to sparring with a partner?"

Rey glanced at Ben. "I think we can manage."

"Good, because if your assessment about the purpose of these Knights of Ren is correct, we need you both in top form and well prepared. Ben…"

His gaze lifted to her.

She had the air of someone about to deliver deeply unpleasant news. Rey braced herself.

"You understand that it will take time for everyone to trust you?"

Ben frowned. "I'm not interested in their trust. I'm only interested in going after Hux."

"And because of that, among other factors, I can't give you free access to the Base. Your movements here will be heavily restricted. You'll have to stay in your room, except when the schedule allows for training and meals. You're never to go anywhere without Rey's escort."

Ben stood up, pacing away from her. Rey could feel his flash of anger. She knew why, and wasn't surprised when he delivered his icy accusation.

"So I'm to be a prisoner after all."

Leia seemed to be wrestling with her expression, whether to seem apologetic or authoritative. It just made her look unhappy. "I'm sorry, Ben. It's as much for your protection as it is everyone else's. Many people are unhappy you're here. Some have suffered personal loss as your hands. They may try to take their revenge. It's the way it has to be, for now."

This didn't seem to ease her son's irritation.

Rey opted for distracted. "Where will he stay? Lieutenant Connix said there weren't any other private residences available. I'm the only one besides you who isn't required to share — but perhaps the situation demands it now. He can stay here, if need be."

Leia turned her pained look from Ben and settled it, softening into gentle regard, on Rey. "It's a kind offer, but I think we have a place for him. There is a small apartment adjacent mine which has been empty because I prefer my solitude. Connix wasn't going to offer it without speaking to me first. Ben can have that one."

"And what am I to do with my time while you all go about your days?" Ben asked darkly.

Leia's voice was carefully measured. "You will train with Rey, as I said, and we'll consult you for your knowledge of Hux and the First Order while we formulate our plan."

Whatever beautiful moment mother and son had briefly shared was now rapidly fading. Rey knew that Ben would see this as another opportunity for his mother to shed the nuisance of his presence so she could operate freely. She felt a moment of panic. They couldn't go down this road again so soon.

"I've been learning new things about the Force, and trying my hand at skills I haven't been able to master," Rey ventured, once again trying to meet Ben's eye. "I could use your help with both, if you're interested. And as for training — I hope your injuries aren't too severe. I don't intend to hold back, and it would be unfortunate to see the great Ben Solo become Kylo Ren pudding all over the floor."

He did look at her then, surprised and amused. The diversion worked. A slight smirk tipped his mouth. "We'll see."

Leia, sensing the tension had diffused, drew in a quick breath and stood up. She took Ben's hand, speaking softly. "We still have much to talk about. Too much for now, but we have time."

Ben's expression softened a little. He said nothing, but gave a silent nod.

Rey sighed in relief. She also caught Leia's quick look of gratitude as the older woman headed to the door.

"Now, if we're all settled here, let's get you to your new room so you can rest. I can't imagine what you've been through these last few days. I'm sure you're both exhausted."

They followed her out, falling in step beside one another. Rey wasn't sure Leia meant for her to come along, but she wasn't about to leave Ben unless explicitly ordered.

As for Ben, he might as well have been a metal wall for all she was able to sense from him. It made her nervous, and a little sad. The movement ran contrary to her instincts — touch was only a recent development in her life — but she reached for his hand.

_I'm still with you,_  she tried to assure him silently.  _I'm here._

For a moment, there was nothing. Then his fingers parted, allowing hers to slip through and his mental voice whispered through her mind.  _I know_.

The Force strengthened between them, filling both with reassurance and comfort. It thrummed through them powerfully, strengthening their connection, strengthening their resolve. With the surge in power, Rey felt Leia too - felt the seasoned general's own fears and guilt and grief, previously hidden away. Could Leia sense Bren and Rey? Could she feel the peaceful bloom of energy happening behind her? For the two young mystics, the mere touch of her hand in his seemed to resolve the imbalance within each of them and inspired a needed sense of calm.

Everything was going to be alright.

Even though Ben was effectively a prisoner now, at the hands of the mother with whom he had had just reconciled. Even though every person on the base, except the two walking with him now, wanted to see him dead. Even though he didn't want any part of this. Somehow, despite all of that, it would all be fine.

They turned a corner and headed into another corridor of bunks. Leia stopped at a particular door, the second to last before the hall split again. Rey recognized the next door over as being Leia's own.

She extracted her hand from Ben's, returning it to her side. The vibrant connection between them didn't dissolve right away.

"Here we are," Leia murmured. She waved her arm in front of a sensor on the side panel. The door gave a chirp and slid open.

Both Rey and Ben knew what that movement meant. Ben frowned. Rey frowned.

Leia motioned them inside, and they entered.

This room was significantly smaller than Rey's own, barely large enough for a bed, a lamp, and a table. It also only had a toilet room attached, without a washing pod. Rey made a mental note of this.

Leia turned to them. She withdrew a discrete metal wristband similar to one she wore herself and presented it to Rey. "I know this will seem unfair, and I beg you not to think that this is how I want it. But we have to be very careful with everything we do from this point forward. Rey, I'm making you responsible for Ben's movements throughout the Base. The door has been programmed to open only when presented with an access chip. Aside from myself, you alone have that access. The training room will also be locked for your scheduled sessions, and this will unlock that as well. Ben, are you alright with me assigning this task to her?"

Ben's impassive glance slid sideways to Rey, who returned a look of concern. "I can think of no more appropriate jailer."

Leia frowned. "Don't think of her as your jailer, son. That will breed resentment, and we need you two on the same team."

"It's okay," Rey assured her. She gave a weak half-smile. "He already resents me."

Leia shook her head. "I'm sorry to put you in this position, but you're more suited to the responsibility than anyone else. And clearly you already have some trust built with each other. I feel this is the right way to proceed for now."

Ben said nothing to this. Rey couldn't think of a reply either, knowing Leia was right but somehow still feeling like she'd lost the standoff in the hangar after all.

Returning to business, the mother turned to her son. "Do you need medical attention? I can send some droids. I understand your life was in danger when Rey left us."

"I'm fine." He didn't seem to know how to address her, so his words came with reserved indifference.

"I'll send some clothing. That odd shirt doesn't seem like it will be good to train in. Do you need anything else?"

"No."

"A faster launder droid?" Rey teased, trying to lighten the mood a little, as much for herself as for him.

His eyes flashed to hers.

She grinned.

Leia observed this exchange wordlessly. She concealed a small smile and turned, moving on. "Your daily schedule will appear here—" she motioned to a panel on the back of the door. "Rey, yours will obviously be modified from what you're used to. Ben, I'm afraid you'll have to take your meals in the mess hall like everyone else. It will be good for the others to see you as one of them."

Ben reacted to this, opening his mouth as if to speak, but changed his mind. Rey knew he was going to argue that last point — that he wasn't one of them and had no intention of ever being so. But she was glad he didn't. This tentative truce between mother and son was still new and fragile.

"One last thing, son."

Her expression told them it wasn't going to be good news.

"I need to have Rey keep your lightsaber."

Rey's heart plummeted. So much for that truce. If she'd given it any real thought before arriving, she'd have realized that of course they were never going to let him keep his deadly weapon. But she hadn't, and understanding their logic didn't take away the sting. They were effectively amputating part of him, and they all knew it.

She saw what flashed momentarily across his countenance — the rage that surged from an already hot temper — but he curbed himself before it could manifest. What self-control that must have taken, she realized. In her limited experience, he hadn't shown a great talent in moderating his anger.

Silently, he removed his hilt and extended it towards her.

She took it, surprised at his lack of resistance. Sadness followed as she accepted her own role in his subjugation. She wanted to say something to make this better somehow, but couldn't find the right words. The weight of the weapon in her hand triggered a memory of his own confiscation of her lightsaber on the  _Supremacy_.

If Leia was aware of how difficult this moment was, she was careful not to acknowledge it. Instead, she turned and said gently, "Rey, I now need you to come with me to Command."

A sudden knot of nervousness tangled in her stomach. She'd been to Command before, and though it wasn't her particularly favorite place, she didn't mind going. The thought of leaving Ben locked in his prison so abruptly, while he was still taking in everything that had happened, made her anxious. She tried to find that spark of reassurance they'd felt in the hallway, that everything would be alright. At the moment, it all felt very wrong.

Leia didn't wait for an answer. She turned to her son and took his hand, giving it a squeeze and a private murmur of, "I'm glad you're home. And I'm sorry about all this."

After that, she headed for the door. Rey glanced at Ben one more time, saw him watching his mother walk away with a neutral expression. She hoped he could feel her own regret, could sense her unspoken apology. When his gaze met hers, she saw that his inner storm had returned.

"Ben…" she started, but stopped when she realized she still didn't know what to say.

Through her mind flickered a brief image of that distant moon and the village and their peaceful isolation from the world. But wishing to go back to that wouldn't help them. There they were only hiding; here they were trying to accomplish something, painful as that might be. In response to his memory, she sent him instead a visualization of Hux, flanked by the Knights of Ren.

He must have seen it, because she saw his posture change.

Doubt nudged somewhere at the back of her mind that maybe she shouldn't encourage him with visions of revenge, but right now she just wanted to remind him of why he was allowing himself to be imprisoned. To remind them both of the purpose of all of this.

She inhaled a deep, long breath and followed Leia out.


	16. Lone Voice

**Rey**

* * *

"She should face disciplinary action for what she's done," argued one of the commanders — a large slug-like creature with huge crystalline disc eyes.

Anger crackled in the air around almost everyone, and all of it was directed at Rey.

She grimaced. This was not going well. It seemed their reception in the hangar was not an isolated incident with a few of Poe's faithful, but rather the envoy for a much larger and widespread sentiment.

Leia held up her hand, frowning. "Rey's contribution to this effort transcends military rank. She doesn't operate within the same rigid structure of regulation as the rest of us. She is free to follow her instincts. I understand this is a radical decision but—"

"So she is an agent unto her own, beholden to no authority, answerable to none? Forgive me, General, but that sounds dangerously familiar. She can do whatever she feels like without any consequences?" A vice-admiral argued, pushing his long golden fur out of his face.

"She endangered all of us by bringing him here," agreed another. "How do we know she isn't actually working with him?"

Poe cut in, immediately seizing on this argument. "Look, we're not questioning Rey's loyalties. But how do we know Kylo Ren hasn't tricked her through lies and manipulation? He could be spying on us for the First Order, or, more likely, he could be here to murder all of us and rid himself of his pest problem."

"If you're all done," Leia said patiently, "I think we can assuage some of your fears. Firstly, his lightsaber has been confiscated. The threat of him using it against us has been neutralized—"

"The lightsaber? That's not even the biggest threat. He can do other things," Poe protested. "With his mind. Things that don't require a weapon. I've seen it."

Leia gave him a cold, almost scolding look. "Yes, Poe. Believe it or not, I too have witnessed various Force abilities in operation. I'm familiar with the dangers. He is under lockdown and will only be allowed out under escort, for purposes of training to take down Hux's cohort of Force users." She glanced at Rey. "Which, to be clear, we don't know the number of, correct?"

"Correct," Rey replied, not as confidently as she had hoped. All these voices turned against made her feel suddenly unsure of herself.

"This is all a ruse," Poe said softly, shaking his head. "A big ruse, and you're both falling for it."

Leia turned fully to him now. "Are you questioning my judgement, Commander Dameron?"

This caught Poe off guard. He shook his head, scrambling to redeem himself, "No, of course not, General, I just—"

"Then I don't want to here another word. You think this is my first go-around with unusual and potentially dangerous situations? You think I'm naive? I've had a lot more life experience than you have, leading and fighting in rebellions and facing deadly servants of the Force. You need to trust me. Once again we come back to this lesson. How many times must you learn it?" She swung to the others. "All of you?"

No one replied to this. A few looked a bit shamefaced.

Leia, truly riled now, continued. "Some of you may believe I have a blindspot in this matter, because of the nature of my relationship with the man who calls himself Kylo Ren. If so, let me stop you right there. Twice now I have endured the destruction of my world at the hands of my own family. Once when Darth Vader stood beside me to make me watch the death of Alderaan and everyone I loved on it—"

A solemn stillness fell over everyone when she invoked the name of that great tragedy. Even though this generation had now experienced a similar loss, in the destruction of the entire Hosnian System, the memory of Alderaan lived on in hallowed legend.

"—And again when my own son killed his father, the man I have loved for a lifetime. So if you think for a moment I will allow family ties to blind me, think again. I haven't forgotten our dead. I haven't forgotten who is responsible for many of those deaths. He is not here because of some soft place left in my heart. This is a military strategy, because I also haven't forgotten the future dead who will spread across the entire galaxy if we fail to bring down the First Order once and for all. If there is even a chance he is willing to fight beside us rather than against us, I will take it. We need every advantage we have."

She swept her fiery gaze around the room. Rey could feel the heat pouring from Leia's soul, a familiar heat she recognized as the same that burned through the veins of her son.

Leia let the heavy silence hang over them for a moment longer before finishing with a quiet point driven home by a firm, authoritative tone. "Rey will be responsible for Kylo Ren's presence here. She has proven that she is more than his equal in combat and in the Force. He has acknowledged this and chosen to be her ally rather than her enemy. I keep trying to help you all understand, we must learn to  _trust_  Rey.  _Trust_  in the Force. If Luke had made this decision, many of you would not be saying the things you are today."

No one spoke for a long time after Leia finished her speech. Rey was deeply moved, overwhelmed at the older woman's unequivocal support. She didn't feel quite worthy of the pedestal Leia had set her on, and was certain nobody else saw her worthy of it either. She was, after all, a nobody from Jakku who stumbled into this world of unseen power with no lineage or right to it at all. Someone with no place in this story, as Ben had reminded her. But Leia was trying to give her that place, and she was grateful.

Behind that gratitude, however, lurked a more uncomfortable feeling - one she tried very hard to ignore. It was the sting of hearing Leia refer to Ben by his villainous moniker, dehumanizing him to people who very much needed to see his humanity; the sting of hearing Leia renounce her maternal prerogative concerning his fate here. Maybe Ben was right. Maybe Leia was a leader, first and always. Duty above all else.

The meeting got back on track when Commander D'Acy, ever sensible, prompted Leia with questions about tactical strategy. Once back to business, everyone seemed to relax a little and nobody dared give Rey a hostile glance again. Most seem to have given up the fight altogether.

They went through a few more technicalities regarding allotted training time, and Rey was required to report on what she already knew about Hux and the Knights of Ren. It wasn't much. She didn't tell them the origins of the Knights of Ren, only that they were force-senstive former agents of Snoke. She could tell many of the commanders were disappointed in how little she was able to give at this time. Leia assured the others that they would have more information shortly, as Rey was able to retrieve it.

The language made her uncomfortable all over again. She loved Leia, more than she wanted to admit. Rey's own heartbreaking loss with Han, and the difficulties she experienced with Luke had taught her to stop looking for parents in her mentors, so she had tried to keep Leia out of that most tender part of her heart — but somehow she'd gotten in anyway. If anyone were something of a maternal figure in her life, it was Leia. She didn't want to see the flaws in her hero.

And at no point did she intend to bleed Ben for his knowledge and then report to this group of doubters and antagonists. This was supposed to be about working together, not imprisonment and exploitation.

She shifted, a sick, nauseated feeling churning in her after the day's events.

The meeting ended, and people began to shuffle out.

Leia caught her arm as she was about to leave, pulling her in close for gentle, private words.

"Rey, I sense you're uncomfortable with some of the things I said."

Even though she knew Leia was deeply intuitive with the Force, this glimpse into Rey's mind embarrassed her. She shook her head. "It isn't my place to question you, any more than it is theirs. It's nothing."

Leia gave her a strange look. "Actually I believe it is your place, funnily enough. What's on your mind?"

Rey sucked in a deep breath and ventured her tentative question. "I thought…I mean," she shook her head. "I thought you had reconciled with Ben. But…you still distanced yourself from him, in front of them. I don't understand. I thought you loved him."

"I do," Leia said immediately, her expression softening. "I very much do. But today was just the first step on a long road. We have a lot of mending to do before we achieve reconciliation. The man Ben has become is not the kind of person I can endorse here, in this setting. Consider my position. These people need to know that I am still chiefly concerned with our cause, and their safety. They need to know that I will put their needs above my own personal feelings for Ben."

Yes, Rey saw the wisdom in that. But understanding it didn't make her feel any better. Logic didn't persuade the child inside her that a mother's love shouldn't override any other obligation. She wanted to believe it did.

A fond look came into Leia's eyes, distant and a little sad, but fond. "It used to frustrate Han so much that I always put duty before family. But he knew what he was getting himself into when he married me. Annoyed as he got, he knew it came with the package. I couldn't change, any more than he could. But Ben didn't get a choice. I think that's why it was harder on him."

Leia's hand came out and took hers, giving it a squeeze. When Rey looked up, she saw a knowing look in the woman's eye. She saw Rey's struggle. She knew.

The room was almost empty now, with the few remaining deep in their own pockets of conversation. The relative privacy had led to a moment more vulnerable for both of them than Rey had expected. She didn't know what to say. A familiar, aching need had welled up within her, robbing her of any words that might have formed.

Leia smiled gently, affectionately. "Love is a confusing, horrible thing, isn't it? It manifests differently, most often not how we'd like from the people we need it most. I'm sorry about the way things have worked out. I know this isn't what you wanted when you convinced him to come here. It's monstrous, what I've done — imprisoning him when I should be welcoming him home with open arms. But as you said yourself, he isn't back. Not really. Not yet. Until that day, I can't take chances. I need you to understand, so that perhaps you can help Ben understand. When he's ready."

Rey nodded slowly, feeling the impact of the general's words sink in. Ben wanted to feel his mother's love a certain way, and Rey herself had certain assumptions about how love should be, but Leia was trying to tell her that their expectations may not align with the way love would be shown to them. That did not mean, however, that they were not loved. It was a difficult lesson to comprehend. She grappled with it long after Leia let her go and she slipped back out into the hallway.

Her only experience with the sentiment was what she felt for others, particularly her friends, and what affection she felt from them in return. And of course the longing for love that had remained with her throughout her life. But that had become so familiar it faded into the background, not even deserving of conscious thought.

Out in the hallway, she was briefly distracted at the sound of two well-known voices arguing in hushed tones. She slowed her step, listening. Poe was relating the events of the meeting to Finn in an adjacent hallway. It didn't seem to be going the way Poe wanted.

"Yeah, but come on," Finn was saying. "Think about it. With both of them fighting for us, we have the two most powerful people in the  _galaxy_  on our side. I've seen him fight, Poe — I've fought him. He's an animal. Trust me, we want him with us, not against us. Together, they'd be unstoppable. That's what we need."

"He's not fighting for us, pal. He's fighting for himself. And what do you think will happen after he gets what he wants?"

Rey kept walking, picking up her speed again. She was certain she did not want to hear any more. This decision she'd made, to bring Ben here, it was proving harder on everyone than she imagined. It had been a fever dream, born in the wild woods of that distant moon where these problems felt so remote and easily solved. But that had been naivety on her part. Perhaps on Ben's too, though he had been resistant to involving the rebels in the first place. Everyone here only saw a monster, when she alone saw something more.

Why hadn't she thought through all this?

She paused at Ben's door, fingering the wristband around her arm, debating.

An officer hurried over to her, interrupting her thoughts. "Uh, wait, hold on. I'm supposed to be on duty here. I didn't really think anyone would be coming by so soon. I'm Inez. You're Rey, aren't you? I've heard stories. You're legendary around here."

The girl was young, younger even than Rey. Her face held the familiar glow of someone meeting their hero. Rey shifted uncomfortably. Inez held a blaster at her side, and Rey didn't doubt that she knew how to use it. But why did they post a guard? When only she and Leia could open the door?

Inez blinked, her eyes darting away awkwardly. "Um, so…I'm really sorry but…I can't let you go in there with those things—" she motioned vaguely to the two lightsabers hung on Rey's belt.

Ah.

Rey waved her off. "It's alright. I'm not going in, anyway. Will you be on duty for a while?"

"For my whole shift. Then someone else will replace me."

Rey nodded. "I'll see you later then, Inez. Good to meet you."

She turned and headed down the hallway to her own residence, feeling the girl's flash of awe and embarrassment. Rey tried not to be annoyed. It wasn't her fault, she was just following orders. And after all that had happened, why wouldn't they ban her from even entering his room while armed?

Was Ben alright? Was he full of anger, reverting to his safer, darker persona in the wake of today's many rejections? She suddenly doubted her decision to leave him alone to rest. But she was nervous to see him now. Nervous that he would see the meeting flickering through her mind. He already saw too much too easily. If he heard the words his mother had said, that might prove dangerous to his tenuous commitment to Rey and this plan. She couldn't be with him right now. Her feelings were too raw. He'd know right away.

So instead she went to her room and drew herself out on her bed, clutching their two lightsabers to her chest, too exhausted to cry. Luke was right. This would be a very difficult road.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, friends, lighter stuff coming up. Transitional periods always come with a bit of discomfort in the beginning. Stay with me, there's so much in store for these two.


	17. Rumors and Partners

**Rey**

* * *

"You feel strong when you're angry," Ben remarked.

Rey didn't like this assessment. She looked up from her food, frowning a little. "I feel strong when I'm calm."

"You do," he acknowledged. "But it's different when you're angry. You're…focused."

Rey searched his face, trying to understand his motive for the observation. He didn't seem to have one. His tone was thoughtful; interested but not opportunistic.

When she didn't reply, he added, "I understand. It's a powerful feeling."

He was right... but she didn't want to admit it, even to herself. Her gaze wandered away to the tables surrounding them, full of people murmuring in hushed whispers over their meals. Glances stole in their direction from time to time. Nobody sat with them. Finn might have, had he not been away on assignment. He was the only one who ever bothered to make conversation with the two of them now.

Life had taken a confusing and uncomfortable turn in the days since their arrival. Rey couldn't relax anymore. The times when she couldn't be with Ben, guilt that he was effectively locked in a cell haunted her to the point of distraction. She began to find reasons to let him out every chance she could, inventing excuses if she needed. But having him accompany her through the base wasn't easy either. Silence followed their movements and glares of contempt met them from cold passerby's.

Ben seemed remarkably impervious to these reactions. He was a master at acting like the others didn't exist. In fact, she was pretty certain he gave about as much regard to them as one might to a summer midge buzzing around the head. She had to admire this unshakeable self-assurance. The opinions of others, especially those he perceived to be his inferiors, didn't touch him at all.

They did touch her. When she was alone, whispers encircled her everywhere she went. They barely made an effort to conceal the rumors from her, and before long she knew them all. The most popular ones involved some variant of her being seduced by the dark side, that she was Kylo Ren's apprentice and would turn against them. Or he had control over her mind and she was his unwitting puppet,  _poor thing_. Or worse, that she was now his evil queen and this was all an insidious plot to consummate their dark love with blood and murder before they ascended the galactic throne together.

Probably, most of these rumors had grown from Poe's original objections. To his credit, he hadn't publicly voiced any since the meeting in Command when Leia had made herself clear, but the damage had already been done. He held great influence among the others, and they took their cue from him. He hadn't spoken a single word to Rey since the confrontation in the hangar, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. The friendship she had enjoyed with him seemed now utterly lost.

She had a lot to be angry about these days.

Not that she ever said any of this to Ben. She didn't want to seed his darkness by venting her negative emotions to him. But he saw anyway. The longer they were together, the stronger the bond between them became and the more easily they saw into each other's minds. Even when Rey couldn't be with him, she felt his presence with her constantly. Any semblance of secrecy between them began to vanish little by little.

"I don't want to use my anger as a source of power," she admitted.

"I know," he said quietly. "But you do sometimes. On Starkiller Base. You might have killed me with that anger, had the planet not split between us."

She shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't a moment she liked to think about. The hate she'd held for him that night, and for a long time after, was a feeling she'd just as soon forget. And in her darkest moments of honesty, she had to admit that didn't know what she might have done if the ground hadn't torn them apart. She'd  _wanted_  to kill him. A terrible desire for revenge called to her, urging her to deliver the final blow to her felled enemy. Revenge for the violation of the mind she'd endured at his hand, and mostly, revenge for Han. Darkness moved in her. But killing him would have been the biggest mistake of her life, and consciously sparing him would have made her guilty of all the destruction he wrought after that night. Fortunately she'd been spared the choice.

Ben must have sensed her disquiet, because he added in a little more gently, "The emotion is there if you need it, and you're becoming aware of that now. I find it fascinating."

Was she becoming aware? Anger was a daily torment now, it was true, but there had been other developments too. Better ones. Despite greater frustrations, she also experienced greater happiness and hope. Whenever she was with Ben, everything that felt misaligned within her seemed to fall into place. She liked having him around, even if it meant everyone else treated her differently. It felt good to be with him. Could that happiness be used as fuel as easily as the anger?

"They've finally repaired the bacta therapy tank," she murmured, changing the subject. "Do you want to try it?"

"No." He grimaced. "It's too late anyway. I'm recovered."

Rey saw his revulsion clearly in her mind. It provoked her to a small smile. She herself had never used bacta therapy — nobody in her little corner of Jakku had that kind of money, and no wound she'd sustained since then had warranted it. But she knew a lot of people didn't like the slimy, viscous healing fluid any better than Ben did.

"You are almost back to full strength," she acknowledged. "I think training is about to get more interesting."

He glanced down at his food, but she saw the small smirk he had concealed with the action.

Training was, by far, the best part of the day for both of them.

They had started slow. Ben's injuries restricted his movements in the beginning. Rey was used to training alone, but the change of pace and incorporating a partner had provided a worthy challenge. As for Ben, he proved to be extraordinarily disciplined. He pushed himself  _hard_ , fighting through the residual pain of his wounds until his body stopped noticing. Rey was impressed, and understood better now his rise to power. He had the iron will to put himself through anything, if it had a purpose.

In the beginning, they focused more on strength training and building his stamina back up, using one another for resistance exercises. They pushed and pulling each other across the room on various crates, both by physical strength and sometimes through use of the Force. Ben was bigger than Rey and more practiced with the Force, but that difference in physical and mental strength helped push her beyond her previous limits.

The training room was free for all personnel use, though it could be blocked out by commanders wishing to run their units through specific training regimens. It consisted of a large interior space, surrounded by window-abundant walls so that anyone might observe the proceedings within. Inside the room, crates and broken machinery served as obstacles or foes, depending on the need. A holo program could also be activated to fill the space with projected enemies. No one was allowed to train with blasters except on stun, but Rey's work with her lightsaber had sometimes meant they had to replaced the scrap metal inside.

Lightsabers were prohibited now. Nobody was about to trust Kylo Ren to train with his actual weapon, so Rey found a metal rod from him to practice with, while she used her old staff.

After they finished eating, she took him to the training room. It was always reserved and locked during their scheduled time, so nobody else could disturb them there. She unlocked it now, presenting his new training pole to Ben once they'd gotten inside.

"I know the weight isn't right," she admitted. "For either of us. But it's what we are allowed."

"It will do," he said, taking the metal rod in his hand and giving it a little toss to judge its heaviness. He slid her a glance, amusement flickering at the edges of his mouth. "Do none of them question your lingering scavenger habits when they see you pilfering the garbage?"

She blushed a little, but lifted her chin defiantly. "It's called being resourceful."

He didn't tease her about it again, instead turning to swing the rod in a few graceful arcs. He didn't hesitate. His movements cut through the air with powerful precision. Not the movement of a man still nursing wounds. Good. That meant they could finally begin the real fun.

Training after that became even more exhilarating. Working on their swordplay allowed the two of them to truly unleash. Ben's pent up frustration emerged when he got that metal in his hand. Even without his mask, watching him commit to his strong swing was terrifying. But Rey was not one to be cowed, and she proved an even match for him. Her own suppressed emotions manifested in the training ring too, fueling her, driving her. She was quick and improvisational, meeting his strength and practice strike for strike.

She'd never trained with a partner before, and found it immensely satisfying. Ben taught her maneuvers she'd never thought of, formal fighting styles she ought to recognize, and when to press opportunities. Meanwhile her unorthodox methods and lightning adaptability kept him on his toes, forcing him to think outside the expected strategies. They rehearsed and revisited some of the things they'd learned fighting the Praetorians together, and developed new techniques that made them a better team. Every day that passed, they resembled individual fighters less and less and became more like a shared mind, a single warrior unit. Of course, that was aided by the fact that so much of each other bled and blended through the ever present, ever growing force bond.

They always ended these sessions exhausted and bathed in sweat, but filled with synergetic exhilaration.

Rey took him back to her residence where she let him use her private washroom. Leia had told them he could use the common one with the shared shower pods, but the hostility of everyone else in the base told Rey that wouldn't be the best idea. Nobody wanted Kylo Ren among them at all, let alone showering with them.

Despite his ability to murder everyone on the base with minimal effort, she couldn't help feeling fiercely protective of him. It was irrational, she knew.

She also knew that his use of her residence greatly inflamed the rumors.

She sighed, fanning herself with the neck of her tank top to ease the burn of their rigorous training that day. The hallway where she waited outside her room was relatively empty and quiet. She rested her staff and his metal rod against the wall behind her and slid down to the ground, feeling her muscles twitch and ache.

It was a good ache, though. The pain of a body being forced to grow stronger.

_Am I doing well?_  She silently asked the empty void, vaguely intending it for Luke and all the mysterious ancestors of the Force.  _Is this right?_

No answer came. Not that she'd really expected it to. Luke wasn't waiting around to answer her every question. She didn't know exactly how life after death worked, or what he was up to when he wasn't speaking to her, but she knew it was a rare and special circumstance that brought his voice to her.

The door to her residence slid open. Ben emerged, clothed in the simple shirt, pants, and jacket they'd provided for his stay. His hair was soft and quaffed, as usual. But in his hand he held one of her books.

"Where did you get these?" He asked.

She stood up quickly, snatching it from him in a flash. "You were going through my things?"

He shrugged. "I see them every time. They're just out there in the open."

Not like she had anything to hide from him anyway, she realized. Not when hiding something meant burying it deep in her brain where their linked minds couldn't access it. She glanced down at the book in her hands. "I got them from Luke. Sort of."

"He gave them to you?" A hint of jealousy gave his question a metallic edge.

"Not exactly…" she hedged. "When it became clear he wasn't going to teach me and wanted nothing to do with being a Jedi anymore, I stole them. He told me himself, these were all that was left of the Jedi teachings. If he wasn't going to share his knowledge, I had to find it somewhere."

Ben's face betrayed his amusement once again. "You stole sacred books to learn the ways of the Force yourself?"

"I…did." Her awkwardness at the confession didn't stem from regret. She was glad she'd done it, especially now that Luke was gone. If she had to go back in time, she'd steal them all over again. But it revealed her ignorance in matters of the Force, which was embarrassing to admit to someone like Ben, who had received extensive formal training at the hands of Luke and Snoke both. She was trying to figure it all out on her own, and he was lightyears ahead of her.

"Do you read them?"

"Of course I do. Part of my routine is to spend time studying them."

He was silent long enough to draw her attention back to his face, where she saw interest illuminating his dark eyes. "May I study them with you?"

She blinked. Why hadn't that occurred to her? She knew he was desperately bored in his room between meals and training, and it would ease his boredom to have something to think about during that time. Besides, his knowledge combined with the materials contained in the texts would speed her learning along exponentially. And — though she was careful to hide this thought away quickly before he saw it — perhaps studying the Jedi texts would subtly draw him out of the darkness and back into the light.

"Yes," she said quickly, wincing at the eagerness betrayed in her voice. "I mean…that would be helpful."

His gaze softened, and it was the closest to a smile she'd ever seen on him, though it barely twitched at the corner of his mouth. "Good. I'd like that."

"Me too," she confessed. She deposited the book and the two staffs back in her room, then led Ben down to his. "I'll bring one by this evening."

He nodded, but had fallen silent as they rounded the corner and found the guard posted outside his room.

Ben never complained about returning to his cell, but Rey knew he hated it. He allowed himself to be imprisoned solely as a means to his end goal: revenge.

Inez was on duty again. She grinned widely when she saw them.

A guard had been posted outside Ben's room at all times, but these rotating officers had no jurisdiction over whether he was allowed to stay or go. That fell squarely on Rey's shoulders, and she had to admit, it felt strangely good to have that authority. The guard's only function was to inspect them before and after every visit to ensure no weapon was being transferred in the process — especially not a lightsaber.

Inez was on the rotation, so their interactions with the young girl had become regular. She was the only friendly one in the bunch, as eager to see them as a close friend might be. Rey knew the girl was proud of her responsibility, even if she didn't enjoy being an antagonist in Rey's life. She apologized every time, as she did now.

"I'm sorry about this. Orders, you know." She gave a nervous laugh, and then her tone became conversational. "Was it a good training, today?"

Ben gave Rey a sidelong glance. He endured the girl's bubbling enthusiasm with thinly veiled bemusement.

Rey made a greater effort to be friendly because of it, giving the girl a kind smile. "Yes, we're progressing."

Inez checked Ben for weapons first. She did it thoroughly every single time. Rey wondered if this was out of dedication to her job or if she secretly enjoyed giving him the pat-down.

"How old are you, Inez?"

The girl glanced up at her, giving Ben an approving nod to indicate he had been cleared. "Fifteen."

Rey's mind flitted back five years to when she was that same age. Endless days clawing a tedious existence out of the sand had comprised her life as much then as it had right before BB-8 showed up. She'd never felt even remotely attracted to anyone at that age, let alone someone so much older than herself. The other junkers and desert-dwellers were as baked and dusty and poor as she was. Perhaps if she'd met someone clean and princely and beautiful like Ben, she might have gone as soft as Inez had.

"Isn't that a little young to be part of a rebellion?" Ben asked, interrupting Rey's thoughts.

Inez frowned, giving Rey a less thorough pat-down. "General Leia was fourteen when she became a junior member of the Galactic Senate, and a mere nineteen at the start of the First Rebellion. In the New Republic she employed teenage staffers, with Korr Sella being the youngest at sixteen. The galaxy has a proud history of using young rebels. My age doesn't have anything to do with my ability to fight."

Rey knew that last sentence was true enough. She'd had to learn how to defend herself and her daily haul at a very young age, and could certainly hold her own in a fight by fifteen. Unforgiving circumstances could forge adolescents of steel. She gave Inez a curious look. "You sure know a lot of about General Leia."

Inez nodded once, body rising with pride. "I do. She's my hero. Well, so are you." She blushed.

Ben and Rey exchanged a glance — each wondering the same thing. Did she know Ben's connection to Leia?

"Did the general give you this assignment yourself?" Rey ventured.

"No, it was Commander Dameron who decided which of us would do the weapons check for Kylo Ren."

"Ah." Rey stifled the flash of anger she felt for Poe, knowing it wasn't fair. Leia wouldn't have authorized him to organize the security like this if she didn't think it were prudent.

Inez gave Ben a shy glance. "I know everyone hates your for killing Han Solo…and it  _was_  a pretty messed up thing to do. But I think it's cool that you're helping us now. Bad guy turned good and all."

From Ben came the strong desire to retreat from this chatty child, and Rey felt it. She smiled the kind of smile one gives at the end of a conversation. "Well, we appreciate the support."

"Did you know Captain Solo and General Organa were  _married_?" Inez whispered conspiratorially, glancing around.

She hadn't gotten the hint, but the comment was so unexpected that Rey laughed. "Yeah, of course."

The girl's expression became sheepish. "Oh. Yeah I guess that's probably common knowledge. The legends of the old rebellion didn't really get told a lot on my world when I was a kid. I've only been learning about them since I left. I guess I have a lot of catching up to do where the old stories are concerned."

"It's just as well," Rey assured her. "Legends are useful for inspiring courage, but not very useful when it comes to dealing with the present. Legends can be deceptive and disappointing, and they can keep you from recognizing the truth in front of your eyes."

Ben edged back towards his door.

Inez was thinking about this advice, so Rey took advantage of the silence to turn and flash her wristband in front of the sensor. The door slid open and Ben didn't linger in the hall.

"I'll come by after I've washed up," she promised him quickly and quietly. "And maybe after the shift change."

He smirked as the door shut, cutting them off.

She turned back around and gave Inez a friendly pat on the shoulder. "Thanks for being kind to us, Inez. I know it can't be easy with the way everyone talks about him."

Inez shrugged. "Nobody really talks about it to me a lot. And I don't believe any of it. You're a real life Jedi! If anyone's playing mind tricks, I bet it's you. I have no doubt you know what you're doing. But I still have to do the weapons check every time."

"It's alright." Rey grinned at the girl's sudden deflation and chagrin. "I understand. I want you to do your duty."

Inez brightened, and Rey gave her a quick goodbye before shuffling off towards her own quarters again. She felt lighter somehow, eager, full of hope and excitement. The training today had been excellent, it was good to hear that she had secret supporters hidden among all the doubters — even if it was just one very young, very enthusiastic supporter — and most of all, she was excited about the prospect of studying with Ben.

Before he'd come here, Rey had often taken her study time to mediate in the Force and observe its movements, both outside among the living things and inside among the inhabitants of the Base. That had all become futile since Ben arrived, however. All she could feel was him. The Force moved so powerfully around him, it called to her as insistently as a magnet. Trying to study the nature of the Force with him present was like trying to see space behind the sun. So, she decided, might as well learn from the sunlight.

She smiled a little to herself to think of Ben, Prince of Darkness, as a source of light. But perhaps he was, after all.


	18. Deeper Mysteries

**Rey**

* * *

Studying with Ben turned out to be every bit as good as she thought it would be. He took to the learning like a Jakku native takes to clean water. Together they read ponderous, complex passages and carefully pulled the threads apart to make sense of them. Little by little, they unraveled mysteries through reason and instinct, mysteries which otherwise might have remained too difficult for either to understand alone. What they found in the texts surprised them both. Ben was the first to acknowledge that the ancient wisdom did not much mirror the Jedi of recent generations.

"Luke taught us what he was able to find in some of the ancient temples," he explained late one evening as they bent over one of the books. "But he didn't have access to the archives of the Empire. He didn't read what I did about the Jedi Council before the rise of the Empire. They weren't anything like what is laid out here."

"How do you mean?" Rey asked, glancing up at him.

He sat back. "They mandated strict adherence to a crippling and limiting code. Strange, silly superstitions like double-sided lightsabers being paths to the dark side." His gaze flashed to hers, and he nodded at her aghast expression. "That's right. Your saberstaff would have been a great offense to the Jedi Order. They'd probably have forbidden you to use it, seeing it as portending your imminent fall to darkness."

Rey sat up slowly, frowning, staring at the book with the sudden self-consciousness. "I didn't know…"

"Rey."

She saw him watching her, expression intense as always. No doubt his mind was mining away within her own, dredging up her sudden doubts.

"It isn't wrong. Have you read anything in  _these_  books that suggests it is?"

Mutely, she shook her head.

He continued, pressing the point in his insistent way. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, this doesn't align with what the Jedi became at the height of their rule. Remember when we read about the cautions against the pursuit of authority? The Council ruled the Galaxy. Maybe not as overtly as the Senate, but they had too much power and were afraid to lose it. And take a look at this—"

They leaned in again, his finger tracing over what they'd just read. He recited it aloud, his deep baritone caressing the syllables like a poem.

" _Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force."_ He shook his head. "I've never heard anything like this."

Rey didn't see what was extraordinary about the passage. It provoked calm peace within her, and she felt it was a path she could follow. It also didn't feel far off from the things Luke had said. And that last bit, about death — "Death…yet the Force. There is life in the Force, Ben, I've felt it. Though we die, it doesn't end there."

"I know." He glanced away momentarily, and she saw images of Han flicker through his mind before he shut them and whatever emotions they might have provoked down. Drawing a deep breath, he returned to the conversation at hand. "Remember how I told you that the Jedi forbade attachments? They forbade emotion too. The thing I read in the archives… Supreme Leader Snoke showed it to me to help me through a moment of weakness. The Jedi Council lived by a bastardization of this passage. It said,  _There is no emotion, only peace. There is no ignorance, only knowledge. There is no passion, only serenity. There is no chaos, only harmony. There is no death, only the Force._ "

Rey frowned. "That…sounds impossible to live by."

Impossible, and wrong. The words chafed at her soul and irritated some sore spot inside her. Perhaps because she knew her own emotions ran too hot to be in compliance with that code. It seemed to give the old text an opposite meaning, almost. The words in the book before her acknowledged the existence of emotion and ignorance, passion and chaos, but also gave its inverse without decrying the opposition — as if to suggest both were needed. As if to suggest that together they provided...

"Balance," she whispered.

Ben had traced her thoughts along with her and was not confused by her audible conclusion. He nodded. "Exactly."

"Luke said…" Rey began, then hesitated. She knew Ben still struggled against the memory of his uncle, resentment frequently flaring in him at the mention. He didn't react that way now, so she forged ahead. "Luke said that the Jedi became corrupted with pride. That they allowed the Empire, Darth Sidious, and…and Darth Vader to rise because they were too vain to imagine such a thing was possible under their watch."

"Luke said that?" Ben blinked, incredulous.

She looked up at him, searching his dark eyes with her own. "He thought that meant the Jedi had to end, that their dogma was fatally flawed and led to their failure. But maybe…maybe he was wrong. Maybe the old way needs to end, and a new way — based on these ancient teachings — is what is needed?"

He had grown pensive, and drawn a veil between their thoughts so she could only make out the vague shape of them. He was considering her speculation, and it troubled him. Intrigued him, but troubled him.

"Anyway," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't think I would have been a very good Jedi in the days of the Council."

The ghost of a smile threatened his face, and he closed the book, pressing it back into her hands. "I don't think you would have been either."

She grinned, sliding off his bed to stand and stretch. Hunching over books after a day of rigorous training always left her body stiff and sore. "The text cautioned against pursuing power and authority, remember? That includes being Supreme Leader over the entire galaxy, I imagine."

"Good thing I'm not a Jedi, then."

"You're not a Sith either. What are you?"

He shrugged. A man without an answer. Without an identity, she realized.

That evening as she walked back to her room, she reflected on Ben's situation in a way she hadn't considered before. Without the First Order, without Snoke or the title of Supreme Leader, he didn't have a role to play. He didn't have a purpose. Worse, if he didn't have the First Order, if he abandoned his plan of ambition, then what had it all been for? He'd have to face his father's death without the protection of justifying it as a means to an end. It meant his sacrifices had been for nothing. He needed a reason for everything he'd done, and a reason for his existence. For his gifts and abilities. Somewhere to put his energy. He'd been given a powerful, raw talent in the Force, but did not know what best to do with it.

Did she, for that matter? Right now her reasons for mastering this inner power revolved solely around helping the Resistance, and helping Ben. After the war was won, what then? What did she do with this thing inside her? What did Ben do with his?

The question made her uncomfortable, so she set it aside.

But the rest of it, the passage in her book, lingered into the rest of the evening.

Sleep evaded her. She tossed and turned in her bed, disturbed by something she couldn't quite identify. Something about their conversation. Something about the text.

Was she bothered that she wasn't cut from the rigid Jedi cloth? That these ancestors in the Force would disapprove of her? Ben has teased her about it once before, about not being a good Jedi, and it didn't trouble her then. Why did it seem to matter now? But it did matter, she knew. Being a Jedi was the only thing that gave her an identity other than scavenger. It was what kept her from truly being a nobody. It meant everything.

And it  _did_  sting, knowing she'd been doing things the wrong way in her ignorance. In spite of what Ben thought, she still burned with humiliation that her lightsaber — which she was previously so proud of constructing from the broken remains of Luke's — was contrary to the Jedi tradition. Based on Luke's reaction in Achc-To, her willingness to reach out to someone lost in darkness was also a serious transgression as well. And worst of all was the thing she couldn't change. Her heart. Her love-seeking, family-hungry heart which gave her a proclivity to become attached to  _everything —_ that would have offended them too.

Maybe they weren't wrong. Attachments, and losing them, had wounded her. She'd too easily latched on to Han, and he was torn away suddenly, leaving a cruel hurt behind. She almost lost Finn, a pain too great to comprehend even now. She'd let Ben and his soft voice, his inner tragedy, infect her heart and when she'd had to leave him in that throne room it had created another huge wound. That one festered into an ulcer until recently, when his return had finally cauterized it. The loss of Poe's friendship hurt too. And Rose. And all the rebels who she considered friends.

Attachments had left ashes of pain and loss in their wake. Pain which sometimes provoked her to anger.

She rolled over again, annoyed. No good. Rey sat up, staring into the darkness of her residence.

"No," she whispered, stubborn and firm. "I am not weaker because I love."

It was the very thing she'd been trying to convince Ben of on that moon. Her friendships, her  _attachments_ , made her stronger. Made life worth living. What did it matter if some ancient council thought she was wrong? She'd rather love deeply and risk the pain of loss than live in the empty serenity of emotional stillness. Let her  _feel_  everything, love and pain in equal measure. If she embraced it all, no single fixation would be able to possess her. And loving widely didn't mean fearing deeply. She knew now that death was not the end. Becoming one with the Force was not loss, not really. Life went on, in endless rounds. The love she held in her hands, even if for just a little, while made the journey all the sweeter. Like water in the desert. Fleeting and temporary, but blissful every time, down to the last drop.

Suddenly her conflicted thoughts settled into one clear understanding: she needed her friends back.

Finn, Poe, Rose — all of them. It was time to let go of her resentment that they didn't trust her. Time to win them back and heal the wounds.

Satisfied with this determination, the fire of rebellion against the old ways stoked in her blood, she laid back down and was finally able to set her cares aside until morning.

Rey didn't tell Ben about her restless night, though she knew he could sense some kind of change in her. He kept giving her perplexed glances during breakfast, which she did not respond to. If he wanted to know why, he could search it out in the labyrinth of her mind. She wasn't interested in discussing it, since his opinion on friendship was one of disdain anyway.

After breakfast, she took him on a detour to find Leia. Ben wasn't allowed anywhere near Command, but Leia wasn't likely to be in that part of the base this early anyway. They found her sipping caff at the main entrance to the subterranean bunker, looking out at the golden morning.

She turned in surprise when they approached. "Ben. Rey. Good morning."

Beside her, Ben grew very still. She knew he wasn't quite sure how to behave around his mother these days. They spoke infrequently, busy as Leia was running a full rebellion. When they did speak, neither of them seemed to know quite what to say, so they said little.

"Good morning," Rey returned warmly. "I know this is out of the ordinary, but I was wondering if Finn or Poe were out on assignment. I haven't seen them for a few days, and I'd like to talk to them."

Leia's eyes sparkled as a small smile played past her lips. "Yes, they are. I sent them with Rose and Greer to gather intel in the city. We're trying to keep our ears to the ground for rumors of Hux's whereabouts. Is there something I can help you with?"

"It's nothing important," said Rey.

"Well, they'll be back this evening. I'll instruct them to come find you." She glanced at Ben, her expression sobering a little. For a moment, Rey thought she looked small and sad. It passed quickly, and the mask of the general replaced any vulnerability. "How are you? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine," he said briefly.

She nodded. "I'm hearing encouraging things about your training sessions. Very encouraging. I may have to come by and watch sometime myself."

Immediately discomfort knotted in Rey's stomach at this remark which had nothing to do with the idea of Leia watching their training, and everything to do with others watching them. Their time in the training room was their chance to let go and strip away the awkwardness of daily interaction, just be one with movement and power and the Force. And each other. She knew the windows allowed anyone to observe what was happening within, but she'd been able to convince herself that no one cared enough to watch. Apparently not, if Leia had heard about it.

Later, as they walked back to his room, Ben offered his thoughts on the subject. "Why do you care if they watch us?"

"Because," she started heatedly — then stopped herself. Ben's question hadn't been accusatory. It was one of simply curiosity, born of his own apathy towards the opinions of others. "I suppose it doesn't matter. But it's our thing, alone. None of their business. They don't have anything to do with it."

"Exactly." He shrugged. "They don't."

"They probably fear you more after watching you train," she mused, grinning a little. He was absolutely terrifying in combat — even practice combat. Most of them probably saw no difference between murderous intent and friendly sparring with him. Rey could see it, though, having been on the receiving end of both kinds of combat.

"Good," he said. "And they'd do well to respect you more by that same observation."

This remark, so offhanded and casual, surprised and touched her. She stared at the ground ahead of them, smiling just a little.

That day when they trained, she tried hard not to think about the people pausing at the windows to watch what they were doing within. It was difficult at first, but once the holo program ended and all their ghostly, projected foes had been defeated, she couldn't afford to be distracted. Sparring Ben was next, and it required every ounce of focus she had.

He did not go easy on her. She did not want him to. Knowing that even a single missed parry could be costly kept her sharp, forcing her to react as quickly as if deadly lightsabers were involved. And she returned the same treatment, using her staff to its fullest potential, sparing him no sympathy. Sometimes they suffered bruises from a failed defense, but not often.

She caught him in a trap, using her staff to imprison him against her, and snatched his pole right out of his hand before he could react. When he did, however, it was to grab her staff and twist it, freeing himself and curling her body in a tangled pretzel against him — trap reversed. It didn't take a big tug to pop her weapon free from her twisted hands and into his, and suddenly they were mirrored. She had his metal pole, and he had her staff. She ducked out and turned to face him.

He smirked, eyes flashing wickedly before he used the longer fulcrum to give his swing an even wider arc. She leapt away with a gasp, but did not allow even a flicker of doubt to enter her mind. She didn't need the staff to fight well. The saber-length pole was sufficient. Giving it a twirl and releasing the howl of a lioness at the kill, she leapt back into the fray and turned his own weapon against him. Sometimes avoiding the blows meant hitting the ground, but she quickly saw how to take advantage of that and swept his own legs out from under him. He fell hard. She jumped to her feet, slashing down with the pole before he had a chance to recover his footing. He blocked her, but only just.

By the time they finished, they were both so exhausted they forgot all about the people watching them.

"You keep surprising me," he panted, extending her staff towards her.

She took it, barely able to catch her own breath long enough to talk. "Good. If I can surprise the Master of the Knights of Ren, I stand a good chance against his inferiors."

He nodded. "More than a chance."

They straightened and headed towards the door. Bodies glistened with a slick sheen, heat radiated from them like binary stars, twin suns. Rey let her breath escape in slow, deliberate exhales.

Her mind wandered to Leia, wondering if she had been among the passing spectators. "Your mother is sensitive to the Force," she heard herself say. "Did she never train with Luke?"

Ben glanced at her with an odd expression. Right. For the briefest moment, she'd forgotten that he was still trying to adjust to having his mother back in his life.

To his credit, however, he did provide an answer. "She has always felt a sense of duty to the memory of Bail Organa and his work in the senate. She thought she was better suited to a life of political, rather than mystical, influence. I believe Luke intended her to be his first student, but she did not choose that path. If you want any more insight than that, you'll have to ask her."

Rey couldn't imagine feeling the current of the Force move inside and deciding to choose another life instead. It seemed unfathomable. As impossible as choosing to go back to the life of a scavenger seemed to her now.

She thought about it throughout the rest of the afternoon, ruminating on Leia and her choices as intensely as the passages in the Jedi texts. It preoccupied her as she helped Chewie run routine maintenance on the Falcon — giving special attention to that faulty, fickle Motivator. Chewie wasn't in a talkative mood, but she was able to coax a little out of him about Han's feelings towards his Force-sensitive family. According to Chewie, it was a world Han wasn't all that interested in trying to understand. When he saw his son had that gift too, he knew Ben would pursue that life as surely as Luke had. He more or less gave up his dreams of a son who would fly the galaxy with him, participating in the Five Sabers race, running the occasional smuggling operation. He knew Ben would not choose that way of life any more than Leia had. Chewie didn't say more, but Rey wondered if that was the moment Han began to withdraw from fatherhood, leaving Ben with feelings of abandonment.

Such a complicated family. Greater compassion for them all stirred in her the more she thought about it - realizing all three were disparate pieces drifting along lonely paths. Leia, with her life of politics, Han with his life of flying, and Ben, with his incomprehensible power and fractured duality. None of them knew how to help each other. Luke might have been the bridge between them all, but he had his own notions about Ben that kept him from recognizing the truth of the situation. Perhaps for the first time since she last saw him on Ahch-To, Rey understood Luke's crippling, debilitating guilt. Trauma from all he had been through made him too quick to react, and he'd destroyed his fragile family.

Was Ben right? Was it easier to have never had a family at all? Rey nursed only a gaping, open hole where her family might have been. Ben had a gnarled, tangled, impossible mess where his should have been. No wonder he had gravitated towards the memory of Darth Vader. He was the only member of that family not directly responsible for the chaos in Ben's soul. The only one, perhaps, who would have understood the siren call of the darkness. The one he could still please.

Rey wanted to talk about all of this with Ben, but she didn't. Instinctively, she knew some hurts ran too deep for him to examine. Ben was comfortable with the relative silence, and did not press her for conversation over dinner. If he saw the shape of her thoughts, he made no comment on them. His own were distant, inaccessible.

"Hey, stranger," a warm, familiar voice said next to them.

Rey jumped at the sound, glancing up to see Finn grinning at her. She scrambled to her feet and hugged him fiercely. "Finn! I've missed you!"

He laughed, untangling himself from her. "It's only been a couple days."

"A couple days too long," she sighed. "How was the recon mission? Did you learn anything?"

His gaze slid to Ben, and he shrugged. "A little. We just finished delivering our report to the General."

He didn't want to discuss it in front of the enemy, Rey realized. She frowned.

Finn didn't notice. "How are things here?"

"Good." She glanced around the mess hall. "Are Poe and Rose back too?"

"Yep." He gave Ben a little chin thrust of greeting. "How's it going, Ren?"

"Fine." Ben didn't look up, picking at his food with that familiar, precise way.

Rey put a hand on Finn's arm. "Can you three meet me back here tonight? After hours?"

Again, that glance. Ben ignored him, but Finn still lowered his voice. "Just you?"

"Just me."

He nodded. "It'll be a lot easier to convince them if it's just you."

"I understand. It's important that they both be there, though. Poe will try to find an excuse, I'm sure of it, but please make him come."

A gentle grin softened Finn's expression. "I will, don't worry."

She sat back down again across from Ben, eyes roaming his face briefly to determine how he felt about this little plan. He seemed wholly apathetic. She expelled a soft breath when Finn left, offering a quiet explanation. "I need my friends back in my life."

His glance flew to hers, brow lifting a little. "I know."

"But you don't see why."

He shrugged a little. "I don't have to know why. I know you, and I know that you need your traitors, murderers, and thieves."

She gaped. "Did you just…?"

His mouth twitched, subtle humor flashing through his eyes just before they averted back to his food.


	19. Probabilities and Chance

**Rey**

* * *

Stillness held the rebel base in quiet hands as evening turned to night and the inhabitants settled into welcoming beds. The days were long for everyone now as they strategized and prepared for the final confrontation. The battle to end the war. The residence block was the only place still stirring with activity, as people showered or chatted quietly before bed. Throughout the rest of the base, only the soft purring sounds of maintenance droids broke the silence.

Rey waited in the empty mess hall, trying not to fidget as she anxiously waited to see if Finn would be able to keep his word. This probably wouldn't be the easiest conversation. Her friends felt she'd chosen Ben over the Resistance, and perhaps they weren't wrong. She'd hated him too, not so long ago. She would have felt equally betrayed in a similar situation, had she not seen firsthand the truth of Ben Solo within Kylo Ren. They had no assurance the latter wouldn't destroy them all, and while she'd trusted Ben to  _be_  Ben, she really had no assurance either. She'd taken a huge risk. Perhaps selfishly.

But Ben had submitted to everything she asked of him, and she did not regret her choice. She just had to help her friends understand that her actions did not mean she had turned against them.

Somehow.

As she sat there waiting, it occurred to her that Ben really had behaved remarkably well these last few weeks. He'd had no outbursts of emotion, no flashes of that barely contained rage she'd seen in him at times. His temper seemed to be well bridled at the moment. Either his desire for revenge was much, much stronger than she realized — and therefore driving him to patiently endure whatever it took to achieve that revenge — or something else was taking place inside him. Something she hadn't consciously identified.

These thoughts were interrupted by the report of footsteps shattering the silence of the mess hall.

They'd arrived.

All three.

She stood up and met them before they could reach her table, hugging Finn and giving the others a grateful smile.

"Sorry it's so late! But thank you for coming."

"What is this about, Rey?" Poe asked coldly, folding his arms across his chest.

She led them back to one of the tables, motioning for them to sit. "I want to make things right. I want to be friends again."

"Make things right?" Poe scoffed. "Does that mean you've finally imprisoned Kylo Ren where he belongs?"

Rey frowned at this open hostility. Things were worse than she thought. "He's already imprisoned. You more or less got what you wanted."

"Not hardly."

"Poe, please." She swallowed her rising annoyance and forced softness into her request.

Finn sat down beside her. "I'm still your friend, Rey. That hasn't changed. I'm still with you. It's just…weird. It's hard to be around a guy who tried to kill you. I think we're all not quite sure where we fit into this now."

"I know," she said quietly. Her gaze swept back to Poe and Rose. More vulnerability than she would have liked leaked into her voice. "But I still care about you. I don't want this to be what tears us apart."

Rose finally sat down as well, though her troubled expression revealed that she had not fully thawed yet. "Look, Rey, we know we owe you everything. We know you're one of us. But can you see why it feels like a betrayal that you would bring him here? A man who has murdered so many of our friends? Can you see why we don't really want to be pals with him?"

"I understand. And I don't expect you to be pals…" she struggled to find a suitable explanation. Open and honest, she reminded herself. "I don't deny it, he has done horrible things. He has a lot of blood on his hands. It's inexcusable. But there is good in him too. I have felt it. I saw it with my own eyes on the  _Supremacy_  that day. Before Crait. I was there."

Rose and Finn exchanged a glance.

Rey noticed, but did not take time to guess its meaning. "I went because I thought I could turn him to our side. Snoke…" she shuddered, her words faltering.

It was still impossible to talk about what Snoke had done to her. The excruciating pain of him intruding into every part of her mind. The agony of trying to resist his control over her body. The revulsion of his touch, his hideous face so close to hers as to smell his decaying breath.

"Ben Solo killed his master to save me, and to free himself from the darkness. I know the story is that Snoke died when the ship split, but that isn't true. It was Ben."

For a moment, they were all silent.

Then, slowly, Poe said, "Maybe he was just saving his own skin, Rey. Otherwise, why didn't he come back with you? Why did he hunt us to Crait and try to exterminate us all?"

That question had tormented Rey these long months. The agony of not understanding had kept her up at night, filled her with anguish, made her shut down every attempt the Force made to connect them across the vastness of space. She couldn't ask him that question. Couldn't face him. Until the Force gave her no choice. But lately…in all this time spent in his company, wading through his thoughts and feelings, she was beginning to comprehend what happened in that throne room.

Still, it wasn't something she could articulate yet, let alone anything she wanted to reveal to them. "He wasn't…he wasn't ready. Killing Snoke was his first step, but he has a lifetime of lies to untangle. He's still trying to figure it all out."

"And has he?" Rose asked, more gently now. "Or does he still think the First Order is in the right?"

"I think he's questioning everything he used to believe," Rey hedged. "Look, I'm not asking you to forget what he's done, or even forgive. I just need to know that you don't hate me, and when the time comes, we'll still have each other's backs. That we're still friends."

"Of course we have your back, Rey," Finn said immediately, earning a grateful touch from Rey when she moved her hand to his arm. He glanced at Poe and Rose. "Don't we?"

"Of course," Rose echoed softly. She gave Rey a faint smile.

Poe said nothing for a long time. He was the only one still standing, his posture still stiff. But when he spoke, his voice came quiet and solemn. "Do  _you_  still have  _our_  backs, Rey?"

She let the sting of this question manifest on her face. "You always have. You always will."

They stared hard at one another for a long time, what remained unsaid being digested in the silence between them. Finally, Poe approached the table and sat down next to Finn. He didn't say anything else, but this was signal enough that he was willing to call a truce.

Relief spread through her entire body like fresh air. She let it out in a soft sigh. "Thank you. The others take their lead from you. If they see we're still a team, maybe the rumors and suspicion will die out."

"Is there any truth to those rumors?" Rose asked.

"No."

"You haven't even heard them all," Poe said, bemused.

"I'm pretty sure I have, but if there are any I haven't — my answer is still the same." She'd not heard a single true thing said about herself and Ben since all this began.

"So, you and Kylo aren't…" Rose paused, glancing at Finn. " _Together_  like that?"

"No." Rey didn't really know how to define what they were exactly. What they shared was far too intimate and complicated to be labeled as friendship. Her absolute loathing of him had too quickly turned to ardent empathy, without any of the budding friendliness that usually came between. It happened almost in a flash. Being in his mind, and him being in hers, had melded them too closely together for it to be anything like what she shared with the three people before her.

But how could she explain that?  _He's my inverse. My reflection. We need each other. Somehow, we're part of each other. I don't understand it yet, but I feel it._  No, all that would be impossible for them to understand. She couldn't even make the attempt. But Rose's suggestion didn't feel quite right either. Whatever this was, it hadn't yet crossed into that other territory yet. Or...had it? She didn't really understand that enigmatic relationship that arose between two people, having no life experience to inform her of it. Relationships in general, including friendships, were new enough.

She shook her head, pushing aside the confusing thoughts.

Rose's gaze fell to Rey's hand, still resting on Finn's arm. Without quite knowing why, Rey withdrew it quickly.

"I think it's kind of like what you said, Rose," Finn explained. "About not fighting what we hate. I think she's fighting this war by subverting and converting the enemy, rather than challenging and confronting him, you know?"

"Ben Solo isn't my enemy," said Rey. "But it's true, with him here it's one less person out there plotting against us."

"I know that's what you want to believe," Poe corrected. "But how can you be sure he isn't?"

Rey's patience wore thin with Poe's stubborn skepticism, and she answered a little testily. "Because I can see his thoughts. Clearly. All the time. I promise, no such plot is in there."

Poe's expression expanded from dubious to deeply interested. He leaned forward, eyes glittering with interest now. "Really? You can read him? Like he can read us?"

"Do you know what he's thinking right now?" Rose asked.

"It's clearer when I'm with him." Rey hesitated. She didn't want to use her connection to Ben's mind as a source of amusement for them, to satisfy their curiosity. Of course, she  _did_  know. With that vague but certain awareness that stayed with them constantly now, she could feel a distant swirl of tedium drifting in the back of her mind. She offered this as a peace token. "He's bored."

"If you can do this, why don't we know the location of every First Order munitions depot and every secret they don't want us to know about?" Poe said excitedly. "Yank it out of him!"

Rey frowned, resisting the impulse to roll her eyes. "I'm not going to mine his thoughts like a data download from a droid. I'm trying to coax his humanity out, Poe, not drive it further away."

"Hey," Finn interjected, his own gaze illuminating with an idea. "Maybe we can help you with that. You said he's bored, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you think he'd be up for a little Sabbac?"

"You want him to play a  _game_  with us?" Rose asked, looking at Finn as if he'd grown a second head. Poe wore the same horrified expression.

Rey's mind, however, was racing at the suggestion. Calculating. Trying to quickly determine the risks versus benefits of this proposal. Instinct told her to run and get Ben before anyone could object. She leapt to her feet and gave Finn a dazzling smile. "It's brilliant. I'll be right back."

As she ran out of the empty mess hall, she heard Poe and Rose round on Finn for his suggestion. Good. She'd been able to get out of there before they could convince him to back out. But was it a good idea? Ben had no interest whatsoever in socializing, she knew. He detested almost everyone. And she could not imagine him engaging in anything so frivolous as a game.

But wasn't this what she wanted? For everyone to come to terms of understanding? For  _peace_  between her two worlds? And Finn was making a valiant effort to support her, she wanted that effort to come to some good.

Skidding to a stop in front of Ben's door, she swiped her wristband in front of the sensor. Somewhere in the back of her mind she noted that no guard was on duty. Interesting. She'd never fetched him at this time of night, and no doubt they didn't think she'd ever need to.

Ben was already standing at the door when it slid open. His face was tense, eyes scanning her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, surprised. "You knew I was coming?"

He relaxed, and only then did she realize that he had grabbed her in his concern. "I knew you were coming with unusual haste."

"Sorry." She grinned.

His grip fell from her arms. "A bit late for training, study, or a meal, isn't it?"

He hadn't expected to see her again today. She hadn't expected it either. The spontaneity of it, the defiance of their rigid schedule, excited her. She knew he felt it bubbling up in her heart. "We're doing something…unusual."

"Unusual?"

"Come on, I'll show you." She snatched his hand and tugged him from his room.

He let himself be pulled along, patiently enduring whatever had gotten her all worked up. Once again she noted his unusual emotional calm.

She finally released him when they got back to the mess hall, where the others still waited with various expressions of anticipation.

Ben stiffened when he saw them, stopping in his tracks.

She urged him forward. "Come on. They've agreed to be nice."

"I haven't," he murmured.

Rey moved off to the table without him, not bothering to look back. It took him a minute to follow, but he eventually did.

Finn motioned to the seat next to him. "Ever play Sabbac, Ren?"

"Sabbac." Ben's voice was flat.

"Yeah, you know, the game with cards that —"

"I know what Sabbac is." He turned to Rey. "A game? You want to play a game?"

She sat in a chair between Rose and the empty one beside Finn. She gave him an apologetic smile. "I think it's a good idea."

Waves of irritation rolled from him, shattering that calm she'd noticed a moment ago. Still, he slowly moved into the empty seat. She hoped he could sense her gratitude, even though she knew he wasn't interested in this little idea any more than Rose and Poe had been.

"Do you know how to play?" Finn asked, as if nothing at all were amiss.

Ben gave a single nod.

Poe's eyes never left him, leveled on his enemy like his gaze along could reduce Ben to dust. Rose stared at her hands.

Finn began to deal the ever-shifting cards after setting up the suspension field. "Good. None of us have much money, so we're going to wager snacks from the commissary instead."

A single, short nod indicated Ben understood, glancing at the pile of food amassed next to Finn. He doled them out after the cards and explained which items represented which values.

And with that, their game began. Rey had to give Finn credit for how hard he was trying. He didn't act uncomfortable, although she knew he must be. He tried to coax Ben into cracking a smile whenever he could. Ben, of course, never did any such thing, but she could feel that Finn's efforts were paying off. He was starting to relax a little. The longer the game went on, the more Rose opened up too. She never tried to address Ben directly, but she managed to pretend he wasn't a hostile.

Poe made no effort, remaining silent when possible and speaking short, clipped words when necessary. Still, he hadn't gone to bed, so Rey knew this was a giant step forward.

The first few rounds were anyone's game, but as they settled in to the 4th round, Ben emerged as the clear card shark. He turned out to be extraordinarily good at Sabbac. Soon he was winning round after round, so effortlessly he seemed like he was hardly trying. The pile of food beside him grew exponentially, while everyone else's diminished.

"Are you sure you never played this with Hux and the other commanders?" Finn asked after one particularly brutal round, watching Ben add to his collection of winnings.

The idea seemed to amuse him. His gaze flicked to Finn. "Did you have many direct interactions with the general?"

"No. Phasma was my direct superior."

"Can you envision Phasma playing cards?"

Finn laughed. "Yeah, no. Definitely not."

"General Hux is cut from the same cloth. Diversion is not a word recognized in Command. You played in the lower ranks?"

"Sometimes," Finn admitted. "But we knew better than to let Phasma catch us. We were supposed to be highly disciplined. Gambling would have reflected badly on her, and we all knew it."

Ben nodded once. "Hux would not have allowed it, had he known."

"Would you have allowed it?" Rose asked suddenly, addressing him for the first time. "As Supreme Leader? If you'd known it was happening, I mean."

Ben looked at her. His face held no guile, only a pensive sort of regard. "No, I don't imagine I would have. However, upon consideration, perhaps such activities might be useful to relieve tension among the troops and prompt them to think strategically."

"You only say that because you're winning," Poe grumbled.

Ben's expression didn't change. "Perhaps. If I'd known my memory of the game would serve me this well I'd have instituted nightly tournaments a long time ago."

Silence followed this remark for a beat, and then Finn laughed. And Rose laughed. And Rey, dazzled by all that was transpiring, laughed joyfully. He glanced at her, a glow of pleasure surging from him which she could not mistake.

They played a few more hands until everyone has had run completely out of food. At that point, Rose — in much higher spirits now — announced she was headed to bed. The others agreed that it had gotten late enough that, should they be discovered, would warrant disciplinary action. Finn collected the suspension field generator and all the cards and congratulated Ben on his keen gambling sense. "You're creepily good at this. Are you sure you weren't reading our minds?"

"I believe that would be cheating," Ben returned mildly. "Sabbac is about probabilities."

Rose gave him a tentative smile. "Well…you should play with us again sometime."

Rey caught her look as she turned away, and gave Rose's arm a little touch of gratitude. She was fully aware of how much effort it had taken for the little engineer to endure this night.

"Rey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Poe asked quietly.

Surprised, she followed him a little ways from the group. His attitude had changed a little throughout the night too, though it hadn't thawed as much as the others. He hadn't changed his opinion of Ben in the slightest, but Rey  _did_  sense a shift. She just wasn't sure what it was about yet.

When they were far enough from hearing, he stopped and turned to her.

Rey hurried to go first. "Poe, I know this was an awful thing I asked of you. But thank you for staying."

"If anyone else had asked…" he shook his head. "Only for you, Rey."

"I know. I'm grateful."

He drew in a deep breath. "Look, Rey, you're right. You need friends around you. I've been wrong to treat you like a traitor. Let me make it right. Let's be friends again."

"That's all I wanted," she replied quickly, heart filling with relief. She laughed a little, understanding now. The shift she sensed was in her favor. He didn't care for Ben at all, but at least he had softened where she was concerned. It was enough.

He smiled too, that charming grin that transformed his strong jaw into something boyish and young. "Come flying with me tomorrow. I need to get in a cockpit again, I'm going crazy. I'm not assigned to any reconnaissance flights, but I  _should_  do some exercises. You know, to stay sharp. You're probably as claustrophobic as I am, so let's go."

Rey couldn't deny his offer was tempting. Getting out of the base and into the sky would be a nice distraction. But she hesitated. "I'd have to make sure there's a good window for it in my sched—"

"Forget your schedule," Poe urged. "Come on, you break the rules all the time. Not that any of them really apply to you anyway."

She grinned. "That's true."

"So you'll come?" He looked so eager. Eyes big and pleading. Somehow, he reminded Rey so much of BB-8 in that moment, she almost laughed.

"Alright," she finally agreed. "I'll come."

"Great!" He straightened with excitement. "Yes. Great. Let's go early, before the sun is fully up. We'll get back right after breakfast. It won't interfere with your day at all."

It would, a little. But she didn't say this for fear of casting a pall on the best mood she'd seen on him in a long time. She'd figure out the logistics herself, no need to bother him about it. He left after she'd agreed on the time, not bothering to say goodbye to anyone else. She watched him go with a curious, unsettled sensation within her. On the one hand, she didn't  _quite_  trust his sudden change of heart, fearing some ulterior motive for rekindling their friendship. On the other, she was so starved for that very friendship she didn't really care what that motive might be.

Returning to the others, she said goodnight to Finn and Rose before they headed off. Ben gathered up his spoils. "Where do these go?"

She blinked. "You're not keeping them? You won it fairly."

"What would I do with all of this?"

"Eat it?"

His brow furrowed as he scrutinized her. A blush crept over her cheeks as she realized the absurdity of her remark. Ben was a deliberate, careful eater, and she couldn't imagine him snacking away in his room to get through the huge stash he'd acquired.

"Um, they go over here." She showed him to the commissary larder where he deposited his spoils. Selecting one pack of Sweet-Sand Cookies, he handed it to her without comment and then abandoned the rest of his haul.

She turned the gift over in her hands as they walked the empty corridors together to his room. He probed curiously at her mind, no doubt interested in her aside with Poe. She ignored it, preoccupied with satisfying her own burning curiosity.

"Did you survive my terrible trick?" She asked, glancing at him.

"What trick?"

"Getting you all to play together. To be allies instead of enemies."

He expelled a quick breath of amusement. Not enough to be a laugh, or even a chuckle. Just a burst of air. "I suppose anything is better than being relegated to my cage."

She grinned. "It couldn't have been  _too_  bad. You absolutely destroyed us."

"It was…satisfying," he decided. More than satisfaction emanated from him, however. She sensed genuine pleasure had come from it — a kind she'd never sensed in him before. He liked the thrill of the game.

"If we were playing with actual money we'd all be broke," she mused.

He glanced at her. "According to you, isn't food more valuable than money?"

She stopped, turning to him with a sharp look. But his dark eyes glittered with mischief, provoking a surprised bubble of laughter from her. "The more I know about you, the less I understand you, Ben Solo. For all that sullen brooding, you've got a strong streak of humor hiding in there."

He shrugged, offering no further explanation for his behavior.

She ventured to another point, testing his reactions. "You seemed to get along well with Finn."

"His disposition is wrong for a Stormtrooper. It's fascinating. How a a glitch like him can slip through the programming Hux is so proud of — it begs further exploration. I wonder how many others like him lie dormant in their ranks."

"You sound like you have a plan forming."

"Mm…perhaps." He looked thoughtful. "The shadow of one."

Something inside her quickened with excitement. She tried to stifle it. "Would it help to spend more time with Finn? To pick his brain?" She realized her mistake and looked at him quickly. "No, not that. Poor choice of words. Please don't force your way into his mind."

He returned her glance, amused. "That  _would_  be the most effective method."

"Ben. Please."

"I've agreed to your terms, Rey. Your friend is safe."

"Thank you. So…" She paused, drawing a deep breath. "You won't be upset if he takes you to breakfast tomorrow instead of me?"

His pleasant mood suffered a twinge of unpleasant surprise, and he let it pass to her through their bond. "Is this related to your conversation with the pilot?"

"His name is Poe."

Ben watched her silently, waiting.

She studied the ground with furrowed brow. "Yes, it does. We're doing some flight exercises, and I think Finn would be the best person to—"

"To be my warden," he finished flatly.

She winced. "I wasn't going to say it that way."

"Say it however you want, it doesn't change the truth."

Trying to find a better spin on it was futile. Ben was right. He was not free to take himself to breakfast without her. He needed a babysitter. How far the Supreme Leader of the First Order had fallen.

They lapsed into silence for a time after that, slowly resuming their walk. Finally, Ben said softly, "I'll use the opportunity to explore my suspicions. Perhaps his supervision will yield benefits to our end goal."

They stopped in front of his door. She turned to him. "You're not angry?"

"No."

Once more, Rey had the peculiar feeling that some radical change was working within him — perhaps within her too. It stirred something deep within her. She felt the urge to touch him, to make physical contact as they had that night on the island.

"Your friends made great effort to tolerate me tonight," he remarked, deep voice low and reflective. "They must care for you deeply."

She blinked, drawn out of her own thoughts and into his. Scanning his face, she tried to decipher what lay beneath this observation. "I care for them too."

"They're like a family to you."

Rey hadn't really thought of it like that before. Her heart squeezed, tender and vulnerable all at once. And within him, she detected wistfulness and a quiet note of longing. He wanted what she had. They held common ground in the grief of abandonment and loneliness, but her response had been to assemble around her a family, and he had gathered unto himself only isolation and power. She was loved. He was feared. For the first time, perhaps ever, she felt profound regret coursing through him.

The urge to offer comfort swept through her like a tidal wave. She wanted to tell him that her family could be his family too — but she didn't. Couldn't. The words caught in her throat, held back by the fear of having her hopes dashed. The fear of his rejection, as she had so many times rejected his similar offer.

She passed her wrist in front of the sensor, the door slid open and Ben moved inside. He turned to look back at her. Desire swept through them both — not carnal, but emotional. Deep, from within their souls. She wanted to stay with him. He wanted her to stay. This need crashed against the rocky cliff of her mind, wrestling with her heart.

Rey swallowed, suddenly afraid.

"Goodnight, Ben," she whispered softly.

And then she fled.


	20. Nocturnal Ruminations

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Visions of cards and gambling filled Ben's fitful sleep that night, a welcome relief from the unceasing nightmares he usually had to endure to get any kind of rest. Instead of dread, these phantom games gave him the exhilaration of the chase. He dreamed of ever higher stakes, winning ever greater prizes. Against competitors of all species, he won again and again. Won weapons, won a ship, even won a planet. Soon he found himself playing against Armitage Hux for the entire galaxy. This was the game of his life, and he intended to win or die trying. Hux was a good strategist, but he operated by protocol and formal learning. This left him unprepared to take unlikely risks or pursue unconventional paths. Once he realized this, Ben abandoned his own efforts at doing anything the conventional way. He could keep Hux guessing if he kept improvising. The game he played was a hazy, vague contest somewhere between Sabbac and Dejarik, half chance, half strategy. The odds should have been impossible, but Ben could see where to play the probabilities to his advantage, risking much but always rewarded in the end. Soon, he surged with excitement, seeing an opportunity which was as utterly reckless as it was unexpected. Grinning, heedless of the unfavorable odds, he made his move. Now, at last, he would achieve his finest victory or fatal defeat.

And then — suddenly, he woke.

Eyes snapped open into near-blindness, heart thundering through his chest. Lingering adrenaline from the dream almost kept him from recognizing the buzz of warning in the back of his mind. Something about his surroundings had changed.

He sat up slowly, feeling outward with his Force senses to assess possible dangers. A living presence brushed against his mind. And breathing. Someone was breathing in the dark of his room. Had the assassination attempt come at last? So many of these rebels wanted to do it — fantasized about it daily. Their thoughts broadcast these ambitions to him unwittingly, though they more amused than annoyed him. If that was the case now, however, his assassin was an utter fool. He may not have his lightsaber, but he'd not needed anything so crude as a physical weapon to defend himself for a while. He flexed his phantom muscles, waiting for the predator to make another move.

But the breathing didn't change. It was soft, deep, and rhythmic. Like sleeping.

_Rey_.

The realization took the wind right out of his defenses, replacing them with quiet reverence and fascination. This was one of those Force connections, then. But... why? It hadn't happened since he was last on the  _Supremacy_ , and she'd shut it down before it had properly begun. Now they were in the same place, able to converse freely whenever they wanted. So why now? Not for the first time, he wished for the ability to ask the Force a direct question and receive a direct answer. He wasn't about to wake her up for a nighttime chat, so what was the purpose of this?

His gaze turned to the source of the sound, sweeping along her sleeping form across from him, on her own bed. He visually traveled the rise and fall of every curve. She was turned towards him, but he couldn't make out her face well in the darkness. It didn't matter, he remembered how she looked when she slept in their tree bungalow. Serene. Untroubled.

Easing himself back down, he relaxed and listened only to the sound of her breath pushing and pulling like waves murmuring against the shore. If he ignored the foreign smells of the rebel bunker and tropical planet, he could almost pretend they were back there on that unknown moon. Her proximity filled him with reassurance and comfort, tempering every thought and impulse.

It soothed him on an incomprehensible level to be near her. He could not understand the phenomenon, once more wondering how it was that a strange girl from a backwater junkyard world could have such a mysteriously powerful hold over him. Her mere presence tempered the perpetual hurricane of chaos within him. And if he'd ever feared that his initial fascination with her would fade upon better acquaintance, he'd been mistaken. His interest in her had only grown exponentially the more he came to know about her.

He rolled over, turning her direction, his heart full of questions he had no way of asking. Ben knew he had surrendered far too much to the scavenger. Over the past few weeks, he'd taken too many steps towards her. Going back now would be impossible. If he had to watch her walk away again — no, even the thought sent white hot barbs of pain through his whole body. She'd salvaged too much from the ruins of his soul.

He'd given her his dignity, allowing her people to imprison and monitor him like a common criminal.

He'd given her his ambitions, agreeing to let the Resistance destroy the First Order and everything Ben had planned to do with it. His authority. His power.

He'd given her his identity, letting her call him by his name. A name Snoke himself had forbidden anyone to use for so long, he almost didn't remember it belonged to him at all... until his father shouted it in the oscillator that day on Starkiller. She had no right to use that name, but the moment she spoke it he knew it belonged to her. He would never ask her to use anything else. It sounded right to hear her say it, reverberating down into some deep place within him and stirring up a person he'd long ago tried to suppress.

He let her touch him. Let her strip away everything he'd tried to build for himself. Question everything. Question the darkness, his loyalty, his methods, his  _master_. He let her take the person he thought he was. Let her take it all. Snoke had demanded so much of him, but what remained Ben freely gave to her.

It required no soul-searching, no convincing, no rallying his strength as it had with Snoke. It happened quietly and naturally. She was the singularity he was helplessly drawn to. He surrendered to her without hesitation or restraint, and without the promise of an equal return.

But miraculously, he  _did_  receive in return. And what she gave him was more valuable than anything he'd given up for her. She treated him as an equal, like no one in his life ever had. He'd struggled to be what others required of him since the very beginning. A burden on his parents, he'd been wrong for his mother's political world, and wrong for his father's adventuring one. Too strong in the Force for either of them to understand him. But pursuing a life of Force learning had only left him feeling degraded and diminished. Too plagued with darkness to be a Jedi, he'd earned Luke's murderous judgement. Too fraught with light to please Snoke, he had earned disappointment and disgust. He'd endured censure, abuse, and had even murdered his own father to finally find belonging and acceptance, yet had received further rejection.

But not with Rey. With her, it was different. She might wish he'd turn from the dark completely, but at least she understood and accepted the duality of his nature. She wrestled with her own duality, though she wasn't as conscious of the struggle. He saw darkness flare in her from time to time, saw equal parts purity and malice. Together they could explore the Force without anyone telling them they weren't enough. They didn't have to deny half of themselves to please any master. With Rey, Ben wasn't the apprentice. He taught, when his learning exceeded hers, but where it lacked they learned and discovered together. On equal footing.

The absence of trying to achieve something unattainable had allowed him a level of profound, primal relief he'd never felt before. It eased every ache and wound in his soul. He was allowed to just  _be_.

"Ben," Rey whimpered in her sleep, drawing his glance.

He propped himself up on one elbow, studying her, trying hard to see her face through the darkness. Did she sense his presence?

She squirmed, suddenly restless, though still asleep. Her brow creased in distress. "Ben…"

So much pleading in such a short syllable. He couldn't see the shape of her dreams, but he felt her panic. He sat up completely now, tempted to go to her bedside. Distrusting himself, distrusting this Force connection, he opted for verbal reassurance instead. His voice low and soothing, he murmured. "It's alright. You're safe."

"Stay," she begged, sounding like a frightened child. "Don't go."

"I won't," he promised. "I'll stay with you. Always."

"Stay…" this time her whisper drifted away in a sigh as she rolled to her other side and her body relaxed, slipping into deeper sleep where her nightmare receded.

Ben knew she wouldn't remember this in the morning — probably wouldn't even know this connection had happened at all. But his promise flowed over him, warm and pleasant. Whether she remembered it or not, he had meant it. No power in all the galaxy could compel him to leave her now. He'd only go if she asked.

He wanted to touch her — wanted it so badly he thought his whole body might burn up trying to resist the temptation. Just to feel her skin beneath his, even the brush of her fingertips against his own, would be enough.

Lying back down, he let out a long, slow breath of air. Ben knew he wasn't the only one who harbored strong feelings for her. The ex-stormtrooper did as well — he had perhaps the strongest affection of them all. And Rey returned that love ardently, fiercely. But something about their devotion to one another didn't trouble Ben. Though strong, it seemed benign. Fraternal.

The one whose affection for Rey rankled his nerves like the howl of a Rancor was that accursed  _pilot_. It hadn't been an issue before tonight. The man's anger and sense of betrayal had clouded any other sentiment he might have for Rey, but tonight's truce had cooled his temper and allowed the true feelings to resurface. And allowed Ben to become aware of them. The pilot liked Rey. He guarded a secret romantic interest in her. Ben stirred with jealous disdain for the man. He didn't seem worthy of her attention, though to be honest, he didn't seem to have exclusive access to it either.

Rey was difficult to decipher. Even with their connection, it was hard to dissect her various affections and determine who held what level of regard. She had so many. The umbrella of her heart was big enough for any who wanted in. She loved widely and freely, guarding herself against very little. It seemed foolish to Ben. A good way to get hurt.

His own tattered umbrella was big enough for just one person.

Her.

How had this happened? He tried to stifle his thoughts and go back to sleep, but it was impossible with her there, just a few feet away. He felt the irrational urge to confess to her every bewildering thing transpiring inside him, but he didn't want to wake her, and laying bare his innermost secrets was never something he had allowed himself to do before. Just trying to open himself up to her in the throne room had gone horribly wrong. No. Speaking these things aloud would not help him understand them any better.

The sound of his own breathing began to mirror hers as he started to relax. For however long the Force sustained this connection, he would savor it. She was so close. Not a couple corridors away, but here with him. In his room. And he in hers. Near, and somehow, not near enough.

He knew she felt bad for the way things had worked out for him this alliance thus far, and had tried to mitigate his discomfort and her own guilt by finding any excuse she had to be with him. To free him from his cell. She'd also plied him with calligraphy materials, holo maps, and lent him one of her stolen books to help him ward off boredom. Her concern for his welfare affected him more than he'd thought it would. It touched him, amused him, softened him. But what she did not know, unless she had felt it through their bond, was that he wasn't finding his captivity altogether unpleasant. He would endure much worse if it meant he could spend this much time observing her. Talking to her. Understanding her.

Cold, icy chills ran down his skin followed by powerful warmth as he was struck with a profound and dangerous realization. He would do anything to be allowed to be with her. Anything. Just to be near.

Dangerous indeed. He shuddered against the enormous risk. So much potential for so much pain, for devastating loss. He'd either be utterly destroyed by this, or transformed. But which? And was it worth it?

He knew the answer. He'd learned it this very night, in fact. There was thrill in the gamble.


	21. Shadows

**Rey**

* * *

High above the remote mountains of Evryn, two X-Wings rolled and dipped in a wild, roaring aerial dance. They chased each other across thousands of kilometers, ostensibly taking scans of the cities and surrounding jungle. This was their excuse, but their flight patterns revealed their true purpose: reveling in the freedom of the skies. They rocketed up into the blank expanse of stars and screamed along a vast, remote lake. Maneuvering and whirling around one another like birds in a mating ritual, they clearly felt no need to be stealthy or careful. Fortunately their scans reported no First Order activity to compel them to be more discreet. The sun glinted off the wings like flecks of light, dawn trailing behind them in a vapor of gold dust.

When they finally returned to the base, both pilots were flush with euphoria. Rey climbed out of the X-Wing first and sprinted to Poe's. He yanked off his helmet, grinning the biggest grin she'd ever seen.

"That was some fancy flying!"

"Me?" She laughed. "You! What were you even doing?"

He shook his head, unclipping his harness to climb out. "I was trying some new stuff — but you kept pace like it was old news, like you'd done it before. Nice work!"

She stepped back to make room for him at the bottom of the ladder. "It felt good," she admitted.

"I prefer being in the cockpit. It's like every problem stays on the ground and you get to just be alone with the stars."

"Yeah." She grinned. "Exactly."

Poe ran a hand through his hair, long dark lashes framing his eyes as they slid slyly in her direction. "I'm glad you came. You needed some distraction."

"Hopefully Finn's gotten along alright," she said lightly, deflecting. Thus far, she'd been able to avoid any direct conversation about her situation with Ben, and she wanted it to stay that way. Poe didn't really have anything to do with it, and she wasn't interested in hearing his opinions on the matter. Besides, she'd awoken this morning with the peculiar feeling that something between herself and Ben had shifted again. Somehow, she felt closer to him upon waking than she had the night before. It needed some examination, but not while Poe was around.

"You're the one who kept assuring him he'd be fine," Poe continued, drawing her thoughts back to Finn.

She expelled a short laugh. "I'm sure he is."

Finn hadn't been exactly thrilled about the plan when she explained it in the early hours, before he was even fully prepared for the day. He hadn't comprehended what they were asking of him until Rey slipped the wristband off her arm and onto his.

"What? No! I don't want to be his babysitter!" He'd protested vehemently. "What if he tries to kill me?"

"He won't," Rey assured him, sighing. "I thought we were past this."

"I totally trust him while  _you're_  around. But what happens when you're not? What if he tries his crazy mind-tricks on me and convinces me to let him go?"

"That only works on the weak-minded, which you're not."

He lowered his voice conspiratorially, glancing at Poe who stood beside him. "What if he forces open my brain like he did to Poe?"

"He promised he wouldn't."

"Finn," Poe had finally said, exasperated. "I don't like it either, but I think she's got him effectively leashed. And it's only breakfast! We'll be back before it's over."

Outnumbered, Finn had finally surrendered. Rey tentatively trusted what Ben had said the night before, so she felt reasonably certain everything had gone well this morning. But she didn't really know how the two of them would get along without her, and she had to admit — she was a little nervous about it.

Still. Poe didn't need to know that.

"Thanks again," she told him as they headed out of the hangar.

"My pleasure. We'll do it again sometime," he promised.

She wondered briefly about the wisdom in using fuel resources for something as frivolous as pleasure flying, but decided Poe probably knew more about that than she did. He was a commander, after all.

They discovered the truth of Finn's situation soon enough, when they found both he and Ben heading down the corridor that led from the commissary to Ben's room. The two of them were talking — which was a good sign. In fact, they were so deep in conversation they didn't quite notice Rey and Poe's approach.

"I told you they'd be fine," Rey laughed, drawing the attention of both men.

Finn's expression illuminated. "Rey! Poe! How was the flying?"

"Great." Poe grinned, his gaze flashing to Ben.

Rey nodded. "It felt good. How about you? How'd you get along?"

Ben met her glance. Though his expression didn't change, she felt the fleeting echo of relief and pleasure, and perhaps a twinge of jealousy through that undefinable channel that linked them. No annoyance or resentment, though, which was another good sign.

Finn, unaware of this exchange, answered for them. "Actually it was pretty good! Ren here —" He clapped Ben on the shoulder, received a stare from the taller man, and quickly withdrew his hand. "Uh…Ren thinks I might not be the only one."

"The only what?" asked Poe.

"The only bug in the system, as Phasma so lovingly put it," Finn said nostalgically.

Rey cocked her head to the side, considering. Was this what Ben was pondering last night?

"Finn," Poe complained, impatient.

"What I  _mean_  is that I might not be the only one who thought about desertion. I mean, in an army of tens of thousands, what are the odds?"

"I dunno, one in tens of thousands?" Poe guessed.

Finn shook his head. "No way. I can't accept that. It's gotta be bigger. I bet you anything there are others with secret doubts. People defected from the Empire way back in the day. Wasn't it an Imperial pilot turned traitor who helped the rebels get the plans to the first Death Star?" He glanced at Ben for confirmation.

Ben nodded once.

Finn continued, his eyes illuminating with the excitement of his idea. "There are others out there. I know it. I didn't question anything until that village on Jakku. Suddenly I couldn't do anything I'd been trained and programed to do my whole life. Maybe others are like that — devoted, until something happens that shakes them. Right now they're just lying dormant, like deactivated bombs."

Rey alerted to the mention of her homeworld. "What village?"

Finn had already defected when he met her. She'd never asked him what had spurred the decision, but she was startled to hear her dusty little corner of the galaxy played a role in his moment of courage.

"Tuanul," Poe replied darkly.

"Tuanul?" Rey echoed, the name evoking memories of the eccentric visitors to Niima Outpost from the little isolated community. The other scavengers sometimes laughed about the superstitions and outdated beliefs of these quietly fanatical believers, but in the end they were reasonably honest people who stuck to themselves and didn't make trouble unless trouble came to them first — which couldn't be said of most Jakku residents. She glanced at Finn, confused. "What purpose could stormtroopers possibly have in a tiny religious village?"

Finn didn't answer. He looked to Poe, whose gaze leapt directly, and accusingly, to Ben. Immediate tension swelled between all three.

Ben met Poe's stare evenly for a long, somehow dangerous moment.

Rey frowned. Darkness swirled around Ben, curling in against him like tendrils of smoke. She felt it, and recognized that something significant had passed between the three of them which she did not understand. It made her uneasy.

"I heard rumors…" she shook her head. "I didn't believe them because why would anyone want to ransack Tuanul? Niima Outpost is bigger and richer — though that's not saying much. Tuanul had nothing."

"What happened there was senseless," Poe said, an icy edge to his voice.

Rey shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly she was certain she did not want to know more. "...But it triggered something in Finn. And now he wants to activate dormant bombs," she prompted.

"Right," Finn seized this way out and took it. "Exactly. Ren thinks we should use  _me_  as the thing that activates them. The spark that lights the fire."

"How?"

"We might need Rose's help on this, or if we can get Maz here that would be even better. But if we can figure out a way to broadcast directly into the comms link in their helmets — if we can slice into the signal the commanders use, I can record some propaganda as the one who got away and feed it into their helmets. Like the voice of their conscience."

Poe squinted dubiously. "You want to send recorded messages telling them to revolt?"

"Something like that, yeah. I know how these guys think, how they operate, and the little acts of defiance they still cling to. Like playing Sabbac after hours. Spending a little too much time in the cantinas. Things like that. If I can exploit those little rebellions into something bigger, we might be able to deprogram them. Obviously we'll have to do it carefully."

"We'll definitely need Maz on this," Poe ruminated. "It's either really stupid, or really crazy."

Finn grinned at Ben, who offered the barest nod of encouragement in return. "Yeah, maybe a little of both."

"Okay." Poe sighed. "Let's go present it to the General and see what she thinks."

Rey, still shaken but trying to focus on the brilliance of this plan, smiled. "She'll go for it, no doubt. But I'll let you take it to her without us. I think Ben and I should get back to the schedule."

Finn nodded, slipping the wristband off his arm and back onto hers. "Not that is hasn't been a good time, Ren, but I'm a little glad to get this thing off of me."

"I agree," Ben said mildly.

With a promise to find her later and report on Leia's decision, Finn and Poe hurried off. Rey turned to Ben, conflicting emotions complicating her reaction to being left alone with him now. She was glad to see him again, still curious about the strange closeness she woke up with, but somehow this business with Tuanul had made her feel unsettled. She found it difficult to look him in the eye.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly. He knew. He could see.

"I…don't know."

It was strangely alienating to realize Poe, Finn, and Ben had all shared a horrible experience together while she was still accepting Plutt's unfair payment for her meager daily haul. It made her feel small and insignificant. Worse than that, however, was the persistent ache in her stomach at the memory of the rumors.

She glanced reluctantly at Ben, but her gaze dropped again immediately. "You were there?"

"I was."

The gossip around the scrubbers had brought her such heinous, incomprehensible reports that she struggled to believe them. Reports of a massacre, of utter destruction, of slaughter. She shuddered. Finn had been there, tasked with that slaughter. Poe was captured there, plucked for torture. And Ben…

She felt sick.

"Rey," he said softly. "Look at me."

A more difficult request she couldn't imagine. His face was one she had come to know so well, it felt more familiar than her own. But right now, she also saw the eyes of a murderer. Of course she'd always known this about him — had witnessed it herself, in fact. But these days it was easy to forget. The reminder felt like cold water dumped over a warm fire. Her affection and regard for him sputtered under this painful realization.

"What I've done I can't take back. I did it because I thought it was right." His expression was guarded, carefully masked, but she felt his vulnerability. He wanted her to understand. He was afraid she wouldn't.

She softened. They'd come so far since those early connections when all she could do was spew venom at the devil she perceived him to be. She knew that black deeds marked his past, but she'd seen so much deeper than those deeds, to the truth of him. And whatever happened on Tuanul was not the truth of him. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize for your horror at my actions. You're not the one in the wrong."

"I've convinced us both that everything you did in the name of Kylo Ren doesn't matter," she admitted. "But I guess it still does."

He reached tentatively for her, fingers hesitating before they sought her own. "It  _does_  matter. To you. To me. Especially this, because it happened so close to your home. I destroyed part of your world. Had I known that a scavenger in the Graveyard would come to mean so much to me and that this action would hurt her, I might have made a different choice back then."

Her heart leapt into her throat, gaze dropping to her hand in his. She swallowed, issuing a question which could easily ruin the gentle sentiment he'd just expressed. "Is it only because of me that you'd do it differently?"

His mouth twisted in wry amusement. "That's a difficult question to answer. Without your corruptive influence, I would still be in the service of Snoke and making more of the same choices. If I feel regret over my actions in Tuanul, it's entirely your fault. I know you don't want to be the reason, but you can't escape your guilt in this."

A slow smile teased and then grew over her own face. Finally she laughed a little, very softly. The action of it released any lingering tension in her chest. "I guess I don't mind being guilty, then."

He let her hand drop again, pleased that the situation was stabilizing. "What do you think of Finn's plan?"

"Finn?" Her brow lifted. "Not  _the traitor_?"

Ben shrugged. "I can't call him a traitor without calling myself one as well, I suppose. Besides, it's more comfortable to say than FN-2187."

She grinned. "Yes, it is. The plan is interesting, but I don't know much about stormtroopers. You think it will work?"

"I do. Hux believes his training method, and I think that very hubris prevents him from seeing how fragile his system is. Finn could be the key to shattering it."

Warm pleasure zipped through Rey at the idea that her favorite friend might suddenly become the most important piece in the new rebellion.

"Did you enjoy your flight?" Ben asked, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I did." They began walking now, closing the distance between their position and Ben's door.

"X-Wings are nimble machines in the right hands," he remarked. "It's been a long time since I flew one, but I remember the thrill."

"I'd like to fly your  _Silencer_  for comparison." She imagined the sleek, deadly vessel sitting abandoned on that moon. If Ben intended to go back one day to fix her up, she intended to go with him.

He glanced at her, a flash in his eye. "There's no question which is superior. You'll see."

She laughed. "Maybe, maybe not, but I mean to find out."

They arrived at his room, and after submitting to the mandatory inspection by a guard she did not know, she activated the access. "I'll go get the books and we can study  _before_  training today. Is that alright?"

He shrugged. "You're the warden."

Stepping away after he'd gone inside, she felt a peculiar sensation bubbling up from some place within her. The horror and harrowing solemnity of moments ago was gone completely, replaced by something that reminded her of how she felt this morning, soaring high above the planet. It had all the gut-wrenching euphoria of a steep aerial dive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter marked the halfway point! The stakes will only rise from here. Coming up next: dinner with a side of nosey-mama Leia.


	22. The Trouble With Skywalkers

**Rey**

* * *

"That stance is a little too open. It leaves you vulnerable." Ben touched the end of his metal training rod to her stomach. "See?"

Rey frowned, setting the end of her staff down for a moment so she could wipe the sweat from her brow. "In real combat I wouldn't be going so slow."

"Neither would your opponent."

"I beat you fighting this way, and the Praetorians."

"The point of this training is to improve, isn't it?"

She sighed, wrinkling her nose at the idea of trying this maneuver yet again. "Okay. Once more."

"Here. Try it like this." He dropped his own faux weapon and moved in close, guiding her hands back to her staff. He pressed it in closer to her body. His hands found her waist, shifting her into a better position. A tingle ran through her at this touch, prompting her heart to skip a beat.

She jerked away, throwing him a little glare and muttering, "I can do it myself."

He nodded and backed up. Picking up his own weapon, he positioned himself. "Ready?"

"Ready."

This time when they clashed, Rey moved a little quicker and kept herself from exposing too much of her body as she swung for an attack.

"Good," Ben said with relish, ducking away from her staff's aim at his head.

The proximity alarm on the door chimed softly into the room. They both straightened in surprise even as the access panel flicked to green and the door slid open.

Leia appeared in the doorway. Her gaze traveled between them.

"Sorry to interrupt." She didn't sound sorry. "I thought you'd be about finished here."

Rey moved towards her, Ben drawn with her like a magnet. "It's alright. We are finished. Is everything okay?"

"Yes. But I think we should speak. Would the two of you mind joining me for dinner?"

Rey blinked. Dinner? But, why? Thus far, Leia had left the two of them largely to their own devices. Either her schedule was too busy to permit much interaction with them, or her own doubts about how to behave around her son had prevented it. This invitation, therefore, came most unexpectedly. Rey glanced at Ben, who wore a look of puzzlement.

"Um, no, of course not," she said quickly.

Leia nodded. "Come to my apartment after you wash up. We'll dine there — I always take my meals in private."

She vanished again just as abruptly as she came. When the door slid shut behind her, Rey turned to her partner with a quizzical frown. "What is that about?"

He shook his head. "I couldn't sense it."

"Me neither." The only thing Rey had picked up from the regal woman was vague displeasure. "A private dinner with her…?"

"Such an honor." A touch of sarcasm colored Ben's tone. He handed his training pipe to Rey. "That last time was much better. You're a quick study."

She smirked, snatching it from him. "Your surprise offends me."

"Not surprised, just impressed." He followed her out and into the hallway. "None of Hux's new bodyguards are this naturally gifted."

"Aren't the Knights of Ren supposed to be the fiercest Force users in the galaxy?"

"That is their reputation, yes, but Snoke was largely responsible for that. They're ruthless, yet their Force abilities are mediocre at best. They're stronger as a fighting unit. If we can separate them, I've no doubt you could take out each one on your own."

Rey remembered the disturbing images she'd seen of Kylo Ren flanked by his agents during that chaotic, nauseating vision in Maz's basement. At the time, she'd been too disoriented, too overwhelmed with fear to ever conceive of taking them on in combat. Honestly, her fight with the Praetorians had done more to bolster her confidence in her own abilities than anything else ever had. Because of that, she could now imagine cutting down each and every one of the terrifying masked figures bearing down on her in the rain.

Except the one. Their leader. Cutting him down was the last thing she wanted to do to him now.

"How many are there?" She asked him, distracting herself from the fleeting memory of just minutes ago, when his hands applied gentle pressure to her waist.

"Four."

"I thought I saw more than that…" she murmured.

He glanced at her, brow lifting curiously. "Two didn't come. What do you mean you  _saw_? We haven't all been together in years."

She waved him off. "It's complicated."

"I'm familiar with complicated."

Rey expelled a soft breath. "It happened on Takodana. I found Luke's lightsaber. When I touched it I saw…a vision, I guess. I saw and heard many things. It was confusing. But I saw you and others. You were masked, so were they. You killed a man in front of me. It was raining."

"Did I see you?" he asked.

"Yes. You started coming towards me."

"Did I reach you?"

"No, the scene changed. Later, I saw you in the snow, hunting me."

He was quiet for a long time. So long that they arrived at her room before he spoke a word again. They both entered.

"So when you saw me for the first time, it wasn't really. You'd seen me in that vision first." His words came slowly, thoughtfully.

"That's true." She set down the items and sat on the edge of her bed, unwinding her belt and slipping off her shoes. Normally she waited to shower until after Ben went back to his room, but there wasn't time for that now. She'd be ready to go in after him as soon as he was done. But he wasn't moving towards the door. She felt his eyes on her, and glanced up. His gaze tracked her actions.

"Are you thinking that vision means something?" she asked. "Because all this time later I still can't make sense of it. I saw Luke at the burning training temple. I saw you and the Knights of Ren. I saw my parents leaving me behind. I saw you hunting me. I heard voices I didn't recognize, calling me, promising to come back for me, telling me these were my first steps. What does all of that mean?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "I think the Force was trying to show you your place in this story."

"I thought I didn't have one."

He frowned. She knew he didn't like it when she threw his own words back in his face, and felt sorry she'd reflexively done that now.

"I'm most intrigued by the knowledge that we met through that vision. You recognized the villain from your nightmare when you shot at me in the woods."

She wasn't sure what to say about this, and so said nothing. Her nightmare had sprung to life before her very eyes that day in the woods, and all she could do was shoot. It was self-preservation. Instinct.

"Snoke was a liar," Ben decided.

She blinked. "I don't disagree, but how do you get there?"

"The Force was starting to connect us long before Snoke even knew who you were." He turned and entered the washroom, shutting the door behind him and leaving her to puzzle over this by herself.

Clearly it meant something significant to him, although she couldn't really dredge up much more significance now than she had at the time. Let Ben ruminate on the greater mysteries of Force visions. She was more interested in what was right before her face. Right now, for example, the impending dinner with Leia. Better to think about that. Not the vision, and definitely not the tiny moment in the training room when something inside her stirred into awareness.

When her turn came to use the washroom, she chose a cold setting to wash away the sweat and the distracting memory of Ben's touch.

* * *

 

Leia welcomed them with a pleasant smile that belied her earlier sternness. Her private apartment was significantly bigger than Rey had imagined, rather more like two apartments combined into one. In the front room, she had a small table neatly arranged to receive her two guests, along with a divan and a desk. The adjacent room had a modest bed and nightstand. For some reason, Rey expected the woman who had grown up royal and was, after all, a true princess to have more expensive and extravagant taste. But Leia's accommodations were simple. Practical. Though her apartment was spacious, it didn't have any austerity.

She motioned for the two of them to sit at the table, but did not indicate which seats they should take. They ended up side by side, across from where Leia chose for herself. The food prepared on the table wasn't from the commissary.

"I hope you like Corellian fare," Leia said, catching Rey's interest in the spread. "There is a restaurant in the city I like to patronize."

"I've never had it," Rey admitted.

"Like most things Corellian," Ben explained mildly, "It's known for being greasy and spicy."

Rey lifted a brow in his direction. Greasy and spicy didn't sound so bad to her, but then very few things did. "Do you like it?"

He glanced from her to his mother. "I do."

Leia smiled, so genuinely that it cast a sparkle through her dark, friendly eyes. "Ben ate a lot of different kinds of food growing up, but Corellian was always a staple. Especially when Han was around. He'd eat anything, of course, but I liked reminding him of his homeworld."

At this, Ben looked away.

Rey perceived that his appetite had suffered a sudden setback. Hers, however, had been stoked by the tantalizing smells, and her nervousness about the tone of this meeting was receding under Leia's seemingly pleasant mood.

"What did you eat on Jakku?" asked the older woman conversationally as she served them both heaping platefuls.

Rey accepted hers gratefully. "Not…not much. Survival rations. Mostly veg-meat and polystarch portion bread."

Silence followed this remark for a few uneasy seconds. Leia's face betrayed no reaction, careful politician that she was. Still, Rey knew her answer had not been what the woman expected to hear. Ben's fork paused on its way to his mouth, the only small signal that he too had been affected by this news.

She quickly tried to amend her statement. "We don't grow much edible ourselves, so all food is imported. Those who can afford more — I'm sure they eat the same kinds of things you'd find everywhere else in the Western Reaches. Teedos eat spinebarrel flesh and nightblossom rind, but few others do. The only thing we grow and make ourselves for general consumption is Knockback Nectar, and trust me, you don't want to try it."

Her attempt to lighten the blow of her earlier revelation with levity worked. Leia grinned. "I'm sure I don't. Everywhere in the galaxy people boast that theirs is the most powerful drink, meant only for the strongest and bravest. It has been my experience that most of it is just shy of poison and not worth the boasting rights."

Rey laughed. "That sounds about right. Knockback makes your teeth buzz, and that can't be a good sign."

"Certainly not. The strongest I can tolerate is Jetfuel," said Leia.

"You drink Jetfuel?"

As she and Leia discussed the consumption of hangar-made moonshine, Rey couldn't help noticing Ben's silence as he methodically picked at his plate. She reached for him mentally and found quiet discomfort, guilt, and self-consciousness.

"You've been all around the galaxy too. What's the worst drink you've tried?" she asked, trying to draw him into the conversation.

He didn't look up from his plate. "I don't drink. It dulls the senses, particularly the Force, and slows your reaction time. I don't enjoy that feeling."

Rey didn't have much experience herself, certainly not like Leia. Knockback Nectar was never something she could afford. She'd only tried it once when she was much younger. Unkar had given it to her in front of some of his cronies, and her reaction to it had amused them to no end. She'd never wanted to try it again since. And nobody was about to waste anything imported on her, so she only knew what the stories told about the various other kinds of drink.

Leia gave her son a strange look — equal parts understanding and wistful all at once. Rey could not fathom its meaning. But rather than expound on her thoughts, Leia changed the subject.

"So, Ben, this plan you and Finn developed…"

Now Ben did look up, meeting his mother's gaze from across the table. "I believe it will work."

Leia nodded once. "It's a good one. I can't believe we didn't think of it before. People defected from the Empire all the time back in the days of the first rebellion. I'm not sure why we've been treating Finn like the he's the only one who will ever come out of the First Order. In fact, I believe others have already defected but are in hiding. If we can draw them out and convince them to fight for us, that will help."

Ben leaned forward a little towards his mother, a glint of interest now illuminating those eyes which so eerily mirrored hers. "What is your strategy?"

"I'll be sending instructions to our spies and war dogs throughout the galaxy to be on the lookout. Finn can help us identify what characteristics to watch for based on what he would have done had he not met up with us first. We're trying to contact Maz to see if she can teach Rose about slicing so we can begin right away recording Finn's propaganda. In the meantime, several planets have secretly declared for us. Kashyyyk, Jelucan, Atterra Bravo, Mon Cala, Ryloth, most recently. Others are on the cusp. Our numbers here are about to swell as emissary and support troops arrive."

Rey listened as she attacked her plate, deciding she had little contribute here but much to gain by observing. Her experience and interest in larger strategy games were both limited. Her life had only ever been focused on self-preservation and a strong survival instinct. The only strategy her life had required was knowing when to hoard her rations for those days of scarcity, which items to trade to Unkar and which to keep for herself, and how to defend her territory against Teedos. Ben was better versed in the art of war and could give his mother input. Rey just wanted to be told where to point her lightsaber.

The topic seemed to have a strange effect on both her companions. All the awkwardness of their last few interactions began to recede, as they discovered a topic on which they could collaborate equally. Ben gave his thoughts and Leia soaked it up, presenting new spins he hadn't considered. If Leia had ever wished for a child who could follow her into a life of politics, she was now discovering that she had one who could follow her into a life of war. And Ben had stumbled onto common ground with his mother, a place devoid of those touchy topics which strained their relationship.

Rey watched with some satisfaction as Ben became more animated and participatory than she'd ever seen him.

"With the help of Kashyyyk, we could hit their artillery supply base on Balamak. It's massive — crippling that would badly wound their ability to weaponize," Ben motioned between two dishes of food as if it were a battle map.

Leia nodded, brow furrowing as she considered this. "When Sisiyylmoawk arrives with her support troops, I'll discuss the idea in greater detail."

"Will Chewie go with them?" Rey heard herself ask, then quickly swallowed her bite in chagrin. She hadn't meant to interrupt, especially with a question that didn't have to do with strategy. Worry for her big hairy friend had suddenly struck her and loosened her tongue.

Leia smiled, apparently not the least bit bothered. "No doubt he will, especially because his son will certainly volunteer for a mission such as this, and Chewie isn't about to let Waroo get into trouble without him."

Rey startled at this mention of a son. Chewie had never spoken of a family. Then again, he hadn't really spoken much of his life at all. Somehow, she felt even more affection for him, knowing he was a father.

Leia sat back, sighing. "This is good progress. It's what we've been hoping for." Her gaze met Ben's again, softening. "You are changing the tide of this fight, son."

"I'm only here because of Rey," Ben said, deflecting. "If you need to find someone to thank, it's her. I'd be dead on a moon in the Unknown Region if she hadn't come."

"I'm well aware of the debt we all owe her," Leia said gently. But there was something off about her expression. She looked…reluctant. "Rey," she began.

The issuance of her name in that tone returned the knot of unease to her stomach. It didn't help that she felt echoes of Ben's own sudden concern.

"I've already spoken to Poe about this, but I'm afraid I need to mention it to you as well. This morning's little excursion — it can't happen again. At least not in the way it happened this morning. I need to know when you're planning on assigning someone else to fulfill your responsibility in regards to Ben's movements around this base."

Rey could bear chastisement. She could not bear the thought that Leia thought she had been irresponsible. She cringed. "I'm sorry. You're right, we should have told you."

"She sought my approval of the plan before deciding to do it," Ben said with sudden coldness. "I told her it was alright if Finn acted as my escort."

"I'm glad to hear it, but she needs to inform me as well. Instead I had to field angry accusations that I had lied when people saw Kylo Ren walking around without the only person who can check him if situations arise."

"Leia, I'm sorry," Rey said quickly, before Ben could react to the flash of anger she detected in him. "It won't happen again."

"I realize this was mostly Poe's doing," Leia acknowledged, a little more gently now. "He can be charming and persuasive. I know. That's why I gave the bigger lecture to him." She winked.

Rey ventured a little smile. "It was his idea, but I'm the one who agreed. I knew Finn would be safe with Ben, but I didn't even think about how it would come back on you. I'm sorry."

"My imprisonment shouldn't be yours. Your life doesn't have to end because I'm here," Ben muttered.

"It hasn't." She shifted in her seat so she was facing him more, boring into his eyes with her own to impress upon him the honesty of her next statement. "I don't feel trapped. I'm glad you're here. I want to be with you. Flying this morning was fun, but not better than training or studying the Force with you."

Rey could feel Leia closely observing their interaction, but she ignored this, favoring instead her own intense scrutiny of Ben's reaction to what she just said. He looked doubtful, stubborn, not quite believing. She willed him to feel her sincerity, opening her mind freely to him so that he could search out the truth for himself. He did. She felt his aggressive mental probing, hunting for any sign of deceit.

He quickly became perplexed, finding nothing but exactly what she said. She derived the greatest pleasure from their moments together. Agreeing not to fly with Poe again wasn't a sacrifice.

Leia made a soft sound, drawing Rey's attention back once she was satisfied Ben had finally understood.

"You two are very close," murmured the older woman, thoughtful.

"A byproduct of being able to read each other's thoughts, I guess," Rey hedged.

"Perhaps." Leia smiled. "Luke and I had an understanding kind of like that. We could feel each other's thoughts. I thought it was more a twin thing than a Force thing, but maybe it was a bit of both."

"Did your mother have the Force as well?" Rey said after a moment of hesitation. She wanted to know more about Luke and Leia's strange origins, and Ben's by extension, but she feared intruding where she did not belong. Something within her craved to be part of their story, their legacy. She wanted a place among them. To have meaning and identity and family. To be part of something larger. But she wasn't. So her question might be inappropriate.

Ben, perhaps detecting these thoughts, turned his soft gaze on her.

Leia didn't seem bothered. "No, she wasn't. Or at least, nothing I have learned about her suggests it. She was extremely talented in other ways. I wish I could have known her."

There was a rueful longing in Leia's final thought that Rey recognized well. She nodded. "She must have been remarkable, to be the mother of the Skywalker twins. She left you with so much strength."

"I often wonder how much of that comes from her, and how much comes from Vader. Anakin, I guess. Luke hated it when I called him that."

Rey glanced at Ben. "Does the Force always pass from parent to child?"

"So far, it seems so." Leia looked briefly amused. "With us, anyway. Given that both generations have produced Force-sensitive children despite paring with ungifted partners, I believe it is a dominant trait. But it can spring up in families with no history of Force ability too, so who knows?"

"I wonder what would happen if both parents were Force users," Rey mused, mind turning to her own shadowy parents. Did either or both of them have it in them? She doubted it. Nobody who had this gift could possibly want to settle for the life of a junk trader.

Leia glanced at her son. "I wonder that as well."

Ben pushed his plate away by a few inches. "Everything I know about the Force suggests that a responsible user would never pass on their gift to another generation. Let the Force choose its own agents," he waved vaguely in Rey's direction, "Rather than construct dynasties."

Rey snuck some of his uneaten food off his plate, frowning at his assessment. It sounded like he was blaming Leia, and even Vader.

If Leia caught that meaning, however, she didn't show it. Instead she watched Ben for a long moment, a twinge of sadness pulling at the corner of her mouth. Eventually, she nodded. "Perhaps you're right. It's a difficult burden to pass on. From Anakin on down, each of us has struggled to navigate the pull of light and dark, sometimes to disastrous result."

Rey thought of Luke. Fear and trauma led him straight to a dark deed, which though incomplete, pushed his nephew over the edge into the arms of Snoke. The Skywalkers did not wrestle against the dark in private. Every decision they made seemed to ripple across the galaxy in ever expanding consequences.

Leia sighed. "For what it's worth, my boy, you and I are the last ones left. Shmi had no other children, Anakin had no other children, and you are our only heir. No cousins or distant relatives can perpetuate the line. The decision to go on rests on you alone."

"It ends with me," Ben said firmly.

Rey paused in her bite, feeling Leia's attention turn to her. She glanced up to meet the woman's gaze. Leia was searching for something. What? Did she want Rey's own thoughts on this subject? She didn't have any. This particular part of the conversation belonged to mother and son alone, and she didn't have any ideas about her own future beyond the destruction of the First Order. That was important. She didn't want to speculate. It dredged up too many questions about what she and Ben were meant to do after all of that, or whether their destinies ended at the close of the war. Better to deal with what was before them right now, not in some far off day.

Or perhaps, if Finn and Ben's plan worked, not so far off after all.

* * *


	23. Bury It With Hate

**Ben Solo**

* * *

With Leia's approval of the plan, everyone got to work right away. Ben did not know this Maz person everyone kept talking about, but Rey assured him that she was the right expert for the job. Getting her to come, however, proved a monumentally difficult task. According to the reports Finn delivered during meals or games of Sabbac, she was spearheading a series of guerrilla attacks against First Order outposts and enforcement units. Whichever planet she traveled to began to experience irritating disruptions to their well-oiled routines.

This information provided Ben with a private source of entertainment. In those times when he was confined to his room alone, he amused himself by imagining Hux's bewildered frustration at these attacks — too small to warrant his personal attention, but too much of a nuisance to go unnoticed. Ben also knew that these events, when stacked atop the greater strikes planned by the rebellion, would add up to real damage very quickly.

"What she's doing is important," Finn had admitted, "but we really need her here. She's the best slicer we know, and we need her to teach Rose."

Rose didn't say anything about this. She seemed too deep in thought to pay attention to the conversation.

"We could go get her," Rey offered, grinning over her cards. "Just pluck her from whatever planet she's on and bring her here."

"Kidnap Maz?" Poe laughed. "Then she'd for sure never help us."

Ben quietly won that round of the game, distracting them from the course of the conversation when they realized how badly they'd been trounced.

He tolerated the increased association with the others because Rey wanted him to, and because he now had something to work on that involved their unique set of skills. But he still struggled to feel the affection for them that Rey hoped he would. He knew she did — felt it rising in her like the light cresting at dawn. She believed he was becoming friends with Finn, because their interactions had become dramatically less hostile and they frequently fell into discussion now. Ben knew he should correct her — ought to snuff out these notions which, in the end, would only wound her when they proved untrue. But he couldn't. They were too far past connected now; her disappointment would affect him profoundly. He couldn't hurt her like that.

Better to let her believe he was coming to friendly terms with Finn.

The truth was that Finn was a necessary pawn to his overall strategy, a resource to exploit. Same thing with the little engineer who aided them.

But he could not pretend to be friends with that damned pilot. Ben saw too much in the minds of everyone he encountered. He knew how many of them worshipped Poe, seeing him as the fearless hero wholly devoted to their cause. Everyone showered so much  _respect_  upon him, it disgusted Ben. They didn't know the truth of the man. He did. What he'd seen inside the pilot's mind on the  _Finalizer_  hadn't inspired any awe. The man was fearless, yes, but also reckless. Too much bravado and too little forethought, so absorbed in the ideals of the Resistance that he was blind to consequence and often blind to people.

"Can they not see that he would sacrifice any of them in a heartbeat if he thought it would win the war?" Ben mused one night to Rey after voicing some of his irritation. Their study had led them to a discussion of strict adherence to a certain dogma or flexible discernment, spirit of the law versus letter. Ben's thoughts had turned to the fiercely dogmatic Poe.

"You do recognize the irony of that statement coming from  _you_ , don't you?" she responded pointedly.

He frowned. "You defend him, even though he turned his back on you the moment your choices contradicted his plan?"

She sighed. "Ben, are you really so different? You adhere to the teachings of the dark side with such fixation that it has made you blind, too. It has clouded your ability to recognize right from wrong. Isn't that exactly what you're accusing Poe of?"

This accusation provoked him. He perceived it as wildly unfair, given all he had given up and changed  _for her_. His voice snapped through the air like the crack of a whip. "I've never pretended to be a hero. I've never claimed to be anything other than the evil that I am."

"You're  _not_  evil, Ben!" Rey cried, stirred to anger herself now. She stood up, glaring at him with a familiar venom. "But I don't understand why you think you have any right to question Poe's heroism when the line that separates the two of you is thin. The difference between you is that Poe tries to help people, tries to be friends with people, tries to protect, while you just shut everyone out and pretend you don't have a soul."

Heat like he hadn't felt in a while flashed through his veins, flaring to life with molten intensity. But it was Rey, and he couldn't vent that blaze on her in any capacity — not physically, not verbally — he couldn't even let it leak through the bond they shared lest it burn her. So he'd swallowed it and merely said with steely coldness, "It's late. You should go."

"Fine," she growled, snatching her book off his bed and marching out.

It took a while for his anger to cool that night. Didn't they share almost every thought, now? Couldn't she see how intolerable it was that she would defend him? The man who had cast aside their friendship like a filthy raiment soiled by her association with Ben? Couldn't she see how it stung? Later, when he calmed down, he acknowledged that he couldn't really expect anything different from her. She'd come to his own aid immediately and without question, despite his betrayal of her faith in him. Rey forgave. She protected. She guarded those she held dear. Irritatingly, that included Poe.

The worst of it, however, and perhaps the true source of Ben's resentment towards Poe, had nothing to do with Rey at all. It was the place Poe had in Leia's heart. Ben sensed it every time he saw the two of them talking. Earlier that very day, in fact, his mother had come to Ben seeking counsel on the planned attack on Balamak. Ben had surreptitiously searched her feelings and found confirmation of his suspicion there.

Leia loved Poe. Like a son. Like he was  _her_  son.

And Ben knew why. He was the son she and Han had wished for — who emulated both her own iron will and Han's brash courage. The pilot who could have flown the Falcon beside a smuggler, the protege who could have learned at the knee of a senator. The outgoing, likable charmer — not the quiet, sensitive child who preferred calligraphy to people. Poe would not have disturbed his parents with an immense power inside him and nowhere to put it. He would not have provoked his uncle to attempted murder. He was the son they should have had.

And Poe loved Leia as his mother. Worshipped her, almost.

This stoked a deep rage within Ben — one he barely managed to keep concealed from Rey. Her calming presence helped him swallow these feelings, but when she came to Poe's defense it threatened to boil over. He couldn't bear it.

All of this was exacerbated by the reconciliation between Poe and Rey. Now he was willing to sit with them during meals or talk with them in the corridors. It had eased the malicious rumors that surrounded Rey, but it had also stirred up Poe's personal interests in her. Interests which seemed plainly obvious to Ben, but which never seemed to register with Rey. It also made Poe secretly hostile to Ben, and that hostility radiated from him every time they were together. He managed to hide it well enough to convince Rey that he was fine with Ben now. She was blind too. Blind like Poe, blind like Ben. Her need to believe the best of people made her ignore the truth. She had to sense it! But she didn't want to, so she didn't.

Rey needed to believe her world was falling into place. That all the pieces of her collected, composite family could coexist harmoniously.

She was still so naive sometimes.

Yet for all that, and despite their argument, Ben could not help himself whenever she was around. Irritation fled, replaced with docile pleasure. His fascination was growing into something more, and every passing moment in her company made the feeling stronger. She was weaving herself into every fiber of his being.

Despite her lack of assistance, Rose got busy trying to work out a method of broadcasting the recordings on her own. This required Ben and Finn to feed her what information they could about the technology of the First Order. Rey accompanied these consults, as Ben's custodian, though she often said little. Still, it was enough to just have her there. Between meals, training, studying, and now the propaganda strategy, there were very few times throughout the day when they were not together.

Ben recognized what was happening inside him, but he feared it. Denied it. Buried it.

Buried it beneath a healthy dose of hatred for Poe. That seed kept Kylo Ren alive in him, despite the slow death his persona was dying under Rey's indomitable light.

The work with Finn and Rose helped too — gave him something to do and something to think about. It allowed him to focus on what really mattered — Armitage Hux and those traitors he'd been foolish enough to consider his allies.

He didn't even let himself think the word  _friends_. Hadn't done so since that night at the training temple.

When his friends turned against him.

Those fellow students who trained beside him, laughed with him, sympathized with the confusing feelings of the Force stirring within them all. The first girl he'd ever kissed had been among them. The first time his heart stirred with desire. Not one of them was as gifted as he was, but they gave him the association he'd been craving his entire life. Privately, Ben wrestled with something they did not, and he still woke in the night to dark whispers filling his head with painful truths of abandonment and rejection. But during the day, these fellow students were all companions on a similar mystical journey.

Until they weren't.

In the end, they abandoned him like everyone else. They chose a murderer. Fighting for his life that night, he'd tried to explain it to them, but they would not hear. They shut their ears to his truth and refused to believe that their master would attempt something so evil. They gave Ben up as lost and tried to punish him for what he'd done to Luke. He didn't want to kill them, but even more than that, he didn't want to die. They'd given him no choice.

Only a few stood beside him that night. Those faithful few. Now, at last, they too had turned against him. These final companions had come to the aid of Hux, to be his executioners.

And thus the last threads of his old life burnt away, along with the belief that friendship had any meaning whatsoever.

Which was why he endured Rey's efforts to provoke camaraderie between himself and her people, suffered it patiently, without allowing himself to fall into that trap.

Finn was likable enough. Ben found himself frequently amused by the energetic male's scattered, often improvisational antics. He did not seem to have the kind of confidence that came from someone who knew exactly what they were doing. Like Poe. Instead, Finn seemed to be making everything up as he went along. Ben could see that Rey was especially drawn to this playful energy. He watched their interactions with studious intensity, trying to understand it. Much of it baffled him.

Still, Finn was all business when it came to their plan.

"I think I've done it," Rose explained one day. "We just need somewhere to test it. Somewhere the First Order is, but not somewhere important enough to draw attention."

"All major systems are already under First Order control, and most of the minor ones," Ben told her. "Pick one."

"Anywhere the First Order holds will have a garrison of troops stationed at major metro areas or points of trade," said Finn. "We could hit a trading colony somewhere. That'd be pretty small."

"Phu," Ben suggested. "As one of the Colonies, the First Order will certainly have men on the ground. But as the most obscure, it isn't likely to be a large presence."

"How did you figure it out?" Rey asked Rose quietly.

A gleam flashed through the girl's eye. "Actually, I was inspired by DJ."

Finn grimaced. "If that guy did one good thing for us…"

"That's what I mean. I think maybe he did. Remember when he sliced into the  _Supremacy's_  shield? Well, I was paying attention to how he did it, and I think I figured it out. I've been practicing with some of the private corporate channels in the city. Obviously I haven't broadcast anything, but I can hack in to people doing business deals with the First Order. That's something, right?"

"That's huge," Rey confirmed, grinning. "You're amazing."

Ben was interested in hearing more about this slicer who had managed to cut into a First Order mega-destroyer's shield, but the conversation seemed to have moved on. They were discussing what sort of message they should send first.

Knowing relatively little about the operations and morale among the infantry, Ben didn't have much to contribute. Stormtroopers were so far down the chain of command that he rarely had direct contact with them. That was what Phasma had been for.

Phasma.

Remembering her triggered a thought — any broadcast fed to the troops would be fed to their captains as well. If news of their little experiment climbed higher than that, Rose would have problems hacking into the signal next time. Alerted to a new threat and probably guessing their motives, Hux would double down on signal security. Ben considered mentioning this to the others, but a solution had already come to mind.

_Rey_ , he thought. She was the one he needed in this. Only her.

She looked at him as if he'd spoken aloud.

Rose and Finn were now in deep discussion, so he pulled her aside and delivered his report quietly. "We can assist them with getting the transmission to the right ears  _only_."

"What do you mean?" she asked, matching his low volume.

"If the superior officers catch wind of the communication, they will immediately report it. We need to distract or deafen them and prevent anyone from speaking of it to a supervisor."

"Okay. How?"

Her utter lack of doubt in his assessment flooded him with a sudden rush of emotion. He swallowed and fell back a step. "Through the Force."

Her eyes widened. "Get into all their minds? At once?"

"Yes."

" _How_?"

"I'm not sure, but it must be possible. Luke…" A shadow of fury passed through him, flames of humiliation licking at the edges of his memory. He pushed through it. "Luke was able to project his whole form across the galaxy. We should be able to influence a few weak minds."

"Luke?" Rey shook her head, bewildered. "He was  _much_  stronger in the Force than we are, and more knowledgeable. Still the effort required all of him. We can't do that."

"I can't," he admitted. "And you can't. But if we combine our power, we might be able to do it."

She still looked uncertain, though he could feel her temptation to believe. Images of her books began flitting through her mind as she already tried to determine which would contain the knowledge they needed. The barest of smiles ghosted across his lips, satisfied that she'd been hooked.

"We'll practice," he assured her. "We'll work up to it. It's something we can do to help while we wait around to confront the Knights, and Hux."

Finally, a sly grin slid across her face and her hazel eyes met his. She nodded. "Let's do it."


	24. Beauty to Dust

**Rey**

* * *

The page before her blurred out of focus as Rey turned inward, accessing the well of perception deep within her soul. She held the words from the page in her mind as she reached, threading herself through the great tapestry of energy all around her. The heavy, humid air of this jungle planet seemed to hum with power. A tangled web of trees stood sentinel, giving off life of their own, sturdy and mysterious, the flow of the Force around them as melodic as a song. The words in her mind sank into this fabric, the question attached to them becoming an answer that reverberated back to her from the distant boom of the wheel of life and death.

Presences she did not recognize, could not know, pressed in to her awareness, confirming what she suspected and endowing her with strength to see it through. Familiar, familial, but somehow also strangers.

"Who are you?" She whispered to them, bathed in comfort.

No answer came, except an increase of that warm, soothing love that washed over her from these unknowable beings. Unseen, but powerfully felt. Male and female, maternal and paternal.

Deep in the bliss of this meditation, her thoughts turned to him whose power ever whispered to her on close currents, calling her like a beacon home. Even now, she felt him, felt the incompletion of her own self without him. Half. Not whole. But close. Closer now than before.

Snapping herself immediately into awareness, she closed the book in her hands abruptly and stood up. The tangled mess of forest around her seemed almost drab now, compared to how she'd perceived it with her other senses. Still, the child inside her delighted to be surrounded by such excessive growth after too long staring at sand.

Yes, think of sand. Not the powerful feeling that had caused her to break her communion with the Force so quickly.

Thunder rumbled overhead, the air close and desperately humid. It caused her clothes to cling to her, beads of perspiration gathering and slipping down the valley of her spine. She'd come to recognize this phenomenon as the heavy press of atmospheric pressure right before it rained. The thought thrilled her.

Except, she couldn't get the book wet.

Remembering that, she remembered too her purpose in coming out here today. And the thing she'd been searching for. She'd found it. Time to report back.

Clutching the book close to her lest the thunder shake loose some drops from the gravid clouds, she hurried along the well-worn path back towards the base. She thought the solitude would be nice for a change, but somehow she felt lonelier now than when she began. She wanted to feel the kind of all-encompassing love she'd experienced from those unseen forces just moments ago. Needed to feel it again. Maybe, if she could access them again, they'd reveal their identities to her. She knew they could. Luke could communicate just fine from the other side, when he was so inclined. So why wouldn't they?

She passed into the base just as the first muffled beats of rain began to patter softly against the mossy earth. Good timing for the sake of her sacred book. Bad timing for someone who had still not lost her initial fascination with rain.

Not pausing to give a last sentimental look outside, she hurried off to Ben's room to share with him her discovery.

Subjecting herself to Inez's inspection, she opened the door and found him sitting idly in his chair with his eyes closed.

"Is it raining?" he asked. "You smell like rain."

"Yes. Come here." She plopped the book on his bed and flipped to the corresponding page. "There. That's what we need."

Striding quickly to her, he bent over it, eyes scanning the words. He glanced up, surprised. "And you're fine with this?"

"What do you mean?"

He pointed. "It says this is only a theoretical exercise. That suggestion to a lesser mind is one thing, but imposing one's will across all their senses is a questionable practice and raises many moral objections."

Heat spread over her cheeks as she realized that hadn't given her as much pause as perhaps it should have. "I think this is a justified use," she hedged.

He lifted a single brow. "Really?"

This wasn't the reaction she was expecting. She brushed his incredulity off and pointed again. "It's exactly what we need to do."

"This is speculating the appropriation of a single mind," Ben continued. "Not many minds all at once, and not from a great distance."

"I know, but I meditated on that, and I know we can do it." The Force had returned her answer very clearly. She didn't doubt their ability. Frowning, she asked a little impatiently, "Since when do you object to something on moral grounds?"

This amused him. "I have no issue with this. It is much kinder than what I've done to other minds. Kinder than what Snoke did to yours. But you're supposed to be the agent of light, here. The one who ought to be opposed to this kind of interference with another's free will."

"We've already established that I'm not the perfectly righteous Jedi I ought to be, okay? Are you willing to try this, or not?"

"Of course I am."

"Okay, let's try it when we're finished training. We're always more balanced after we've worn ourselves out."

They put their plan into motion that very day. Heading to the training room, Rey felt a glimmer of new excitement. Tapping into the Force, bending it to her will, was always a thrilling phenomenon — but doing that with Ben roused anticipation on a whole different level. Until he'd mentioned it, she'd never considered  _sharing_  power before. Fighting in tandem, yes, but intentionally becoming one on that deeply spiritual level had not occurred to her. She didn't know what to expect. It made her feel a little shy, but mostly eager.

After working with their improvised weapons — this time focusing more on the holographic foes generated by the training room's computer — their blood ran hot and the connection between them surged with synergy. Setting their instruments of combat aside, they sat facing one another on the floor of the training room.

Ben's large frame folded nimbly under him, knees almost touching her own. Rey brushed sticky strands of hair back from a sweat-slick forehead and tried to steady her breathing. She also tried not to notice the glow of exertion glistening over Ben's own body, thinly covered by a tank top that concealed too much of a broad chest she knew quite well.

Impossibly, she felt warmer sitting across from him now than fighting beside him moments ago.

She cleared her throat. "So...um, how do we do this?"

His gaze leveled on her, brow furrowing in the barest hint of uncertainty. He didn't know either. Of course not. This territory was as new to him as it was to her. Still, he must have had some kind of idea because he put out his hands, palms up.

She mimicked this motion in her own lap.

"Not exactly," he murmured, amused, and gently took her hands in his.

At this touch, fleeting memories of Ahch-To flitted through her mind, reminding her that the last time they'd shared a powerful Force experience, physical connection had bridged the emotional connection and triggered the vision.

And just as it did then, something inside her shook under the sudden surge of perception that pulsed between them. She drew in a deep, shuddering breath and allowed herself to sink into meditation once more, settling into the flow of energy she'd recently fled in the forest. For a moment, she could feel herself back there again, phantom raindrops almost-but-not-quite scattering across her skin. Only this time, she wasn't alone. Ben's awareness lingered with her, fusing with hers. Physically, she felt his hands tighten on hers.

Between them the Force swelled, a great wave booming outwardly from them in a shock of energy that shook the windows of the training room and interfered with the electricity throughout the base.

As their two halves converged and light mingled with dark, two minds becoming one, they felt all of life opening up to them. The creatures stirring in the area, humanoid and alien, sentient and simple. If it lived, they felt it. Merely by wishing it so, the minds of all sentient lifeforms opened to them like flora at bloom. Thoughts that were not their own began to drift through their shared consciousness like whispers from afar, emotions flitting past like fragments of color. Intimate secrets tempted their curiosity, private longing and hidden fears, buried trauma and abiding hope. It all spread before them for their study, should they wish it.

They were not interested in the contents of these minds, however. They were merely interested in imposing an image of their own.

As the right hand knows what the left is about to do, so Ben knew what Rey intended and together they thought of the gnarled jungle where she had earlier mediated, now alive with the cadence of a steady storm. They pushed this thought into the many open minds around them, flooding all the senses with this experience. Holding it there for a tremulous moment, they panted with effort. Finally, when their strength began to falter, they withdrew the image and withdrew their influence. The curtain dropped between them and everyone else again, minds closed.

Two sets of eyes locked the moment they opened, one dark and infinite as space, the other a dusted brown-gray like dusk over the desert. Her fingers curled tighter against his hands as a slow sensation of success dawned within them both.

His gaze dropped to her lips.

She grinned. "Do…do you think it worked?"

Her words hung in the air, not quite dispelling the pulse of Force within them.

Ben  _smiled_. A real, genuine smile manifesting for the first time. It spread at the corners and softened his entire face, transforming him into someone happy and boyish. The effect was immediate. Rey struggled to remember how to breathe.

"Yes," he said softly. "I think it worked."

She got to her feet suddenly, eyes widening. "That was amazing! I've never felt anything like it."

He stood too, that strange and beautiful smile lingering. "Neither have I."

Overwhelmed with too much emotion, too much pleasure and triumph and astonishment, she forgot all her reservations and threw herself at him, encircling his huge chest in a triumphant hug.

The action startled him, and for a moment he remained stiff and unmoving in her arms. Then, slowly, he wrapped his own around the small of her back and held her gently. Enveloped in his grasp, she felt safe and desperately happy. Whatever this was, it seemed like a step in the right direction to figuring out what the Force intended for them. Her heart leapt in her chest with nervous energy as she leaned into him, noting that he somehow smelled like that very rain they'd just made everyone else see.

A sudden burst of sound shattered the moment as the door to the training room began to rattle under someone's pounding. Alarmed, they leapt away from each other.

Finn's face appeared in the window beside the door, shouting something she couldn't hear. The door rattled again as he, and perhaps someone else as well, violently challenged the locking mechanism.

She went to it quickly, passing her wristband in front of the sensor. A click gave them the entrance they sought.

The door burst open and both Poe and Finn came charging into the room.

"Rey! Did you see that?" Finn cried. "One minute we were working and the next — we were all outside! And then we were back inside again. Like…like the whole building disappeared!"

"At first I thought I had a really vivid daydream," agreed Poe, voice ablaze with conspiracy. "But everyone else looked as freaked out as I did. What  _was that_? Does the First Order have a weapon that can make entire buildings just  _vanish_?"

"Did you guys feel it too?" Finn continued, energized by the unknown. "Is that why you guys were hugging? I wanted to hug the first person I saw too. It was Connix. She didn't let me."

Rey held up her hands, laughing. "Whoa, slow down. So just to be clear, you thought you were outside?"

"Yes," Finn confirmed. "In the jungle. In the rain."

Her grin grew as she glanced back at Ben. His smile was gone, but she felt his satisfaction matching her own.

"Is this funny?" Poe asked, squinting suspiciously. "I don't know why the First Order would want a weapon like this, but we need to investigate."

"It wasn't a First Order weapon," Ben said coolly, striding up beside Rey.

"How do you know?" asked Finn.

"Because it was us," Rey said, now meeting their worry with her own bubbling excitement. "We made you see the storm!"

Stunned silence punctuated this remark. Rey faltered. This wasn't the reaction she anticipated.

Poe's eyes widened to the point of almost bulging. " _You_  did that to us? Why?"

Hesitating now, she glanced at Ben to see if he'd offer an explanation. He didn't seem so inclined, merely gave Poe an icy look. So she pressed ahead. "We were practicing. When you make that first broadcast to the stormtroopers on Phu, we're going to hijack the minds of the commanding officers so it slows the spread of the news up the ranks and buys us more time."

"That's genius," Finn murmured, eyes darting around as he considered the implications of this idea. "Crazy, but genius."

Poe shook his head. "No, that was inappropriate. You used  _us_  as your test subjects? Without even warning anyone you were going to do it?"

"Well," Rey felt a blush creeping over her cheeks and cursed herself for it. "We didn't know if it would work. There was a good chance it wouldn't, actually. So it was better that nobody have their hopes up. Besides, we weren't hurting anyone."

"Hurting anyone?" Real anger rose in Poe now, flashing over his face like the glint of a blaster before a shot. "You climbed inside our  _minds_ , Rey!"

Beside her, Ben tensed. She felt boiling aggression building in him as Poe's outrage grew.

She frowned. "I'm sorry. We should have warned you."

"What if your little experiment had gone wrong and you turned our brains into jelly?"

Despite her frustration, she had to laugh at this. "That was never a danger."

"It's you, isn't it?" Poe took a step towards Ben, fists clenching. "You have no issue invading people's minds against their will. You probably talked her into this."

Ben glowered evenly, not the least bit intimidated. His stony silence was all the answer he intended to bestow at the moment. Rey felt a distressing flash of pure hatred leak from him.

Finn must have perceived it on some level too, because he frowned. "Poe, back off. Rey's right, they didn't hurt anyone. It's fine."

"No, Finn, it isn't. He's corrupting her. Teaching her that it's okay to violate people if it serves your own purpose. He's using her."

" _Poe_ ," Rey sighed impatiently. "Will we never get past this?"

"Not while he's here," he jabbed a finger into Ben's chest. "Because  _he_  will never be what you want him to be. And he'll just drag you down with him."

True worry forced Rey to step towards them, trying to get herself between them. Ben's emotions were very close to the surface now. She could feel his contempt building in him with dangerous pressure. He was too close to losing it. Poe was in danger. "Leave him out of it, Poe. It was my idea. I found it in Luke's ancient books."

Poe's sneer never left Ben, ignoring Rey's protest to hiss angrily, "Kylo Ren will have his queen no matter what, even if it means he has to destroy her soul. You are nothing to him, Rey. He just wants to use you for your power. That's all he is. An abuser. A no-good, pathetic, whiny, ungrateful brat who kills those who don't let him have his way. No wonder Leia never talked about him."

"Stop!" Rey snarled, rage flashing through her as she instinctually lifted her hand. A massive blast of energy cracked between them, sending Poe flying violently backwards. Horrified, she looked at her hand as if it did not belong to her.

Ben grabbed her hand and pulled her behind him, bodily blocking her from whatever Poe might attempt in retaliation. But Poe sat up, stunned. Finn ran to his side, helping him to his feet while throwing a terrified look in Rey's direction.

That look on his face. On her best friend's face. Like she was a monster. She darted around Ben and ran to them, heart in her throat, nausea roiling in her stomach.

"Poe," she pleaded. "I'm sorry. I didn't—"

"Save it," Poe said coldly. "I was right. You pretend all you want that your mongrel pet is under your control, but in the end it's you he's got on a leash. You deserve better. Wake up, before it's too late."

Finn helped him to the door. He glanced at Rey again, troubled, pained, afraid. "Let us go."

Tears stung her eyes. She wanted to take back the last few seconds. Wanted to explain that she'd done it to save Poe from Ben's certain attack. Wanted to salvage what remained. But she couldn't speak. Couldn't breathe. Surrendering to the consequences of her actions, she once more unlocked the door and allowed them to flee.

All the beautiful feelings from moments ago were ashes now. Utterly ruined. Where was the comfort of those unseen beings this morning? Where was the safety of Ben's embrace, the sweetness of his smile? Where was the happiness in their success?

Gone. Splintered on the floor where Poe had landed.

Ben came up beside her. She couldn't look at him. It wasn't his fault, she knew. It was her own. But somehow, she couldn't separate him from her actions. Was Poe right? Was her reaction a result of spending too much time wading through gray, murky waters of philosophy with Ben? She'd been foolish enough to think her light was beginning to draw him out, but was it really the other way around?

Maybe Ben could feel all this. Probably could, actually. She didn't want that, didn't want him to wonder if she did blame him after all, but she couldn't bring herself to shutter her mind against him. Her emotions were too raw, the devastation of her own actions too sharp to try to conceal.

He reached a hand out as if to touch her.

She moved away from him, towards the door. Opening it once more, she waited for him to exit. The terrible urge to get away from him crawled over her skin like insects, and she couldn't do that until she'd escorted him back to his room. That was exactly what she did. Inez chattered at them as she gave the customary inspection, but neither said a word of response to her. Eventually, she got the hint and fell silent.

When Ben turned to look at her just before the door closed, she caught a fleeting glimpse of his gentle, understanding gaze. Turning away quickly before the swimming pools in her eyes could spill over, she left him. But the need to get away didn't dissipate with distance, and when she finally reached her room she realized: the one she wanted to get away from was herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are seriously champs for sticking through this slowest of slow burns with me. I promise, payoff is coming very soon. These characters are very much alive in my head and I find that I can't make them do anything they aren't ready for. They're stubborn that way. And both so skittish. But again, stay with me, it's coming up. Just a little more, I swear. One last hurdle to push them just a bit closer to that edge.


	25. In Search of Solace

**Rey**

* * *

Rey missed Jakku.

Miserable, searing, barren dustbowl that it was, she missed it. Missed her AT-AT home, the hammock she'd made for herself and the old Y-Wing computer she'd salvaged and turned into a flight simulator. She missed her days of scavenging, of hunting for the best stuff, and gossiping around the washing tables. She did  _not_  miss the daily interaction with Unkar Plutt. No amount of pain in this new life could compel her to miss that disgusting Blobfish.

But life there was simple. Predictable. She never hurt anyone unless they tried to steal from her, and even then it was fair fighting. On Jakku, the only one to worry about was herself. She couldn't disappoint anyone, couldn't betray anyone.

In light of this longing, she spent the next few days in mindless work as close to scavenging as she could come. Instead of training or studying with Ben, she passed the hours in the hangar and in the mechanic's bay, working on machines that had been damaged or fallen into disrepair. Fixing things was good work. It kept her hands and her mind busy and nobody bothered her there.

Machines made sense. Even if nothing else did, she could count on that.

Ben was an unfortunate victim of this sudden change in routine. She saw him only at mealtimes now, and said little. He never pressed her for conversation, except once to ask for one of her books to study himself during his long, idle hours. She knew it wasn't right to shut him out — the one conclusion she'd been able to draw from all of this was that Ben was not responsible for her behavior that day in the training room. But she could not bring herself to talk to him about the agony festering within her. And trying to focus on their other work was no good, because she couldn't even begin to entertain the idea of using the Force again. She wasn't worthy of it.

That's why life on Jakku had been better than this. Back there, she'd just been ordinary and unremarkable. The Force hadn't woken within her, so she didn't have the opportunity to abuse it.

Despair and doubt clouded her every thought when she was not fixing things. The incident with Poe compelled her to confront the truth about herself. She wasn't the plucky Resistance hero, friend to all, indomitable mascot of hope. She was just an up-jumped junkyard nobody who had no business pretending to use the Force, who couldn't control her emotions and was no good at trying to be a Jedi. In this role that was far too big for her, she'd hurt people she loved. That was far worse than never having loved at all.

Luke's behavior on the island was easier to understand now. Running away to the Unknown Regions and cutting herself off from the Force sounded pretty good right now. Then at least she couldn't use it against the people she ought to be protecting.

A few days into her self-imposed isolation, Rose approached her. She found Rey in the hangar, making some upgrades to old, corroded components on the Falcon.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Rose asked after watching her in silence for a moment.

Rey shook her head, focusing on the wires in front of her.

Rose climbed up next to her, peering closely at her handiwork. "Yikes, how old  _is_  this thing?"

"I don't know," Rey admitted. "Chewie says Han won it as a young man, so at least that old. Probably older."

"Can I help? I think you're on the right track here. It deserves a little TLC."

"Sure. Grab a set of Pilex drivers." Rey knew what she did about machines partly from an inborn understanding of how things worked together, and partly from the many operational manuals she'd salvaged and read to ease the tedium of her days. Rose was an educated engineer. Her expertise would be valuable in this project.

Rose proved helpful and innovative, as suspected, and Rey began to thaw by degrees. She knew this had been Rose's plan all along, but knowing that didn't make it any less effective. It helped that the other woman didn't try to bring up the topic of Rey's attack on Poe again, talking about everything else instead. She talked about her sister, Paige, and their childhood on Hays Minor. Rey liked hearing these stories. She was fascinated by the idea of siblings, and found delight in the tales of the two sisters and their adventures. She talked about her early days in the Resistance, winning Leia's trust and being assigned to the Cobalt Squadron of bombers. Rey asked about Rose's power baffler invention and they spent the next few hours discussing energy output and signal scrambling.

When they finished with their task, Rey felt that the tension in her chest had eased a little. It helped to have a friendly soul beside her, distracting her with lighter things to think about and allowing her, for one moment, to pretend she hadn't made a terrible mistake.

Climbing down, she hugged Rose. "Thank you," she whispered.

Rose laughed a little. "Sometimes we just need to work through things at our own pace. I get it."

"But why did you come talk to me at all?" Rey pulled back, searching the shorter woman's face for answers. "Poe, Finn, everyone has seen me for what I am. They stay away because of it. Why didn't you?"

"Because the person you are isn't someone to stay away from. When Finn told me what happened, I knew why you'd done it."

Rey shook her head, the familiar lump of self-loathing returning to her throat. "I shouldn't have done it. It was wrong."

Rose shrugged. "Maybe. Kinda sounds like Poe deserved it, though. I mean, you don't bring up a guy's mother to his face. Especially not when that's such a major sore spot. You were just sticking up for Kylo. Crazy as that sounds..."

"I was worried it was about to go sideways. They were both so full of hate." Rey cringed at her own words. She despised herself for trying to justify what she'd done. It didn't make her feel any better to hear Rose trying to do it for her.

"Sounds like they're the ones with the problem, then. Not you. Talk to Finn, at least. He isn't sure how to approach you, so I'm telling you to go to him. You guys need each other. I think he understands better than you think he does. Sure, it freaked him out, but he knows why you did it."

That night, in bed, Rey could feel Rose's words trying to worm their way in to her aching wound. Part of her wanted to believe it. Wanted to believe that what she'd done had been the right move in that situation. But in her heart, she couldn't accept that. She'd let her anger turn her gift into a weapon against a  _friend_. She'd lost control.

The pressure in her chest felt like it was about to burst. She didn't want to cry again. Not  _again_. She was such a crybaby sometimes. Her emotions were wild and hard to reign in. She needed to moderate them. Crippling self-doubt and guilt made her so weak. Had all of this been a mistake? Bringing Ben here had provoked Poe, normally so charismatic, friendly, and charming, to become angry and mistrusting, quick to accusation. And just when she thought he'd come around, Ben had begun to radiate hostility and resentment towards him. Was it impossible for her to blend all the best parts of her life into one peaceful, harmonious existence? Had she compromised everything by trying to do so?

Why had the Force come to life inside her in the first place? She was such a flawed, inexperienced, weak vessel with no idea what she was doing. Just when she thought she was beginning to understand her destiny, everything shifted out from under her feet and knock her flat.

Rey got out of bed, restless, annoyed. Sleep was no good. No good at all.

She needed to do something to get control. To get balance.

Instinctually she drifted out of her room and into a silent, dark corridor. Maybe she should go outside. The fresh air and abundance of growing things always seemed to have a calming effect on her mind. Yes, it was a good plan. She headed down the hall, hearing the soft whir of custodial droids scrubbing away in another part of the base. Quiet rooms full of quiet dreamers fell behind her one by one.

But instead of going outside, she paused in front of one particular door. No guard was on duty this late at night. No reason to conduct weapons inspections when there would be no visitors. She turned, glancing around the hallway once again, and faced the door. Her heart leapt a few nervous beats in her chest. No doubt Ben would be asleep. Why had she stopped here? Why did she linger?

_Keep going_ , she urged herself.  _Go outside._

But her feet wouldn't move. She'd been avoiding Ben for days; it didn't make sense to come to him now in the middle of the night. This was a poor time for conversation, and she wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it anyway.

Her breath came in soft, audible puffs as she tried to reason with herself. The solitude of the empty hallway provided no cues of distraction, nothing to break the spell.

She  _wanted_  to be here, she realized. The reason she left her room in the first place wasn't to go outside. Something inside her intended to come here all along. She wanted his comfort. His balance.

But why? It wouldn't solve anything! It wouldn't take away the fact that she'd attacked Poe with the Force in a fit of rage. It wouldn't immunize her against such an action in the future. This was pointless. Worse, it was embarrassing. Childish.

_Keep going, or go back to bed_ , she demanded again.

Instead, she passed her arm in front of the access panel and watched with a peculiar sense of relief as his door whispered open.

Moving into the darkened room, she perceived Ben's shape inert on his bed, asleep as she knew he'd be. Still not sure what she was doing, and heart beating a little too quickly for the situation, she went to him. The last time she'd suffered an emotional trauma — in that sea cave of dark power — her instinct had led her directly to him and she'd confessed everything, divulging the deepest loneliness of her soul. He'd been a soothing balm of comfort then, and she wanted that again now.

He stirred when she approached his bedside, shifting over to make room for her even in his sleepy, barely conscious state. As if it were the most natural thing in the world. Had he felt and responded automatically to the wanting in her mind?

Still uncertain of her actions but following the tug of her heart, she crawled into his bed beside him.

He rolled towards her, slipping an arm beneath her and pulling her in close, tucking her head under his chin. She curled into him, into the warm cocoon of his bare chest, and was immediately submerged in overwhelming  _peace_. Her doubts and aching grief finally grew still and quiet. He gave a deep, contented sigh and drifted off again, his mind a languid, tranquil pond. The way he held her made her insides flutter, possessive and protective. And  _stars_ , he smelled good.

Perfectly comforted, she marveled at this strange connection between them, and wondered why everything seemed more bearable when they were together. And though this went far, far beyond their established level of intimacy, it didn't feel awkward. They'd crossed some kind of threshold in sharing their powers that day in the training room, and both the hug that followed and now this nocturnal embrace merely felt like natural extensions of that spiritual union.

Finally relieved of her emotional pain for the moment, she was at last able to give in to her fatigue and fell asleep in his arms, tucked against his body like a perfect puzzle piece. Safe. Cared for. Wanted.


	26. Center and Balance

**Rey**

* * *

In the morning, a beep of the automated reminder panel signaled the start of the day's schedule. Rey was already half-awake by then, trying to guess what time it was, trying to decide if Ben had woken yet or not. His breathing was different now, and his heart thrummed a little faster against her back, but he hadn't moved so she couldn't be sure. His arms still held her, wrapped from behind in a way that was half hug, half cradle. To be honest, she wasn't ready to move yet either. It had been a long time since she'd felt so comfortable.

But that beep gave them no choice. She shifted, extracting herself from him. He didn't resist. When she glanced back, she saw that his eyes were open and soft, following her departure. At some point in the night, or maybe this morning, he'd become fully aware of what had happened, but his feelings about it were hidden behind an opaque mental curtain which she could not penetrate.

"Thank you," she murmured. "You probably didn't sleep well with an intruder in your space."

His mouth twisted in amusement. "I've lost feeling in my arm."

"Sorry." She blushed.

After another a pause, he asked quietly, "You were able to rest?"

"Yeah."

He nodded, satisfied. "Then my arm was a martyr for a good cause."

"I don't know why I came here," she admitted. "I couldn't sleep. I was going to go outside, but…"

To this he said nothing, dark eyes scanning her face, mind scanning her feelings. His silence put her at a disadvantage, as it so often did.

She stood and moved towards the door, suddenly embarrassed by her boldness in the light of day. "Um, anyway…I'm going to go get dressed. I'll be back to get you for breakfast."

"Rey," he said quietly as she moved towards the door. "What you're afraid of — it isn't true."

She paused, gaze falling to the ground. A slow inhale steeled her against the turbulent emotions rising again to the surface and she lifted her head, opening the door to escape.

Fortunately no guard had arrived just yet, though Rey thought that if they were really worried about Ben's duplicity they ought to have one posted there all the time. Still, at the moment she was grateful. The gossip that would have sprouted from seeing her leaving his room at an obscene hour of the morning would have been unbearable. And untrue. All she wanted from Ben was his comfort and the sense of calm she always felt when she was with him.

...Right?

Getting ready for the day caused her thoughts to turn from Ben to Poe, and the concerns that plagued her resumed. By the time she'd retrieved Ben and sat down to eat, her mood had shadowed again. Maybe if she could have suspended the drowsy morning serenity for the rest of the day, she could forget this cloud hanging over her head, and find the good-natured optimism she usually employed. Before. When she was playing the role she thought she should.

Ben watched her, moored somewhere deep within his own mind, revealing nothing of his thoughts to her. She felt rather shy towards him now, irrational though it was. Though thinking about Poe and her actions towards him hurt terribly, it was somehow easier to dwell on than the memory of how well she'd slept, of how nice it was to be that close to Ben.

They'd barely begun to eat when Finn and Rose appeared beside them, eyes wide.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked in disbelief.

Rey glanced around in confusion. "Eating? What are you doing?"

"We're supposed to be in the hangar by now," Finn urged, acting as if nothing amiss had happened between them at all.

"What?"

Rose shook her head. "Didn't you get the memo? Leia sent it early this morning — a change to your schedule. You should have gotten the alert."

Rey glanced at Ben, who met her look with a wicked gleam of mischief flashing through his eye. She blushed. "I wasn't in my room this morning. I couldn't sleep so I…took a walk. Just got back a few minutes ago."

"Come on," Finn said quickly, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet.

She yanked out of his grasp with a flare of that familiar irritation. "What's going on? Where are we going?"

"The Colonies! To Phu! We'll explain on the way," said Finn, motioning for Ben to follow.

The four of them hurried down the corridor towards the hangar. Rose quickly related the events leading to this sudden escapade. "I couldn't sleep either, so I spent all night trying to work out the kinks in the comms slicing. I had a huge breakthrough and reported to Leia early,  _early_  this morning. I'm surprised I didn't see you on your walk. We had to have been up at the same time. Anyway, Leia has sent Poe to lead a critical recon mission, so she wants us to get started right away in case he comes back with the information she's waiting for. She authorized an immediate departure time. Chewie's already prepping the Falcon."

"We're doing this  _now_?" Rey glanced at Ben, suddenly worried. They had only put their new skill to use once, and because it had backfired so badly she'd been reluctant to try again. Suddenly she regretted all the missed practice time.

Striding through the hangar towards the powered-up and waiting Falcon, the group drew stares from several curious pilots and mechanics. Still, no one stopped to question them. By now, the faces of Rey, Finn, and Rose were well-known as major players in the rebellion, if not leaders. And Kylo Ren's infamy followed him like a shroud, so there was no mistaking him either. If all four were on a mission, there had to be a great purpose behind it.

Rey closed the loading ramp behind them after everyone had ascended. She felt Ben's reluctance to be aboard once again, but his step never faltered. He took a seat in the main compartment while Rey headed to the cockpit.

Chewie expressed his friendly greeting in that familiar Wookiee roar, coaxing a smile from Rey.

"Glad to see you too," she said.

At least Finn and Poe didn't seem to have spread the news of her attack very far. Or if Chewie had heard, he didn't care. A distinct possibility for the smuggler.

Together she and her favorite co-pilot took the Falcon to the skies. It wasn't as nimble and light as an X-Wing, but Rey still felt the thrill of a worthy, responsive vessel in her hands. It was easier to forget some of her cares while plunging into the star-studded expanse of space.

As soon as the ship shuddered into lightspeed, she let Chewie take over while she headed back to check on the others.

Finn was staring at the Dejarik table and its holographic figures. Ben sat across from him, quietly explaining each of the pieces and their meanings. Their dynamic was so benign, so utterly ordinary, that it stopped her in her tracks for half a beat. Rose, who had been studying the ship's main computer, strolled over to her and grinned.

"Finn asked if Kylo knew how to play, and then this started. Crazy, huh?"

Crazy felt like an understatement, but Rey chose not to ruin the moment with overreaction. Finn's apparent nonchalance with Ben hinted to her that perhaps Rose had been right, and her mistake in the training room hadn't destroyed his opinion of her. At least it meant he didn't agree with Poe on everything.

"This ship is in worse shape on the inside than the outside," Rose said, laughing. "Let me know the next time you're fixing her up. Looks like we could be working on this thing for the rest of our lives and still leave repairs for the next generation."

Rey smiled a little at that. "Han and Chewie made a number of  _customizations_  themselves, and then Ducain on down to Plutt all made their own adjustments as well. But perhaps we can improve on all that customizing. Fix what they ruined, as it were."

Rose grinned. "I like the sound of that."

Finn looked up from his study of the characters and caught Rey's eye. His smile fell, replaced with a troubled look. This change twisted Rey's gut into a guilt-ridden knot all over again. They both knew they should talk about it, but she hadn't found enough answers to all the questions about herself this incidence had dredged up, and without them she wasn't sure what to say.

"Do you know how to play this?" Finn asked, motioning to the board.

She shook her head.

"Come here. Kylo's explaining it," he said, scooting over on the bench to make room for her.

She recognized the peace gesture, and obliged. Now she sat directly across from Ben, with Finn between them. Her gaze briefly traveled over both men before falling to the board and the monsters thrashing each other on it. Rose grinned and returned to investigating the ship.

Rey tried to use this time to make herself forget about Poe and her burst of anger. She tried to focus on Ben and Finn, and the strangely peaceable dynamic that existed between them. But somehow, that only made her think of Poe more. Finn was so adaptable and easygoing. As new to this life as she was, it seemed he was more willing to accept changes to his expectations. Yet he ought to have more reason than anyone to hate Ben, having served with him in the First Order and been witness to the atrocities committed. Poe, on the other hand, had personal trauma that Finn did not. Perhaps that's why it was harder for him. But why did Ben seem to harbor a special disgust for Poe he did not show towards the actual traitor seated beside him?

And what did it mean that she'd directed her anger at Poe and not Ben, who had clear murderous intent boiling around inside him? Why did their incompatibility drive her to such uncontrolled frustration?

No. No.  _Stop that._  Fretful rumination on these same old problems would not yield any answers or solutions right now, and would only distract her from the task at hand.

Once the game had been explained, Ben silently supervised while Rey and Finn battled one another with their respective teams of creatures. It was a good diversion. At one point, Chewie came back and watched with great interest, trying to goad someone into betting on a winner. Nobody took the bait.

By the time the proximity alert told them it they were arriving, Rey was in slightly better spirits. She and Chewie returned to the cockpit for the re-entry into sublight space.

Phu was a tiny world on the fringes of the Colonies, orbiting an old gas giant within a whirling dance of closely clustered asteroids. It made approaching the barren, canyon-riddled planet difficult from any angle except the First Order-controlled shipping lane. Fortunately their plan did not require landing, so they turned the perilous asteroid field to their advantage. Chewie and Rey navigated carefully until they found an asteroid large enough to conceal them. Tethering to it, they powered down to avoid sensor detection.

Using the ship's computer, Rose began her elaborate slicer routine. Rey and Ben settled on the floor of the main compartment, facing one another, ready to go as soon as Rose gave the word. Finn watched them with mingled fascination and trepidation. He stood near the corridor that led to the gunner position, ready if Chewie gave the word that they'd been spotted.

Rey searched Ben's face, finding it solemn, but not tense. He offered his hands. She glanced at them, trying to absorb some of his emotional stability to strengthen her own fragile state. When her hands met his, he transferred her the calming memory of a few hours ago, waking in comfort after a night of deep rest. Together.

She responded with a faint smile.

"Okay," Rose said after a moment. "Ready to transmit on your signal."

Through the ship's comm link came static, fuzzy communication from the surface below. Mostly commands and verifications. This was not a chatty group.

Ben shifted, closing his eyes to sink into meditation. Rey watched him go, then somewhat reluctantly followed suit. The pain and uncertainty of the last few days made her nervous to greet the Force again, to allow it to flow through her when she felt so unstable.

Even as the great web of energy spanning across all the galaxy began to take shape in her perception, she felt the icy cold brush of dark influence surrounding her and flinched away from it. But it surrounded her, wrapping her up in chilly despair. Gasping, she jerked her hands out of Ben's and scrambled to her feet.

His eyes snapped open and he watched her rise, his own body unfolding to follow her up. She retreated a few steps.

"I can't do it," she confessed.

Ben didn't ask why. He knew.

Finn and Rose glanced at one another, but were wise enough to keep silent.

Rey pressed her fists into her eyes, shuddering. She was too unbalanced. Too unsure of herself. Violent energy seeded by the doubts festering her heart made her feel like she might explode. An image of Kylo Ren's lightsaber flashed through her mind, inches from her face in the forest of Takodana. It hissed in raw, chaotic energy venting through a cracked crystal. Understanding splintered through her as she realized she felt like that lightsaber in her core. Inadvertently attacking Poe in her anger had cracked her faith in herself and left her as ragged as that weapon.

"Say what you're afraid of," Ben said suddenly, his voice edged with a familiar insistence.

She cast him a glare, recognizing this tactic.

"Keeping it buried won't make it untrue, and wont make it go away," he pressed coolly. "Say it."

He had forced her to confront many hard truths about herself, but today, she wasn't sure this was a fight she had the strength to face. Still, swallowing and pushing through her natural resistance, she choked on the confession. "I'm afraid I'm a fraud."

Ben nodded.

She pressed on, a great weight in her chest lifting just a little to hear the words out there in the world. "I'm afraid I've been lying to myself, to Luke, to everyone. What I did to Poe — what if it means I'm actually meant for the darkness, and not the light?"

"You're not," said Ben. It wasn't a reassurance, it was stated as indifferently as a fact.

"How do you know?"

"I know."

"Isn't this what you wanted, anyway?" She stalked a few steps towards him, angry in her confusion. "For me to embrace the dark?"

He met her in stride, not the least bit intimidated. "I did. As soon as I felt the Force in you, I wanted that. I sensed your potential and believed I could teach you. Snoke could teach you. In the dark we could become allies. I sensed your darkness when you used your rage to strike me down. But once I learned the truth of you, I knew I'd been wrong."

"The truth of me," she scoffed. "That I'm a nobody with no business using the Force?"

"No." Here his voice grew infinitely more gentle. As if they were alone. "You have both inside you in equal measure, but your nature inclines to the light. You are  _strong_. You can't be broken. Snoke saw that too. That fiery spit of hope - the soul of a true Jedi, remember? That's why he wanted me to kill you. He initially wanted you as an apprentice, but when he saw that you couldn't be turned you became useless to him. An obstacle, not an asset. The child of light will not serve the dark, no matter how much of it she has lurking inside her."

"But…" confusion crinkled her brow. "You asked me to join you…?"

"To join  _me_. Not the dark side. To be my ally in all your imperfect light. To accept me in all my imperfect darkness. Just like you, I am forever torn in half. Both sides are in me, rending my soul. It doesn't have to rend yours. Don't let it."

"How can it not?" Tears pricked at her eyes now. She glanced at Finn and Rose, watching their exchange in respectful silence. "I'm afraid I'll hurt the people I love because I can't get rid of the dark."

"Rey," Finn ventured, feeling invited to chime in now that she had acknowledged him. "It's always been there, for as long as I've known you. This isn't a new thing. You  _really_  went after me when BB-8 accused me of being a thief. Like a crazy sand devil. When you get angry, you're quick to attack. And it's okay. It doesn't change who you are — it's who you've always been."

Ben nodded. "In my observation, you mostly use your bits of darkness to guard what you have taken under your protection. BB-8, Finn, the Resistance."

"And him," added Finn, pointing to Ben. "Poe was out of line, saying all that stuff. You took him down with the Force just like you took me down with your staff. There was no difference really. Well — there was. The difference was that Poe deserved it, and I didn't."

His grin and apparent alliance with Ben finally began to dissolve the conflict within her. She felt herself surrendering to their arguments. Deep inside, she knew they were right. She'd always felt the tug of something else, whispering to her in a voice that did not belong to the greater light burning within her. It protected her, strengthened her, aided her. It had always been there, and it hadn't made anything she'd done so far invalid because of its existence.

Ben's deep voice vibrated through these thoughts. "On this very ship you once told me that we must learn to live with our pain rather than erase it. Remember? Now I'm telling you that perhaps we must learn to live with the conflict rather than try to fight it. You and I. Maybe we need to embrace the duality instead of trying to smother it."

Her eyes widened, realizing he was as much admonishing her as revealing the shift within himself. He was forsaking his dedication to the dark. He was stepping into middle ground. And he was asking her to do the same.

Searching his feelings, she felt peace. The perpetual tempest she'd always detected inside him had calmed at last. Warm seas mixed with cold, and she saw his soul as the shade-and-sun-dappled forest floor of the Kee-git village.

He extended a hand to her. "Shall we try again?"

She looked at that hand, and then at the face it belonged to. He didn't have the same vulnerable, pleading look he wore the last time he'd offered his hand to her. Instead, he looked calm and certain and strong.

And this time, she took it without further hesitation.

Back on the floor, submerging herself in the flow of the Force once again, she didn't shy away from the cold currents which brushed past her. She sifted through them until she found the warm light and followed it. Ben's presence accompanied her, mingled with her, fused into her in the same breathless way it had in the training room.

Phu and all its inhabitants opened before them. They sorted through the many millions of minds to isolate the commanders, and in one unified motion filled their senses with the terrifying phenomenon of a phantom Death Star appearing in the sky, enormous barrel glowing with imminent light. The chaos and terrifying fear that resulted from this image thoroughly eliminated any possibility that the panicked commanders would pay attention to reports of seditious messages being piped into comms links.

Rose broadcast Finn's propaganda. Both Rey and Ben strained with the immense effort it took to sustain the hijacking of so many minds across the surface of an entire world. Beads of perspiration sprouted along their brows. The Force surged around them, shoving loose objects across the floor in a wide diameter, with them at the epicenter. Their combined power held captive the unwilling minds of their victims until, at last, the transmission ended and they could let go.

Surfacing from the Force, they snapped back into themselves with all the violence of strained kinetic energy, gasping and bracing themselves against one another lest they fall over.

"Do you think it worked?" Finn asked anxiously, helping Rey to her feet.

"I'm certain," said Ben.

"They were terrified they were about to be blown up," agreed Rey, managing an exhausted laugh. "They might all defect just for that alone. They definitely weren't listening to any transmission, and they'll be too scared to listen to anyone who tries to tell them about one."

Rose's face broke into a huge grin. "I guess we'll see what happens, but so far I think this was a success!"

The joy of this success, the lingering synergy with Ben, and the reassurance that she was on the right path washed through Rey like a cleansing balm, purging all of her doubts and insecurities. She hugged Finn, hugged Rose, hugged Ben. The last one reminded her of the way his arms had felt keeping her together all night. She blushed and quickly retreated to the cockpit to hug Chewie before settling down to take them back to the base.

When the time was right, she'd talk to Poe and make things better with him too. For now, though, everything had shifted under her feet again. This time, for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry! I know you're hungry for Ben's perspective on that surprise nighttime snuggle. Next chapter, I promise. And guess what? Tomorrow will be a TWO CHAPTER day :D I'll update twice. Once in the morning, and once in the later afternoon/evening.


	27. Clinging to the Edge

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Ben Solo, failed Jedi — Kylo Ren, failed Supreme Leader — did not know who he was anymore.

He had become a man without a place or purpose, except the temporary one given to him by a fading desire for revenge and a girl willing to help him see it through. Everything he thought he was, the persona he'd been building for the last decade, had crumbled to dust and left him bare. Exposed. The reflection of a man he did not recognize.

The full weight of this realization came to him on the heels of the training room incident.

Poe's aggression had triggered murderous intent in Ben that day, and he'd  _wanted to kill_. The need to do it overwhelmed him. Kylo Ren would have done it in a flash, without remorse, without a second thought. A flick of the wrist, a snap of the neck, or a well-timed strike with the metal training rod would have done it. Killing him would have been easy, and would have vented the rage in his soul that the pilot's words induced.

And he would have done it. Before crashing on that distant moon. Before Rey came back for him.

It was because of her that he employed every facet of self-control he possessed and refrained from violent action. Because he knew that Rey cared for the idiot, and snuffing the wasteful life out of that pompous ass would have turned her against Ben forever. But he'd still wanted to. Still wrestled against the seething urges. He'd been weighing the consequences of non-lethal action — perhaps choking him into submission once and for all — when Rey came between them.

Her blast had saved Poe from Ben's barely controlled wrath, and more than that, it had startled Ben himself right out of his dark thoughts. He'd gone into auto-pilot, certain Poe would lash out against Rey's betrayal. He didn't, and Rey became immediately overwhelmed by her own violence. Ben watched everything unfold that evening with the strange notion that something vitally important had just happened — some important signal had been broadcast — but what?

It was difficult to concentrate when Rey's devastation leaked through to him and revealed her suffering loud and clear. Ben wanted to ease it, yet did not know how. He also felt how she struggled not to blame him. That was fine, he would accept her blame if she chose to bestow it — more than anything he was unhappy that Poe's behavior, and perhaps his own as well, had driven her to an action which now brought her such grief.

He'd gone to bed that night with the maddening notion that he'd failed to grasp the significance of what had just happened. Something about the encounter itched at his mind, making it difficult to sleep.

Rey avoided him for days after that. Her spirit seemed utterly broken. Ben loathed seeing her so wounded, wishing he could destroy the source of her pain as effectively as Starkiller Base destroyed Hosnian Prime. But he couldn't. The source of her pain wasn't external — it was within her. She hated what she had done. He understood that well enough. Too many deeds in his own life had brought self-loathing rather than the relief he expected. He knew the torment of profound regret too well. Yet Rey didn't seem inclined to give him the chance to help her understand it.

So he spent his days studying Jedi texts, revisiting his old love of calligraphy, or mediating in the Force. That gave him ample time to consider what happened and why. He ran through the sequence of events, searching for clues about what pestered him. The moment before it all went south had been breathless, her body huddled up against his in a hug that threatened all his defenses. Did the meaning he was missing belong to that embrace?

...No, it was something else. Rey's attack had signaled something, planted a flag.

One evening, while he was studying the particularly ancient runes in one of the books, it finally dawned on him. In copying the runes line by line, he was able to decipher them and a single line stood out on the page as if emblazoned in glowing letters. It described the greatest gift anyone could give, which was the gift of the receiver's self _._ It was a convoluted piece of advice, as so much of these teachings were, but Ben felt it turn some cog in his mind.

The puzzle piece fit into shape. The lock clicked open, and he understood. But...could it be? He could scarcely comprehend it. Tried to convince himself that it could not be the right conclusion. Still, the feeling persisted, and sent a thunder crack of dizzying change right to the very heart of him.

In that training room, under Poe's verbal assault, Ben had felt Rey's panic loud and clear. Knowing that he had felt her, he knew she had to have felt him too. Felt his boiling hate. She had to have seen that he wanted to cut Poe down and watch his blood creep across the floor. Yes, he knew she saw this, for all his effort had been occupied by  _not_  doing exactly that, instead of trying to hide his hate from her. Yet when her anger erupted, it was at Poe — and not the would-be-killer beside her. She didn't turn on him. Didn't attack or even accuse him. She'd gone after  _Poe_.

What resentment he had for the man melted away, utterly and completely. Poe was nothing to him now. Not a nuisance, not a threat, not a rival. Just…nothing.

Rey had given Ben the gift of himself. Of accepting who and what he was. Watching someone come to his defense, to see his monstrosity so clearly and know what he would do, and still fight for him — to witness the deadly violence within and still  _choose him_  — it dissolved whatever remained of Kylo Ren.

Leaving him devoid of identity. Lost. Not certain what kind of person he was supposed to be now.

Rey wallowed in misery and guilt over what she'd done, thrown into emotional chaos by the realization that she might not be who she thought she was. Ben walked along a parallel path, wondering the same thing about himself, but his was strangely calm and untroubled.

It wasn't the first time in his life he'd lost his identity, but it was the first time in his life that he didn't mind not knowing. The change within him was so drastic, he felt no need to analyze and unriddle it. He simply accepted that he was no longer the same person and waited to see what would unfold because of it. He felt more at ease than at any point in his life — even since childhood. Here was a person who saw the very horror of him and did not flinch away. Instead, she still stood with him.

Ben wanted to give Rey the kind of calm acceptance over her fate that he, bizarrely, had found over his own. He wanted to comfort her. For the brief duration of mealtimes when he could be with her, he could plainly feel her weary sorrow and agony of heart. If only she'd let him, he'd do whatever he could to soothe away these troubles and help her find happiness again. However she needed.

So when she came to him in the night —

Oh stars,  _that night!_

Surreal, strange, sublime.

He'd sensed her presence and hazily assumed it was another one of those unpredictable Force connections, or maybe just a dream. Her emotional pain cried out to him, and he'd responded automatically, without really ever waking up to see what she needed or if any of it was even real. Vaguely, his sleep-heavy mind recalled images of crawling into his mother's bed after yet another horrible nightmare, and the songs she used to sing him as she rocked him back to sleep. Something about _Mirrorbright shines the moon_ … what was it?

When Rey's body moved in beside his, he'd drawn her in close. If this was a dream or a Force connection, it would be over too soon anyway, and he wanted her as close as possible for however long it lasted. Besides, he remembered that the most soothing part of those childhood nights was closeness and feeling sheltered. What she needed, he could freely give. So he'd tucked her snugly into the safety of his arms and let himself fade out again.

Eventually, the ache of a stiff body and the loss of sensation in one of his arms aroused his consciousness and he'd become aware —  _intensely_  aware — that this was not a Force thing. This was a real thing. Rey was actually and truly in his bed, in his arms, and deeply asleep.

The first thought that occurred to him after the alarm of that initial realization was:  _This was a colossal mistake._

But the second, which washed over him with balmy warmth and pleasure, driving out any objection, was:  _She belongs here._

His body wanted to move, but the emotional imperative to stay exactly where he was overrode any other. So he held her, savoring a moment which he knew was not in his own best interest. He'd been trying in vain to stay away from that final surrender of the heart, the last stronghold he had left. This wasn't helping. At all. But he didn't want her to go, either.

He did not sleep much the rest of the night, hyper-aware of every breath and twitch of her body. He wondered if anyone had cradled her when she was little. When she cried in the night, did anyone sing soft lullabies and soothe her back to sleep? Had she ever had anyone to go to for comfort like this?

The thought threatened to undo him, so he tried to think of something else. Probing her mind, he saw the fears which had driven her here. They were peaceful now, but still lurking beneath the surface, waiting for daylight. She feared the darkness inside her. Feared she was not made for light after all.

For the rest of the night, he thought of their mirrored souls, marbled in shades of shadow and shine. Her pain in discovering this was too familiar to him; he recognized it as his own. But he'd been straining against it his whole life, and he wanted to spare her that torment. She didn't need to suffer as he had. She could accept her many gradations and be empowered by them; she could free herself of the fight. She could be at peace.

By morning, he was beginning to wonder if he could allow himself the same way out. If he could stop raging against the parts of himself that did not conform to who was striving to be. After all, he didn't even know what that was anymore. Perhaps the identity he sought was somewhere in the mess of his fractured soul. Perhaps hers was too.

Years of sleeping in starships with no reference of daylight had trained him to recognize when enough time had passed, so he was not surprised at the beep of the schedule panel. But he did resent it. That innocuous little sound signaled the end of something he could never repeat again. Could not allow himself, or her, to repeat.

Not that she tried.

Several days had passed since the night, since their trip to Phu, and Rey seemed mostly back to normal. And her lack of emotional turmoil meant she slept well enough on her own at night that she did not come to him again. While he was relieved, he was also suddenly aware now of how empty his bed felt.

What a fool he'd become. He must steel himself against such nonsense. His bed was no more empty than it had been before her visit — that is to say, not empty at all because he occupied it.

"Ben?"

He glanced up to his mother's keen eyes watching him closely. She was studying him, trying to read whatever had caused his sudden lapse into silence.

"Here." He pointed to a system in the outer rim, near Yavin.

She reluctantly averted her gaze to the holographic map, frowning when she saw what he was pointing to. "Serenno?"

He nodded.

"I can't send you to Serenno. I don't want you or Rey anywhere near that place."

He gave her a bemused look. "I'm well aware of its heavy Sith connection. Your fears, however, are unfounded. I didn't mean for us to go there — I believe our particular brand of psychological warfare would be better served on worlds primed for rebellion. I meant you should send your little insurgence group out there. It is a valuable stronghold to the First Order. Losing it would prove devastating."

"Insurgence group?" Leia laughed. "You mean Maz?"

He shrugged.

"I don't tell Maz where to go. She chooses her own course. But I'll get a plan together to hit Serenno, if it's as important as you say."

He glanced at the clock on a computer display behind her.

She caught it. "Anxious to get somewhere?"

Ben wasn't interested in sharing these particular thoughts with his mother, so he returned his attention to the galactic map and pretended to be thinking of other places for the rebels to engage. Discussing military movements with her was the closest thing to bonding they were likely to get now, and he was satisfied with that. He didn't want or need maternal advice, and he didn't want or need her knowing about his sudden crisis — or lack of crisis — in losing his sense of self.

"If you're waiting for Rey, she'll be back soon," Leia guessed. "I'm sorry I had to send her away. She was the best person for the job. Those dockmasters can be absolutely bull-headed and her gift makes her very persuasive. We need that."

He didn't look at her. Didn't confirm that she'd guessed the source of his agitation correctly. He was uneasy, knowing they'd sent Rey into the city on a mission alone. Well, not strictly alone. She had BB-8 with her, but Ben doubted very much that the droid would be any use in a fight. He knew she could more than take care of herself, but the displeasure lingered anyway.

They'd spent the last few days repeating the success of their mission to Phu, flying a new propaganda run to a new planet every day. While thoroughly exhausting, the constant sharing of their power drew Ben and Rey even closer — giving him now the distinct feeling that half of himself had vanished for the day, gone with her on her mission.

His efforts to keep away from that proverbial ledge were failing.

"You know," Leia said slowly, sitting back. "They told me what happened. With Poe."

Ben returned his attention to her sharply. So far, it seemed Finn and Poe had told relatively few people. Ben knew that Rey was grateful for this, but he also knew that she feared Leia's knowledge of it the most. Because she'd never mentioned it to either of them before now, they'd both assumed Leia hadn't heard.

His mouth twisted. "Did he come running to you the moment it happened?"

Like a spoiled child?

Leia laughed. "No. I actually had to drag it out of him. Neither of them was going to tell me, but I could see that something was clearly wrong. The three of them are so close, they're like siblings. It was pretty obvious when suddenly everyone was acting like there was a rancor in the room. I bullied it out of them."

Not quite like siblings, Ben mused. He chose not to say this, however. Chose not to say anything.

She continued. "I assume there are parts of the story they did not share with me. Poe was pretty adamant that you were a corruptive influence, but Finn didn't seem so convinced."

"And what do you believe?" he asked.

"I trust Rey," she said simply, a small shrug punctuating her point. "That's why I haven't done anything about what I heard. I know how hot-headed Poe can be. We're working on it with him. I need him to step up and be a good leader. He's made progress in many ways, but he still has a lot to learn. Because of that I have a feeling that whatever happened in that room had less to do with Rey and more to do with you and him."

Ben allowed her a single nod. "For someone who claims to be her friend, he exhibits an impressive amount of distrust in her. I find that irritating."

This was only the smallest fraction of why he'd developed such a deep animosity towards the man, but she did not need to know the rest. And most of what he felt was gone now anyway, replaced with ambivalence.

"He's not your friend treating  _you_  that way — why does it matter?"

His gaze on her sharpened, sensing motive behind this topic which he could not yet discern. "She clearly puts a premium on friendship, and has demonstrated her desire to have his in her life. I feel it's beneath her dignity to keep trying with someone who doesn't reciprocate with equal respect."

Leia smiled a little. "Rey doesn't think it's beneath her dignity."

"Apparently not."

"Do you think part of your grudge with Poe, and his with you, is that you view each other as competitors for her attention?"

Ben frowned. "I've learned enough about her to know that she will put her attention everywhere she pleases. There is no competing."

Leia laughed a little. "I'm not sure Poe knows that. But that's a good perspective to take. Your father had to learn that same lesson, only it took him longer."

He leaned back in his chair, distancing himself from the memory she invoked. He felt suddenly disgruntled. Did she think they were going to have some mother-son bonding moment over a girl? She was well over a decade too late for that.

"This is not that situation," he said stonily.

"No?" She seemed a little surprised. "You two are obviously close. I suspect you share something no one else is privy to. A relationship or bond nobody else can rival. You're not—?"

"No."

And he was working hard to keep it that way. Despite the increasing difficulty. And despite Rey herself making it almost impossible with her insistence on crowding his personal space, with all her little touches, the way she talked to him with her dusky desert eyes so bright and vulnerable and wanting, the way her soul felt mingling with his own during their Force sessions, the way she'd  _crawled into his bed._

The way she'd accepted his offer to explore a middle path together.

He let out a slow breath, determined to change the subject. "But while we're speaking of your pilot, has he learned the information you wanted yet?"

"Yes," she said slowly, disappointment breaking through before she artfully concealed it again. She leaned forward and returned to business. "Tell me about Naboo."

Ben glanced at her, lifting his brows. "Hux is on Naboo?"

"It seems so."

"He must truly be scared, then. The base on Naboo was supposed to be a last resort. It's difficult to supervise the construction of an empire without the maneuverability of being on a command ship. But he felt establishing a base in a populous region would be a safeguard against rebel attacks if it ever came to that."

"He was right." Leia shook her head. "It's pure evil. Seizing the heart of the city and turning it into a base - we can't very well go in with bombs and blazing guns. All those people living around the base."

"Precisely. He knows you would never risk civilian lives. And..." He watched her carefully for a reaction here. "He knows your own personal connection to that world."

She sighed heavily, a slow nod accepting the truth of his suspicion. "He's right again. I cannot authorize dramatic, destructive tactics against my birthmother's homeworld. A world I myself helped liberate after the fall of the Empire. This is going to be tricky."

"Rey and I can get in and take out Hux ourselves. No need for the full weight of your artillery to be used on the planet. You should focus your efforts on drawing their attention above-world."

Leia nodded slowly, calculating. "Yes, we could formulate some kind of plan along those lines. I'll get people on the ground to evacuate the surrounding city blocks, in case we do need to use drastic action."

He would leave the details of all of that up to her. He knew Hux's empire was in a brittle state right now, which was probably why the general had retreated to his safe haven. The attacks scattered throughout the galaxy, the planets that had risen up in outright rebellion, and the terrified reports of a ghostly Death Star targeting First Order-occupied worlds before vanishing again - all of it was spreading fear and sedition like wildfire, culminating in a true crisis of command. Ben felt a smug sense of satisfaction being part of the side causing the trouble, rather than the side trying to deal with it.

"We should talk about your grandmother sometime," Leia said after a few minutes of silence, clicking off the holo to signal the end of their strategy session. "And your grandfather. The way we should have done long ago."

To this, Ben said nothing. He'd had to learn the truth of his heritage when the entire galaxy did, and no amount of trying to make up for lost time now would change that. He wasn't eager to try. But something within him stirred with curiosity, wondering if his mother had more insight on her birth parents than he was able to uncover in the archives of the Empire.

Leia gave him a small, sad smile. "But I think today is not the time."

"No," he agreed.

She stood, and he followed suit. Her private apartment reminded him of the various homes he'd grown up in, stationed wherever her political prowess was most needed. She'd always kept it simple, but comfortable. Not so simple, though, that her furnishings were made from salvaged scraps, he thought with amusement, then quickly and silently scolded himself. His mind always flitted back to the scavenger, even in the most banal circumstances.

Perhaps sensing this, Leia smiled a little as she led him out and to his own room next door. "Rey will be back by this evening, don't worry."

His gaze fell to her hand as it reached for his, giving him a tender little squeeze. It looked so small in his own. Weathered by age, but not frail. She was still strong. And perceptive. Though time and anger had made them strangers to each other, she could still guess the contents of his heart too easily. A lingering trait leftover from when they were so close. She'd been his whole world when he was a boy, even if he wasn't hers. For a moment, he felt flicker of regret for all the time they'd lost.

But that was foolish too. As foolish as thinking his bed had somehow changed since Rey's visit. There could be no going back, no pining for things now past. Only forward. Whatever forward meant. After this was all over, he'd have a lot of unknown to face. A new identity to forge. A new purpose to find. For now, however, he could be content with what he had.


	28. Fall

**Rey**

* * *

"Are you guys ready for today?" Rose asked over lunch.

They all devoured their food so voraciously after another successful propaganda run, there hadn't been much opportunity for conversation after they arrived in the mess hall. Her remark prompted everyone to look up in surprise.

Rey grinned, pausing in her bite. "Yeah, I think so."

She glanced at Ben, who returned his attention to his meal.

Finn, sitting beside her, shook his head. "I can't believe you convinced Leia to let you do this. What if you accidentally cut off a limb?"

"It  _is_  dangerous," she admitted. "But it's only once, and it's only because we're so close to the day of attack now. We need to feel what it's like to have the actual thing in our hands again."

"You'll just be fighting holo enemies, though, right?" Rose pressed.

Rey shrugged. "Probably. Sparring is a much more effective teaching tool, though."

She didn't tell them that the thought of facing off against Ben with a real lightsaber was both terrifying and irresistibly thrilling. Training on the edge of disaster would require a new level of precision in their movements, and as long as no one ended up seriously maimed by the end, that precision was exactly what they needed.

"You guys are insane," Finn laughed. "It's going to be an epic show, and I intend to be there to watch."

Ben glanced up now. "You didn't see enough to last you a lifetime when it was your turn?"

If this little reference to Finn's near-death experience at the hands of Ben himself shocked him, he didn't show it. Instead, he shook his head. " _Somebody_  made sure I didn't get to see Rey destroy you and bury you in the snow. I want to see her do it now."

Ben smirked. "We'll see."

Rey's eyes traveled between them, marveling that the tides could have shifted so much as to see these two men joking about the most horrible night in recent memory. She'd never have imagined back on Starkiller Base that one day the three of them would be sitting around a table in easy friendliness, reminiscing without the rush of unpleasant feelings.

"You're also not as motivated to kill her," Rose observed.

"Yeah," said Finn. "How will you decide a winner?"

Rey scooped up her final bite, pausing to answer before consuming it. "Whoever yields first, I suppose."

When they finished lunch, the four of them parted ways with the promise that Finn and Rose would be there later to watch. Rey and Ben went off to study some of the ancient Jedi texts for a couple hours before their scheduled training time. Rey couldn't remember what they read about after the fact, though. Being alone with Ben had become distracting these days. She found it difficult to concentrate on much of anything. Her mind would wander back to the night she climbed into his bed, or to the expression he'd worn on his face when he told her to let go of the struggle within her soul.

The stronger they grew in the Force, the more they shared their power, the closer they grew emotionally. Rey had never felt anything like it, and she didn't know what to call it or how to understand it. She knew him as well as she knew herself, if not better sometimes. The next nearest thing to it was her fierce affection for Finn, but that was somehow different. She wasn't sure why.

"You're not focused," Ben observed, glancing up from the book.

She blushed a little. "I was just thinking about what we can do when we share power, and wondering what else we might be able to do but haven't discovered yet."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Luke scoured the galaxy looking for information about the Jedi, but he can't have uncovered every secret. There could be more out there, perhaps in communities with strong Force connections but no clear Jedi ties."

"Like the village," Rey said, seizing on this idea immediately. "Kee-git. They have a knowledge of the Force that stretches back to ancient times, but no official affiliation to the Jedi."

His eyes roved over her face, soft and warm. "Perhaps there are things available to us which were not to him, both because we share power and because we are not slave to one side or another."

She shivered, looking down at the book quickly. "We still haven't made it through half of the texts, either, so who knows what we'll find in here."

He nodded, returning to the passage which he had been reading when her mind had wandered off. She made herself pay attention for the rest of the time.

At long last, the beep of the schedule reminder panel told them it was time for training. She eagerly left him to go change and return the book to her room. After donning her training tank top and cropped pants, she retrieved with some reverence the weapons heretofore forbidden them. The lightsabers.

It really was a miracle Leia had agreed to this plan when Rey proposed it. It hadn't been an immediate approval, of course, and Leia had required Rey's careful explanation of what she intended. But it was clear that somewhere along the line, the general had begun to trust her own son again. Rey noticed that the guards were not always on duty outside Ben's room anymore. They appeared sporadically, requiring weapons checks only sometimes.

Like now, for instance. There was no sign of the cheerful little Inez, or any of her fellow guard rotation. Rey liked this much better, though a small part of her missed the young girl's bubbling enthusiasm and clear crush on Ben.

He was ready when she opened the door, dressed in his own training attire which revealed the long gash to his collar and shoulder, as well as the mottled scar on his other shoulder where she'd jabbed him with her lightsaber. So many marks to his body at her own hand. So needless. If only they'd known how much better it would all get once they agreed to stop fighting.

As soon as the door locked behind them in the training room, Rey handed Ben the hilt of his lightsaber.

A gleam flashed through his eye, lightning before a storm. He took it, turning in his hands, so much satisfaction giving him the ghost of a grin. Like being reunited with an old friend.

Igniting the blade, a red glow was immediately thrown onto his face as the crackling, hissing signature sound of it filled the room. He stepped away from her and gave a few practice swings, the grin growing now.

Rey smiled, lighting her own weapon in response. A refined, low-pitched, throbbing hum joined his as her two glowing blue blades leapt to life.

They warmed up with holos, but they both knew it wasn't going to be the main event. Cutting through digital enemies got their blood flowing and sharpened their minds, helped them remember the familiar feel of their weapons, but it didn't satiate their hunger for battle. Still, it did feel good. Rey loved fighting beside him. Working in tandem to take down the endlessly generated stream of foes got their synergy surging again, a single warrior with two bodies.

But it wasn't enough. There was no satisfaction in this fake fight. They needed real conflict, real danger, real attacks.

So when the time was right, Rey shut off the holo program and returned to the center of the room, this time turning on her ally. They faced off, slowly circling one another. Each of them wore an expression of defiance, daring the other to make the first move. Both were eager for this part. They hadn't crossed blades since that fateful day in the snow, when an untested Rey had struck down a trained killer. But Ben had been horribly wounded in that fight, both by Chewie's bowcaster and Finn's errant strike. His connection to the Force had also been badly shaken by the murder of his father. It all given an advantage to Rey, who found strength and ability when she finally embraced the call of the Force within her.

Now they met on equal footing. Ben still had the advantage of greater training, but Rey had come a long way, and she had two blades at her disposal. They came to this fight more balanced and stable than either had ever been. Both wondered what all this meant for the outcome of their friendly duel.

They looked like two predators sizing up their prey. She, a lioness. He, a dragon.

Rumor had spread, no doubt from Finn, that today's sparring would be a show to remember and a sizable crowd had gathered around the windows to watch. Most of them had never seen Rey's new lightsaber, and murmurs filtered among them about the radical design. Ben himself felt a flicker of doubt, calculating the best way to dodge both blades at the same time. Training against her scavenger staff had offered some preparation, but ducking a blow from a metallic rod was a lot different than trying not to get sliced by a deadly energy beam.

Neither of them noticed their audience. They glared into one another's eyes, and nothing outside the room existed.

As if on cue, Rey leapt into first action, triggering his response and both lunged into the center of the arena. Rey brought the end of her saberstaff down in a hard slash. He caught her blow with his blade and wheeled around to avoid meeting her second beam as she pivoted. And thus the dance began. He had a powerful swing, but she was deftly defensive with her twin shafts. And while she was lightning on her feet, he anticipated her movements and blocked her at every turn.

She spun and hit — and he was there. She ducked and rolled, striking from below — and he was there. They sensed each other's intentions and responded instinctually, whirling and striking, always defended.

Sparks showered around them every time their blades clashed, a brilliant purple glare erupting like fireworks, red against blue. A veritable light show filled the room as the couple collided again and again. One would press the advantage, and then the tide would shift and the other would become the aggressor.

Within them burned a tremendous fire, stoked to life by the rigors of their dance. Blood ran hot, two hearts racing along frantic rhythms.

Outside, the spectators' murmurs had grown as awe spread among them. Some were suddenly more afraid of the two Force-users than ever, seeing how deadly they were. Others among them began to feel certain of a Rebel victory for the first time.

Inside, Ben pressed Rey hard, driving her back towards a windowless wall. She had to allow the onslaught, unable to mount a proper defense while clambering on and around the various obstacles in the room. His blows were strong enough to nearly make her lose her footing every time they fell, sending shockwaves through the bones in her arms as she parried each one. Finally her back bumped up against the wall and she jammed her saberstaff up, catching his beam in the top of hers. He leaned his weight against it. The energy snagged, locking the two weapons together a foot away from Rey's head. The spewing purple glow bathed them both in light.

Trapped like this, blood surging, heart racing, she suddenly felt his proximity like a blaze of fire beside her. His ragged breaths brushed against her neck as his body trembled with exertion. She turned her face to his, and found they were separated by mere inches. His dark eyes glittered with the fevered light of battle — and something else. Something hungry.

Within her stirred the same hunger. It flooded through them both, molten and electric all at once.

The Force swelled powerfully between them, around them, filling the space and lifting the objects in the room.

Rey struggled to breathe, but it had nothing to do with the fight. She'd never felt this much desire, this much need. He was so close. So very close.

Ben's intense gaze broke from hers, falling to her lips. She parted them slightly, uneven gasps mingling with his own.

She wanted him to do it.

He wanted to do it.

They held there, suspended in a tremulous moment of indecision. Of wanting. Of doubt.

With a violent puff of air, Ben shoved himself away from her, extinguishing his blade to break the locked energy. The objects in the room thudded back to the ground. He turned away from her, running a hand over his face.

Rey doused her lightsaber as well, suddenly too keenly aware of the loud silence that replaced the singing laser sounds. She hooked the hilt on her belt, struggling to regulate her breathing as she tried to surface from whatever had just happened. Or not happened.

Ben moved to the door and waited, unable to leave without her escort. She slowly followed, noticing all the faces at the window for the first time. Their varying expressions of awe registered in her mind, but distantly. It was difficult to focus on identifying even a single one.

She glanced at Ben, but he did not look at her. He merely extended his hand, offering his lightsaber back to her custody as required. She took it, clipping it beside her own.

Why wouldn't her heart slow down? She tingled from head to toe with something she couldn't identify, but which made her feel as if she were made of shattered glass. One touch and she would burst into a million pieces. Swiping her access chip, she unlocked the door and let them out.

The crowd dispersed immediately, hurrying away from them like similarly charged magnets.

Finn and Rose, however, harbored no such fear and found them right away. Rose exclaimed, "Guys! That was…that was intense. Is that what it was like last time?"

Rey seized on their presence as a distraction from the strange fluttering feelings in her stomach. "Sort of, except I didn't know what I was doing then. And we were actually trying to kill each other."

"It looked like you were trying to kill each other now!" After a pause, Finn added, "Most of the time. Other times it looked like…" he shook his head, giving Rey a close look. "Like something else was happening."

So much for distraction. She stared at the floor, unable to summon a response.

Finn glanced at Ben. "You're a beast with that thing, man."

Ben gave him a nod of acknowledgement.

Their mutual silence didn't deter him. He continued. "I  _cannot_  believe Leia let you do that. The others were totally freaked out too. Some actually believe we can take down the First Order now."

"We can," Rey said firmly. "And we will."

Rose, having lapsed into quiet observation, put a hand on Finn's arm. "Hey, we should let them go wash up."

He looked at her in bewilderment. "What? We are, we're just walking with them."

"Poe's due to arrive back any minute. I meant that we should go meet him, but I didn't want to be rude."

Rey glanced at Rose to see the little engineer give her a look that said this was an invented motive. She… _wanted_  to give Rey and Ben some space? Did she understand? Did she see?

Finn took the bait. He paused in his step. "Oh…yeah. Uh, sorry guys. We'll meet up with you later."

Rey summoned a smile and waved him off. "I'll find you in a bit."

He grinned, calling over his shoulder as they departed, "I still think you guys are nuts, but that was awesome!"

They moved off down the hall towards Rey's room, and the strange feelings returned. For her, at least. She got absolutely nothing from Ben. He had built up a mental blockade between them — thin, but still a barrier. He did not want her to feel his thoughts, and that unnerved her.

Pausing at her door, she hesitated following him in. Ordinarily she'd return to hall to wait while he washed up to avoid awkward appearances, but right now she wasn't sure she should go in at all.

No. No, she needed to understand. Wanted to know why he turned away. Why he didn't…do what? Her heart tripped within her, remembering. She had to face this confusing feeling, and he was the only one who could help her make sense of it.

So she followed him in. And then, because she didn't want interruption, she locked the door behind her. Sealed in a cocoon of privacy, she turned to him. He was watching her, a strange look in his eye — annoyance? Nervousness? What  _was_  that?

"Ben?" She started, then stopped, unsure what to say.

He searched her face briefly, moving backwards a few steps, swallowing. She lingered by the door, noting the distance he put between them.

**/:/**

Ben burned.

A fever raged within him, stoked by the look in Rey's face, the heat of her body trapped between him and the wall, the nearness of her lips. He shuddered, retreating from her now, retreating from the electricity, retreating from the thing he still wanted with all his heart but dared not touch.

He couldn't. He  _couldn't_.

_I have to protect what I have left_ , he thought to himself. Then winced, because it had gotten through his barrier and she felt it. He knew she did by the flicker of doubt in her eye.

"Protect yourself against what?" she asked softly.

"You."

"Why?" No dismay, no hurt, just inquiry. The line between her brows was a familiar one; he recognized it as the look she wore when trying to understand something. When she was trying to understand  _him_. Why was everything she did so bewitching?

He ground his teeth together, trying to find an answer to satisfy her without divulging too much. "Some doors are better left closed."

She frowned, but said nothing. Her silence frustrated him. Did she really not know? Didn't she feel it herself? There was far too much at stake here. He'd become comfortable with risk since Rey's friends had reintroduced the thrill of the gamble into his life, but this was not something he was willing to risk.

How could he make her understand?

"Tell me, what happens after this?"

"What do you m—"

"Assuming we survive this war, we help the Rebels take down the First Order and usher in a new era of peace to the galaxy. What then?"

That doubt returned, passing over her features like a fleeting shadow. "I don't know."

It was the thing they were trying to understand throughout all these many weeks — what destiny the Force intended for them. They'd floated ideas, mostly unspoken, but settled on nothing. There was too much unknown, and though they'd agreed on a middle path, there was no guarantee that one or the other would not suddenly revert back to what they knew and leave the other. Perhaps a middle path was naive. Perhaps impossible.

His gaze fell to the floor. "Exactly. Our initial agreement was based on a temporary alliance. With no understanding of what comes after, I can't…" his words faltered. Irritated at himself, he tried again. "Sometimes it's better to have never had something than to figure out what to do when it's gone. All this…it's too…it's too hard."

**/:/**

She understood, even as his words trailed off and his expression became stormy. The thin barrier between their minds tore, and the truth seeped through. He was afraid. Afraid of loss. Afraid of holding something fragile and beautiful only briefly before watching it slip through his fingers. He wanted it too much to stomach losing it. He feared reaching for something he wanted again, and falling short again.

"Ben," she whispered.

He glanced at her, subtle tenseness at the edges of his body language suggesting he was prepared for some kind of blow.

Drawing a deep breath, she went to him, moving in close. Her voice remained low and gentle. "I'm afraid too. But it doesn't matter what happens after, I'm still certain of one thing."

As his eyes searched hers, he seemed to surrender his defenses, accepting whatever she chose for them.

Her hand lifted, tentatively brushing his cheek, tracing down the line of his terrible scar. "Whatever comes next, I'm not leaving you again."

He shuddered under her touch.

Rey brought her free hand to the other side of his face. Clasping it between them, she held him tenderly, held him firmly. "Ben Solo, do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere."

She didn't know the meaning of all things in her heart, but she knew without a doubt that she wanted to be with  _him_. More than anyone else. More than anyone, ever.

**/:/**

The dam broke. His fingers slipped from the ledge. Everything he'd been trying to keep at bay came crashing down in one fell swoop. Her touch and her promise annihilated his self-control.

His body surged forward, hands finding her waist. With only the slightest pressure, he pulled her into him, one arm winding around her back, folding her into his safekeeping. Forever. The flame within him burned brighter still, emboldened by her promise, stoked by her beauty and her strong, fearless heart. He would never ask her to go. Never. She belonged right here, in his arms, and he belonged in hers.

Yet even in this flood of desire, he could not hurt her. Could not bring himself to give in until he knew for certain she wanted the same thing he did. His black, infinite eyes searched hers, voice low, ragged, uneven as he whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes," she gasped, suddenly trembling in his arms. "Are you?"

"Yes."

His fear hadn't receded, but it was drowned in so much wanting, so much  _need_  that it hardly seemed to matter anymore. They both knew the consequences.

This time, when his gaze fell to her small, arched, perfect lips, he didn't make himself turn away. This time, he bent and closed the space between them. This time, he kissed her.

**/:/**

And they fell. Fell. Tumbling over a cliff from which there could be no return. All that had transpired between them — all the longing and search for belonging, the pain and comfort, the understanding and doubt, all of it swirled into one enormous emotion too large for either of them to contain.

His lips left her as he pulled back, eyes meeting hers, anxious, hungry, searching. Checking on her. Asking if this was alright. She could not think, could not breathe, but her hands clutched at him and drew him back in, her entire body rising to eliminate any distance remaining. What they began cautiously they soon committed to fervently. Desperately. Possessed by something that tried to fuse them into one balanced entity. She the light, and he dark. Or was he the light and she the dark? It all resolved and mixed and swirled within them, without them, all around them.

Nothing could have prepared her, or him, for the depth of relief that crashed over them. The feeling of purpose, of  _rightness_ , consumed them until it didn't feel like something new, it felt like something natural. Like it was always meant to be this way.

Rey, nameless orphan of Jakku, had never felt so adored, so worshipped. Had never felt such fire racing through her every nerve as his hand moved to brace the back of her head, the other holding her firmly against him. Her slender fingers tangled through his thick dark hair, tracing along a sharply defined jaw. She melted into him, body and soul.

That kiss overwhelmed her senses, and all she knew was him, and her, and the feeling of perfect purpose stitching them together.

Finally he pulled away again, leaning his forehead against hers as he caught his breath. Neither wanted to part, but it was all too much to take in, too dizzying. They needed to get their bearings.

"Rey…" he breathed. "I —"

Whatever he'd been about to say was cut off by the sound of sharp tapping on the door.

Rey flinched at the sound, closing her eyes, willing the visitor to go away while she explored the beautiful, glowy feelings radiating from her heart.

"You should answer that," he murmured very softly against her.

"No," she protested. She didn't want an interruption. She wanted to hear whatever he'd been about to say, and then she wanted to kiss him again because already it felt like too much time had passed and the moment would dissolve too soon. Her heart couldn't seem to calm down and she wasn't ready to face anything outside the two of them right now. Nothing else seemed to matter.

The tapping continued, awkwardly weak but persistent.

"Rey," he insisted, slowly, reluctantly, releasing her from his grasp.

Finally, she slumped out of his arms and pushed him back, sighing. She went to the door and unlocked it.

A shining bipedal protocol droid in gold-colored plating and round, expressionless eyes stood in the doorway. "Oh I  _hoped_  I would find you here. I have been searching everywhere. I'm sorry to disturb you, Master Rey, but Princes—  _General_  Leia has requested your presence in command immediately. Master Ben's as well."

"Are you sure?" Rey knew he didn't give instructions he hadn't been authorized to give, but Ben had never been allowed in command before.

Her doubt seemed to offend the droid, who drew himself up as much as his semi-articulated body would allow. "Of course I'm sure. The general was very specific that you both be in attendance. My auditory processing unit is capable of detecting the nuances of speech in over six million languages and I—"

"Where is command?" Ben asked her, interrupting with a discrete hand on the small of her back.

She turned to him, something inside her fluttering with pleasure. She grinned. "I'll show you. Follow me."

They turned and brushed past C3PO, leaving him to stare after them with that same vacant expression, still muttering. As she'd feared, the moment had been ruined, but Ben's little touch reminded her that this shift in their relationship did not belong to a single kiss, and they'd have plenty of time later to explore all that it meant.


	29. Red Sky

**Rey**

* * *

Rey thought she might have trouble concentrating in Command after the breathtaking, bewildering thing that had just happened. It turned out to be a futile worry. This was no meeting with herself, Ben, and Leia, but rather a gathering of almost everyone who held a meaningful rank in the new rebellion. Focus came easily and sharply. No time for secret tender memories here — only the terrible architecture of war.

When they entered, Leia spotted them and motioned for them to come forward. Others shifted out of the way to make room and they approached the large holographic strategy table, taking a position beside the general. Poe, Finn, and Rose were also among the various commanders standing in the center circle of the crowd.

Nobody paid Ben much attention, which was surprising. Sentiment towards him had shifted slightly in the weeks since his arrival, but not enough to warrant a warm welcome in a place of sensitive covert planning like this room at this time. Their lack of objection to him now seemed as warm as Rey could have ever imagined. Either they'd more or less accepted his role or they were far too distracted now.

It turned out to be the latter.

Leia was ready with her grand plan of attack. Poe reported on what he'd learned about the First Order Base on Naboo. This revelation hit Rey with sickening impact. She had of course heard of the famous paradisiacal planet from the traders and offworlders who stopped at Niima Outpost for refueling before heading into the Unknown Regions, and she had dreamed of one day visiting the turquoise lakes and rolling countrysides. But knowing that the First Order had deliberately used that very reputation to shelter them from perceived attack, putting both the planet and the lives of its peaceful residents at risk, made her feel suddenly ill.

She tried not to think about Ben's own role in choosing that site.

_I didn't_ , Ben assured her telepathically.

Clinging to this truth, she made herself relax.

The First Order had seized almost a quarter of the city central and converted it into an enormous terrestrial base, so the Resistance couldn't very well go in, guns blazing, without compromising the lives of innocents.

"Chewbacca and Rey will go in with the Falcon," Leia explained, motioning to a city map where a public hangar illuminated a different color from the rest of the map. "We've acquired a shipping order which will allow them to enter the blockade and land at this commercial docking bay. Kylo, Finn, and Rose will be aboard as well. Once on the ground, they will infiltrate the base — Rey, are you confident you can get in?"

Rey nodded. "We can do it."

"How?" one of the other commanders asked.

"It doesn't matter," Leia said dismissively. "We'll trust them to do what they do best. Once inside, Rey and Kylo will find their way to Hux and his Knights as quickly as possible. Meanwhile Rose will hack into the nearest terminal and initiate one of Finn's broadcasts, only this time he will deliver it live rather than as a recording. The idea is to galvanize as many stormtroopers as we can, not only on the base but hopefully throughout the galaxy. Rose has been working on expanding her slicing technique to include various galactic news networks as well — did I explain that correctly?"

Rose nodded. "If we can broadcast publicly, hopefully that will rally some of the other worlds teetering on the brink of rebellion."

Leia pressed forward. "If there is chaos on multiple fronts, they won't know where to focus their efforts. As that's happening, Poe will lead an attack on their blockade, with the intention of punching a hole through which we can send down support troops to evacuate the neighboring city blocks. It's a dangerous assignment — you'll be trying to draw out their fighters to give our groups on the ground more time."

Poe issued a series of commands to several fighter unit leaders, outlining what they would be doing. He didn't seem nervous about the suicidal nature of his assignment.

Despite all that had happened, Rey experienced a stumbling sensation of worry for him. Finn and Rose would be with her, for the most part, and while that did not make them  _safe_  at least she'd know what happened to them. Until they separated, of course. Then the only person whose fate she would be able to track was Ben.

The conversation shifted to other tactical strategies and Leia gave out other assignments. Rey let her thoughts turn inward, to her sudden fear for her friends and the task at hand. A storm cloud of anxiety rolled through her as she glanced across to Rose and Poe…and Finn.

Ben's hand brushed against her own, discreet but intentional. He could feel her dread, but she wondered if he could understand it. All this business plotting the possible deaths of the people she loved — she'd rather go back to just a short time ago when all that mattered was the feel of Ben's mouth on hers and the flames that ignited between them.

She blushed and forced herself to focus again.

"We implement this plan tomorrow morning," Leia concluded. "Get as much sleep as you can tonight. I'm tremendously proud of all of you. The galaxy is a brighter place because people like you are willing to fight for it, no matter the odds. Tomorrow, they will rise and fight with you, ridding ourselves of tyranny once and for all. We can do it. We  _will_  do it. Don't lose hope when everything looks dark — cling to the light, trust in the light. And may the Force be with us."

It took a moment for everyone to disperse after the meeting ended. A feeling of camaraderie and the specter of death's shadow seemed to bind them all to one another. Eventually, they did go, however. Various commanders and leaders organized their units and led them off to go over more detailed strategy. Others moved on to make whatever personal or tactical preparations they needed. A subdued sense of hope went with them.

Everyone felt it in the air: this would be the last time they attacked the First Order. The final standoff. Either they would live to see the dawn of a new era, or they'd die and finally be released from the fight.

Leia turned to Ben and Rey, brow lifting. "I got to see a bit of your practice session this afternoon, and I admit, I'm surprised you both emerged unhurt. I'm glad I didn't know what it was going to look like before I approved it."

Ben's mouth twitched a little. "So am I."

Her expression softened into a smile, putting her hand on her son's arm. "How are you both?"

"We're fine," he replied.

Rey wondered, by the curious expression that danced just beneath the surface of the seasoned woman's features, if she sensed a shift between them.

Leia's eyes met hers. "Ready for tomorrow?"

"Yes," Rey said quickly. Perhaps a bit too quickly. She averted her gaze before Leia could see the deceit.

But of course she saw. She was far too practiced in the art of observation and unspoken signals. Leia motioned to Finn, who had lingered behind when others began to depart. He came immediately.

"Finn, I think I called this meeting too quickly after Poe's arrival to give these two a chance to freshen up after their duel. Would you mind accompanying Ben to the washroom? I need to steal Rey for a moment."

Finn blinked in surprise, but to his credit did not hesitate. He nodded. "Yeah, sure."

Rey saw the inquisitive glance he tossed her way, and knew without telepathic aid that he was confused that they had not already washed up, as he'd specifically left them to do earlier.

Leia had already turned her attention to Ben. "Go with Finn. I'll have her back to you by dinner. "

Ben and Rey looked at one another briefly, a faint smile ghosting across her lips as he pivoted to follow Finn away. Leia's careful observation loomed in her periphery, moderating any further reaction she might have had. So instead of watching him leave and indulging in that crazy, surreal memory of an hour before, she turned and faced the general fully, prepared to accept whatever this was.

"I won't take much of your time, as I'm sure you want to wash up as well. But I wanted to talk. Do you mind?"

Rey laughed a little. After sending her son and Finn away with only the briefest explanation, Leia was  _now_  asking for permission? As if she needed it. "Of course not."

Mischief glittered in Leia's eyes too, and it was clear she knew full well where the humor came from. "Let's walk. I find that conversation flows best at walking speed."

So Rey followed her out of Command and down more vacant passages.

"How are you feeling about all you've learned since leaving us to find Luke?" Leia asked not long into their walk, casting aside any pretenses at light introductions. She wanted to get to the heart of the matter quickly. Efficient, as always.

Rey released a long breath as her mind traced back along the many, many events that had taken place since that first flight. "I feel as though I've been trying to drink an entire ocean to satisfy my thirst," she confessed. "But it's all so much to take in."

Leia grinned. "I like that. It's true, for what Luke told me about the Force is that it is as deep as it is wide, and understanding even a small part of it takes the work of a lifetime. But you seem to be doing well. Do you feel more confident about your place in all this?"

"I…I think so." At least, she knew what her objective was in tomorrow's war game. And she knew that for whatever reason, the Force had raised her up to be a balance against Ben's own imbalance. "I accept that I have a purpose, though I'm not always sure what that is in the grand design. After this war."

"Does that frighten you? The not knowing?"

"No." It might have worried her once, fearing that without the Resistance to give her some meaning she'd drift around the galaxy trying to figure out what to do with her Force gifts. But not anymore. Now she felt a sort of all-encompassing peace. Whatever the future held, she knew it included Ben. They would discover their purpose together.

But that wasn't what prompted Leia's question, she knew. So she gave the general the answer she really wanted. "What frightens me is the unknown of tomorrow itself. That I could lose the people I love."

Understanding filled Leia's countenance as she nodded slowly and kept her gaze trained ahead of her. "Ah, the fear we all know far too well in these dark times."

Yes, Leia would be more intimately acquainted with that than anyone. Rey thought of the people Leia had lost throughout her life, beginning with her parents and all she loved on Alderaan. So much grief. So much pain. Suddenly Rey was glad she had confided this worry, knowing she had found the right person to guide her through it.

"Loss is an inevitable part of life," Leia said, sighing. "Cruel though it feels at the time. Impossible as it is to endure. Sometimes it hurts so much you think you cannot draw another breath. Often, you don't even want to. But your heart keeps beating and your breath keeps flowing and days keep passing, as if in mockery of your pain. It goes on and on, until one day it has become so much a part of you that you stop feeling the sharpness of it. You will always carry it with you — that's the lie, you know. That you'll get over it one day. That you'll heal. You won't. Not really. But you'll find that you can go on anyway, as if you were healed. As if you were whole."

Surprisingly, Rey felt something familiar stir within her at these words. She knew them already. The wound her parents had left her with had followed the same path Leia had just outlined. She'd never gotten over it. Ben had once admonished her to let go, to kill the past, but she hadn't been able to, and neither had he. There was no healing, only living on after.

"I don't want to go through that again," Rey heard herself breathe.

Leia stopped, taking Rey's hands in hers. "But you will, my dear. If not tomorrow, someday. If not Finn, then Rose. If not Ben, then Poe. Eventually, all of them. It is no pleasant fate to be the last survivor."

Something haunted Leia's expression — ghosts of adventures past and people gone. The longing in her eyes made Rey want to hug her. She resisted this impulse, feeling instinctively that Leia did not want it.

"The love for them does not diminish after any amount of time," Leia breathed softly. "It remains untarnished, untouched by decay. That's what we're left with when they're gone. At first it feels like a painful reminder, a worthless trinket, but soon it becomes the greatest gift. Let that love define you, but don't let it make you a slave to fear."

Rey thought of her friends, the first she'd ever had, and the family she'd gathered unto herself like so many scraps of salvage. Her love for them had at first irritated, then baffled, then exasperated Ben before it finally inspired regret in him. She'd defended her choice through it all, and she stood by that defense now. Her life was better for the people in it. Losing them would hurt, but it did not diminish the joy it had brought her in the moment.

But if they could just  _not die_  tomorrow…

"You don't get to keep anyone," Leia told her, as if sensing this wish. Her voice was sharp. "You can't cheat death, you can't conquer it, you can't master it. You make peace with it and trust in the Force. That's all you can do."

Like Rey with her future. She didn't know what was to come, but whatever it was she would accept. She must now do the same thing with the fate of her friends. There was a certain irony, Rey realized, that this conversation should take place after so recently admonishing Ben to give up his fear of potential loss. But that was about convincing him to trust her and trust whatever it was that burned between them, and this was about the very real possibility that her favorite people could die tomorrow.

"I understand," she told Leia after a while. The initial panic within her had resolved into aching acceptance. "At least I can enjoy what time I have left with them to the fullest, and consider the days that might come after as gifts."

Leia nodded, letting go of her hands and smiling a small, proud, sad smile. "That's it. That's how you face it."

Silence hung between them for a few moments as the two women searched each other's gaze, warmth and deep affection flowing between them. Rey felt at home with Leia, as at peace with her as she was in Ben's arms. This felt good. Felt right.

"I'm grateful to have been part of all this," she said, motioning vaguely to the base. "It has been the greatest adventure of my life."

Now Leia laughed, the heavy feelings between them fading with the sound. "Don't say that, you'll end up doing crazier things. Trust me."

They resumed walking, and this time Rey recognized it as looping back to her room. "Which ship will you be on tomorrow?"

"None of that, now. We're enjoying what time we have left, remember? And if we're pretending this is the end, I have to tell you, I'm so proud of how you've grown over this last year. Especially in the last few weeks. There's been a real change in you. What's that owed to?"

So many reasons, Rey hardly knew how to list them. Still, she let out another slow breath. "I've…learned a lot of new things. Things that have changed the way I see the Force. The way I see the galaxy, really. It isn't as black and white as I thought. The Force isn't all darkness or all light. There's so much in between."

Leia's brow lifted a little. "I can see why you get along so well with my son. I think Ben has always needed someone to show him a place where he could be whatever muddled shade he is naturally. I regret I failed to recognize it and do that for him when he was young. We were only ever taught to dwell in the light."

"I know," Rey said quickly, hoping to absolve her of guilt. "I thought that way too. So I don't think I'm showing him that place as much as we're discovering it together."

They'd arrived at Rey's room and stopped at the door. Rey wasn't quite ready for this conversation to end, as she'd not been ready for her moment with Ben to end. But she was quickly coming to realize that things rarely went the way she thought they should. So she drew herself up and braced for Leia's goodbye.

"I'm so pleased you followed your gut and went to him when he needed you," Leia said. "Your influence brought him here, and because of that I've been able to be with him again. Do you mind if I steal him for a while after dinner? I'd like to have a final conversation with my son before we go off to destroy a tyrannical empire."

Rey laughed, again recognizing Leia's manipulative tactics and again admiring them. "Of course I can't mind that."

Leia grinned. "I thought not. Thank you. And remember, don't be afraid about tomorrow. Trust in the Force."

The older woman leaned in and swept Rey into a fond embrace — invoking the memory of their first embrace, when neither knew who the other was except by sheer instinct and that faint  _knowing_  that came with the Force. When Rey recognized the heart that hurt with hers as belonging to Han, the father-figure she'd just lost. They'd clung to each other then, in pain, as they clung to each other now, in peace.

When Leia finally parted from her and she went in to freshen up, that peace lingered. It swirled in her, joining her many other feelings fluttering around like desert moths in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

The mood was strange throughout the base that evening. The mess hall was quiet, but not somber. People spoke fondly of good times, reflecting on home planets and various customs, the events that had brought them together to the rebellion, the jokes they now shared. They talked and laughed in a subdued, nostalgic way. A sense of camaraderie filled every heart.

If anybody feared for their life, nobody showed it. Rey realized that throughout all her worry, the one she hadn't thought about was herself. Pondering this, she concluded that she didn't fear her own death at all. And because of Leia, she feared those of her friends less.

Ben was already seated beside Finn and Rose when she arrived. He looked up, and she knew he had hundreds of questions about what had taken place. These she silenced with an enigmatic smile. From that flow of connection between them came a rush of warmth and burning desire, echoing to her from him. Her smile grew.

"So who won today, by the way?" Rose asked when Rey sat down. "It was hard to tell."

Finn looked up from his food in realization. "Yeah, one minute Kylo looked like he was winning, and then suddenly it ended. Did you yield?"

"No…" Rey trailed off, not sure what to say. She scrunched up her face in mock confusion, as if she couldn't remember what happened. As if she couldn't remember the fire and the wanting and the way Ben's face had been so very close to hers.

"Rey won," Ben told them. "I yielded."

"But you were clearly winning," Finn protested.

"She tricked me. It was a ploy." His gaze flashed to hers in such a way that she felt a sudden heat flush through her. "I had no choice but to yield."

"Ha!" Finn punched the air. "That's my girl! I knew she could kick your tail twice."

Rose grinned too. "Sorry, Kylo."

"He's still the better swordsman," Rey murmured. "But I think we'll be able to handle ourselves tomorrow."

"No doubt," Finn agreed. His elation faded into sober reflection. "Not sure I feel quite ready, but I guess we don't have much of a choice."

Rose's hand strayed to a crescent medallion resting against her shirt. "I wish Paige could be here to be part of all this. She was always so calm before a big day. We'd sit outside and listen to the birds."

"She was your sister?" Ben asked. He'd become more comfortable around Finn and Rose throughout their various missions around the galaxy, though not necessarily more conversational. His interest surprised them.

Rose revealed a shy smile. "Yeah. The greatest big sister anyone could have. I miss her."

The others glanced at one another, none of them able to comprehend the experience of growing up with a sibling.

Rey smiled wistfully. "You know, nobody was very religious on Jakku. At least not outside the sacred villages. Everything about the Force…it was all just a fairytale people used to pass time or try to convince themselves life was better elsewhere. Not something real. I didn't believe in any of it myself."

Ben and Finn both snorted in amused dismay.

Her grin grew. "I know, I know. Ironic. But now I know better." Here she turned her attention to Rose and pressed importance into her next words. "Now I know that death is not the end. Not even close."

Rose's eyes held hers, trapped, full of wanting and believing, starting to glisten as the impact sunk in.

Rey moved her hand onto the other girl's, gripping it tight. "It's not. You'll see her again. I know that."

A traitor tear slid down Rose's cheek and she brushed it away, embarrassed. Her smile grew wide and pleased. "You know, it's really cool to be friends with someone who has the Force. The rest of us can just sorta hope for stuff. You can  _know_. Anyway, now I'm not really sure what to hope for tomorrow." She laughed a little. "I guess it's a win-win. If we succeed, that's awesome. If we fail, I get to be with Paige again. I see no downsides here."

Finn shook his head. "That might be the most cheerful way to look at all of this. I don't think I have anyone waiting for me on the other side, but at least I'd see you guys there."

Rey leaned over to bump her shoulder with his, grinning. "Yeah, that's me too."

Poe arrived, setting his food down on Finn's other side, frowning a little. "Is it okay if I sit?"

They all looked at him, mostly surprised. He hadn't directly spoken to Rey since the incident and clearly still felt awkward about how to proceed. Still, she was glad just to have him and nodded enthusiastically.

"Of course you can, you don't need to ask."

She glanced at Ben, checking in to his emotions. Strangely, he did not react to his antagonist's appearance at all. Sensing her, his eyes turned from Poe to hers. They held no irritation, no hate. Nothing at all. Poe might have been any other random rebel fighter. She blinked, brow furrowing in puzzlement. Where had all that resentment gone?

The ghost of a smile flitted over his face before vanishing again. Her confusion entertained him. Why?

"I wonder how many stormtroopers will turn," Rose mused, drawing Rey back to the conversation.

"All of them." Finn grinned confidently.

Poe laughed. "I'd like to see that. Too bad I can't be on the ground with you guys."

"You're way better in the cockpit. We need you up there looking out for us," Finn assured him.

"I just wish I could be the one to take out ole Hugs personally." His gaze drifted to Ben. "Any chance you guys could save him for me?"

Ben met the glance without malice. Without warmth, too, but at least there wasn't hostility. "Doubtful."

"I think his history with Hux goes way deeper than yours." Rose motioned to Ben. "So he gets first dibs."

Rey joined in, feeling lighter now that the last awkward pieces of her world had fallen into place. "But if you see him in the sky trying to make a sneaky escape, do it."

They joked around for the rest of the meal, their conversation straying from topic to topic with increasing enthusiasm. Ben remained ever quiet, joining in only a little more often than usual. Still, he was clearly more at ease now than at any time previous. The others noticed.

Leia arrived when the mess hall had mostly emptied except for their table. "My A-Team," she greeted affectionately. "What, no Sabbac tonight?"

"Maybe later," said Finn.

She shook her head. "Not too much later, I hope. I need you all rested and in top form tomorrow."

"With all due respect, General," Rose murmured, "I think it's going to be tough to sleep tonight."

Leia considered her, then nodded. "Perhaps you're right. Well, save me a seat. I think a little Sabbac is exactly what I need."

Rey stiffened with surprise, as did Finn and Rose. Poe looked at them all in amusement. "What, you guys didn't know she could play? She's scary good. I bet she could put ole Kylo here to the test."

Ben's gaze drifted to his mother, who gave him a wicked grin. It softened, however, and she put a hand on his shoulder. "Guess we'll find out later. Ben, take a walk with me outside? It's a beautiful night."

He looked immediately to Rey, no doubt wondering if this had anything to do with her own private conversation with his mother earlier. But she was distracted by the fact that Leia said  _outside_. Ben hadn't been allowed outside since he boarded the Falcon on that moon. He was considered too much a flight risk, she guessed. But Leia must have thought it didn't matter now.

Ben stood, running a hand through his abundance of soft, dark hair. "Alright."

Leia led them away and out of the mess hall, dwarfed by her tall son towering over her as he followed.

Rey watched them go, tracking their departure while trying to stifle the curiosity raging within her suddenly. When she glanced back at her friends, she found all eyes on her.

"What?" she asked, surprised.

"He's different," Finn said.

"Yeah," agreed Rose. "He's totally relaxed."

Rey shrugged. "Tomorrow's the day he's had his eyes on since they betrayed him. Preparations are over. The time has come. When else is he going to relax?"

"Never," said Poe softly.

Finn seized this. "No, but really, never. He's been changing a lot since you brought him here, but even since we started running missions with you guys, I've never seen him as the kind of guy who could be this chill. It's like he's…not angry anymore. At all. Is that possible?"

"Yeah, it is." She'd allow this. They could know that much.

Rose smiled a little. "I think you're a good influence on him."

"I'll second that," agreed Finn.

Rey glanced back at the door where he'd disappeared, a little pleased that her friends could glimpse the change taking place within him. They could not know how deep it ran, but something within them felt it. She smiled.

Rose was watching her closely. "You're kind of different too," she decided.

Poe gave a silent nod at this.

"I am? How?"

"You're more emotional," Poe muttered. "It's like everything is closer to the surface now."

"Do you…" Rose paused, eyes shifting from a scrutinizing squint to wide-eyed realization. "You love him."

Finn's head whipped around, body jolting upright in his chair. "What?"

Rey struggled to find a response, clawing after the right words which remained just out of reach. She couldn't. Was Rose right? Was that the word she'd been searching for to define the profound, intimate things she felt for Ben? Her searching silence stunned them further.

Poe seized the back of Finn's chair, dragging him away from the table so he could scoot his own next to Rey's. Beside her, he grabbed her hands. "Rey, tell me Rose is wrong. That's not true."

Finn scrambled around the other side of the table and sat next to Rose, leaning forward to catch the answer.

Rey blushed and yanked her hands out of Poe's grasp. "It's none of your business, quite frankly."

"You  _do_?" Finn cried, turning a shocked expression on Rose.

"I don't know what that even means," Rey protested, folding her arms across her chest, feeling suddenly very hot all over. "I love all of you. That's no secret."

"This is different," Rose pushed. "Isn't it? It's different with him."

Utterly different, yes. What she felt for him did not much mirror what she felt for the others. Again, she failed to find a response.

Poe shook his head. "No, Rey, no. Look, I get it, Rose is right, things  _are_  different with him. He has this whole Force thing that kind of makes you two unique. I understand. But you don't really have… _romantic_  feelings for him, right? Because you…you deserve a lot better."

At this, Rey frowned. "We're not going to have another conversation about brainwashing, are we?"

"Do we need to? I still think he's manipulating you."

Rey swung an accusing glare on Finn and Rose. "Do you also think that?"

They shook their heads and in unison replied, "No."

"You're outvoted," she said flatly to Poe.

His eyes flashed with a strange fevered light. "That guy is seriously broken. He's got huge issues. And he's killed a lot of people in cold blood. You need someone stable and sane. Someone who can support you, not someone who needs fixing."

Rey stared at him, confused and annoyed, until comprehension snuck into her awareness with a nudging whisper. Her eyes widened. "You think that's you."

A rush of rosy hue suddenly pinked his tan cheeks and he swallowed. "Well…yeah, I mean, I do."

Finn and Rose exchanged glances, eyes wide, riveted to the conversation even though it was clear this ought to be happening without them.

Rey fought between the urge to put Poe at ease, to make this less awkward for him, and the urge to put him decidedly in his place. "I don't think you get to decide what I need, Poe," she said softly.

His own voice dropped too, becoming gentle and urgent. "Rey, please. I want so many better things for you than him. This is where you belong — in this life, with us. Not whatever he intends for you. You're smart and strong and resilient, you are the most incredible woman I know. I just want you to be happy and taken care of for once in your life. Is it wrong of me to wish that for you?"

Rey stirred with compassion, remembering how close they'd grown over these months. Her affection for him was deep, despite the strain of the last few weeks, but it was not what he wanted. She took his hand this time, electing to restore the connection she severed. "Of course it's not wrong, Poe. You're my friend, and I care about you. Please don't worry. I'm very good at taking care of myself and knowing my own mind."

"I'm not—" he started.

She cut him off, pressing her words as delicately but firmly as she could, "I decide my fate —  _only_  me. Not you, not Ben, not them or Leia or anyone. I'm the only one who ever has and ever will say what I  _need_. Right now, I need my friends. Tomorrow, I need the Force. Beyond that, I don't know."

Perhaps she should have told them about the kiss, to put these notions out of Poe's head once and for all, but she didn't want to. That was too new and tender and private to expose to them. She wanted to keep it guarded within her as long as possible. Rose could harbor what suspicions she had, but until Rey knew for certain what she felt she couldn't verify those suspicions.

Poe withdrew her hands from hers, reluctant resignation spreading through him. She turned her gaze to Finn and Rose.

"I'm not saying no to what you suspect, but I'm not saying yes either. Understand?"

Rose glanced at Finn, who returned her look. Slowly, they nodded.

Finn stood suddenly. "If we're done traipsing around on Shocking Revelations World, let's get back to what really matters. Come with me to get the Sabbac cards?"

Rey blinked in surprise. Poe and Rose made no motion to follow, so she did. Of all of them, the one she wanted to be with most was Finn. She wasn't going to squander the opportunity.

As soon as they left the mess hall he turned and hugged her, hard. She felt the familiar weight of his arms, the feel of his body, the smell of him. She smiled and hugged him back.

"Look, I don't know if Rose is right — that seems like a crazy big development, crazier than you just teaming up with him for the sake of this war. I mean, he's not the psycho we all thought he was but I'm not sure he's the greatest guy ever yet either. But if it is, or if it isn't, know that I'm always with you. Whatever you choose for yourself, I stand by it."

She squeezed him so hard, loving him with every fiber of her whole being. "I know you are. You always have."

When they parted, he was grinning a little. "Yeah, I'm basically the best."

"You are," she agreed. "Better than anyone I know. My favorite."

They started walking again, warmth flowing between them. Finn laughed suddenly. "If you do end up with Kylo Ren, that will be the most insane conclusion to this whole war."

She laughed too. "Yeah, it will be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing the update yesterday! Things got a bit crazy. We get two more chapters before I'll disappear for a week on a vacation to a beautiful location that (sadly, and gratefully) doesn't have internet access. So today, tomorrow, and Saturday, updates! And then the next update won't be until next Saturday. :/ I'll try not to leave you on too big a cliffhanger!


	30. The Unsayable Things

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Silvery trees silhouetted against a strangely illuminated backdrop, composing a surreal environment. The tree branches spun and wove through one another like twisting coils, like serpents, growing in gnarled directions. The leaves held bioluminescent cellular walls, giving them an eerie green-blue glow that shimmered as the night breezes stirred them.

It looked less like a real forest and more like a dreamscape, Ben mused as he and his mother took the path carved through the jungle floor. They could see their way very well by the light of the leaves.

Leia was talking, though Ben drifted in and out of listening. She spoke of times long past, memories of his childhood. He tolerated this with some understanding, though he couldn't quite pay attention as his thoughts kept leaping back to Rey.

His mother's importance in his life remained, but their painful past couldn't be erased. For all their efforts to repair the damage now, Ben would never be able to forget that she had stumbled in the face of his darkness. That she, and his father, were the first to call him a monster. The sting of knowing that had dulled recently, allowing him now to respond to her efforts, but it did not take away the memory. It had been soothed by another female's unguarded affection. Hers came without reservation — without caveat. Though she was the second to call out his monstrosity, she had not pulled away from his darkness. She remained. More than that, she drew nearer.

And somehow, impossibly, they had crossed that threshold which he'd both craved and dreaded since their first meeting. His body had responded to her beauty right away, filling his mind with tempting images and physical attraction even as he tried to regard her merely as a prisoner of war containing necessary information. But it ran so much deeper now than the physical and his soul responded to hers on the most profound level.

He had tried to resist it for so long, knowing how complicated it could all become, knowing how desperately he wanted it and how desperately he didn't want to be hurt by it. In the training room, during their duel, he had almost given in. It had taken every ounce of his self-control, built over years of discipline, to pull away. To deny himself this thing he wanted more than anything in the world.

More than power.

More than the Force.

Her.

But then she came at him with those eyes, soft and warm like evening sand, and begging him to let her in. To let himself give in. How was he supposed to resist that? He couldn't. He wasn't strong enough. So he'd surrendered.

And it felt terrifying. And intoxicating. And even as they'd drowned together in that all-consuming fire, he knew that no matter how many times he got to kiss her it would never be often enough. Even now, he wanted to do it again. Wanted that, and so much more. It felt like being tossed into an open sea and he wasn't quite sure he knew how to swim, but there was happiness even in the midst of his fear.

He couldn't concentrate on the battle tomorrow. He didn't care about Hux or the Knights anymore. Only she mattered. He just wanted to be with her. To feel her moving beneath his hands, to hold her light next to his heart. It was such a dramatic passion that streaked through him now. No wonder poets and storytellers waxed flowery when talking about romance. He felt like was losing his mind and the only way to cope was to act on every irrational, fevered impulse no matter how sappy and sentimental.

It was all nonsense. He needed to get control. How could one kiss send him into such a tailspin?

He made himself focus on his mother.

"And we should have told you," she was saying. "We should have told you from the beginning. You deserved to know everything about him that I had learned, and that Luke had learned. Perhaps if we had, you would have been able to understand his mistakes."

His attention sharpened, realizing she was now talking about his family's darkest secret. They'd kept it hidden from the galaxy, and him, for so long it still felt taboo to bring it up.

She glanced at him, smiling a little. "But I guess if you'd never gone down the path you did, we wouldn't have Rey in our lives, and I think we both would feel the absence. Don't you?"

Ben lifted a brow. She knew something. Could sense something. Her comment was absurd. If he hadn't made the choices he had, Han would still be with them, and for all her love for Rey he knew she wouldn't trade the girl for her husband. The only reason to say something like that was if she were fishing. He shook his head, not taking the bait. "We can't know what would have happened. Speculation is useless. We can only face what  _did_  happen."

"True. Wise words."

"You were afraid to tell me," he said after a moment of silence. "Because you were afraid  _of me_. I know what you thought. I know what you and he said about me when you thought I was asleep. Turns out you were right."

"No," Leia insisted, sorrow filling those strong, wide eyes. "We weren't. I'm so sorry, Ben. We weren't right, we were just scared and out of our depths. Your father had no frame of reference for how to deal with all of it, and all I knew was the terrible legacy of Darth Vader. It made us weak when you needed us to be strong."

Ben had no words of comfort to offer. Once, he would have felt deeply satisfied to see her pain in the face of the ugly truth. Now, he had the urge to make it easier for her somehow. But there wasn't a way to do that — for either of them to move forward, that ugly truth had to be confronted in all its raw hideousness. Ben had a compromised soul, and his parents had failed to help him make sense of it. And in their absence, a far more sinister shadow had come to influence him instead. Nothing Ben said now would change any of that or make it untrue. He could not undo the things they, or he, had done.

Would it make her feel better or worse to know that by the time he heard the truth about his lineage, publicly splashed across every salacious news network and broadcast, he'd already turned away from Luke? Would it ease her guilt or provoke her grief? Snoke had already been whispering to him about his parents' lies for years, so to see it confirmed only solidified his resolve. It proved Snoke right, but it was not the moment that made him turn.

"What do you know about him?" Ben asked. "About Anakin?"

She looked up at the glowing trees, wearily masking the sadness with an expression of acceptance. "I know he was a lot like you. A man whose feelings ran deep, whose heart was always at war with itself. A man of passion. He fell in love with a powerful woman who was more than his equal."

Ben caught her flashing glance. Yes, she definitely knew something. Of course she knew. How did she always know?

She continued. "From what I've learned about them, they were very secretive and he was very possessive of her love. That love curdled into something jealous and suspicious. Despite that, loving her wasn't his downfall. Fear was. Padme's journals detailed a descent into obsession when he learned she was pregnant and he feared losing her. Ben, if there is one thing I can impart to you from the ruin of your grandparents it is this — give no place to fear. It's so dangerous. I already spoke to Rey about this earlier. I think she understands. We must accept that we have no control over the fates of the ones we love. In the end, he lost the woman more precious to him than all the world because he couldn't do that. And Luke and I had to grow up without them. And all the events that have unfolded since can be traced back to his desperation."

Ben didn't need this particular lesson. Perhaps because he had brutally cut short the lives of many who were deeply loved and had to witness the pain of those they left behind, he already knew how fleeting and short life could be. He knew that everything was as temporary as lightning and attachment was useless. It was why he tried resisting his feelings for Rey. Even now, he knew he couldn't have her forever. It brought him such a sense of dread to think of going on without her, and he was able to glimpse into the mind of Anakin for a moment, but he did not share his grandfather's blind denial. He'd spent so long grasping for control, it almost felt like a relief to be able to let go of it now. The Force would bend their fates to its will, and Ben could finally be alright with that.

"His folly was in trying too hard to hold something fragile, and he crushed it," he mused aloud. "I've made that mistake too."

She glanced at him. He saw no reason to tell her, but at the moment, he also saw no reason not to. This little confession session had gotten to him, and everything seemed easier to say right now.

"I was desperate to make Rey stay with me after we killed Snoke's guards. Too desperate. I hurt her, and I almost lost her forever because of it. The pain of her leaving drove me to such darkness that I nearly killed you, and her, and all of them."

Leia nodded, reading his subtext deftly and finding a confirmation of her suspicions. She smiled faintly. "I'm glad you failed."

His mouth quirked. "Me too."

And he was. Life was better now, his soul finally at rest, because he'd failed so spectacularly on Crait. The Force had a hand in that, no doubt, and not just from Luke's incomprehensible astral projection. Luke. He still hadn't found peace with his uncle's betrayal. His mother he could forgive, but he hadn't quite found that same generosity for Luke yet. For the first time in his life, though, he suspected that one day he would.

His mother's hand found his, and he looked at it. So small in his own. So old compared to his. He knew she'd been an uncommonly beautiful woman in her youth, and while that beauty lingered, many hard years had weathered her face. Stress streaked grey through her hair like battle scars. She'd been through so much, lost so much — some of it at his own doing.

The image of his father flashed into his mind, slicing through his heart like a blade. He shouldn't have killed Han Solo. It didn't make him stronger like he thought it would. It didn't make Snoke trust him more, like he expected. He'd tried to excise his family from his own heart, but instead he'd carved out far too much. And he'd forced his mother to face the reality that had been the undoing of her own father. He'd robbed her of her greatest love.

"Mom," he said softly, drawing her gaze with that single intimate syllable. "I'm sorry. About…about Dad."

The words were incredibly small and inadequate compared to the deed, but they were all he had.

She understood. As in days gone by, she felt what he could not say.

Leia nodded and squeezed his hand. "I know you are."

He opened his mouth to say more, but the moment was suddenly shattered with the howling, familiar scream of several TIE-Fighters streaking through the sky. Ben and Leia both startled, looked at one another, and started sprinting for the base at the sound. Instinct drove them to immediate action even as their minds processed the meaning. Once they'd cleared the trees, they stopped and looked up in time to see the fleeting shadows of a large squadron blitz towards the city, lights along their hulls the only way to discern them against the night sky.

"They're here," Leia breathed, voice carrying none of the alarm he expected.

His gaze dropped again. "They're beginning their occupation."

She nodded, anger flaring in her. "We've run out of time."

People streamed from the opening at the telltale sound, most of them dressed for bed, most of them staring up at the night sky in horror.

Leia faced them, taking a few steps forward to command their attention. "Everyone, back inside. We're not under attack — yet, but we need to expedite our plan. Get dressed. Commanders and Captains, briefing in 10 minutes."

As the crowd turned to head back in, one face stood out among the others. Rey hovered near her friends, but she wasn't heading back inside with them. Instead, she shoved her way purposefully forward.

"Ben," she gasped when she finally got through and dashed the remaining distance between them. "What happened? It sounded like—"

"It was," Leia interrupted, flared temper making her words more clipped that she intended. "Find Chewie and tell him to prep for immediate takeoff. If you'll excuse me, I suddenly have a lot to do."

Ben watched his mother hurry off, full of purpose and resolve. Gone was the woman full of tender love and gentle regret from a minute ago, replaced with the more familiar military leader. He glanced back at Rey. A rush of pleasure clashed with harrowing trepidation as he was both undeniably happy to see her, but still aware that the situation had become dangerous.

Her brow furrowed with concern, all business. "Why are they here?"

"It was only a matter of time. They're the advance guard before the shuttles arrive. It's the occupation of the system. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, to be honest."

"So they aren't here for us?"

"We'd already be under fire if they were. It's doubtful they've discovered our location, but if we stay, it won't be long until they do."

She nodded. "That's why we've got to get out quickly."

He glanced up at the sky. "They will have already begun setting up checkpoints to control trade. It's going to be tricky."

A look of ferocity came into her eyes, one he recognized. He was glad to not be on the receiving on of it this time. It prompted him to take her hand before she could fly off into action without him, heedless of the dangers ahead. "Chewie?"

"Chewie," she responded, grinning. She was ready.

Exploring the consequences of their actions in her room earlier would have to wait. The great game had begun.


	31. Evacuation

**Rey**

* * *

The evacuation proved a more complicated matter than predicted. Ben's assessment was spot on, and the rebels soon discovered their departure hampered by checkpoints controlling the traffic to and from the planet.

"That's not sustainable — is it?" Rose complained as they hurried to the hangar after the final briefing in Command. "Do they really have the resources to monitor all traffic to all planets  _all over_  the galaxy?"

"Probably," Finn muttered. "Their resources are endless."

"No," Ben corrected. "It's standard protocol for a new occupation. After a system has been thoroughly brought to heel and the threat of rebellious sentiment has been neutralized, they'll withdraw all but an enforcement garrison and go do the same to another system."

The Resistance's cruisers, new to the cause but old and used in their construction, were docked at space ports in orbit around the planet — most of them too large to be brought down to any of Evryn's terrestrial berths. Getting to them without attracting First Order attention would be difficult. A host of their size would absolutely draw suspicion if it were to suddenly descend on these ports and ship out without documents and with obvious haste. They had to time their evacuation carefully. A few shuttles here, a few transports there.

Meanwhile X-Wings had to surreptitiously slip away, jumping to light speed as soon as they had clearance but before catching notice from patrolling TIE squadrons. All were headed to a rendezvous location.

Although Leia had everything well under control despite the circumstances, their window of escape was rapidly closing with each passing minute. Rey realized the full extent of this as she and Chewie guided the Falcon away from the base and she saw the night sky filling with stormtrooper shuttles and TIE Fighters. Rose's miniature power baffler helped conceal their energy signature from tracking sensors, but nothing could hide them from being spotted by another pilot's bare eyes.

"That's a lot of shuttles," the little engineer said softly behind Rey, leaning forward to see out the viewport. She and Finn had strapped themselves in the auxiliary seats behind the pilots. Ben, as always, was absent from the cockpit.

"It's a big job, occupying a planet," Finn replied. "Lots of ground troops needed."

"I'm suddenly not so sure the fleet can get out alright."

Rey was too focused to reply, but she agreed with the trepidation in Rose's voice. Somewhere in her mind, or perhaps a deeper place inside her, the Force thrummed with violent energies. The chaos descending on the planet stirred the mystical field into a turbulent roil, and Rey couldn't get a sense for how things were about to unfold. It made her uneasy.

"They could use a pretty big distraction," Finn said offhandedly.

"Distraction…" Rose rolled the word through her mouth as if tasting it. An idea formed in her mind, crystalizing at once.

Rey saw it. She eased back on the throttle, their speed slowing just a little. Chewie looked at her inquiringly, but she ignored him.

"Do you want to try it?" she asked Rose, glancing over her shoulder. "We'd better decide quickly while we still have time."

"What?" Finn asked. "Try what?"

Rose shook her head, staring as if Rey had grown a second head. "How did you…?"

"It doesn't matter. Do you want to try it?" Rey said urgently.

"Yes!" Rose blurted. "I think we should. If it gives them a chance to get out — why not seed dissension before we go?"

Rey nodded, already flipping primary flight controls over. "Chewie, keep us hidden in the clouds as long as you can," she instructed as she opened a channel of communication.

"Command, this is Falcon."

A brief silence, and then Leia herself was on the comm. "Falcon, what is it? Are you alright?"

"We're fine, but we have a plan. Load everyone else onto the remaining transports immediately and get to the orbital ports."

Another silence. Rey could almost feel Leia's mind whirring through speedy deliberation. She almost smiled. Finally, Leia's voice returned. "We'll get there. Good luck."

The comm went dead. Rey wondered briefly if communications across the planet were now being monitored, but there wasn't time to worry. She got up out of her seat and breezed past her friends, not bothering to issue instruction when they already knew their plan well. They'd rehearsed it so very many times.

The three of them arrived in the main hold and immediately split. Finn went to the gunner position in case they ran into trouble, while Rose began her slicer dance at the ship's computer. Ben observed these proceedings and guessed what was happening. His brow ticked up in surprise.

"That's a good idea."

"You can thank Rose for it," Rey explained. Everyone had their jobs, and hers was impossible without him. She didn't bother with the floor, instead sliding in next to him on the bench. He twisted so that they were more or less directly facing one another.

But here the well-practiced routine stumbled. This was not business as usual. Rey knew this as soon as she looked into his eyes and something inside her leapt into a senseless flutter. Yes, they were under the enormous pressure of helping the rebels escape, but more than that — all at once she felt unbearably shy.  _Shy?_  An utterly foreign sensation for the girl who'd abandoned bashfulness to survive in a harsh world. And stranger still that she should feel it towards him, who knew her better than anyone.

Everything had happened so quickly — a whirl of activity had beset their every moment since C3PO knocked on her door. She hadn't been allowed a moment to process that kiss or the torrent of emotion that had come at the opening of those floodgates. Doors were flung open inside her and she felt exposed, excited, dizzy. And, annoyingly, shy.

His hands extended, waiting for her to begin their task. She forced down all the thoughts tumbling through her mind, remembering that the Resistance was in danger and she could help. Her hands found his. Instant calm washed through her at the touch.

"Ready?" he asked softly.

She looked up to find his eyes studying her, smoldering with an internal flame, alive with the same memory that she was trying now to suppress. Her face warmed and she nodded. "Ready."

The Force blazed around them, but elsewhere it boiled with chaos. They searched through the many life forms scattered across this hemisphere, gathering threads of consciousness into their phantom fingers. This time they didn't discern between commander and trooper, merely collecting the minds of everyone in uniform. While Finn's recorded message began to play across their commlinks, the shared Force mind imposed the dreaded image of the Death Star looming over the planet. A great wave of terror rippled through the unseen fabric, breaking around Rey and Ben like waves against rock. They clutched their victims with an iron grip, not allowing them to see anything except the agent of death bearing down on them. Elsewhere, they felt the shimmer of power belonging to Leia, at first near and then suddenly very far away.

At this, they released their captives, but lingered a moment longer in the void together. Alone. Only the sound of their mutual breathing filtered into their awareness.

"Guys." Finn's voice rang up from below over the ship's internal comms. "I think we're about to get some company."

Rey snapped into focus, hands flying out of Ben's grasp as she got to her feet.

"Do you think they traced the source of the transmission signal? We've never done it this low in orbit before," Rose said worriedly.

Rey barely heard her, dashing to the cockpit instead. Ahead of them, the clouds were thinning and clear night sky spread before the viewport. It looked relatively calm and Chewie had the ship well under control. But Rey's eyes fell to the sensor array, flashing bright with an incoming squad of TIE Fighters heading straight for them.

"We've got to get out of here," she gasped, taking her seat. "Do you know if the fleet got out alright?"

Chewie moaned an affirmative response.

She nodded. "Okay, let's go then."

They primed the hyperdrive and prepared the jump to light speed — but when Rey punched it, a groan shuddered through the ship and the darkened planet remained beneath them.

"No!" she cried, genuine anger at the old bucket of bolts flaring in her for the first time.

Chewie roared, huge hairy arms illustrating his own frustration in violent strokes through the air.

"It can't be," she told him, scrambling out of her seat, heart pounding. "Rose and I just fixed that! It's got to be something else. Find us some cover, I'll figure it out."

As she made her way into the corridor, her mind bubbled with curses and venom for every single owner of the Falcon, Han included. They'd all made so many modifications and crazy improvised repairs that the ship was constantly operating just beyond its limits, and knowing which particular component had failed would be time-consuming. Time was the resource they were most short on now. Rey had fallen in love with this cobbled monstrosity of a freighter, but right now she'd give anything to be on any other ship.

Chewie banked hard, and the Falcon's artificial gravity, competing with the tug of the planet's more powerful pull, struggled to compensate. Rey stumbled against one of the walls, catching herself against a light. Below, she heard Finn engage the cannon. Combat had begun, then. Great.

Regaining her footing, she found her way to the main compartment and went directly to the ship's computer.

"Come on, baby, tell me what's wrong," she murmured. Why hadn't they thought to bring a droid? Threepio was with Leia, of course, and BB-8 was with Poe, but they should have at least brought R2D2 or  _any_  astromech to make sense of the ship's odd dialect and outdated binary.

Rose appeared beside her. "What's going on? Why aren't we getting out of here?"

"I don't know yet," she replied, a little too sharply. She sucked in a deep breath and tried again, but her voice still came out angrier than she intended. "The hyperdrive didn't engage, but it can't be the motivator. Did you hear anything pop or break back here?"

"No." Rose set to work next to her, trying to talk to the computer with her engineering knowledge.

Chewie jerked the controls, and a sharp upward thrust sent everyone flying backwards. Rose crashed into her power baffler in a shower of sparks. Rey fell against Ben, who had been coming to investigate, and together they were thrown hard into the holochess bench. He caught her in his lap and held her steady, preventing her from careening into the board. They were kept pinned together by the yank of gravity at their backs. Finn unleashed another round of missile fire beneath them.

"Check the power couplings," Ben said quietly, his low voice rumbling through his chest and against her body like thunder. "They might have polarized."

"Where are they?"

He motioned to the ceiling.

Of course. Her mind raced at the speed of light, yet somehow managed to register the pleasure of having Ben's protective hold bracing her against the tug of the ship. She shook this thought off immediately, and the moment Chewie straightened out again she regained her feet and rushed to Rose.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Rose nodded, but winced a moment after. Her hand went to the back of her head as Rey helped her out of the baffler. Her fingers came away bloody. She paled. "Maybe not."

Rey floundered for a moment, caught between helping Rose and needing to get the ship operational again. But Ben was at her side in an instant and made the decision for her.

"Go. I can help her."

She didn't wait for a second instruction, instead hurrying to the box where she knew most of the tools were stashed. Ben helped Rose to her feet, but before they could make it to the relief bunk, Chewie tossed the ship in a crazy spin-and-dive.

Everyone hit the floor and began to slide. Ben's feet met the wall first where he planted them and threw out his arm with lightning reflex. Rose and Rey both stopped short, their fall arrested by the powerful grip of the Force.

Below, Finn let out a wild yell. They couldn't tell if it was a shout of triumph or panic.

The ship leveled again. Ben let them go and got to his feet in one graceful movement. He gave Rey a sharp look as he once again helped Rose up and strapped her into the relief bunk before the next jolt of movement could displace her.

Rey acted quickly. She filled her belt with various tools and deftly climbed into the ceiling, pushing aside a panel to access the inner guts of the ship.

Everything crackled and buzzed with electricity, poorly threaded components hissing against one another, all fighting to keep the overtaxed vessel flying. It was dangerous working in conditions like this, she knew. Especially with Chewie's evasive maneuvers tossing her about. She'd never crawl into something so alive as this on Jakku. Messing around with electrical currents got many a scavenger killed. But they weren't likely to find a decent hiding place on the planet's surface now, so there wasn't much of a choice.

Ben was right. She found the power couplings and discovered the negative axis had depolarized, and the positive axis had misaligned. How had he known? No, she couldn't wonder about that right now. Better to ask later. Some day she'd love to replace each and every haphazardly patched and improvised part with a proper, working piece. This fantasy gave her some satisfaction as she set to work on the couplings.

It was tricky business. Whenever the ship pitched or worse, when it rolled, she had to carefully brace herself against safe points to avoid being electrocuted, impaled, or sliced. Every so often a great boom followed by a terrifying vibration would ripple against the hull, and she knew the shields were barely keeping the errant enemy fire at bay.

Finally, with the polarization corrected, the frays patched, and the alignment forcefully jammed back into place, she called down, "Chewie, now!"

Someone must have relayed her message, because in short order the coils around her grew superheated and the wrench of light speed seemed to pull her almost out of her skin. As quickly as it began, however, she felt the telltale shudder of a peaceful hyperspace cruise settle over them and the ship grew quiet.

Rey wiped her brow, so relieved she didn't even care how sweaty and greasy she'd gotten in the cramped, hot machinery. For a brief moment, she rested her head on her arms and allowed herself the chance to catch her breath.

They had escaped. Alive. Incredibly. And they'd helped the fleet escape. It all felt so miraculous.

But the real battle hadn't even begun.

Crawling back to the hole, she slid the ceiling panel back in place as she dropped dexterously to the floor. The tightness in her chest eased.

Finn was just emerging from the corridor, bathed in his own beads of sweat, eyes illuminated in the glow of victory. "That was crazy! I got a few of them, but they were swarming! Are you guys alright up here?"

Rey dusted herself off, shaking her head. "This ship almost got us killed!"

He laughed. "You  _did_  say it was garbage, if I remember right."

The sound melted away her lingering irritation with the Falcon's unreliability. She grinned, glancing at Ben, who was closing the drawer to the emergency medical supplies.

Seeing her look, he nodded. "It's junk. It always has been."

"But you knew what was wrong. How did you know?"

He shrugged and turned back to Rose, undoing the straps which had held her safely in place.

Rey came up beside him. "How's your head?"

Rose sat up, touching her wound again. Ben's efforts seemed to have worked, as she no longer came away bloody. "I'll be fine."

Finn joined them, frowning in concern. He pulled Rose's shoulders towards him so he could get a look at the back of her. "What happened to your head? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay." She shooed him off. "It's my fault for trying to walk around during a firefight. Let's just say I got better acquainted with my baffler than I wanted to."

"It isn't a deep wound," Ben said mildly. "A surface scratch, no more. The head bleeds a great deal, so it seemed worse."

Finn glanced from him to Rey questioningly, but Rose drew his attention with a touch to the hand. "He caught us with the Force and kept us from falling across the cabin. It was awesome."

Finn's surprise doubled. "That's…what?"

"Sounds like you were busy too," Ben remarked, deflecting.

Finn took the bait and began to recount his experience in the turret. Rey left them to check on Chewie. She found the Wookiee still in the cockpit, strangely morose in the cool serenity of blue hyperspace.

"Are you alright?" she asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He grunted.

"That was some great flying."

His blue eyes, sunk deep within that furry face, did not meet hers. He merely groaned something soft and quick.

She nodded. "I'll tell them. Do you need anything?"

He didn't.

Rey didn't intend to, but for just a moment she reflexively reached out to his mind to discover the source of his gloominess. One moment she wanted to know what was wrong, and the next she saw his pain and how much he missed Han. This brush with disaster had stirred up memories of their other adventures, and left him grieving anew for his friend and copilot.

She withdrew immediately, ashamed to have peeked at such intimate sorrow. He would appreciate being left alone in this mood, so she stood and retreated. Her powers were growing at an exponential rate, and learning all she had in such a short period of time meant she'd not quite achieved full control over every ability. It also left her with some bad habits. She'd need to be more careful about allowing others to keep their secret feelings guarded.

When she got back, she relayed the information Chewie had given her. "We'll be at Naboo within an hour."

"Did the fleet get out alright?" Finn asked.

Rey nodded. "They did. We don't know if they made it to the rendezvous point, but we know they made it out."

Rose's gaze turned to her crushed baffler, and she frowned. "I was counting on that little guy to get us through their surveillance of the outer system."

"We have legal shipping orders," Rey pointed out.

Rose got to her feet and went to her little monster, fingers running over the ruined ports and connections. "The Falcon has a unique energy signature. A weird, unmistakable one. If anybody is looking for it, they'd know we weren't carrying a First Order shipment. I need to get this back up and running if we're going to avoid that kind of identification."

Finn drifted to her side, crouching down next to her. "Anything I can do to help?"

She threw him a teasing glance. "You have a knack for making a mess of things."

"Guilty. But I can just hand you tools or something," he said, grinning. "I think I've figured out what they all are now."

Rose agreed and they settled into their task, her gentle instruction guiding him through the beginning of the repair. Rey watched them, struck again by what a natural and easygoing team they made.

_Not just a team._

Ben's thoughts filtered into her mind, mingling with her own. She glanced at him, unsurprised at the intrusion. He was right, of course. She knew that. Something inside her had seen it building for a long time. Rose and Finn shared a kind of closeness that belonged to them alone.

Rey felt peaceful about the change, as she had the moment she saw Finn caring for Rose after Crait. Finn was possibly her favorite person in the galaxy, and the brightest, happiest spot in her life. But the intense love she felt for him, though ardent and powerful, was unthreatened by romance. It left her free and pleased to support him in this budding relationship with Rose. What did that mean? What did that make him?

_Your brother,_  Ben suggested.

She looked at him again, brow lifting in surprise. With no frame of reference for sibling love, she had no idea if he was right. But images flickered through their shared mind of Leia's fondness for Luke, and Luke's for Leia. Some of these images came from recent times — Luke talking of his sister on the island. Leia sharing stories of her brother with Rey. But some of the images came from much further back, from Ben's own childhood memories of his mother's interactions with her twin.

Rey smiled. "Yeah…that's exactly how it feels."

A faint responding smile traced over his face briefly before he nodded towards the back of the ship. "We should get ready. Unless you want to greet Hux and the Knights of Ren with grease as your warpaint."

She laughed, fingers running over her brow where she'd no doubt wiped a smear earlier. "I don't imagine they'd be much intimidated by a grungy mechanic."

He smirked. "No, I don't imagine they would."

Following him to the aft compartment, she wiped her hands on her pants and inspected them for more oil. It was pleasant to think of Finn as her brother, she decided. Like she wasn't alone in the galaxy after all. Then again, she hadn't been alone for a while now. Not since Ben touched her hand that night on Ahch-To. Even though everything had gone horribly wrong after that and they ended up separated for a while, she hadn't felt alone. She'd always known he was out there, somewhere, struggling through the same feelings that kept her up at night. The fear of inadequacy, of isolation, of uncontrolled power, of betrayal and longing and sorrow.

In the aft compartment they'd stowed a trunk containing the items necessary for their plan. She went to this trunk now, but before she could pull it open, Ben caught her hand and drew her back from it.

"Wait," he murmured.

"What?" She glanced around. "What's wrong?"

He expelled a soft, amused sound. "Nothing. I just…" he looked momentarily uncertain. "I finally have a chance to speak to you alone."

Her heart tripped over a beat. She swallowed. "Not really alone. Finn or Rose could come back here whenever."

"I know."

"What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't know." His gaze crawled over hers, hungry, nervous, vulnerable, searching. "You."

That single syllable escaping his lips in husky baritone sent a thrill racing right to her core. "Me?"

"You saved us. You're good under pressure. Clear-headed. You know what you need to do, and you do it."

"Not always." She'd never been able to be clear-headed where he was concerned. There were always too many emotions competing for attention around him. Their first several meetings had consisted of hasty, desperate attempts to kill him out of hate and blinding fear. That wasn't clear-headed. And in Snoke's throne room, she hadn't known what to do at all except a vague idea that she wanted to kill Snoke and bring Ben into the light. "Machines are easy to figure out. I can be calm around machines. People are harder."

His mouth quirked into a half-smile. "They are. But you have strong instincts and you trust them to guide you. It's impressive."

"What is all this praise for?" she asked, suddenly aware of the heat radiating from him.

"I'm just…" he shook his head. "In awe."

"Of a scavenger."

He stepped in closer, trapping her between the wall and his body. Like the training room. A low growl moved through his voice. "Is that all you see of yourself?"

"Um..." It was very hard to think just now. "No?"

Finn or Rose or Chewie could find them at any moment, and this would be difficult to explain. It might stir up conflict between them all, which was the last thing they needed right now. But Rey couldn't bring herself to escape. She didn't want to. Her heart thumped hard in her throat and she wanted Ben closer still.

"You're so much more," he continued, drawing her hands to his chest. She could feel his heart was beating as hard as hers, pounding nervously within that cavernous space. "You're everything."

Her mind swirled wordlessly, unable to formulate any kind of reply to his quiet words, uttered as reverently as a prayer.

To think, she'd once hated him. Once wanted to kill him. This man, who was good in his core but surrounded by storm clouds of darkness. This strong, gentle, tortured man. The tide had gone out since then, transforming her hate into something exactly opposite. Something much more tender. In his warm dark eyes, she felt safe. Felt all the things she'd ached for during those agonizing years on Jakku. She felt home.

She knew what he wanted, and she wanted it too. Had wanted it again the moment they stopped last time. So when he bent down and kissed her, she was ready.

And this time wasn't at all like before. Earlier they had been full of fire from their duel, full of desperation to finally give in. Now, he was shy. His lips so timid and gentle, as if afraid she'd vanish into smoke under his touch. She felt his vulnerability again, his self-consciousness. He pulled away, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Oh. She was shaking. Rey laughed a little, nervously, and nodded. "Don't…don't stop."

She pulled him back in, unwilling to let the galaxy rob them of this moment or cut it short before she was ready. This new feeling was a different kind of awakening, not unlike the first stirrings of the Force inside her. And she wanted to explore it for a little while before responsibilities tugged her attention back to other things. She wanted Ben.

He gathered her into his arms, strong and impossibly careful. Somehow, these two lonely souls had found one another amidst billions of stars, and now they didn't want to endure a moment apart again. Such peace and purpose swept over them, such brightly burning joy.

She pressed herself against him, overwhelmed but still searching for more. They kept this hunger at bay, meeting each other in light touches, cautious and exploratory, discovering this change between them with breathless, nervous wonder.

It wasn't the violent opening of the floodgates as had happened before. This was something far more tender.

"Rey," he whispered, the first to break off, like last time. She pulled back and tried not to begrudge him for wanting to talk.

"What?"

"We're sailing into dangerous waters."

Her brow furrowed a little as she searched his face. "This? This is dangerous?"

He cringed at his own ambiguity. "No - well, maybe. I meant…the mission. We could die."

"Oh." Reality trickled back into her fevered mind, cooling the fire a little. She ran her fingers idly along one of his ears, trying not to think about the fear laced into that statement. "I know."

He swallowed. "I thought I was fine with it, the not knowing, but suddenly I'm not."

Leia's counsel earlier to cast off fear of loss came to Rey's mind. She had, until now, felt reasonably confident it did not apply to Ben because she was certain the Force needed both of them to maintain balance. But what if each had come to a place of internal balance? Could they be parted by death?

He shuddered, drawing her tighter against him, lifting her off her feet to bury his head in her collar. "I don't know what's going to happen. I can't see it."

"Don't be afraid," she whispered, clutching him to her. The words were as much for her as they were for him. They couldn't go into this scared for each other. It would weaken them. It would jeopardize them. "If we go, we go together. If we stay, we stay together."

The Force around them quivered with uncertainty, and they both knew she might be wrong. But it was all they had.

He set her down gently, drawing himself up with a deep breath as if the air could purge the worry from him. She missed his touch as soon as he turned to the box and withdrew their needed items.

But she understood the necessity. Indulgent as they'd allowed themselves to be, this aft compartment wasn't the best place and this mission wasn't the best time. And it was no use getting any closer with the threat of fatal separation hanging over them. The hour had come to steel their hearts against injury and focus only on the task at hand.

She took the clothing he offered her and went to find a more private place to clean up and change.


	32. Soldiers At Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack! We will now resume your regularly scheduled programming/updates ;)

* * *

 

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Kylo Ren had well understood the strategy behind intimidation. It was an underlying motive in every decision he made in the service of Snoke — including his use of that mask. It dehumanized him - made him a specter, a wraith of horror. Many lost the will to fight when faced with such a creature. Intimidation, and therefore fear, was the first move made before a battle had even begun. These lessons lingered with him now, though Kylo Ren had been shrugged off in favor of Ben Solo. He no longer had that mask, but he still knew how to cut an imposing figure. Especially shrouded in black. He favored a visual reminder of the danger he posed, clothed in raiment that sucked in light with the endless yawn of a black hole.

It would be their key to getting through the base without raising questions from timid underlings.

He was counting on Hux to understand the destabilizing effect a change in leadership could have on a regime, and two changes in less than a year would be disastrous to order and authority. So long as Hux knew that, he would not have broadcast his ascension to leadership widely, pretending instead that the Supreme Leader was off on his own business and left Hux in charge. If that were the case, nobody would think twice about the return of Kylo Ren. And if nobody questioned Kylo Ren, nobody would question the companion he brought with him.

But all that would have to be tested. The thought of returning to that world he'd so long served, that world which had rejected and betrayed him like every other, with the intent of destroying it brought him more relish than he expected. Hours ago he didn't care about this anymore, but standing on the brink made it all real and deliciously satisfying again.

Thinking of these things distracted him, and he needed that distraction right now. Unchecked, his mind and heart would fly off into oblivion, overwhelmed with emotion and heat. This new frontier, this change between him and Rey — it would be his undoing if he did not discipline his mind now.

He changed into clothes far more appropriate than those the rebels had originally provided him, pleased that his mother had recognized their necessity when he requisitioned them. Dealing with her as an adult was filled with constant emotional bargaining, but also constant surprise. As a child, he had not recognized or appreciated her daring. Her penchant for bending or breaking rules as it suited her needs. Putting aside all their past issues, he realized he might even admire her.

When he'd asked for the items for himself and Rey, he expected her disapproval — certain she would see it as a signal that he was returning to everything she feared. Returning to the darkness. Becoming Kylo Ren once more. Instead, she agreed immediately, understanding the reasons without explanation. She'd even suggested some pleasing modifications to his idea, improving upon it. He could envision a future where he sought her counsel on many things, and this thought was surprisingly agreeable.

He adjusted the belt on his doublet, admiring the fine quality. It was nicer than anything the rest of the rebels wore. He had to admit, his mother had excellent taste when she chose to demonstrate it.

Returning to the main hold, he found Rose and Finn deep in some kind of discussion. They didn't notice him, so he took a seat at the Dejarik table.

The power baffler sat humming away again — despite the crumpled dent in its facade. Their repair efforts must have paid off, then. Remembering Rose's crash, he remembered too that the same fall had put Rey squarely in his arms. She'd been so focused on fixing the Falcon, he wondered if she'd even noticed sitting on him at all. But  _he_  had noticed. Even as he'd tried to protect her from the flinging movements of the ship, his awareness had been filled exclusively with the feel of her small, fiercely strong but also frighteningly fragile body against his own. He could hardly think of anything else.

This blank mind seemed to unlock memories hidden away long ago, and he found himself suggesting the power couplings to Rey, dimly and distantly hearing his father's voice relating some wild story of mechanical failure. He'd known the problem, and he knew it because of his father. How else it worked, he chose not to think about.

How she'd managed to fix it so quickly, however, still amazed him. She moved around the inner workings of a ship like she'd grown up part-droid herself. The grease and grime of mechanical work didn't bother her in the slightest, nor the danger of her environment. He was relieved, and impressed, that she'd been able to emerge without injury during all that chaos.

She hardly looked like a mechanic now.

Rey emerged in the things Ben had requisitioned for her, clean of face and hand, her hair down. The clothing was something of a cross between traditional Jedi robes and her own personal style, formal but still flowing with the gauzy lengths of fabric she liked. Her bare shoulders ended at wraps protecting her arms while the tunic flowed long over her leggings and boots. A black belt hugged her slim waist. She looked like herself, but also somehow much more regal. The major difference in this regalia, however, was that it was all blinding white. Not very practical for fixing machines, but sending exactly the right signal Ben had intended.

He didn't succeed very well in disguising his smile. He'd never had trouble appreciating her beauty, but it overwhelmed him right now. He instantly remembered the feel of her hands running along his jaw and into his hair, lips light and breathless against his own. He shook this off quickly, before she could see what was in his mind.

When she saw him watching her, she grinned and motioned incredulously to her clothing. "Is this really what you asked for? It's ludicrous! Nothing like this would ever stay clean for long on Jakku. It's just asking to get dirty. What about the blood of our enemies?"

"If we're wielding our lightsabers correctly, there shouldn't be any blood."

Finn and Rose were distracted from their discussion, glancing between Ben and Rey.

Finn quirked an eyebrow. "Whoa. What's with the costumes? You guys look fancy."

"Psychological manipulation," Ben replied.

Rose went to Rey, examining the attire dubiously. "If you're going for scary, you missed the mark. She looks…kind of...celestial."

Ben had been frequently impressed by the little engineer's sharp mind and keen observational skills, and now he appreciated her insight. Satisfied, he nodded. "That's exactly the idea."

"I think it's all a bit dramatic," Rey confessed, giving Ben an apologetic glance.

He didn't mind, and this was a conversation they had hashed out already. "Hux is motivated by the theater of things, the grandeur, and how others perceive events. He will understand our visual signal quite well. The day of reckoning has come, and the Force is demanding justice. From the dark and the light. A united, powerful front. He hates the Force and believes it to be a fading power in the world. This will rattle him."

"But…" Rose scrunched her nose. "The Knights of Ren are Force users too. Won't they see your alliance with the Light as weakness on your part? Shouldn't she be in black so they take her seriously? They'd fear her more if they thought she was evil."

"None of them has faced a Jedi in life. I want them to recognize her for what she is. And if they see our collaboration as evidence of my weakness, it will be the mistake that ends them. I'm counting on it, actually."

Rey's smile was so pleased and pure it sent a jolt of pleasure right to the core of him. She went to his side and turned to face Finn and Rose. "See? Don't we make a nice contrast?"

Rose's skepticism faded and she grinned. "Yeah, you definitely look intimidating."

Finn shook his head. "I'd pay big money to see that fight go down. Too bad we're splitting up."

Chewie issued a moaning roar from the cockpit, indicating they were about to come out of hyperspace. Ben watched as the others reacted to this news by flowing towards the cockpit. He remained. A nudging sensation within pestered him to follow — to finally face his deep discomfort about being aboard the Falcon and the memory of his father. By remaining behind, he was hiding. Like a coward.

But he couldn't do it. Not yet. Making peace with his mother was one thing, but he had  _murdered_  his father. He didn't expect to ever feel forgiven for that. Didn't deserve it. So he wouldn't invade Han's sacred places aboard this ship. Besides, Rey seemed a more fitting heir to all of this. She had claimed his father's place aboard, and received Chewie's support and friendship in this role. And from what Ben had glimpsed in her mind that day on Starkiller Base, he knew Han liked Rey very much. He would have preferred her to the son who murdered him.

Remaining in the hold was the only gesture of repentance Ben could offer his father's memory.

In short order he felt the Falcon groan under the strain of exiting hyperspace. Rey had managed to save them from flying into pieces before, but how long could she keep this old girl limping along? Ben rather thought they should retire the Falcon and find a better vessel. Perhaps he could talk her into it after all this was over. Assuming, of course, they survived.

He closed his eyes and sank into meditation, feeling the movements of the Force around him, trying to discern their meaning. Rose's power baffler would work, he saw, and their legal shipping orders would allow them to land in the restricted zone near the First Order base. Beyond that, it was difficult to see. Too many variables split the possibilities in fractal patterns through the Force.

A great wail of pain seemed to arise from the planet they now approached. Ben had heard such a sound before. Echoing and primeval, it was the cry of anguish from too many souls crushed under too heavy a weight. The First Order occupancy was slowly squeezing the life out of this once prosperous world. He'd made himself listen to these echoes in the Force with impassivity before, cooly justifying them as a necessary part of the building process. A little pain was required for vital growth.

Now the sound filled him with darkness. He didn't want to be the cause of that wail anymore. He was done being the agent of so much carnage in the name of a cause that no longer felt like the right course.

He withdrew from the Force, ready to face what lay ahead. Ready to end this once and for all so that he could finally pursue his destiny. No more searching, no more clawing after purpose. He knew what he wanted, and it involved Rey and the Force and scouring the stars for hidden secrets. But he couldn't get on with any of that until the last of his mistakes had been purged away.

So yes, he was ready. Ready for the fight.

The others returned from the cockpit when the Falcon lurched to a landing.

"They said to prepare for inspection," Rey told him.

He nodded, more familiar with protocol than she was. "We're prepared for that."

"We are? We don't actually have a shipment."

He might have chuckled, were his disposition inclined to such things. Instead he merely gave her an amused glance and shook his head. "You forget your own ability too easily. These drones coming to inspect, they are pre-programed to take orders. I believe you already know something about that."

Yes, the right memory flashed through her mind, filling her with realization. She'd unearthed the very ability she needed in his own reservoir of knowledge that day on Starkiller, when her secrets came at the price of his own.

"Oh," she replied, glancing away awkwardly. "Right."

"What does that mean?" Finn asked. "What are you going to do?"

Rey drew herself up. "Watch."

The loading ramp opened and footsteps began to echo up the hall. Everyone turned. Chewie materialized in the corridor leading to the cockpit, watching warily in case there was trouble.

Rey moved beyond Ben, taking the lead.

Three stormtroopers emerged from the corridor, stopping short at the sight of the humans and their Wookie companion.

"Manifest and shipping orders," one of them barked in a mechanized female voice.

Another one recognized Ben and stiffened. "Supreme Leader!"

Ben waved his hand lightly, wiping the recognition from the trooper's mind. He relaxed.

Rey addressed them calmly, her voice soothing and certain. "Everything's in order here. Your inspection is complete."

While it seemed such a ludicrously simple command, Ben knew better. He felt her applying pressure to their minds. For half a beat, he wondered if they might resist her after all. He was prepared, flexing his phantom muscles to drop them into unconsciousness if they gave her trouble.

But there was no need. The leader nodded. "Everything seems to be in order. You are cleared for unloading procedures. Inform the dock master when your shipment is ready for delivery."

With that, they spun on their heels and headed back out the way they came. They had effectively forgotten all about the incomprehensible sight of their Supreme Leader aboard a junkyard-reject freighter.

Ben met Rey's triumphant look with a half-smile, stirred to pride and admiration. And maybe a little of something else too. He should never have kissed her, the first time or the second. It had unleashed certain hungers he'd been careful to suppress, and now every small action on her part provoked a strong physical reaction on his.

"That's scary," Finn decided, nodding at Rey. "You're scary. But useful. So we're good to go now?"

"Yes," Ben confirmed, sweeping his cloak over his shoulders. The weight of it felt good. Felt familiar. Like a mantle of power settling over him again.

Rey followed his action, putting on a snow-white cloak of her own and drawing up the hood. It was unlikely anyone would recognize her — very few had seen her face at any stage in this war. Still, it was as much for dramatic effect as it was a disguise.

Chewie retrieved his bowcaster and groaned something to Rey. She went to give him a quick hug. "You too," she murmured.

The Wookiee's eyes met Ben's for the first time. No words passed between them, but Ben understood this single, simple gesture to be the nearest thing to acceptance he could expect from his father's best friend and first mate.

Rey took the opportunity to say a proper goodbye to Finn and Rose, though they would still be together until they got into the base. She was calm despite the deadly precipice before them. Ben sensed peaceful resolution radiating from her. Though her love burned hot and bright, it did not inspire fear.

For someone so defined by the loss of people most important to her, she had come a long way.

If Ben were being honest with himself, he'd have to admit that the former stormtrooper had grown on him. As had the little engineer. Perhaps Rey's affection for them had bled through their connection too much, confusing her feelings for his own. Or perhaps it was merely a natural side-effect of prolonged association. He found himself hoping, rather irrationally, that they both survived this day.

"Solo," Finn said softly.

It took a beat too long, but Ben realized he was the one being addressed and turned. "Did you just…?"

"Yeah, I did. Listen, you keep her safe in there. I know she can take care of herself, but if something happens to her I'm still holding you responsible. I'll end you."

Ben recognized both the joking, light-hearted tone and the undercurrent of deadly sincerity. He nodded. "Don't die, yourself. We need one bug in the system to become many. You're a bad influence. A disease. So spread."

Finn grinned. "Will do."

"Besides," Ben continued, glancing at the two women giving each other a gentle embrace. "She needs you alive. They both do."

Before Finn could respond, Rey extracted herself from Rose and turned to Ben, greyish eyes glittering beneath the shadow of her hood. "Ready?"

He smirked. His hour of retribution had come. The question was unnecessary, as was the answer he gave her with a short, punctuating nod. "Ready."

...

Naboo teemed with First Order occupants. Stormtroopers had completely overrun the once-glorious capital city of Theed, causing the citizens living there to dodge any unnecessary attention, even with accidental eye contact. As the four humans stole through the city towards the sprawling First Order base, they noticed that no one who was not in uniform looked up. They kept their heads down and went about their business as quietly as possible.

It made the four visitors stand out.

Heads swiveled their direction down every new street, all of them helmeted and expressionless. The citizens didn't even notice. Ben could feel the crackle of surprise in the air from all the troops. Thoughts filtered past him like distant whispers, faint echoes in the fabric of the Force.

—  _Kylo Ren? He's here?_

_Is that the Supreme Leader? Who is that with him?_

_Don't make eye contact. Pretend to ignore him._

They arrived at the Base and were immediately allowed inside. No one questioned him. Part of that had to do with his reputation, he knew, but it helped that he applied a little unspoken suggestion into their minds as well.

Once inside, a unformed officer came running up to him.

"Supreme Leader! We were not aware of your coming!"

Ben sneered at him, allowing contempt and anger to drip from his every word. "Clearly. Such mistakes will not be tolerated, Captain."

The officer swallowed, eyes flicking nervously to Ben's companions. "Yes, Supreme Leader."

"Where is General Hux? I am not pleased with his pitiful response to these scattered rebel attacks and someone must be held responsible."

The color drained from the captain's face. He did  _not_  want to be the one to suffer the responsibility. "He's— he's in Command, my lord."

"Good. Take these two to Communications at once," Ben continued, motioning to Finn and Rose behind him. They both wore stern, icy expressions. Finn held his head high and proud. He was good at this.

"Communications?"

"Do I need to repeat myself, Captain? I believe the rebels will attempt to use our planetary system for their inane propaganda, and these two will assume command to ensure that does not happen. You will follow their every order."

"Yes, Supreme Leader." The captain spun on his heel and hurried off. Finn and Rose tailed him. They did not look back.

Ben moved on, Rey exactly in step beside him. Her chin was level, eyes hard, an air of authority emanating from her. Ben might have grinned had he not set his face in a firm mask of steely hate himself.

It was hard to concentrate on the task at hand with her beside him, playing at the very role she'd refused when he first offered it aboard the  _Supremacy_. She looked so intimidating and powerful with her monochromatic clothing and sweeping cape. The mere sight of her drove him to dangerous distraction. He was able to glimpse the kind of ruler she might have been, had other choices been made. They all would have feared her, or loved her, or both.

No.  _Focus_. Hux was here and the Knights would not be far from him. If they were any good with the Force at all, they would have sensed a major disturbance with the arrival of Ben and Rey. If so, they'd be ready for a fight, and despite their training, Ben sensed it would not be an easy victory. Hopefully Hux would not be fool enough to flee, but if he were, Ben found himself hoping — with great surprise — that Poe and the rebel fleet were out there waiting for him.

He no longer cared about being the one to cut down Hux personally. He just wanted to end this.

"Do you know where we're going?" Rey asked in quiet, clipped tones.

"No," he replied in similar fashion.

His answer didn't disturb her. She understood well his method of sensing out the right direction, allowing the Force to guide their movements.

Ben didn't know this base well. Hux had insisted on creating a veritable fortress on a highly populated world for a rebel threat just like this, but Ben found the very thought of a base such as this unbearably stifling and claustrophobic. He preferred to be out in open space, going where strategy demanded, moving among the stars with freedom. Being in one place for too long was both tedious and dangerous.

Snoke would have approved of this, however. Not as an official First Order capital, but as insurance against rebellious action. Goading the Resistance into an attack which would destroy millions of innocent lives would provide the First Order with the proof they needed to convince the rest of the galaxy that the Resistance was a radical terrorist group to be defeated, not admired. Snoke would have appreciated the theater of it all.

He strode confidently on, every step bringing an increased sense of satisfaction. Fearful eyes darted his way and people cringed away from him, which gave him a surge of pleasure. Here he was respected. Feared, yes, but obeyed. None of these shrinking, flinching underlings would dare try to lock him in a room for weeks on end, regulating his daily activities. The pleasure of power coursed through him, intoxicating and seductive. He knew Rey felt it too, felt it spilling over from him and into her, calling her with its siren voice. He sensed her heart quicken within her.

As they made their way toward Command, the crackle of the comms system announced an impending message. The entire base and the city surrounding it began to echo with Finn's familiar voice.

"Attention all personnel, this is an urgent announcement. Your superiors have been lying to you. There can be no victory, only defeat, and they are willing to build a wall with your bodies to buy them time to escape. You have all been used and will be used. You've been played like fools. To them, you are cannon fodder. And that glorious heroic death they try to sell to you? It's not true. You won't be remembered. You won't be honored…"

His speech launched, filling with impassioned truths designed to shake the programming of his former comrades.

Rey glanced at Ben with a little grin. Their secret was probably out. The captain and whoever else they'd conned would quickly realize that the Supreme Leader had specifically told them to allow rebels access to the communications. Trouble would be along in short order.

Yet they did not pause in their steps, continuing to move through the giant complex as Finn's voice accompanied them.

Personnel hesitated in their work, surprised and perturbed by the nature of this  _urgent announcement_. Ben and Rey weren't about to waste their strength trying to deafen any commanders this time. It was too late for that. Before long, everyone would know that the great battle had come at last anyway.

A squad of TIE pilots ran past them, confirming suspicion that the aerial assault had already begun.

"Ben," Rey whispered urgently.

Ben felt it. A tremor shuddered through them, the shadow of phantom movement. He gave her a quick nod and they turned together down another corridor, moving towards this ripple.

White and black, dark and light, flowed together as they swept through the vast base, guided by the restless energy around them. They knew the time was nigh.

Chaos began to break out in pockets as commanders issued conflicting orders to their hesitating troops. A pair of stormtroopers pointed at Ben and Rey, communicated something into their helmets, and then began a purposeful stride in their direction. Ben casually held up a hand and sent a powerful unseen blast to knock them back several feet. They crashed into a wall and slid down.

Rey didn't even flinch. Her smooth imperial step never faltered.

They arrived at the door to Command. Guards should have been posted outside it, but it was eerily unattended. The access panel that would have restricted unauthorized personnel from entering shone a steady, welcoming green.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Rey hissed.

Ben did too. Something felt off. Still, he pressed the access panel and opened the door.

Within, they found an utterly abandoned war room. The many dozens of computer stations went completely unmanned, alerts blinking uselessly into an empty space. Hux was gone. His senior officers were gone. Had they fled after all?

But there was no time to wonder this. As the two of them moved into the room further, they saw that it was not, in fact, empty.

Four shadowy silhouettes stood silent and still beside the holo table.

Beside him, a flow of recognition moved through Rey. She knew them. So did he.

One of them spoke, a distorted male voice issuing from behind a grimacing metal mask.

"We meet again, old friend."


	33. Masters of Shadow

**Rey**

* * *

 

Rey had seen these figures before.

In a nightmare.

Black clothing and black armor shrouded them all, each face concealed behind a monstrous mask. Not one of them resembled another except as wraiths of shadow, but each looked menacing and cruel. She tried to picture the human under each helmet, but it was impossible without knowing what sex they were — or if they were even human at all.

It reminded her of being confronted with the terrible visage of Kylo Ren for the first time and the dread he had induced. Yet she did not feel afraid now as she had then. These four did not scare her.

Beside her, Ben was on edge. Tension coiled inside him, tightening with the word  _friend_  spoken so casually by one of the enemies. Though he exuded a dangerously calm demeanor, she felt him seething within.

"Baize," he said shortly.

The one who'd spoken — their new leader, apparently — took a single step forward to distinguish himself from the group. "I'm impressed you survived, Kylo. You really are hard to kill, aren't you? Tell me, did you enjoy the modifications I made?"

He brandished a glinting lightsaber hilt, though he did not ignite the blade. Rey made a mental note that his was the poisoned weapon, and kept an eye on his movements even as she scanned the others. One of them was enormous — a mountain on two legs. Beside him, someone much smaller with overly feminized armor. It was clearly designed to draw attention to her womanly assets, though no skin showed. The remaining figure was an enigma, shrouded in a tattered black cloak.

"You show your weakness, Baize. Only someone utterly unskilled would compensate by adding a poisoning agent to his crystal." Ben's voice was deliberately casual, despite the hostility Rey felt pouring from him in waves. "That's why you never earned Snoke's trust. Always had to find shortcuts."

Baize Ren snatched another aggressive step forward, snarling through the voice modifier on his mask. "Don't talk to me about our master! You who murdered him to seize control for yourself. He chose the wrong pupil. Weak, pathetic little Kylo. Hiding behind his family's legacy. Never as strong as Vader, though, were you? Let down of the galaxy."

The enormous one behind him laughed. "Clean and tidy little prince, big-eared baby. Not so mighty, just a stain on the family tree."

Rey sucked in a sharp, silent breath. Their jeers were so sharp, so directed at Ben's most vulnerable center. Anger flashed through her. They shouldn't be allowed to talk to him that way. But this was nothing new for Ben, and he did not react. She tried to stifle her own outrage, concentrating instead on calculating which would be the best opponent to target first when this posturing ended and the battle began.

The magma of Ben's core simmered closer to a boil. Nevertheless, his voice delivered a mild greeting to the bigger man behind Baize. "Morbus." His gaze flicked to the feminine figure beside the giant. "Maclar. Did General Hux become one of the men you seduced and murdered while waiting for me to return?"

The shadow clad in provocative armor shifted as she issued a sultry cascade of soft chuckling. "No, Leader. Your little boyfriend flew the coop the moment we warned him you were here. He'll be boarding his ship by now, I imagine."

Rey wanted to sigh. Of course Hux had gone. It meant they had to resolve this situation quickly before he had the chance to get too far.

"So you're bedding a Jedi, now?" This time it was the fourth figure who spoke, the creature with the tattered cloak. Her mechanized voice betrayed a second female. She didn't move a muscle, which made the issuance of her speech rather unnerving and disembodied.

Baize stalked closer to Rey now, forcing her to abandon her watchful scrutiny of the others to focus on this new menace. "She's pretty, Kylo, I'll give you that. No wonder Sion is jealous. You caught yourself a fine little bird. I thought they were supposed to be extinct, but here you have one. Have you put the next screwed up Skywalker baby in her yet?"

Ben did not dignify this taunt with a reply. Nor did Rey. Let this babbling idiot dribble nonsense all day; it only bought the rebels more time. Words like this were hardly enough to draw a rise from her. She'd heard plenty of crude talk in Niima.

He stopped a foot away from her. His mask didn't change, but she could almost feel the leer forming behind it. "So, you're the junk collector Armitage told us about. I expected someone a bit more experienced. That is to say,  _older_. I'm not disappointed, though. I can see why Kylo has been keeping you all to himself."

Rey allowed her gaze to travel the features of his mask. If Snoke, in all his disgusting evil, could not intimidate her, this man who fancied himself Ben's equal and rival did not stand a chance.. This thought made her smirk.

Her voice smoothly delivered a greeting. "I recognize you. Ever the runner-up, aren't you? The one who isn't quite good enough to get special attention from your masters. Not from Luke, not from Snoke. Jealous that you've never been as strong as the heir of Anakin. You're quite a chatterer. Do you ever stop?"

Baize's body seemed to curl in on itself in aggressive self-protection. His fingers twitched against his lightsaber hilt. "What could you know? You're a girl with no claim to the Jedi title and no training. Luke can't teach you, he's dead and we ended all his students. You're just a wannabe. The Jedi are  _gone_."

But Rey ignored this, realizing she had gotten into his mind, pulling his truth out and laying it bare. She knew this, because Ben had done the same thing to her once. She pressed further, extracting his fear with ruthless precision. "You were more nuisance than asset, which is why Snoke sent you to the furthest reaches of the galaxy — so you couldn't bungle his plans. Now I understand why nobody ever talked about you. Any of you. Mediocre warriors at best. It's no wonder Snoke only ever bothered with Ben."

A violent hiss ran through the group at the utterance of that name, and Baize lashed out with a swift backhanded blow. Rey dodged it with all the practice of one who has received many such smacks in her lifetime, and delivered a quick retaliating sweep behind his leg, forcing him down onto one knee.

Several weapons leapt to life then. A Force Pike hummed with electricity in Morbus' hands. Maclar beside him flicked on a strange, unfamiliar weapon composed of a large metal ring generating a plasma forcefield within it and two spiraled metal spikes protruding from either side. She held it in front of her like a wicked shield. The other woman, Sion, ignited what at first looked like a lightsaber, but it cracked in the air like a thin, flexible thread of plasma. A kind of energy whip, Rey realized.

Ben glanced at Rey, and she at him, but they did not draw their weapons yet. Together they sensed the whisper of the Force around them and knew it was not yet the time.

Baize had recovered his feet and turned his derisive attention to Ben. "You let her call you that? How  _disappointing_. You must be even more beaten than I imagined. The great Jedi-Killer has turned lapdog for a garbage girl Jedi?"

"The Force is done with you, Javin," Ben announced. "Calling yourself another name does not erase who you were before. Nothing can do that. Today you will meet your fate with the name you brought into this life. Judgement has arrived."

"Don't call me that!" Baize raged.

_Ready?_

Rey heard Ben's question even as he spoke his other words aloud. She shrugged out of her cape, feeling freed from its weight, and coiled every muscle in her body.  _Ready_.

Two lightsabers flared to life at once — the crackling, hissing red broadsword and the singing, double-sided saber staff. Blue and red cut through the air as they lunged together towards their enemies.

The four shadows met their attacks with savage fury, a deadly whirl of weaponry descending on them like beasts over felled prey. These were no Praetorians, but this challenge became instantly more difficult. The Force was not a reliable source of help this time, churning wild and unwieldy between too many people trying to bend it to their will. It twisted and roiled in chaos.

Rey tried to sink into her instincts, letting the flow of battle overtake her. Move quickly, react now, duck, strike, thrust, dodge, pivot. At first she couldn't discern which of them she fought, so many different blows coming at her from all angles. But Ben was beside her, behind her, before her, dealing with the onslaught too, and they knew each other well. Their shared warrior mind allowed them to anticipate the other's moves a fraction before execution, allowing them to use one each other as a second weapon. Even as Rey attacked with one end of her saberstaff, she used the other to block a lethal attack at Ben while he parried a Force Pike aimed at her torso.

They pressed their enemies hard. One of them — Maclar, the buxomly armored female — threw out her hand and Rey felt the Force swirl around her, constricting like a snake.

_No_ , she thought firmly, mentally pushing away this attempt before it could bind her. Another of them, she couldn't tell which, used the Force to hurl a computer from its station directly at them. Ben had to break from his attack to deflect it. The laser whip snapped at Rey, splitting the skin on her cheek as she barely evaded full impact. Blood dripped from her chin and she did not have time to wipe it away. This was getting intense.

Somehow, the fray of battle had divided them. Sion and Morbus pressed her one way, while Maclar and Baize drove Ben another.

Objects began zipping through the room more frequently now as their foes realized they could force Ben or Rey into distraction with these unexpected assaults. Rey extended a hand to blast away just such an attack even as she caught Morbus' downward slashing Force Pike against her upper blade. This left her exposed to Sion, who planted a foot into Rey's ribcage and sent her crumbling to the floor. A wave of pain tore through her lungs.

She gasped for breath, no time to wonder if her ribs had been broken. Her enemies were descending on her even now.

"NO! REY!"

A single voice called out, horrified. It did not belong to Ben.

Sion slashed her whip, snapping it expertly against a blaster missile streaking through the air towards her. It shattered in a show of sparks.

Action in the room paused as everyone glanced up to see the intruder. Rey's heart sank.  _No, not them. Not here._

Stormtroopers burst in behind Finn and Rose, snatching Finn's blaster away and yanking both into immediate custody. They must have been pursued here, Rey realized.

They couldn't have come to a worse place.

Ben's ragged, spitting blade had snagged against Baize's own refined red saber. The pair was much closer to Finn and Rose than Rey. Maclar had the tip of one of her shield spikes aimed at Ben's belly, though she became too distracted by the new arrivals to follow through with her attack.

Baize began to laugh. He extinguished his saber and dodged the descent of Ben's newly freed beam, sauntering over to the stormtroopers as Maclar held Ben at bay.

Sion placed a foot on Rey's lightsaber handle, pinning it to her chest and hissing, "Don't even think about trying anything, garbage girl."

Rey struggled to breathe beneath her, rage building in her chest like volcanic pressure. Finn and Rose! They would not last long against Baize.

"Sir," one of the stormtroopers said uncertainly. "These are the rebels responsible for the communications hack. We need to deliver them to General Hux."

"Your Supreme Leader is right there—" Rose began.

The trooper shook his head. "No. Word is that Supreme Leader can't be trusted. It has to be General Hux."

"He isn't here," Baize said with delight. "He's gone back to his ship, along with everyone else. But thank you for the delivery. Place them in restraints and I'll take them to him. Can't guarantee credit will go you to, though. You're all alike and I don't bother remembering numbers."

The troopers' helmeted heads turned to one another.

"I told you," Finn tried, addressing his captors. "They don't care about you. You're expendable. Hux has gone and you're expected to stay here and die. Even his cronies won't bother giving you the chance for promotion."

"Shut up," one of them said, pressing his blaster hard into Finn's back.

From her position on the floor, Rey couldn't do much. Sion's whip hung ominously near, ready to strike as soon as the fray began again. She glanced at Ben, closer to the conflict. His gaze met hers.

After all their practice, after all their success last time, was it possible they were about to be undone by four unremarkable dark side fighters without ever having reached their goal?

Baize ignited his saber again, placing it alongside Finn's head. "So you're the voice from the announcement, are you? And who is this?"

Rose eyed the humming crimson blade with thinly mustered courage. She lifted her chin a little. "A rebel."

Baize turned back to the scene behind him. "This is a fortuitous turn of events. Kylo, my old friend, how about we make a deal?"

A deal? Why? The Knights of Ren were giving them much more trouble than they anticipated and victory seemed, right now, tipped in their favor. But if he wanted to make a deal, was he —  _worried_?

Ben said nothing. Revealed nothing. His mind was silent and inaccessible.

"Listen up, little Jedi," Baize called across the room to Rey, still trapped on the floor. "This is for you too. Your kind are supposed to be concerned with the welfare of the innocent, right? Now I personally wouldn't consider a traitor innocent, but no doubt you think him heroic. So I'm willing to be generous. If you put down your weapons and surrender, we'll spare them. If you continue to fight…"

He swung his lightsaber back around sharply and pressed the poisoned blade into Finn's shoulder. Finn howled in pain, struggling against the constraints of his captors.

Rey's whole world darkened with unbridled rage, Finn's agony blazing through her veins. She let it out in one explosive scream, a blast of energy bursting from her with such force that it sent Sion and Morbus flying several feet through the air before smashing into the holo table. Computer stations and tables around her were knocked flat.

She stood, trembling with hate. Darkness whirled around, fury and fire, passion and the lust for the kill.

Maclar ran at her, abandoning her post on Ben, but Rey held out her hand and the female went flying backwards too. Rey felt the air around her crackle, as if she could almost summon lightning with her hate.

Ben took advantage of the distraction to charge at Baize. The troopers scrambled to get out of the way, dragging Finn and Rose back into the hallway. Ben drove Baize after them, falling on his opponent with all the fury of his vengeful soul. They vanished out of the room, the door sliding shut behind them.

That left Rey alone with three hostiles.

She brought her lightsaber around in a whirl, sweeping it down at Maclar still on the ground at her feet, but it landed against the plasma shield and Maclar jerked it up, sliding one of her twisted spikes along Rey's exposed shin. Pain lanced through her, but she was too full of adrenaline to pay it heed.

Behind her, Sion and Morbus had gotten back to their feet and now ran at her, whip lashing, Force Pike thrusting, and now splintered objects flying towards her.

Rey's fight became truly desperate then. Her volcanic emotions were overwhelmed by the need to just  _stay alive_. She was so focused on every action she forgot to hold on to the powerful feelings of protective rage. There was no room in her mind for anything except pure survival instinct.

At some point in this lethal flurry, Sion's whip landed a glancing blow across Rey's hands, splitting her fingers and introducing a pain so blinding that her grip automatically snapped open. Her lightsaber staff clattered to the ground, extinguishing on impact. In a flash, Maclar snatched it up and Morbus reached out with a huge hand, gloved in a spiked gauntlet. He plucked Rey from the ground by her throat.

She gasped, grappling at his hands uselessly. Her grip was slick with free flowing blood and the sharp spikes made any sort of purchase impossible.

"Do you want to do the honors, Sister?" he asked Maclar.

"Oh, Big Brother, I've never killed a  _real_  Jedi before," crooned the sultry slip of a demon-woman. She toyed with Rey's lightsaber. "Maybe with her own weapon?"

Sion clicked off her whip, clipping the handle at her side. "Save it."

Morbus turned to her, dragging Rey with him. "What do you mean? You want the honor? You can fight Mac for it, but you'll lose. She deserves it."

"Take that up with Baize," Sion snapped. "I don't care. But Kylo should watch her die, and he isn't here."

Rey sucked breath laboriously through a compressed windpipe, still trying feebly to clutch at Morbus' fingers. While they were standing around staring at each other with sudden animosity, she was being slowly suffocated. Where was that furious blast of energy she had summoned before? Her brain felt foggy and useless from too little oxygen. She couldn't remember how any of it worked.

"Come on," Maclar sighed. "She's right. Baize would want to make a show of this. Let's just throw her in a supply closet or something while Sion figures out where they went. He probably needs help, fighting Leader on his own anyway. If he's already dead, then  _I_  get to kill her."

They seemed to agree on this plan, so Sion stalked off one direction while the sibling pair took Rey in another. Her entire body was aflame with pain. She tried to reach a hand out to her lightsaber to snatch it out of Maclar's grasp, but Morbus shook her violently and she had to grab his arm with both hands to brace her neck from being snapped.

"None of that," he rumbled. "Persistent pest."

He dragged her along the floor, moving out of Command and down an adjacent corridor. Rey watched the ceiling panels slide past, her vision blurring.

They found a suitable holding area — a supply closet after all — and pawed everything out of it before throwing her in. As soon as the door shut, the light extinguished, leaving Rey crumpled on the floor in darkness.

* * *

 

Slowly, painfully, her breath returned. Ragged gasps became sweet, full gulps of air and her head began to clear again. She lay there for a minute, allowing feeling to return to all her limbs and her mind to rest from its frantic processing.

It didn't last long. This wasn't the place to relax and recover. She needed to get out of here.

So Rey settled in to what she knew best — focusing on one thing at a time.

First, the darkness was a problem. Fortunately this was an easy solution. Before leaving Evryn, she'd made sure to include a few of her most useful scavenger tools in a small, discreet pouch clipped at her side. Among them was the slim flashlight she used to attach to her goggles to peer into dark nooks and crannies amid ship ruins. She retrieved it with slippery fingers and clicked it on, filling the space with modest blue light.

Setting it beside her on the floor, she turned her attention next to her hands. The bleeding still hadn't stopped — her heart rate was too elevated, pushing the blood out faster than it could clot. She tore the bottom hem of her tunic off, tying a strip around one hand first, and then the other. It had to be tight enough to stem the bleeding but not so tight as to make her hands useless. She needed them. Judging her efforts, she saw the gauzy white fabric quickly soaking up a line of red.

She grimaced in sick amusement. Her concern had been the blood of her enemies staining this ridiculously pristine outfit — she hadn't thought it might be her own blood.

Next problem: how to get out.

Wearily, she tested her Force powers against the door. It didn't budge. A quick glance around told her the empty shelves had been stripped of everything useful. Was she being guarded? Could she manipulate her guards into opening the door?

The Force moved chaotically around her, tumbling and roiling with so much violence echoing from too many fronts. Directly in front of her, she could feel it bending, twisting to the will of two dark figures. Not stormtroopers, then. The brother and sister.

Rey stood, placing her hands on the door, pushing harder with her mind to pry open the gates to their minds.

_I hope Leader hasn't killed them. If they failed, we're for sure next._  The woman, Maclar, pictured her doom and shuddered.

The man, her brother, entertained idle thoughts so obscene and disturbing Rey quickly withdrew, feeling soiled for even having glimpsed them. She sighed. Those two weren't going to submit to her influence. Could she perhaps ignite her lightsaber remotely, as Ben had done to Snoke? They still had it; maybe it would leap to life and cut one of them down with it.

But she couldn't feel it, couldn't see it, and knew the ability was just a little beyond her. Ben's years of practice had endowed him with the necessary strength, and he'd had the advantage of being able to see his target. Besides, she didn't quite have the emotional calm to access deep wells of hidden, locked powers right now.

Ben.

Where was he? Had he survived his lone fight with Baize? Had he freed Finn and Rose? Had Sion found him? Was he hurt?

She leaned heavily against the door and closed her eyes against the ache of not knowing. The ache of separation. For the first time in a long time, she couldn't sense his presence brushing against hers at all. Loneliness swept through her, chilly and familiar in its embrace. This scenario had not occurred to her. She'd envisioned dying side by side, or winning side by side. But divided? This was so much worse. Surely this was not the destiny the Force envisioned for them. There had to be more. They hadn't come so far to be so easily defeated. If so, what had it all been for?

No. This wasn't the end. She needed to focus. If she sat here any longer indulging in her worry, she might never get the chance to explore her new and strong feelings for him. Might never get to see what would happen if she were allowed to kiss him without pesky interruption. She needed to get to him, and they needed to end this. After that, the future was wide open.

Upright again, she placed the flashlight in her mouth and began to feel around the walls of the closet for a panel or hidden ductwork. Her fingers moved along a smooth, unbroken surface. Nothing. Shining the light at the ceiling, she squinted. Something…?

Quickly and quietly, she scrambled up the shelves, bracing herself against them and the wall when she got close enough. Yes — a ventilation grate. The acrid smell among these top shelves told her they stored cleaning chemicals here, and the ventilation was for the noxious fumes. Excellent. They had chosen a bad spot to put her, after all.

The largest of Pilex drivers she brought with her would do the trick. In no time at all, she'd swirled out the screws and caught the grate before it could clatter to the ground.

Suddenly reinvigorated by her success, she squeezed herself up into the ventilation shaft.

* * *

 

Outside the supply closet, the two siblings who had named themselves Morbus Ren and Maclar Ren were nervous. They had no notion of what was happening in the room behind them, but they could dimly feel the undulating currents of the Force moving in powerful ways. It made them uneasy. On edge.

For as long as they'd known Ben Solo, or Kylo Ren as they had grown accustomed to thinking of him, he'd always been vastly stronger in the Force than any of them. They'd compensated with other things they could more easily control — like fighting style and skill. But they'd never forgotten the powerful grip on all things mystical their leader had, and they respected him for it. Now it was turned against them. They shouldn't have tried to kill him. He never was the forgiving sort.

And the girl inside the closet — there was something about her too. They felt it. Her light was blinding, yet she had embraced her rage and summoned dark forces to overwhelm them in Command. Their memories of Luke's teachings were fading, but they were both fairly certain that was something the old Jedi master had specifically cautioned against. Was she even really a Jedi?

"Plus she resisted me," Maclar murmured, giving voice to the thoughts drifting between two sibling minds. "Don't forget that. When I tried to bind her, she resisted. What  _was_  that?"

"A lucky break," Morbus said brusquely. "That's all. She's nothing."

"I think she's like Leader," Maclar insisted. "That weird crack in his soul, I think she has it too. Leader found an equal."

"Stop. He didn't. If she were anything like Kylo, she wouldn't be collapsed in a closet right now."

A blur dropped from the ceiling before them with an agile thump, punctuating the remark. They stared uncomprehending as the very subject of their discussion rose before their eyes. Her once-brilliant white robes were now spattered with crimson stains and a fire burned in her countenance.

"Mac!" Morbus shouted, reaching for the girl's lightsaber.

But the Jedi was faster. She summoned her weapon out of Maclar's hand and ignited both ends.

"You should have killed me when you had the chance," she said, eyes flashing.

In one swift movement, she plunged the blue beam deep into Morbus' belly, withdrew it, and tipped the other end to do the same to Maclar.

Both gasped, groaned, and slid to the ground.

Rey extinguished her saber and removed each helmet one at a time. The faces beneath were young — like Ben's. They had dark blue skin, shimmering black hair, and glowing red eyes now flickering with fading light.

She bent down and stared at each struggling for life. It was futile, they all three knew. Death had come for them and would not be sent away again. The sister turned her head to look at the brother, tears welling in her eerie red eyes. Rey gently took Maclar's hand and placed it in Morbus' larger one. Then she picked up their helmets and straightened.

The last thing either of them saw before succumbing to the darkness was the avenging angel, bathed in white, fading into a blur.


	34. Confession

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Rey's savage scream of hate still echoed through Ben as he fell upon his enemy, driving him backwards like sheep in the face of slaughter. Back and back he pressed him, relentless blows landing over and over against the other man's desperate defense. The power behind his attacks made Baize stumble, knocked back every time he managed to stop Ben's lightsaber with his own.

Baize scrambled after the stormtroopers, trying to shout commands which they thoroughly ignored. And still Ben came at him, hell-bent on removing every limb from the coward before him. Or if not that, at least forcing his opponent in the direction of Finn and Rose so he didn't lose sight of them.

Baize had gotten better in the years since they had trained together. Much better. He had been able to survive against Ben's unleashed fury for this long, and that was no small feat. When he did manage to mount an attack of his own, it was  _almost_  worthy of Ben's attention. Yet victory was no longer within his power, and he knew it. Ben saw the fear manifesting in his enemy's movements, felt it pouring off him like a stench. Good. Let him be afraid. He who had ambushed Ben and ruined his flesh with wounds that would not heal. Let him feel the horror of a ruinous end descending upon him.

Baize's breathing scratched through the voice distorter, ragged and weak. Ben knew from experience that breathing in that thing wasn't as easy or pleasant as breathing without it. The man barely avoided another wicked slash and fell back a few steps, catching sight of an opportunity and taking it. A hallway split from the one where they were, and Baize took it, sprinting like prey before the predator.

Instinct almost made Ben chase him — almost. He was held back by sight of Finn and Rose disappearing around another corner with their captors. He released a snarl of frustration and left his quarry, turning to run after the clutch of stormtroopers instead. Baize would be wise to run far away before Ben found him again, because next time he wasn't going to be allowed to flee.

But first —

"Release them," he demanded, sweeping his lightsaber before him in preparation for blaster fire.

The stormtroopers let go immediately, their resolve vanishing before the terrible sight of Kylo Ren coming to destroy them. They threw down their blasters and fled as quickly as Baize had.

Finn slumped to the ground, a hand going to his shoulder. "Come on," he groaned. "I am  _so done_  with lightsabers!"

Rose helped him to his feet again, her entire body trembling. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," he said dismissively.

Ben knew better, but decided they could address the problem later. He stepped towards them. "Take the blasters."

Rose obeyed, picking them up. "Where's Hux?"

"Gone," Ben said swiftly, looking around. His stomach twisted. In the heat of the moment, focused only on saving Finn and Rose and killing Baize, he hadn't realized he'd left Rey alone with three practiced murderers. He'd also not realized how far they'd come from Command.

Finn must have been thinking the same thing because his face filled with consternation. "Solo, what about Rey?"

"Go," he said shortly. "Get back to the Falcon."

"No," Finn protested. "I'm not leaving her!"

"Hux is gone and we're going after him," Ben snapped. "Get back to the ship. I'll get her and meet you there. If you come you'll only slow me down."

Rose tugged on Finn's uninjured arm. "Come on," she whispered. "He's right. Listen to him."

An enormous squad of stormtroopers came running up to them. Ben tensed angrily. He didn't want to spend time saving these two — he needed to get back to the very real danger that now threatened Rey.

Rose pointed her blaster at them, and they all stopped short.

"Troop 2187 awaiting your order, sir," one of them announced quickly.

Rose and Finn glanced at each other. "Troop…what?"

"Some of us still remember you from basic." The speaker pulled off his helmet and gave Finn a huge grin. Must have been someone he recognized, because Finn's eyes lit up. "Some of us have been hearing your voice all over this galaxy. Word has spread. We're ready to follow you."

Fine. They were safe. Ben grabbed Rose and said quietly by way of parting, "Take your new friends and get off this planet. I suspect something is about to happen which we should not be here to experience."

Rose nodded. "Thank you, Ben. Good luck."

Satisfied his duty to them was fulfilled, he left. Quick footsteps carried him back the way he came. Finally,  _finally_  he was allowed to return. This altruism thing was new and uncomfortable, and if it turned out that he had traded Rey's life for those of Finn and Rose, he'd never again be persuaded to do good.

She wasn't in Command. Silence enveloped the empty, destroyed room. Bending, he picked up her cape and curled it into his fingers. Small blood spatters over the various surfaces in the room indicated injury, but there was nothing to suggest she'd been killed here. So…had they taken her?

He expelled a frustrated growl and turned into the hall. Where had they gone? No matter. Finding her would be as simple as —

Ben chilled. He was unable to find her in the Force. Couldn't sense her at all. Real fear clutched at his heart now. There was too much evil here — too much darkness swallowing up her light.

Turning, he strode away from Command and through the halls, a sweeping, menacing shadow. He didn't know where he was going, where even to begin searching without her familiar presence as a guide. It was an awful feeling, being without her. Like he'd stopped breathing and his lungs were screaming for air. Cold fury spread through his veins and he navigated pockets of troopers and officers firing on one another as some defected and some stayed the course.

If Rey was dead…

No. He couldn't let himself think about that. Whatever counsel his mother had given on letting people go and accepting the inevitability of death would have to be considered later, if he were forced to face a future without the only thing in the galaxy that mattered. Right now, however, he could not let himself dwell on the possibility.

Besides, there was something else disturbing him through the Force. Something he'd vaguely sensed the moment he realized Hux was gone, but which now festered in his mind with increasing urgency. Spots of hot, bright danger lurked beneath him, around him. Something about this base — no, the entire city — felt perilously close to disaster. Time tugged at his sleeve, urging him to hurry.

A trio of stormtroopers rushed at him, blasters firing. He threw out his hand and with his rage stopped the missiles mid-flight. They hung in the air, snapping and hissing like three elongated snakes. His fist closed, tightening his grip on the Force, dragging all three living offenders towards him. He pulled their bodies right into the path of their missiles, impaling them through. They dropped to the ground like rocks. The encounter barely broke his stride.

He cut down a few more opportunistic attackers, his lightsaber hewing them down as wheat before the scythe. All these lives scattered at his feet. More blood on his hands. More damnation upon his head. But maybe if he could find Rey, if they could survive this, she could help him find a way to wash it all off. To be whole again.

"Hey Benny!" A mocking voice echoed down the metallic corridor behind him. Human, but familiar. Low. And annoying.

He turned. Baize stood a few yards away, his helmet off. His dark hair clung to his skin in sweaty strands, framing disturbingly blue eyes. It was a face Ben had not seen in many years. The boy more beautiful than himself, who all the girls fawned over with his classically handsome features and easy wit. Of course, the years had twisted him into rather more fool than hero, but Ben still remembered. Rey's assessment had been dead accurate. Baize — or Javin as he was called then — had never demonstrated enough skill with the Force to win Luke's favor or attention. But among their peers, he did very well for himself. The old bravado had returned to his face and he gave Ben a confident grin as his lightsaber cut through the air elaborately.

Ben frowned. Where had this sudden courage come from? Hadn't he just run away with all the terror of a frightened child moments ago? So why the change of heart?

And then he understood. A lithe figure stepped out beside him, cracking her whip.

"Is that what we're calling him now?" She asked Baize. "Just disregarding Supreme Leader Snoke's order?"

"Snoke is dead, and ole Kid Solo doesn't seem to mind." Baize grinned again. "At least not when his little Jedi says it."

Ben jerked at this mention of Rey, his gaze flicking to Sion. She had stayed behind in Command — she must know what happened.

"That name doesn't belong to you anymore, Kylo." The black-clad female ripped off her helmet with one hand. Blond hair and green eyes caught in the light of the hall, indignation flashing over her face. "You were supposed to abandon it long ago. So why does it still cling to you like a parasite? Cut down anyone who tries to say it - it's disrespectful."

"You'd talk to me about respect?" Ben asked in dark amusement. "You, who tried to kill me after all we've been through?"

" _You_  betrayed  _us_ ," she hissed. "Armitage told us what you planned to do with your Supreme Leader title. Hunt us all down? As if we would have challenged you! You were our leader. We followed you before Snoke. We would have followed you after."

Ben strode a few steps towards them. They tensed. Good. For all their posturing, they still feared him. He observed the betrayal in Sion's face. It was familiar — not unlike the expression Poe had given to Rey so many times over the last few weeks. Hurt. Abandonment. Anger.

"You've both grown deaf to the Force," he decided. "If you couldn't sense Hux lying to you. If you couldn't feel right away how much he hates you, and me, and anyone who practices the old arts."

Her voice spat ice. "It doesn't seem like he was lying. You ran straight to the rebels. Straight into the arms of that Jedi. You were supposed to be the next Vader! The prince of darkness! How could you turn away from all of that for a nobody?"

This was a personal reproach, he knew. For as long as he'd known her, he'd detected strong feelings for him brewing in Sion's blackened heart. While so many flocked to Baize and his Adonis face, she had always pined for her leader. Once, he'd entertained the idea of granting her secret wishes, but in the end he'd shrugged it off as frivolity. Snoke was always counseling him against attachments, against sentimentality. Sion wanted to be the mother of his powerful dark dynasty. Kylo Ren had no intentions of building one, or entangling himself in anything as nonsensical as a relationship.

Rey's presence here, and the obvious bond between them, was a direct insult to her.

Ben lifted a brow, trying to decide if he felt annoyed or amused. "Jealousy is too petty for you, Sion. You're better than that. When my faithful few turned against me, my enemy became my ally. Own your part in what happened. Stop making excuses."

Baize scoffed. "Admit it. You would have killed us if you had the chance. Or at least, those of us who have never worshipped you or your precious legacy."

Suddenly Ben was back at the training temple, enduring the snickers and jeers of a small handful of padawans while hatred flared inside him. Javin had been one of these, intent on proving their supremacy over Luke's nephew and most talented student. But when Ben began holding clandestine meetings with a select few to discuss the side of the Force which Luke refused to teach them, Javin had unexpectedly turned up. He claimed a place among the early beginnings of the Knights of Ren. Ben hadn't known why at the time, and later decided the other man was either opportunistic or so unfit for the light he could only ever exist in the dark.

Probably some of both. But it was true, Baize had never worshipped him.

"I was never going to kill you," Ben sighed.

"Doesn't matter. You're alone now, aren't you?" Baize laughed. "No one to stand with you at the end."

Sion scowled. "You betrayed everything you built. You deserve this bitter end."

Ben rolled his eyes. "You're both as tedious and talkative as I remember. Are you finished yet? I'm fairly certain Hux is about to rid himself of every Force user he knows."

Sion took a single step towards him. "Kylo, we're stalling to give you time to consider. You're outnumbered. Give up. Morbus and Maclar have your little scavenger, if they haven't already killed her. Morbus was pretty adamant about it. I barely got Mac to agree, but we both know how easily he can persuade her. Give yourself up now, and we'll take you to them. Fight, and you'll die here and now — and we'll let Morbus do whatever he wants to the scavenger."

He released a harsh bark of laughter in the face of the sick feeling that twisted in his stomach. "You think those idiots can hold her? She withstood torture by Snoke himself. If you honestly believe two mediocre Chiss warriors can do worse than he did, you're bigger fools than I remember. Morbus and Maclar are probably dead already."

Conversation was cut short with a clanking sound of metal pinging off the floor, and two familiar helmets rolled to a stop at the feet of the two Knights. Baize and Sion whipped around to look first at the helmets and then at the source of the lightly accented feminine voice that sent ripples of profound pleasure down Ben's spine.

"Yeah, they are."

Rey stood behind them, cheeky light dancing through her eyes as she unclipped her lightsaber. Blood seeped through strips of fabric over her hands and spattered across her clothes in various places. She looked nightmarish and dazzling all at once. Ben's heart stopped.

"What? How…" Baize started, then rounded on Sion with a blazing countenance. "You said they had her!"

"They did!" she snarled. But her gaze dropped to the helmets on the floor and for a moment she looked pained.

"Looks like you're the last members of your dead order," Rey observed. Across the room, she met Ben's glance. He could hardly process the surge of relief and joy and admiration that erupted at the restoration of that connection they'd both grown so used to. He felt her again - her light bathed him in warm comfort and strength.

But there was no time to bask in this. Sion, enraged by what had transpired and by the snark of this intolerable rival, snapped her energy whip and launched herself at Rey.

Ben charged, undeniably impressed she'd been able to take down two by herself already but not willing to make her repeat the trick. Baize met him with a hateful snarl, and the two clashed once more. Sparks showered down around them as they dueled. While devoting himself to the annihilation of Baize, he also kept Rey firmly in his extra awareness, letting her mind meld with his through the Force. This time, they were not outnumbered. And they would not be separated again.

Rey took on Sion, calm and certain where her enemy was wild with passion. Ben felt their natures collide even as his lightsaber struck Baize's own in a burst of light. He detected Rey's intention, and swiveled his body while she let Sion drive her backwards. Eventually she bumped into him, and both grinned. This was familiar — and this was right.

It did not take long after that. Rey wrapped the beam of her saber through Sion's flashing whip and yanked, pulling it from the other woman's hands. This action sent her second blade sharply backwards — nearly into Baize's belly. He parried it quickly, but it left him vulnerable to Ben who drew his spewing lightsaber right through the man's torso.

In a flash, Rey whirled and struck off Sion's arm at the elbow before she could reach for another weapon. Ben finished the job with a blade to the heart. Both bodies slumped to the floor unceremoniously.

It was over.

Ben stared at the corpses, breathing hard and feeling far away. They were all gone now. His last companions of adolescence. His former friends. He extinguished his lightsaber. Rey must have done the same because a vacuum of sound immediately assaulted his senses.

Rey.

He turned, crashing back down into beautiful reality at the sight of her, panting from exhaustion, bleeding, but gloriously  _alive_. Transported in a swell of emotion so strong it almost choked him, he swept her into his arms and held her so close, so tightly against him that her feet no longer touched the ground.

Her laughter bubbled up around him. "Hi. I'm happy to see you too."

Happy was not nearly a big enough word for what now ignited Ben's soul. His heart beat hard against his chest, as if trying to leave him and join hers.

"I thought —" his words faltered. It didn't matter what he thought. The fear of losing her, it was defeated. She was here and strong and so utterly perfect.

He set her down again, but only so he had room to properly draw her in for the deepest kiss he had ever given her. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in closer, her whole body rising like the tide against the shore.

It was all too much. It came spilling out of him in a reverent gasp. "I love you."

"I know," she breathed, leaning her forehead on his, fingers running along every surface of skin she could find. That love he confessed burned brightly within her too. He felt it as surely as he felt his own. It swirled through them, flooding every corner of their two hungry hearts, binding them to one another.

He would have lingered there forever. The success of his revenge meant nothing to him at all, not compared to having her in his arms safe and alive. But time still tugged at his sleeve and the feeling that not all was as it should be began to creep in where it wasn't wanted.

Rey must have felt it too. She looked up at him, illuminated eyes searching his own. "Finn and Rose?"

"They were safe when I left them," he said gently.

"I think we need to go after Hux."

"We need to get off this planet." His gaze darted back to the bodies lying near them. "I think Hux is going to try to blow the base somehow."

"What?" She pulled back, horrified. "But he still has so many troops here!"

"They're all expendable to him. He has thousands more throughout the galaxy."

"That would destroy half the city!"

"You think he cares?"

She let out a long, shuddering breath. "Okay. But when this is done I would like one moment to be alone with you that doesn't have to end abruptly."

He couldn't help himself and pulled her in for one more quick kiss. "I couldn't agree more."

Laughing despite the dire circumstances, she held out her hand to him. "Shall we?"

Ben grinned, just a little, and took it.


	35. Beginning the End

**Rey**

* * *

A First Order special forces TIE Fighter screamed out of a hangar and into a sky at war. The air above Theed roared with the thunder of numberless aircraft and missile fire. This particular TIE was only one of many, and nothing on its exterior set it apart from any other. Inside it, however, operated two souls ablaze with so much more than the heat of battle.

"It's madness," Rey gasped, eyes widening at the sight of the sheer chaos that enveloped them as they sped away from the base.

A strange dichotomy wrestled within her, two sensations competing for attention. She still tingled with a lightheaded euphoria from their victory over the Knights and Ben's fevered confession. But the sight of so much conflict just outside her viewport harrowed her heart and reminded her that in the midst of so much personal joy, the galaxy still balanced on the edge of a knife.

Rebel transports and civilian ships tried to take off from various hangars around the city, but Fighters barraged them with missiles while trying to dodge their X-Wing escorts. Other TIE's must have been piloted by defectors because some went down in a hail of friendly fire. Below, stormtroopers turned on one another. Rebels tore through the streets, shepherding terrified citizens to evacuation points while protecting them from the soldiers who tried to mow them down.

It was a sobering sight, and it pulled her dizzied thoughts back to the dire situation at hand.

Behind her, with his back to hers, Ben guided their vessel deftly through the fray. "I know. Stay sharp. We have shields, but they're not what you're used to on the Falcon."

Rey briefly wished that they'd had time to get to the old freighter. She'd have preferred the hulking, malfunctioning, well-shielded monstrosity under Ben's skilled touch to this flimsy little bubble, barely better defended than the single-pilot models.

"I don't even know where to fire," she admitted, shaking her head at the swarm of ships swirling around her.

Whatever traitorous sentiment Finn had instigated, the momentum was building. She couldn't tell which of the TIE Fighters had defected until they fired and revealed their targets.

"Trust your instincts," Ben replied, half to her and half to himself as he climbed through the atmosphere towards space. "They don't know which side we're on either, so watch for X-Wings."

The Force moved powerfully around them, humming between herself and Ben in well-balanced harmony as they'd never felt before. It seemed to pulse within them, equal parts dark and light, ebbing and flowing with their own surges of emotion. Though the fabric of the Force churned like a stormy sea all around the planet of Naboo, where it encountered the sublime glow of strength from the two Force users it grew tranquil and clear. It muted the roar of the engines and left them in a void of muffled sound where only their breath and uttered words broke the stillness.

_That one_ , something inside Rey whispered, and she depressed the trigger. Her enemy target exploded in a ball of fire.

"Well done," Ben murmured as she let out an exultant whoop.

She settled into her job then, allowing the Force to guide her, hunting down every TIE in pursuit of an X-Wing. More than once, she drew attention from one of her rebel allies and they began taking fire themselves. Ben outmaneuvered them every time. With that perfect synergy that linked their two minds, she knew exactly what he was about to do before he did it and prepared her shots accordingly.

Ben was a phenomenal pilot. Better than her, better even than Poe. The smooth aerial dance he performed gave her an undeniable thrill. Surprisingly graceful, even in defensive flight

"Why do you think Hux is going to blow the base?" Rey asked as she took down another enemy and watched the debris cascade toward the ground.

"He planned for us to meet the others there." Ben sounded calm, unperturbed by the desperation of the moment. "I suspected it as soon as we realized he was gone. He believes in the supremacy of technology, reviling those of us who draw upon the Force. Trust me, Armitage Hux would eagerly seize this chance to rid himself, and the galaxy, of all the known Force Users in one fell swoop."

Rey's eyes scanned the battle, but her mind played over the events of the last couple hours. They'd played right into the plan, if Ben was right. "He'd really blow up so many of his own men, his own resources, just to kill us?"

"The First Order has so much more at its disposal than what is kept here. It wouldn't be a big loss."

Not a big loss to Hux, perhaps, but Rey shuddered at such wanton disregard for so many lives. These soldiers didn't deserve to be blown to bits just because they happened to be in the same city as six Force warriors. Not to mention the thousands of civilians who would die as well.

"Why hasn't he done it already?" Rey blasted another enemy out of the sky without breaking her train of thought.

"Something has delayed him. No doubt their operations are in chaos." Ben's tone became more formal as the crackle of the comms system sizzled to life. "Falcon, this is Solo. Finn, Rose, are you there?"

Rey leaned forward in her seat, listening intently for the answer, heart squeezing with sudden anxiety. The longer the static buzzed unanswered, the more worried she grew.

Ben tried again, voice snapping with tension. "Come in Falcon, this is Solo. Rose — Finn — anyone."

After a few more seconds, a familiar groaning roar broke through the emptiness.

"Chewie," Rey breathed in relief.

"Did they make it back?" Ben asked the Wookie. "I sent them to you — did they make it?"

Chewie replied that they hadn't, and Rey's heart sank. But the quick report Chewie delivered made her feel a bit more hopeful. He wasn't at the hangar anymore, so it was possible they were alive and had tried. They'd have to find other transportation, though, because he was en route to pick up Leia from a crash site.

"Leia?" Rey turned her head slightly, addressing Ben over her shoulder. "What is she doing on the ground?"

"Where else would she be but right in the thick of it?" Ben muttered. To Chewie, he said tersely, "Get to her and get out. I don't care where you go, but get clear of the city. Don't let her rope you in to some selfless, sacrificial cause. Just get away."

Chewie moaned an affirmative, and the communication quickly shut down.

Rey pushed down a sudden flare of fear. So far the Force had guided them to victory, she had to trust that it would do so again. She couldn't get caught up worrying for her friends. They'd either be alright or—

A missile streaked by her, cutting her thoughts off and provoking a softly uttered curse as it missed them by mere inches. Rey locked eyes on the X-Wing who'd fired. It was clearly hunting them.

"More friendly fire," she hissed.

Ben spun into aggressive, yet fluid evasive action — wheeling and pivoting, taking them into a stomach-churning somersault in an effort to get away from their intrepid pursuer. Rey tracked the ship as best she could, but eventually lost it in the fray.

Blue turned to grey, which turned to black as they broke from the atmosphere and finally got above the planet. The space around it was in even greater turmoil. A gnarled mess of ships large and small fired on one another, swooping and screaming through a rain of missiles. Destroyed vessels either spun off into the vast eternity of endless drifting, or were steadily tugged planetward by the pull of gravity.

"They're firing on their own ships," Rey remarked, watching a Star Destroyer take out a TIE Fighter.

"They don't know which men are still their own." Ben's mind turned to the many Destroyers, scanning them, searching for the one he knew carried their enemy. Echoes of these images flashed through Rey's own head too, connected as she was to him. Her brain identified the Destroyers only for their salvage value, but Ben's calculated their minute differences, looking for the distinct clues that would signal the _Finalizer_.

He found them. Rey felt his pulse of recognition. They steeled themselves for the final confrontation.

Dodging fierce dogfights among starfighters of all classes, mayhem threatening to take them out with even secondhand explosions, Ben maneuvered them towards this new target. But a shock of electricity momentarily distracted him.

"Poe."

Rey startled, leaning forward to find the distinctive X-Wing Ben must have spotted. He swung them around and she found it. Poe's original craft had been black, and so too he had painted his new one. She caught a fleeting glimpse of BB-8's little head swiveling around in the droid socket. They were being pursued by several TIE Fighters, and he was having trouble shaking them.

Ben swept them closer to the fight, and Rey took aim. Neither of them hesitated. She fired, and hit. And fired again, and hit.

"You've done this before," Ben observed approvingly as the two fiery explosions took out the two other pursuers.

Poe dove downward, now clear of impending destruction.

Rey grinned. "Only one other time, on the Falcon. But I can't take all the credit. You're an incredible pilot."

He gave no reply to this, but she felt his twinge of pleasure as they broke free of the madness and finally approached the _Finalizer_. They headed for one of the hangar bays, but at the last moment Ben pulled up sharply, growling in displeasure. Even anticipating this a fraction of a second before it happened, Rey's stomach still lurched at the steep pivot.

"They've got their shields up and aren't allowing their own fighters to return," Ben explained with disgust. "Hux is hemorrhaging troops and he knows it. Can't take chances."

"How will we get in?" Rey asked, already flipping through her extensive knowledge of Star Destroyers to think of a weakness.

Ben swept along the hull like a wasp looking for a place to land. The pandemonium in the skies was increasing by the minute as shuttles full of troops from the surface sought landing within the Destroyers and were denied.

Rey watched in speechless horror as two X-Wings executed what was now known as the "Holdo Maneuver" and leapt to light speed right through the center of a Star Destroyer. Inspired, two TIE/sf fighters did the same to one of the Resistance cruisers.

"No," she gasped.

So much death and destruction exploding before their very eyes. Ships cracked and splintered, flames erupted into space to belch smoke and debris before being swallowed up by the vacuum. This was the worst disaster she could imagine, and it was happening all around them.

Ben had seen it too. His soul was shaken with terrible awe. He expelled a long breath. "We have to stop this."

"Yes," she agreed. Slaughter and carnage on this level went so far beyond the grim toll of war. This was a hellish nightmare.

"Rey, locate the minds of those who can clear us for landing," he instructed suddenly.

"I don't know if I can do something like that by myself." She could persuade weak minds standing before her, and she could hijack the thoughts of a multitude with Ben's help, but sifting through and influencing them on her own from afar? It seemed a bit beyond her ability.

"It's not," Ben assured her, answering her thoughts more than her words. "You can do it. And you're not alone."

Closing her eyes to the scene around her, she focused inward — focused on the steady flow of the Force around them, emanating from Ben, emanating from herself. Within this tapestry of connected energy, the two of them glowed bright like binary suns in orbit around one another, attended by darkness and light, bending power around them as gravity bends space. They were so strong, everything around them seemed attuned to their harmonious frequency. A binding element surged between them, bridging their connection into something solid. It brought images flickering through Rey's mind — their tandem fight, the feel of his arms encircling her, the rising emotion of his lips brushing against her own, the confession that came tumbling from him when they were reunited.

Rey blazed with strength in the Force as she'd never felt before. She was certain of her heart at last — hungry for a life with Ben, free of war and rebels and empires. It was time for all of it to end. Ben had said so once, long ago amid ashes and embers, but he'd been wrong then. It wasn't that moment, but this one. Deep within her soul, she recognized the dying time, and knew it was upon them. And she saw her place in it. The Force had raised her up and awakened the ancient knowledge in her soul. She, the mother of life and death, could give the galaxy this release. Then, when it had been laid to rest, together she and the son of light and dark would breathe it back to life.

Aflame with this power, she easily located the minds of the needed officers within the destroyer. They were full of fear and panic, but determined to do their duty.

"Ready," she whispered to Ben.

She didn't feel the ship moving under her, only felt the stirrings of the individuals whose minds she watched. Pushing into their consciousness, she suggested that they open the shield long enough to let one starfighter through. Suggested that if they did this, everything would be made right.

They were too frightened to put up much of a resistance, and agreed to the thought immediately.

"Well done," Ben said with unmistakeable pride as he guided them through the shield when it blipped open.

Rey surfaced from her meditation, tingling with the powerful shift that had tipped her soul. It felt as if she were beginning to understand her place in this galaxy at last. Hers - and Ben's.

These thoughts scattered into pieces when the TIE/sf set down on the floor of the hangar and she noticed something else had slipped in through the shield with them.

A black X-Wing, with a familiar little orange-and-white dome swiveling around on top.

"Poe?" she blurted.

Ben, opening the hatch above them, paused only briefly in his action. "He followed us?"

"Apparently so."

"He's clever," Ben mused.

He hauled himself out of the cockpit and extended a hand to help Rey.

The hangar was nearly empty — most officers having gathered at other stations around the ship — but those troops who remained began firing on the X-Wing as soon as it touched down.

Rey and Ben sprinted away from their metallic bubble and headed for these very troops, lightsabers leaping to life, deflecting the blaster fire. In one synchronized motion, they threw out their hands and sent the soldiers flying backwards with a flare of unseen energy.

Buying them this momentary reprieve, they turned expectantly towards the X-Wing.

Poe climbed out and dropped to the ground, trotting over to them even as he removed his helmet. BB-8 rolled up beside him momentarily.

" _You_  guys were the ones in that thing? That's remarkably good luck. Thanks for the help — sorry I didn't give you any warning that I was tagging along."

Poe's energy poured from him in kinetic waves, all adrenaline and thrill and none of the awkwardness that had plagued their interactions for the last several weeks. He seemed genuinely pleased to see them.

Ben frowned. "Why did you, if you didn't know it was us?"

"Your flight pattern suggested you were pretty intent on getting in, so I thought I should follow. It's insanity out there. If I can give my guys a better chance by thwarting this beast from the inside, I'll do it. Besides, I don't want any of them getting any more notions about doing the lightspeed thing. They won't do that if they know I'm in here."

"It's awful," Rey shuddered.

BB-8 chirped in agreement.

She turned an accusatory glare on Poe while motioning to the droid. "But this is no place for him. How could you bring him into danger like this?"

"No worse in here than out there," he said defensively.

Rey squatted down next to the little sentient sphere. "Find somewhere safe, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you."

Poe laughed. "He can take pretty good care of himself."

"Rey," Ben urged.

She stood and gave Poe one more scolding look before turning. It was silly getting riled up about the safety of a droid, but her emotions were a little raw at the moment. So much had happened over the last day.

"Are you guys going after Hux?" Poe asked, trotting after them. "He wasn't on the ground?"

"He'd already gone," Rey explained as she lengthened her stride to keep up with Ben.

"Then it must have been his ship I chased for a while. I saw an executive shuttle leaving the planet shortly after it all began. I tried to engage it - gave them a good run around for a while. They have some decent pilots in that thing. I definitely delayed their arrival, but in the end I had to break off when their backup arrived."

Rey and Ben glanced at one another. Poe's diversion may have bought them the time they needed. May have saved their lives.

Ben addressed Poe without breaking step. "What's your plan here?"

"Well, I was going to sneak my way into the engine room and wreak havoc, but I think I'll be your backup instead. While you're dealing with ole Hugs, I can corral his officers and get them to cease operations."

"Fine," said Ben quickly, although Rey wondered about the practicality of their plan. Poe might be in more danger with them than if he snuck off to conduct his own sabotage efforts. Still, she didn't object.

The three of them with their rolling attendant made their way through the ship unmolested by scrambling, frantic personnel. Rey found it surprisingly easy to use hers and Ben's Force to maintain a perimeter of un-notice around them. What officers looked their way quickly forgot about them, unable to maintain any thoughts of significance regarding the trio and their droid. It helped that everyone operated in such a state of distraction. All pilots had been deployed, so enormous squadrons of Stormtroopers stood awaiting orders to protect the ship by whatever means necessary. They did not consider that infiltration had already occurred. No one sounded alarms, no one harbored suspicions about the strangers walking among them.

Poe noticed this, and glanced at Rey. "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's because of you two that we're just gliding on through here without attracting any trouble?"

"Yeah," she returned quickly, and then waved her hand in Ben's direction. "Plus him. Even if they think he might have turned against them, no one is about to risk it and challenge the Supreme Leader directly."

Poe gave a nod. "That's useful."

Unlike the base, Ben knew this ship very well. the _Finalizer_  had been his home for a while as the First Order hunted down the missing piece of the map, and he navigated them through it easily. At one point they passed a room with an open door, and within was a kind of table both Rey and Poe recognized. Poe blanched and caught Ben's eye. Ben returned with a nod and they moved on.

Rey understood. She saw the images flashing through his mind. Poe's interrogation and torture on this very ship, in that very room. No wonder Poe had wanted to come aboard. He had a personal vendetta of his own to settle with this place.

Nearing the bridge now, striding through an empty hallway, Rey and Ben were both immediately shocked into stillness when a concussion blast hit them through the Force, stealing their breath and leaving them unable to move even a single step.

Rey doubled over with the strength of it, suddenly feeling as if she were going to vomit.

Poe whirled around, eyes wide. He ran to her. "What is it?" He glanced at Ben, who was braced against pain of his own. "What the hell happened?"

"I — I don't know." Rey shook her head, gasping. "Something…"

"Someone very powerful," Ben managed. "An action…through the Force."

"Did it blow?" Rey chilled with horror at the thought even as the sick feeling of impact began to fade from her gut. She let Poe help her upright again. "The base? Did he explode the base?"

"What?" Poe cried, even more alarmed than ever.

Ben disciplined himself back into military mode. He squared his shoulders and resumed his step. "Perhaps. Only one way to find out."

Rey and Poe hurried after him, BB-8 peppering them with a string of questions to which neither had any answers.

Eventually, they made their way to the Bridge. Two Stormtroopers stood guard, but before they could utter a word, Ben waved his hand and both dropped like rocks.

"Dead?" Poe asked, startled.

"Unconscious," Ben replied.

"NOOOOO!" From within the giant command room ahead of them they heard the furious scream of a familiar voice. Hux yowled again and they heard another voice whimper for mercy.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE'VE LOST COMMUNICATION?" Hux bellowed.

Slipping onto the Bridge was a simple matter with everyone so distracted, staring at the red-haired man holding one of his underlings by the collar. Even from a distance, Rey could see the general's face was so flushed it almost made his hair pale in comparison.

"Push it again!" Hux demanded, pointing at another officer down in the pit where technicians and lower ranked individuals scrambled.

"Sir—" squeaked one of the men. "It's no use. The signal is dead. All the detonators are—"

"TRY IT AGAIN!"

The clacking of computer keys quickly followed this order as the man obeyed. Fearfully, his gaze darted up to his leader. He barely managed to breathe, "It didn't work."

Hux squalled and shoved the man in his grasp backwards into the pit, stalking to the window like a caged beast ready to kill his jailer.

"Running into trouble, General?" Ben asked mildly in the terrified silence that followed Hux's bellowing.

The sallow-skinned man whirled around, eyes blazing. His face drained of all color. "Ren…you're…"

"Alive," Ben finished. "Despite your many attempts."

Hux's gaze flashed to Rey, who held him in her own steadily. Poe and BB-8 had slid off somewhere. She and Ben stood alone at the end of the catwalk between the two technician pits.

"I see you brought your little pet." Hux's voice no longer sounded so confident. The authority in his voice wavered. His fear came drifting from him in palpable waves.

Ben put forth a hand, and the Force swirled angrily around Hux, constricting around his throat and dragging him across the expanse into Ben's waiting clutch. His toes were the only thing connected to the ground. He thrashed in Ben's hand, grasping at his fingers the way Rey had clawed at Maclar's. She had to look away, allowing her gaze instead to travel over the utterly petrified crew watching this exchange and not knowing who to dread more.

"Your reign is over," Ben hissed. "You are done scraping at the door of power."

Veins bulged in Hux's forehead beside blue eyes wide with panic.

Ben threw him down with a look of disgust. Rey had never seen such murderous hate in him — not when he killed Han or fought her on Starkiller, not when he killed Snoke, not when they faced his former friends. Darkness swirled around him in a churning cyclone, and Rey felt their connection weaken because of it.

"This man," Ben addressed the rest of the bridge. Unlike Hux, his authority did not waver, but rang with deadly clarity. "This  _excuse_  of a man, conspired to overthrow me and lead you all to a ruinous end. I will show you how traitors such as this are dealt with here."

Rey crouched down next to Hux trembling on the floor. Honestly, he was something of a letdown after facing the fearsome and formidable Knights of Ren. How did a skinny, pale, weak man like this ever rise to the top? Did anyone respect him?

"Why did you do it?" she asked him, brow furrowing. "Why did you try to kill him?"

Hux scrambled away from her, revulsion mingling with fear. "Get away from me, scavenger scum."

Ben dragged Hux to his feet and pulled him within inches of his face. His voice was low and dangerous. "Answer her questions, Armitage. She's the only one buying you minutes of life."

Hux weaseled out of Ben's grasp and backed up, trying to put distance between himself and his mortal enemy. His eyes darted to Rey, who slowly stood back up from her crouch.

"I was  _destined_  for this," he snarled, waving his hand around at the bridge. "This was my right, my future. And this usurper came in with his  _lies_  and his abominable sorcery and took my place. He tried to blame Snoke's death on you, but I wasn't an idiot. I knew no up-jumped trash vermin child could take out Supreme Leader, his wretched creature, and all his guards. So I  _took what was mine_. I seized my destiny."

"Not very well, Hugs," Poe called out from the other side of the bridge. He had a navigator held at blasterpoint while BB-8 hijacked the main computer through the navigator's terminal. "I mean, there were a lot of ways where you went wrong in your whole destiny seizing plan."

Hux swung around and if he could have burst into flames, Rey was certain he would have. " _YOU!"_

"Yeah, hiya, buddy." Poe motioned to the navigator. "I'm a bit busy right now, but I definitely want to catch up. We've missed out on so many adventures. But BB-8's locked everyone out of their terminals, so I gotta focus. I've never flown anything this big before."

"No," Hux gasped, stumbling a few steps towards him, hand reaching out as if he could stop him with the mere gesture.

Ben snatched the fabric of the Force and yanked Hux sharply to the ground. The man's forehead hit with a nasty smack and an eyebrow split, tricking blood over his face as he rolled to his side and groaned.

"You're not going anywhere," Ben told him. "We're not finished."

Rey again swept her gaze over the frightened crew. She frowned. "We should let them go."

"Good idea," Poe agreed. He lifted his voice. "Anyone who wants to go is free to leave.  _IF—"_

The entire bridge had broken into motion at this, but stopped when his sharp caveat rang out over them.

He grinned at his sudden power. " _If_  you swear never to take up arms against your Supreme Leader  _Kylo Ren_  ever again. You'll follow his every command, no matter how counterintuitive it seems. That is, if you choose to stay in the First Order. Anyone who wants to go home won't be charged with desertion. Yeah?"

Eyes darted to Ben, a multitude of heads nodding in mute terror.

"Good. Now get to some escape pods and take everyone you can with you. I don't intend for this to be a smooth landing. There's a huge sea in the southeastern hemisphere. Looks like a good place to drown this beast, I think."

"S-sir," one of the techs — a young female this time — called out timidly. "Can — can I hit the evacuation alarm?"

"Sure, great idea." Poe was practically beaming. "Get everyone off the ship. And whoever's in charge of fleet communication — tell them all to cease fire and return to base for further orders."

Dimly listening to all these proceedings, Rey had edged over to Hux again where he was curled on the floor. She didn't know why she felt compelled to be near him — she ought to step back and let Ben have his revenge. But the darkness around him worried her, and in response her own light swelled. She couldn't let Ben make this decision in his state of hatred. She instinctively knew all their work over the last few weeks would be undone if he made this unholy sacrifice. Somehow, it had to be her.

Ben watched her movement, unable to sense her thoughts now that the chaos around him had severed their connection. She saw the troubled, perplexed look flicker beneath his glower of hatred.

She looked down at Hux, again struck by how utterly unimposing he looked, quivering and whimpering on the floor. Like a child. Once more, she crouched beside him, resting her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't be afraid," she said softly. If she was to be the deliverer of his end, she wanted it to be a peaceful end.

He turned to look at her, confused at the sudden gentle touch, the soothing whisper. His blue eyes locked with hers.

And the ship, Ben, Poe, the bridge — all of it disappeared around her. Suddenly she was looking into the clear, tear-filled eyes of a frightened child cowering from his father's severe punishments. She saw him striving and failing to meet the impossible standards that same austere, half-mad militant father set for him. Others stepped in, figures who were cold and militant too but had a more useful touch, guiding him, pushing him into ruthlessness. She felt his fear, his dread, his anger, his determination as they instructed him to beat his classmates senseless, to show his dominance without mercy. Rey saw the same boy huddled in a corner, unable to sleep for the visions of his victims, his fellow students loomed before him. A heart hungry for love and approval twisted systematically into a killing machine, taking validation by force, rising under the keen eye of a fearsome leader who saw his potential for greatness. And all the while he hungered. The void in him would not be filled, no matter how many systems he took, no matter how glorious the demonstration for Starkiller's — and by extension his — power. Always empty, always hurting, always crazed.

She pulled her hand away from him and fell back, heart racing.

Hux, without any notion of the things she'd seen, watched her nervously.

"Ben." Rey scrambled to her feet and looked to him whom she knew so well. "Ben, don't kill him. We can't kill him."

Ben flinched as if he'd been slapped. "What do you mean we can't kill him? He's taken the lives of  _billions_. You do realize that, don't you? The Hosnian system — all him. The rebel fleet? Him."

"I know." Rey's heart squeezed with pain. Ben's own hands were practically holy compared to the blood Hux had staining his own. But it didn't matter. "But we can't. He's like us, Ben. He's just like us."

She left Hux's side and went to Ben's. Touch. Touch was the key to drawing him back to her when he was so deeply wrapped in dark. She took his hand, letting her fingers slide against his. Something sparked between them, a flicker of the flame they needed to reignite in the midst of his winter wind. "He's a boy who wasn't loved, who wasn't enough for his demanding father, who never got to know his mother for the shame of her station. He's been starving for the same things we have. Ben, he's  _just like us_. We can't condemn him for what he has become, any more than we can condemn ourselves."

Ben's eyes searched her own, black pools of fathomless depth drinking her in, trying to understand even as he resisted her compassion.

Hux began to laugh, harsh and maniacal. The now-empty bridge rang with the sound. "As if I need the pity of a  _scavenger."_

Ben twitched, rage threatening to shatter everything Rey was trying to do. She reached for his face.

"The Force wouldn't have shown me those things if we were meant to kill him. Let him stand trial for his crimes. His life isn't yours to take, or mine. Let go of your revenge."

She could feel the Force writhing around him, an echo of the wrestle happening inside. Sudden desperation seized her, almost choking her with grief and a racing heart. If he chose to kill Hux, she knew he'd be lost forever.

"Please," she begged softly. "Don't go where I can't follow. Don't do this. Stay with me."

He shook under her touch, his jaw working over the struggle within him, his eyes darting between hers. She reached for him with her mind, trying to find her way through the darkness for the familiar brush of his presence. And there — there, that stripe of light, that vein of goodness, that access.

His expression cleared. Beneath her hand, his body relaxed and his eyes softened. The turmoil around him calmed. His feelings began to trickle into hers, slowly at first and then as a flood.

"I'm not going anywhere," he breathed, smiling a little. "We'll go with your plan."

She laughed, tears welling in her eyes with the depth of her relief to be able to feel him again.

"Filthy witch with your filthy magic and your filthy pity," Hux snarled, leaping to his feet and withdrawing his blaster.

Ben and Rey turned, but before they could react the sound of missile fire shattered the stillness of the room.

They flinched, but they hadn't been hit.

Hux lay face-down at their feet, a smoking wound right through his heart.

Poe holstered his weapon. "The Force didn't tell me not to save your lives, right?"

Ben glanced at Rey, but she could only look at the body at her feet.

"Why did the Force show me…" she couldn't finish the question, suddenly awash with confusion and sorrow, mingled with relief.

"We weren't meant to do it, but that doesn't mean he wasn't meant to die." Ben took her hand and pulled her away from the corpse.

Poe didn't stop to contemplate his actions. He directed them off the bridge, explaining that BB-8 had set a collision course and disabled all the automatic overrides so they needed to get off  _The Finalizer_  immediately.

Ben led her, fully conscious again of the things stirring in her heart. The entire ship blared with the evacuation siren. Why hadn't she noticed it before? It was heinously loud. All transports and escape pods were gone. The crew had made swift work of their escape.

Poe and BB-8 got back into their X-Wing while she followed Ben into the TIE once more.

"Where are we going?" she asked him softly when they lifted off and returned to the dispersing mayhem of space. It was over. Hux was gone. The end of the First Order had begun.

Ben's reply chilled her blood. "To my mother. Can you feel it? She's...she's fading."


	36. Last Child of Alderaan

**Leia**

* * *

At least they'd shot down her plane on their way back to pick up more evacuees, rather than on their way to deliver them.

Still, Leia buzzed with annoyance at the sight of her beloved  _Mirrorbright_  smoking in the torn countryside just outside the city. It probably wasn't salvageable. Greer had managed to bring them down as best she could, and thankfully no one was injured, but the twisted metal no longer resembled anything flyable. Leia would need a new personal ship, and her funds had run out.

She sighed.

All around her, the peaceful, serene, beautiful Naboo had become a hellscape of screaming planes and burning buildings.

"What do we do?" Inez asked, voice small and frightened.

Leia returned her attention to her crew. All of them so young. She knew the future belonged to the next generation, and she'd been careful to cultivate a stable of new talent to lead that future, but sometimes she forgot how truly young they were.

She mustered a smile and put a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Greer will lead you all back to the city. Find another transport and keep going with the evacuation. We need to get these people to safety."

"You're not coming with us?" Greer asked sharply.

Leia shook her head. "Chewie is on his way with the Falcon. I'll wait here for him and we'll pick up another group before meeting you on the  _Ackbar_. But it doesn't make sense for all of us to stand around here wasting time."

Faithful Greer, having been with Leia longer than any of them, didn't need a second order. She motioned for the others to follow her. Inez hesitated, giving Leia one more anxious glance, and then went. It wouldn't be a long walk. They hadn't come down very far outside the city.

Leia sighed once more, lifting her gaze to the skies. Beyond the dogfights within the atmosphere, streaks of light in the hazy blue signaled a greater battle happening above the planet. She didn't allow herself to wonder about Ben and Rey, or Poe, or Finn and Rose. Long ago she'd learned that it was fruitless worrying about things beyond your control in the midst of a battle.

At last she saw a familiar ship appear on the horizon, heading directly for her. Her husband's ship. For a moment, she imagined Han in the cockpit, grinning as he dodged the firefight and came to her rescue. But it wouldn't be Han, and her own smile faded with the pain of remembering. She missed him. Missed his roguish daring, his impatience, his tender touch, his long-suffering, patient love.

Something began to pester at her mind as she watched Chewie bring the Falcon down towards her. An itch — like something scratching at a place she didn't often access. A growing sense of danger. She frowned.

The Falcon touched down, and she moved towards the loading ramp. When it descended and Chewie emerged, she let him sweep her into a fond and hairy embrace.

"I'm alright," she said when he expressed outrage over the state of the  _Mirrorbright_. "No one was hurt. I sent the others back to the city. Listen, do you get the feeling that we're missing something? That this is all a trap?"

Chewie cocked his head and groaned.

She nodded. "Yeah, a lot like Endor, actually."

Only the danger on that small, distant moon had been in the skies, awaiting their fleet. She had the growing suspicion that whatever ambush was planned for them, it would be on the surface this time.

Chewie motioned to the ship, communicating his strong belief that she should get off as quickly as possible.

But Leia ignored him, focusing instead on the itch deep within her mind. She'd felt such things before, and invariably they'd had to do with the Force. Luke would know what it meant right away. Even the children, with their strong instincts and understanding, would probably recognize it better than she could. Still, it called to her, pulling her thoughts away from Chewie and Greer and the evacuation.

"Give me a minute," she told the Wookie, walking away from him to gaze out over the smoking city.

Something…something about that place. Some danger.

Long ago, Luke had taught her about meditating and accessing the well of power within her. It had served her well a few times in her life — in establishing a connection with her unborn baby, and in drawing her back to safety when she'd been blasted into space, being the two most memorable. She used that knowledge now, turning inward, listening to whatever the Force wanted her to know.

The first thing she felt was the children. Ben and Rey were brighter than anything else in the Force, pulsing with such strength that it was hard to see anything beyond them. Warmth and relief filled her heart with happiness. They were still alive, then. Good. But something else lurked in the shadows. Small objects of destruction. Her vision swept her over the First Order base, and then over the rest of the city. She could almost see each one, each orb buried deep beneath the structures, waiting for a signal. What warmth she'd felt quickly fled, leaving her cold and chilled.

_He will destroy it all_ , something whispered.

"The city," she gasped. "He's buried detonators under all of it."

Chewie roared in alarm and once more implored her to get on the ship. He had instructions to get her out of here.

Again she waved him off. Still more flowed into her heart from the Force.

Her mind filled with memories of Alderaan. Beautiful and green like Naboo, peaceful, idyllic, the best home a girl could ask for. All of it was swept away before her eyes in a violent, brutal explosion that sent billions of souls to their death. The destruction of Theed would not cost so many lives, but it would wipe out everything important from this verdant world.

_You can stop it,_  that same voice whispered within her. Luke? Or… Han? It was almost familiar, and yet she couldn't quite place it.

_How?_  she asked the voice.

The knowledge came to her with perfect clarity, as if it were a memory of a thing she had already done. She saw herself bending down, reaching her hand into the soft, rich soil of the earth. Saw it, and did it. The mud beneath her fingers felt cool and soothing. Her heart found each and every detonator, waiting for the signal, waiting to wreak their destruction.

It was such a simple thought. She wanted them to deactivate. To die and become empty shells waiting to be dug up. But with the simplicity of the thought came a shockwave of power bursting from her hand, from her heart, from her soul. It traveled through the earth like a wave. Where it encountered a detonator, it deactivated it. Severed its connection. Rendered it useless. It expanded out and out, through the city, under the base, further and further like ripples over water.

It went out of her, and took all of her with it.

Leia fell into the grass, unable to move.

Through her mind flickered images of her life. Of Luke, removing his stormtrooper helmet — the first time she ever saw him and disparaged his height. His grin. His flashing blue eyes. The way her soul seemed to recognize someone she'd been missing for a long time. Her other half. Then came images of Han, trapping her on the Falcon, stealing that first kiss, insisting his way past her stubborn defenses. Of how handsome he looked on Cloud City, even as they dropped him into the carbonite freezing chamber. Of the pain of believing she would never see him again. She saw Jabba flailing and shaking in death throes under her, saw Wicket taking her hand and leading her back to his village. Of that first night with Han beneath the dying embers of a destroyed Death Star.

She felt again the first stirrings of life inside her, that little band of light whom she saw would be a boy. Would be a fighter. Would be an angel. And her little son crying in her arms for the nightmares that plagued him, the monster he saw in the shadows. So divided, so hurt, so broken. Her little glass child now made strong and balanced by the love of another.

_Can you see him now, Han?_  she thought as the world around her dimmed and her breathing slowed.  _Can you see how he's changed for the better? Are you proud?_

Her tiny boy with his floppy dark hair and huge black eyes. The way his little fingers would seek her. His grin, so much like his father's. Han's kiss against her neck, her collar, her everywhere. The familiar softness in Ben's face when he thought of Rey. The illuminating smile of that miraculous desert orphan who so quickly stole into the hearts of everyone, who seemed raised up unto the exact purpose of fixing this broken family. She who could see value in wreckage saw and fought for the value in theirs.

Ben was loved and cared for. He was at peace. And at last, Leia was too.

Her love swelled, wet tears against her cheeks the only physical sensation she had left. It hadn't been a perfect life, but she had treasured the good parts. All the people who had passed through, all the adventures she'd survived, all the work she'd done — all of it now culminated in this moment.

She wasn't afraid of death. Somehow, she felt Han was near. And Luke. And her mother and father. And her birth parents. She was surrounded; her heart felt them all. Not alone. She couldn't wait to join them, to hug them all again. To be free of this life of strife and pain. The galaxy would have to figure out how to pick up the pieces on its own. At last her fight was done. At last, she could rest.

The light engulfed her, swallowed her whole.

* * *

- _See, Leia? I told you he was still a good kid at heart._

- _You said that? Pretty sure I was the one who had to convince you._

_-Yeah, well…that got me killed, so thanks for that advice. Anyway, he's come a long way, but still got a long ways to go too._

- _He has the right person to help him now._

- _Oh, you think you're getting out of it? The kid's a wreck. He's still gonna need you._

- _He'll be fine. She can handle it._

_-She's great, I know, but she can't do it alone. Don't make her try to fill your place too. That puts her in a weird position._

- _What are you saying?_

- _I'm saying I love you, Sweetheart, but it isn't time for us yet. The kids can't do this without you. I'll see you soon, but not yet._

* * *

When Leia opened her eyes again, Han's infectious, defiant grin greeted her warmly. But it changed, and she realized the face before her wasn't grinning. The eyes were too dark, the face too long, the hair too thick. Not Han, but very similar.

"…Ben?"

But how? She was dead — wasn't she?

The face of her grown son exhaled a breath of air and she felt her body lift, rolling into his chest as his strong arms held her close.

"What?" another familiar voice croaked. "She's… _alive?_ "

She turned her head and found Poe kneeling beside Ben, tears pooled and caught in his long lashes. On the other side of Ben knelt Rey, whose own tears had not stayed collected in her eyes but now streaked down her cheeks and dripped from her chin.

Why were they all crying?

"Am I?" Leia wondered weakly. "How…disappointing. I thought I was done."

"Not yet," Ben rumbled against her. She felt his arms shaking.

"What happened?" Rey asked. "Chewie doesn't know. He says one minute you leaned down and the next you were on the ground and he couldn't touch you without getting shocked."

Leia closed her eyes. She was so tired. Her mind struggled to recall recent events. "I…think I used the Force again."

Poe expelled a laugh strangled by a gasp. "You gotta stop that. This is the second time it's almost killed you."

"There were detonators buried under the city," she remembered. "I deactivated them."

Rey laughed too, taking Leia's hand and pressing a kiss into her palm. "That was  _you?_  Hux was so angry. I wish he'd known it was your doing. Leia, you saved everyone."

Maybe she should feel proud. Should feel pleased. Instead she just felt fatigued.

Something entered her mind, another presence joining her own. It was so familiar, for a moment she was transported back to the moment she first felt life quickening in her womb. The same presence, then so simple and pure, now so strong and sure. She looked up into the eyes of her son, whose early fragmented thoughts had become so much a part of her. Now he was back, gently probing through her last few memories. She savored his company, his closeness, and allowed him to see whatever he was looking for. Together they revisited the scene of her reaching into the earth and sending her life-force out in a blast of energy.

His surprise flooded her mind. She smiled. "What, you thought you were the only one now that Luke is gone?"

Ben glanced at Rey, who met his eye with a look of knowing. Had she seen too? Strange, Leia hadn't felt her. Only Ben.

"Where is Chewie?" she heard herself ask.

The Wookie groaned miserably from somewhere nearby. She couldn't move her body enough to locate where.

"It's alright," she told him.

"He's upset we had to find you here, still on the ground. He wanted to get you on the Falcon," Rey explained. "But he couldn't touch you. He doesn't understand why Ben was able to."

"I don't know. I don't really understand any of it myself." Leia wanted to comfort her old friend, but she couldn't summon the strength to move more than her head.

"Where can I take you?" Ben said softly to her. "Where do you want to go?"

He was asking for home. But where was home? Alderaan was gone. Chandrilla had been her home for a while. Ben was born there. But it had been so long, and she didn't want to go back without Han. Hosnian Prime had been home for even longer, but that was gone too. D'Qar, Evryn, everywhere else had only been temporary bases from which or organize a resistance. Not home. Not really.

"Here," she said eventually. "My mother's family still holds expansive lands and manors in the Lake Country. Because of my relation to her and the help I gave Naboo in the days after the Empire, they have made it clear that I am welcome to make any of those places my home. Perhaps it's finally time to take them up on that offer."

Ben looked at Rey, Poe, and Chewie. They all stood and headed for the Falcon, somehow aware of their jobs without having to be told what to do. Leia smiled. Her son had inherited his father's natural ability to organize a crew. Ben stood too, lifting her in his arms as if she were made of feathers.

Weariness washed over her again as he carried her onto the Falcon. What a strange reversal of roles, she mused to herself. The infant she'd cradled in her arms now cradled her, and just as gently.

Her consciousness slid in and out for the next several hours. Sometimes she found herself having conversations with disembodied voices of people she'd loved and lost, and other times she realized her physical surroundings had changed. At first she was on the Falcon, still firmly in her son's grasp. Then she was passing beneath tall, ornate ceilings in a place with fragrant citrus trees. Next she knew, she was waking up on a bed softer than any she'd felt in a long, long time.

It took a while for her to become fully alert and prepared to take on whatever remaining in this life meant. Servants brought her a fruit drink which sharpened her senses and helped restore some of her energy. When she felt ready, she told Ben, who hovered always at her side, to gather the others.

Eventually Rey, Poe, and Chewie all materialized at her bedside once more.

"So, give me the update," she said, looking to Poe. "What is the report?"

"Hux is dead, most of the officers aboard  _The Finalizer_  have deserted. Many thousands of Stormtroopers defected. We just got word from Finn that the city is clear now, no more fighting in the streets."

"Good," Leia said, relieved. The battle was won. "So what are you still doing here?"

Poe shrugged. "It's over."

She looked at him, at his young face now shadowed with the necessary experience that would make him a good leader. She smiled. "Sorry, dear, but you're wrong about that. The Empire did not die with its emperor, or with Vader. It went on, fighting for life until the bitter end. We chased its remnants out into Unknown Space where it festered and grew back. The First Order can't be allowed to survive."

"When you're strong again, you'll lead us through it," Poe said encouragingly. "But we have time for you to rest."

"I do need rest, yes, but I'm not going to lead you through it, Poe. I've given this galaxy everything I had." Her gaze flicked to Ben, who watched her with all the steadfastness of the lost little boy she used to know. "Sometimes I gave more than I should have. But my time is done. Now the torch passes. I've been grooming you, and Connix, and Greer, and everyone else to take up that torch. I will be here to guide you, but now it's your time to lead."

"Mother," Ben chided, so softly it seemed almost meant for the two of them alone. "You've never known what it means to rest. As soon as your strength is back, you'll be spearheading some cause. Why not the building of a new government?"

"I'm done with government." Leia grinned. "Right before the First Order arose, I told your father I was going to retire and we'd travel the stars together. I didn't get to do it then, and I can't do it now, but I can still retire and find a new way of life for myself. If I get bored, I'll focus on helping to rebuild Theed. I'll keep my efforts a little closer to home."

Poe frowned and glanced at Ben.

Leia observed the two of them, and was struck by how similar they were. Both ambitious and passionate, both deeply flawed but always earnest. Poe was a couple years older than Ben, but you couldn't tell by looking at them. She'd known Poe all his life. Both she and Luke had been close with his parents, and since their death she had taken Poe in as her own. He was a young man then, but still in need of a mother. She'd been proud of him and exasperated by him in equal measure ever since, as any mother would be of her own son. Now she understood the purpose in all of it.

"Ben," she said softly, drawing his attention. "You are the key to all of this. Use what authority you still have to take control of the First Order and dismantle it piece by piece. Poe will build up a new government as you take apart the old. Work with each other, not against. You are brothers. Treat each other like brothers."

The two men looked at one another again. Their relationship had been fraught with bad blood since the beginning. There were rough memories they'd have to put behind them to move forward. But Leia knew they could do it. Knew they would do it.

She looked at Poe once more. "I expect you to use everything I've taught as you and the others rebuild. This war will result in many, many prisoners and many, many trials of former First Order officers. Be careful and discerning in deciding which of them are guilty, and remember that good men can come out of terrible circumstances."

"I promise," Poe said, his voice cracking with sudden emotion. "Leia, it feels like you're saying goodbye."

"I don't think I am." Leia tried to remember Han's words. "I think I'm sticking around for a while. But I'm turning the reins over to you. My role will be strictly advisory."

"Please don't send us away," Rey whispered suddenly. Leia looked at the girl and saw her eyes were full of tears again. "That's what you're doing, isn't it? Not goodbye forever, but goodbye for now. Please don't make us go. Let us stay with you."

"You have work to do," Leia said gently. "Hanging around here won't get it done."

Rey wiped impatiently at the dampness on her face. At Leia's motion, she approached and sat on the side of the bed. "All that can wait. I just want to be with you a little while longer."

Leia took her hand, a rush of maternal affection bubbling up within her. "My dear daughter. My girl. I'll always be here for you if you need me, but trust me when I say you don't need me. You are strong, and you are resourceful. Your place in this is far more important than my own. I think you've begun to realize that."

"Life and death, dark and light," Rey whispered softly to herself, looking at her bandaged hand in Leia's weathered one.

Leia nodded. "Yes, they are the balance, aren't they? And you have the gift of knowing when to use which: when is the time for living, and when is the time for dying. Tell me, what do you see in me?"

Rey looked at her, searched Leia's eyes with her own. Her brow furrowed. "It isn't your time to go."

"See? Much as I wish it were," Leia said with a sardonic smile. "I'm ready to be with the people I love. But I'm staying, for all of you. Get used to it, my girl. Being a Skywalker means putting up with family members kind of hanging around forever, messing up your life in unpredictable ways. I think Luke has already been doing that to you, hasn't he?"

"But I'm not." Rey shook her head. "I'm not a Skywalker."

Leia's gaze flashed briefly to Ben before returning to the girl. She tightened her grip on Rey's hand. "Are you not? Luke's lightsaber, our father's lightsaber, came to  _you_. Perhaps you weren't born to us, but you belong to us. It knew that. Your place is with this family, Skywalker blood or not."

Ben's attention turned from them to the balcony at the other end of the room. His gaze traveled out over the lake shining in the middle distance. Leia would have liked to know what thoughts took him there, but she couldn't ask. Instead, she sighed as she looked over the three young people before her.

"I gave birth to one, but the Force has given me three children. Be good to each other. And try not to call too often with questions," she winked. "I'll be enjoying my retirement. Chewie, I encourage you to do the same. Go home to your wife, to your son. Let these young fry take on the tedious work."

Chewie groaned in agreement.

Rey stood and joined Ben, her hand reaching unconsciously for his. He let her take it. Leia noticed, and felt peaceful. They said their goodbyes and left her to relax. But just when she'd settled in to her solitude, Ben returned alone, kneeling beside her bed.

"Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it. It's time to make things right. To pay for what I have put you through."

She smiled and brushed his long black hair out of his face. "You will, my son. Through the things you do with your life from this point forward, you will make amends. Take care of her, and take care of this galaxy. And don't worry, you know where to find me."

Her eyes traveled over the chiseled lines of his face, once round and cherubic in toddlerhood, now sharp and angular in adulthood. Despite the difference, she now saw that he did look like the same person after all. Her son was back.

He stood, bending over to press a kiss to her forehead before he turned and left her alone once more. She smiled. Yes, all of this was exactly right.

Han's words echoed through her heart once more, and she whispered them softly into the empty room. "I'll see you soon, but not yet."


	37. After All

**Ben Solo**

* * *

War could paint the most beautiful sunsets.

Ben had learned this throughout his years in the service of Snoke, and the grim necessity of great violence did not prevent him from admiring small glimpses of beauty. And this - this was more than a glimpse. It was a full symphony of color and light, transforming what was already lovely into something breathtaking.

Smoke from distant Theed drew a crimson curtain over the horizon, a red so deep and astonishing it seemed especially chosen for the blood-soaked occasion. Just above it, however, the dying sun cast angled golden rays across an emerald landscape, turning waterfalls and lakes into shining sheets of light. The sprawling countryside knew nothing of the terrible events of the day. Nothing bad had touched this place.

Rey basked in the overwhelming beauty of it, the nourishing peace. She leaned against the stone railing of an expansive balcony, the spacious manor to her back. Ben stood beside her, elbows propped on the same railing, feeling how her soul soaked it all in as hungrily as a dying plant takes to water. He had always harbored a secret fondness for beautiful things, pleased by the elegant concordance of shape, color, and form flowing together harmoniously — it was why he'd been drawn to calligraphy in a world where writing on paper was a thing of ancient history. Perhaps in another lifetime, without the Force, without the parents he'd had, his artist's heart might have been able to flourish. As it were, he could only scrawl his archaic lettering and allow himself to observe the natural art around him once in a while.

But his admiration of this glorious sunset was nothing compared to the pure, innocent  _joy_  radiating in the heart of the girl beside him. Images flashed through her mind — echoing through his own — of various visitors to her dusty desert home speaking of a place she longed to visit. But nothing they'd said had prepared her for this.

"It's more than anything I could have imagined," she whispered reverently.

Ben turned his head slightly to observe what expression might accompany that observation. Of course it was childlike. Dusky eyes wide, capturing the light in a way that transformed her grey-brown irises into something more complex, reflected over and over within itself in the glittering flashes of an endless prism.

Suddenly the countryside seemed dull compared to what was before him. Ben made himself look away. He'd already spilled open his greatest secret; he didn't need to be caught ogling like a love-sick schoolboy.

"There are many beautiful places in the galaxy," he said quietly.

"You must be right." She shook her head. "But I don't believe anywhere can be as good as this."

In spite of himself, his mouth toyed with the idea of a smile. "We'll see."

She turned those complex eyes on him, and he was compelled to meet them again. "What does that mean?"

"You've proposed the theory that this," he waved his hand at the verdant hills and scattered waterfalls, "is the best the galaxy has to offer. To be sure, we must conduct a thorough investigation. We'll visit them all, and then you'll decide which you prefer."

This coaxed a laugh from her. He approved of the sound. It was good to hear after such a harrowing day.

"Alright," she said. "I like that."

Ben returned his attention to the scenery, satisfied with that simple plan for their future. Everything else was in flux. His mother had given him a charge, and he intended to fulfill it — somehow. But he was no closer to understanding himself now than he was on Evryn. In fact, in some ways he felt further from it. The taste of power today had reawakened his desire for it, and although he believed he could accept any fate for himself so long as it was with Rey, he couldn't deny that something inside him still hungered for authority. Assuming control over the First Order would give him that. It was exactly what everyone wanted from him, and it was what he wanted himself. But the galaxy needed him to tear it all down. To lead by taking apart. That would be…difficult. Rey had pulled him back from the abyss today, but could she stand between himself and the seductive nature of absolute power?

Probably she could, he decided. It had been a few weeks now since he realized he'd burn the entire galaxy down or take it all under his protective wing if she asked him to.

"I'm glad they'll let her stay here," she murmured softly after a few minutes of silence. "She chose her new home well. And they seem happy to have her."

Ben nodded, letting her redirect his thoughts away from brooding questions about the future. The Naberrie relatives had been nothing but gracious and warm since the moment Rey made contact with them aboard the Falcon. They'd prepared everything in advance of the party's arrival and had furnished Ben's mother with a legion of servants and protocol droids. They'd insisted C3PO be given full run of the household, under Leia's direction.

Ben did not know how to behave towards them. The two old women who introduced themselves as his mother's cousins were very kind. They recognized him and began tittering to one another about his resemblance to his grandfather, for whom they'd both harbored feelings as very young girls when Anakin came around with their aunt. The cousins' children had been less familiar towards him, but still pleasant and accommodating. He didn't quite know how to feel about it all. Family, in his experience, was something to keep at a wary arm's length. They seemed to want to draw him in close.

He expelled a long breath. "Yes, I'm grateful to them. I…didn't know they existed until today, to be honest. At least someone in my family had the sense to keep in touch with extended relations."

Rey smiled, though he felt a flash of wistfulness move through her. "Your family just keeps going and going, doesn't it?"

He guessed the reason for it without even needing to search her thoughts. "You're thinking of your own?"

"You have a true family tree, one with branches and forks. Mine withers at the stump. If I even knew their names, I might be able to see if my parents had relatives. They had to have come from somewhere, didn't they? But all we know is what you saw."

Ben didn't say anything to this at first. He didn't contradict her assessment — though his own family tree contained only one branch. The Naberries were his only surviving family. Anakin's family was extinguished on Tatooine. Leia's adopted relatives had gone with Alderaan. Han was as completely orphaned as Rey, so his line didn't branch out either. But pointing all of that out wouldn't help Rey, and it didn't refute her point. He could trace his ancestors back at least a few generations, and she couldn't trace hers even one.

His own crimes were black stains on his soul which would never be fully erased, but he didn't believe any of them were as evil as the one committed by those two cantina rats who dumped their only child off into the sand in exchange for a few fistfuls of cash. Just thinking about them made him seethe with anger. If they weren't dead already, he'd be fully prepared to hunt them down and force scenes into their minds of the powerful person their unwanted nuisance had become, just before he shoved their drinking glasses right through their skulls.

"Ben?" Rey asked, glancing at him in alarm.

He wrestled this fury back down. No doubt she'd felt it, though thankfully had not seen the reason. He cleared his throat and offered an alternative to her withered stump.

"I believe my mother gave you full access to our oddly-shaped tree."

Her expression softened and she smiled a little. "She did. I've never —" She paused, as if suddenly embarrassed. Still, she forged ahead with her statement. "I've never  _belonged_  to anyone before. I've never heard those words spoken about me. It felt nice."

Ben looked down, away from the vulnerability in her face at this sentiment. It provoked other thoughts in him which he was not ready to examine, so he turned his attention to the manor behind them and the dining room they'd abandoned.

"We can sleep here tonight, if you want."

Rey lifted a brow. "Leia was pretty clear, Ben. She told us to go."

Yes, his mother had more or less demanded immediate action. Poe had obeyed, returning to Theed immediately to rally what Resistance fighters remained. Chewie had gone too, off to communicate with his family and who knew what else. But Ben's next moves were not so clear, and he knew they'd be useless for complicated planning tonight. He needed a little time to get his bearings and choose the right course of action. Besides, they'd already delayed by accepting the meal the servants had set out for them. Not that either he or Rey had been able to eat much. As the intense, prolonged adrenaline rush of the day finally wore off, it left both of them exhausted and a little sick.

"She'd understand the necessity. When was the last time you slept?" he asked.

She blinked, surprised at first, and then chagrined when her fuzzy mental calculations dredged up a confused and indefinite answer. "Not since before…our practice duel?"

"Longer, I think. We flew with Finn and Rose the morning before." He felt it. The weariness clinging to his bones. More than that, there was a weariness settling into his very soul from so many wrenching emotions tearing through him in one day.

Her eyes widened, and she nodded slowly. "We can't leave tonight. We'd pass out before deciding where to go."

This drew a half-smile from him. "We haven't even decided how we're getting to wherever we're going. So we stay, we sleep, and then tomorrow, we'll make better decisions."

She relaxed. "Good. I was hoping for something like that."

They lapsed into comfortable silence again, neither quite ready to separate for that much-needed rest. Being here together among the shifting gradients of sunset was too good to give up just yet. Ben savored her nearness, her contemplative quiet. When he emerged from his mother's room, she'd wisely left him to his preoccupied thoughts while still allowing her warmth and affection to cocoon him through their undefinable bond. He wasn't alone at any moment, even when she wasn't beside him.

Rey set her forearms on the balcony and examined her bandaged hands. The wrappings she'd tied were stained, but dry. Ben watched her unravel them to reveal a thin, scabbed line of split skin snaking across the backs of her fingers, beneath the second knuckle. It looked deep, like it would scar. She curled her fingers and flexed them again, testing the pain.

Ben reached for her, taking one of her hands and drawing it to him. He traced his thumb lightly across the wound. Goosebumps scattered up her arm and he felt her gaze lift, but he kept his own trained on the injury.

Softly he asked, "Which one of them did this?"

"The — the one with the plasma whip." Rey searched for a name. "Sion?"

He nodded, attention shifting to the cut across her cheek. With his free hand he brushed it the same way. "And this?"

"Also her, I think."

There was one more. He'd noticed it earlier, but did not bend to touch it now. "And the leg?"

"The sister."

He drew in a deep breath, gaze dropping to her fingers once more, fighting back sudden self-loathing. She hadn't been wounded before he left her so outnumbered. His impulsivity, his blind single-mindedness, had spilled her blood. He had allowed them to hurt her.

"Hey," she murmured gently, pulling her hand out of his grasp. "It's fine. I'm fine, we won, and you saved Finn and Rose. That means more to me than these little scrapes."

She said that, but the evidence of his foolishness was spattered across her white clothing. His gaze moved from drop to drop, resenting each one for his role in their existence.

" _Stop_ ," she said firmly, stepping in closer so he was forced to focus on her face instead of her clothes. "Enough. You came back for me, that's all I care about. Besides, your relatives gave me some things to change into when they saw these. I hadn't done it yet because I didn't know when Leia would wake up and I wanted to be ready when she did. But I should have, if I'd known it was going to bother you this much."

Ben caught himself mid-smirk, an amusing image passing through his mind of the ornate, elegant dresses worn by the Naberrie women clinging to Rey's lithe, athletic frame in a way no garment had ever done before. "Perhaps it's best you didn't. We wouldn't have known you at all."

"Oh." Rey saw his speculation, and color rose in her cheeks. She backed away from him quickly. "I didn't even look at what they gave me. Well, my other things are on the Falcon. As long as Chewie didn't take it, I can get them."

"I believe he did take it, but I'm certain he'll be back in the morning."

"How do you know?"

"He's not going to leave my mother as easily as that. I believe he'll stay for a while to ensure she isn't lonely."

Rey smiled at this thought, a gentle, affectionate smile that Ben found quite striking. "Yeah, that sounds like him."

Unless she wanted to sleep in blood-soiled clothes, she'd be forced to utilize what the relatives had given her, Ben mused privately. He couldn't reconcile the high fashion of Naboo with scrappy, practical, grease-mynock Rey, and trying to do so gave him a degree of entertainment. Too bad she probably wouldn't let him see whatever it was.

"How did you manage to escape all the fights today without a single scratch?" Rey asked, scrutinizing him with puzzlement.

"I wasn't fighting you."

She rewarded this offhand remark with a surprised cadence of laughter. "Ah, of course. Makes sense."

He played with a mischievous smile, something in his gut twisting with pleasure. "I already suffered injury at the hands of those imbeciles. They'd have succeeded if it weren't for you. Fortunately they weren't able to repeat their performance today."

"Baize's poisoned blade," she remembered, nodding as her gaze flicked to his hidden midsection. "I'd almost forgotten."

"He did get someone with it today, though." He hesitated to remind her, knowing it might put a damper on the pleasant evening if she suddenly started worrying for her friend.

"Finn," she sighed. "I'd forgotten."

"His wound wasn't severe."

"But it won't heal, either. The pathogen will spread. Ben, I think we need to take him back to that moon where I found you. To that village."

It was the same conclusion he'd filed away in the back of his mind the moment he watched Baize plunge his defiled weapon into Finn's shoulder. That was their next step, then. It was a good one, as it allowed him to put off the First Order difficulties a little longer.

"We'll get him there in the morning," he agreed lightly. "He won't die tonight, and he need sleep as much as we do."

"Alright." Rey looked out over the dimming landscape once more. "What about you, Supreme Leader? Don't you need to seize control right now while it's all in chaos?"

"Chaos will work in our favor." He knew what would happen next — rumors and reports of what had happened over Naboo would filter throughout the galaxy, changing with each retelling, becoming more dramatic the further they spread. Reports among the First Order itself would be less romanticized, but misinformation would sow seeds of discord among the upper ranks. Without a clear, strong leader stepping up, they would turn on one another and vie for top position. He could use that to his advantage - play them against one another.

At Rey's inquiring glance, he elaborated. "I'll send conflicting messages to various generals to rendezvous in the Unknown Region. The competition and confusion will buy us time."

A sly grin slid over her face. "They'll think you're trying to sift out the disloyal."

Ben nodded, pleased that she'd so quickly caught on. Once more he toyed with the image of what might have been if she'd accepted his offer aboard the  _Supremacy_  and become empress of his empire. Then again, he wouldn't have to imagine for long. She'd be beside him this time as he once more assumed authority. Even if it was only for a short while, she would be his queen.

Rey's complex, prismatic eyes watched him, darkening now in the receding light. Did she see his indulgent thoughts? What did she think of the fierce vision he composed for her?

If she saw, she said nothing, and revealed nothing of her own, but just watched. So many times she'd leveled that same gaze on him with varying levels of malice, or hurt, or empathy. He knew the many moods that shaded those emotive eyes. Tonight, however, her face held something else. It made him want to touch her, to draw her in and perhaps kiss her once more. But he resisted. They'd opened and stepped through that door already, so he wasn't sure why he hesitated. Perhaps because tonight he knew no one would interrupt, and he wasn't sure how far they should go. All of this was so new and so completely overwhelming. He didn't know what he wanted.

Rey didn't know either. He felt in her equal parts yearning and nervousness.

"We should get some sleep," he decided quietly.

A flicker of disappointment passed briefly over her face, but she looked away and nodded. Rey was too practical a person to argue against the logic of this proposal, however much he might wish she would. They both knew it was better this way.

So they left the balcony and the sweet night breezes stirring up over the lake, passing the servants clearing the table, and headed to the rooms the relatives had prepared for them. Leia was in another wing of the manor, a comfortable suite of her own set in a quiet and secluded part of the great house. The Naberrie relatives had a spacious house in Theed where they usually stayed, but the conflict had driven them to another of their country manors, only a mile away, right along the water. It meant that except for the servants, Ben and Rey were entirely and completely alone.

Ben wanted to say something more as they paused at the door to her room, but he couldn't think of anything. What could he say? This was Rey, and all the things she stirred up within him sounded so inadequate when he tried to articulate them.

She grinned, glancing at the door behind her. "Look at that, I'm the one being delivered to my room first tonight. You get to go to yours of your own volition."

His gaze fell to her arm where she no longer sported the wristband that had given her power over his fate. Irrationally, he found himself missing it. That innocuous little band had tied them together, an external manifestation of that internal bond nobody else could see.

"Strange," he replied, "To be allowed to go into a room that won't be locked behind me."

She reached for the handle of her door, offering by way of parting, "Good luck. Be careful of all those rebel assassins who'll be sneaking in to kill the mighty Kylo Ren."

He smirked. "They'll be disappointed. He won't be there."

This made her pause, and she glanced back, surprised. "Oh?"

"That isn't me. That isn't my name." His gaze flashed to hers, cheekiness threatening to break through his careful mask. "Mine's Ben Solo."

Her eyes widened and he felt a rush of pleasure surge through her. To mediate whatever reaction might come after she'd processed this, he bent to gently kiss her cheek and whisper, "Goodnight, Rey from Jakku."

He felt her stare follow him as he turned and headed off to his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, the sad news is that we only have 3 chapters left :(  
> ...  
> But the good news, is that there is a sequel fic! I'm 13 chapters deep into a fluffy sequel which I will post after a very brief break at the close of DFN. So don't worry, we'll still explore some romancey tropes and revisit some familiar places.


	38. Chapter 38

**Rey**

* * *

 

Rey found herself in a palatial room containing a palatial bed, with large archways leading to a private balcony and so many vases of flowers and green things she felt surrounded by thriving life. Her surprise and delight was almost enough to sweep the weariness from her bones. Almost.

She was tempted to go straight to the bed and collapse on to it, sinking into the desperation for rest. The night had been so lovely, and Ben's mood so peaceful, she'd not noticed how truly spent she was until that door closed behind her. Still, she delayed just a little longer, slipping out of her boots and peeling off bloodied layers.

The words Ben had left with her before retreating still echoed through her with quiet wonder. Her fingers grazed the place where he had dropped his parting kiss, touched by the unexpected sweetness of it. Something about the evening, perhaps the survival of his mother, had put him in a softer mood than she'd ever seen. It made her want to linger with him long into the night, enjoying his unusually gentle company. But something about that idea made them both a little nervous, though she couldn't really determine why, so they'd parted.

She moved into the refresher to clean her bruised and battered frame under a stream of hot water. It soothed her raw nerves. Tipping her face into the cascade, she pressed fingers into eyes and let out a long, slow breath, as if she could expel the tension and soreness in each muscle with her lungs. In the blackness of her vision, however, flashed the image of a spiked gauntlet grabbing for her throat.

Startling, her feet slid and she barely caught herself against the sides of the refresher. Her heart raced with residual fear, though the flashback had only lasted a microsecond. She shook her head and shut off the water, switching it over to the drying setting instead. Warm air enveloped her, evoking the feeling of Ben's embrace when they were reunited, relief surging through them both. She let this calm her, returning her to the peaceful evening that had ended a difficult day.

The clothing the relatives had left were puzzling. She studied them, perplexed and distracted from lingering thoughts of Ben or disturbing memories. It was a dress, that much was clear, but somehow it looked like both too much and too little fabric all at the same time. There seemed to be yards of it under what she guessed was the waist, but not much of it up top. How did it work?

Employing every problem-solving faculty she had, she eventually unriddled the method of dressing. The moment it was on, however, she wanted to claw it off again. The fabric was like nothing she'd ever felt — light and silky and slippery. It slid against her skin in sensations so alien as to be rather vile. No doubt the women who had loaned her this dress enjoyed the luxurious feel of it, but something about it made Rey feel rather sick. The color was outrageous too. Purple, brilliant at the top and fading to deep violet at the bottom. It was the brightest thing she'd ever put on.

She hated it. She hated the way it slipped and whispered softly against her skin, slick and shifting. It left her too aware of her own body dubiously hidden beneath the nauseatingly silky fabric. She hated the way it wrapped from her hips to her neck, leaving her shoulders and back completely exposed. She hated the way it trailed a little in the back, like the shining mucus trail of a slug.

_Be grateful_ , she tried to remind herself. The Naberrie women had been exceptionally kind and generous. No doubt they'd chosen something they thought she would be pleased to wear. They couldn't have known that she'd never worn anything like it in her life. They couldn't have known how repulsive she'd find the satiny fabric.

Climbing into the bed, she shuddered into a cringe. The linens covering the enormous thing were composed of a similarly silken material. With absolutely no friction between herself and the sheets, she was certain she'd slither out of bed in the night like intestines out of an open wound. Was this what riches provided? Suddenly she was grateful to have never had them.

Once she was able to lie still, the newness of it all began to wear off and she could almost forget about the strange clothes and the strange bed. At least it was soft and yielding to her sore body. Her thoughts turned to "mine's-Ben-Solo" and his place in her life. How strange that a man she had once hated should come to be someone she now loved with equal intensity.

And he loved her.

She'd barely had time to contemplate that moment and those words, but now they struck her with full, glorious impact. Her heart swelled and a lump formed in her throat.

_The belonging you seek is not behind you, but ahead._

Maz's distant words came back, joining with Leia's insistence that she was a Skywalker in spirit if not by blood. Her heart squeezed, drawing tears to her eyes. She rolled over and curled her knees into her chest, radiating with a feeling that threatened to make her laugh, or cry.

He loved her. She was loved — in that deepest, most incomprehensible way. He knew all her secret faults and flaws, he'd seen the barest, ugliest truth of her heart, and rather then shake her off into the sand, he  _loved_  her. Wanted her. It was either miraculous or madness. But either way, it felt beautiful. And he was not alone in his feelings, for she now recognized that the deep emotions she held for him — the affection, the tenderness, the fire, the weakness, the delight, the yearning — all of it could be summed up by that one perfectly simple word.

She'd resisted the mysterious connection between them much longer than he had. In a less elegant, more painful way he'd tried to more or less convey these feelings for her aboard the  _Supremacy_. But she hadn't been ready for them then. The circumstances were wrong, and the man extending his hand was not a whole man, but half. Half himself, half the monster he pretended to be. She'd fled, rather than give in to her fledgling desires to be with him in all his pain. Since that time, they'd both grown — and what had grown between them was deeper, richer, more stable.

Now she was ready to receive his perfectly expressed love, and ready to return it in full.

Happy, peaceful, full of softly, sweetly burning joy, she succumbed to the ancient weariness of her bones and drifted into a deep sleep.

 

* * *

 

It did not last long.

Images of a young child with flaming red hair, sallow skin, and terrified blue eyes reaching for her while screams of terror tore through him woke her up with a violent start. She put her face into her pillow, trying to drive the nightmare and its panic away. But just when she'd managed to relax again, the broken bodies of Sion and Baize flashed before her, empty eyes staring up in accusation. Next came the Chiss siblings, hand in hand, clinging to one another as their souls were dragged down into darkness.

She sat up, gasping, sweating, heart crashing frantically against her ribcage.

"No," she moaned, clutching at her head. No nightmares. No flashbacks. No guilt. Not tonight. She needed  _sleep_.

But the horrors would not leave her alone. Every attempt to drift off again brought new scenes of carnage. Sliding against her sheets felt like lying atop cold, wet blood. She scrambled out of bed as quickly as she could and hugged her arms to her chest, shivering though the air was warm.

Death was necessary sometimes. She knew that. She'd come to embrace it as part of her destiny. Her role in its fulfillment did not mean she was a murderer.

—Right?

Or was she?

The death of the Praetorians hadn't affected her like this. But she hadn't seen their faces, hadn't seen glimpses of their lives, their humanity. Unable to stand the blackness of her room, she ran to the light panel and activated all of them.

A knock at her door startled her, and she whipped around, hand reaching reflexively for her lightsaber which flew from the table and into her grasp. But she did not ignite it. Even as her mind fought for clarity amid fear, she knew who it would likely be.

Ben opened the door and stepped through.

Dropping her lightsaber, Rey ran to him, launching herself unceremoniously into his grasp. She went, heedless of whatever his purpose may have been in coming, utterly unconcerned with how he might react to this violent assault. None of that mattered. She needed to feel something real and  _alive_  against her.

He stumbled back, catching her at the waist, the door clicking shut under the force of the two of them falling against it. "Are you—?"

Before he could finish his question she had pulled his head down to her level, seeking the comfort and reassurance they had so recently discovered, the pleasure of his full lips against her own. It felt good. It drove a spear of relief right through the dark, haunting images. She went after him hungrily, like a canteen of water after a long day in the sun.

He accepted her fierce attention and slid his hands from her waist to her back. They both stiffened in surprise as his fingers ran over the smooth plane of her exposed skin, discovering the inadequacies of her attire. She gasped and shuddered. There had never been so much access to so much of her before. The experience caught them both off guard.

He gently pushed her back to inspect the manner of clothing that had granted him this unexpected touch. His brow lifted. Rey felt a deep blush creep up her face at his scrutiny.

"I hate it," she admitted.

A little grin quirked at the corner of his mouth. "It's flattering on you."

She shook her head. "It's ridiculous."

Gaze returning to her face, he acknowledged, "It doesn't suit the Rey I know."

"Then you know me well."

His shoulders relaxed and he softened, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. His face became tense with concern. "Are you alright? That wasn't the greeting I expected."

"I was relieved to see you," she hedged. "But — why am I seeing you?"

"I couldn't sleep." An expression shadowed his face, which she recognized. He was having nightmares too. "And then I heard you whimpering."

She didn't ask how he'd heard. Most likely he'd felt it through the bond between them, but maybe he had heard it echoing off the balcony. Either way, he'd come seeking and offering comfort. She glanced back at her bed as if in reproach. "Every time I close my eyes I see them. Our dead."

Ben nodded, his voice full of grim understanding. "It takes time for the heart to reconcile what it's done. The faces remain as long as your guilt."

She searched his eyes, seeing Han's twisted expression looming in his mind. That had never gone away, she realized. He'd never reconciled himself with that murder. "I believe we did the right thing," she said after a moment, "but it still feels bad."

He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her, nestling her into his embrace as if he could shield her from her demons. She tucked her head under his chin, content to just listen to his heartbeat thumping beneath her. It still felt new and strange to be this close, but it also felt right.

"I had nightmares too," he admitted after a moment. His deep voice rumbled through his chest, sending vibrations through her head. She pressed herself tighter into it, wanting to get lost in that familiar thunder. "I saw my mother dead on the ground, and this time she didn't come back."

Rey leaned back to look up at him, struck by the pain in his voice. There was pain on his face too. "Ben…that's…" Awful was too simple a word.

He nodded, looking away. He thought she had died once before, when his copilot had destroyed the bridge of the  _Raddus_. But Rey sensed that this time was different. Perhaps because he was just starting to allow his mother back into his life, and their healing had almost been cut short. She moved her head in against him again, this time hoping the action was as soothing to him as it was to her.

"In another, I couldn't find you," he said. "I've had nightmares all my life. I ought to be used to it by now. But these are not the usual scenes. And when I felt that you were similarly plagued…"

She felt his cheek press to her head, and she clutched him closer. "I'm glad you came."

"We weren't supposed to do this tonight," he murmured. "We both agreed it would be better to be alone."

"I don't want to be alone anymore." She was done with that. Now she had someone else to lean on when she was frightened or upset, and everything felt better, easier to handle, when they were together. She didn't have to find her way by herself any longer.

They stayed like that for a while, no words as sufficient for comfort as the simplicity of being in each other's embrace. Eventually, he released a soft, shuddering breath. One of his hands took to her bare back, gliding along her shoulders, trailing from the nape of her neck down her spine. His fingertips brushed gently against her skin, leaving tingles and warmth wherever they traveled. Only the fabric interrupted him, his explorations stopping where the shifting, unreliable barrier began.

She shivered again, her heart exploding into a frantic, unsteady rhythm. Gritting her teeth, she curled her fingers into his shirt, muscles tensing under his touch.

He paused. "Do you want me to stop?"

She nodded.

His hand immediately withdrew, and she could finally release the breath that had caught in her chest.

"It's just…new," she explained, chagrined. Not that what he'd been doing wasn't pleasant — in fact, the opposite. It had sent waves of intense electricity buzzing through her, twisting somewhere in her stomach. But it was that very intensity that overwhelmed her.

"It's new for me too," he admitted. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

She liked his touch, and now that it was gone something inside her wanted it back. But it was hard to explain that she wasn't used to people touching her at all. For most of her life she'd been defending herself against unwanted attention, and Finn's hand-grabbing had been the first time she'd made physical contact with another human in recent memory. Since then she'd grown accustomed to hugs and other friendly gestures. But with Ben it was different. It always had been. The first touch, when their fingers came together across the galaxy, was more intense and powerful than anything she'd ever felt. Since then, whenever their skin met in any capacity it felt like a lightning strike. And tonight, after everything, this new and far more intimate caress affected her in a way she wasn't prepared to handle.

But Ben didn't seem to require explanation. He was still relaxed, unperturbed, turning his attention instead to toying with a strand of her hair. His thoughts drifted to the day's events, from their cautious kiss on the Falcon to the way she'd stopped him from murdering Hux. Though the mood of this rumination was peaceful, Rey felt a flicker of guilt at that last memory.

"I'm sorry I robbed you of your revenge," she said quietly. "You should have been the one to bring justice to Hux."

He said nothing at first. Then, slowly, he replied. "I've been a student of the Force for a long time, but there are aspects I still do not understand. I don't know why Armitage Hux needed the opportunity to receive mercy instead of justice, and I don't know why I was not permitted to deliver that justice. But you should not apologize for doing what the Force asked of you in that moment."

"You aren't upset, then?"

He put a few inches of space between them so as to properly study her face again. His own held puzzlement. "I chose to let go. You asked me to, but that was my own decision, not your coercion. You were afraid that if I killed him, I'd be lost to the full embrace of darkness, and you may have been right. When I realized I couldn't feel you anymore, I knew my hunger for revenge was carrying me away from you. I'd already promised to stay with you, so my choice was clear."

"When did you promise that?" She remembered saying it herself when she wanted him to surrender to the unspoken fire between them. But he'd said it too?

His gaze bounced away from hers. "You were asleep."

She blinked, brow furrowing as she processed this. He extracted himself from her and headed across the room, picking up her lightsaber from where she'd dropped it and replacing it on the table. She turned, watching him move over to the lights and flick them all off. Darkness descended once more, broken only by moonlight streaming in from the balcony. When he returned, it was to pull her over to the disgustingly silky bed.

"-Which you ought to be now. Do you feel ready to face the dreams again?"

She frowned. "No. Will you stay?"

He glanced at the bed behind her, hesitating. She didn't know why. He'd allowed her to seek his comfort in the night before, though perhaps he'd not been in full possession of his decision making capabilities when she slid into bed with him at the base.

"Please?" she begged softly.

He set his jaw and nodded. She felt his resolve turn to steel as he slid in next to her and allowed her to slip in close, winding her fingers through his. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered a firm goodnight.

Bathed in the fresh scent of him, reassured by the presence of someone else who understood, she was able to relax and give in to the weariness again. And this time when the nightmares came, she felt strong arms holding her together, giving her the strength to face them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry for the delay, guys! We just moved out of state for grad school, and it has been a hectic time. Still unpacking a lot of boxes. But don't worry, I'll get these last few chapters up today and tomorrow so my crazy schedule doesn't keep slowing down this story. I may wait a week or two before I start posting the sequel so I can do it when I can update regularly again.


	39. Flight of the Falcon

**Rey**

* * *

Rey stirred into awareness, still sleepy but full of a peculiar feeling for which she had no name. It fluttered in her stomach, light and achy and a little sharp, both pleasant and nervous. She nestled her face into her pillow, trying to ignore it and go back to sleep, but the jittery twisting would not abate. Suddenly it was hard to think about anything except the living, breathing person a few inches away from her.

Opening her eyes, she saw that he was already awake, sitting up, watching her. His gaze crawled along her bare back with a hungry gleam. He caught her staring, drew a deep breath and looked away. Morning light streamed in from the balcony, illuminating the room in cheerful daylight and bringing with it the sweet, revitalizing scents of the countryside.

Rey squirmed, hiding her face again, caught between wanting to escape and wanting to linger in these strange fluttery feelings a little longer.

Ben got out of bed, ending her deliberation.

"I hear a ship," he announced, eyes flicking casually to her.

She sat up and winced. Her muscles were surprisingly sore after yesterday's battle. "Is it Chewie?"

In response, he moved out to the balcony. She scrambled after him.

Through a gloriously golden morning, a familiar YT model freighter made its landing approach. Rey thrilled at the sight of it, and not just because it signaled her rescue from this awkwardly sensual dress.

"Good," she breathed, relieved to see a familiar sight amid all this novelty.

Ben glanced at her, but his eyes did not stay on hers for long, drawn magnetically to her body. He once again allowed his gaze to drink in the sight of all her exposed lines and curves. Perhaps because he knew it would be the last time he saw her in something like this. Or perhaps their shared slumber had unlocked some of the things he'd tried to keep at bay last night. Either way, it made those jumpy feelings in Rey's gut intensify.

Finally, he turned away and said, "I'll go get your things."

Her self-consciousness transformed immediately into gratitude and she thanked him softly before he left her once more alone in the generous room.

She set to work getting herself ready for the day — everything she could do without actually changing yet. Last night was about trying to find rest after a life-changing, galaxy-altering battle and emotional trauma. Today was about moving on. The first step was to get Finn some help, and after that, assisting Ben in whatever capacity she could while he performed his destructive, healing work. She knew it wouldn't be easy for him. He still believed the right hand could more effectively govern than a gaggle of arguing senators, and he might not be wrong in that assumption, but they both knew it wasn't his choice to make anymore. His job was to turn power back over to the people and let them decide what they wanted. Though, Rey knew, the people had allowed the Empire to rise and the First Order in its place. Perhaps the galaxy wanted to be told what to do, rather than decide for itself.

Knowing all of this, she knew also that Ben was not fully convinced of his task to tear it all down. Rey didn't know or much care what the right answer was, politically speaking. Her interests lay only in the Force and in Ben. She'd help him in any way that served the greater good and allowed them the freedom to go forge their own path of learning.

Despite their togetherness last night, she knew he did not find deep, oblivious sleep. At times she felt herself being drawn in close, held against him as if she were made of glass but contained the remedy he needed. At such times she perceived his restless, stormy emotions boiling around in him. She'd coil her fingers through his and will him to feel her comfort, pushing solace into his mind and heart until he relaxed and drifted off again. He did the same for her, when she thrashed away from the ghoulish images that stretched their phantom tendrils into her dreams. The awful memories of Snoke mauling her mind, especially. Those had never gone away. That violation could never be undone. But his touch, his soothing presence, eased her through it as she'd not been able to do on her own.

They helped each other through the dark, and now morning had come. It drove the nightmares away, but drove space between the two of them as well, as the expectations of the day pulled them apart.

Ben returned presently, placing a bundle on her bed.

"Finn and Rose got my message," he said. "They came."

Rey's eyes widened. "Are they alright?"

"They're fine." He moved back towards the door.

As soon as he'd gone, she leapt for her clothes, suddenly spurred into frantic action by the prospect of seeing Finn. Once she was back in her old familiar things, Rey felt her sense of self return. This was more like it. Wrapping her arms, she paused to examine her wounded hands and decided they weren't that bad. Considering she could have lost her fingers altogether on a more direct hit, a little line of scabbing was tolerable. She clipped her lightsaber to her trusty belt and smoothed the front of her clothes, reveling in the tactile rasp of the sturdy fabric against her.

When she emerged from her room, she found Ben exiting his own next door. He was dressed in his customary black, but rather than a monolith of obsidian up to the neck, he had left his collar undone. It looked less rigid, less formal, more relaxed. She liked it.

He gave her an appraising glance and said with the barest smirk, "Welcome back, scavenger."

She grinned, confidence rising with the restoration of her comfort. Although, all things considered, maybe she didn't hate that silly dress as much as she thought. Something about the way Ben looked at her in it made her understand why women wore such impractical things. Still, it was a relief to be out of it.

"I think the other was a more fitting look for the partner of the Supreme Leader," she tossed back as they started down the hall.

"Partner..." He said it slowly, mulling the word over in his mouth as if tasting its flavor. What conclusion he drew, however, she couldn't discern. Instead he lifted his chin a little and said mildly, "No, it wasn't more fitting. You aren't a display piece. You're a warrior."

Rey's pleasure in this assessment quickly gave way to concern when they arrived at a sitting room and found Finn and Rose.

Finn didn't look great. His dark skin seemed to lack its rich, vibrant glow and sweat beaded his brow. Rose hovered near him, face etched in worry. When she saw Rey, she ran to her and attacked her with a hug.

"You have no idea how relieved we are that you're alive. We didn't know what happened to you until Poe came back last night. One minute you were there, fighting all those guys, and then we were being dragged away, and Ben ran off to find you." She chattered quickly, a byproduct of her worried state. "Finn was sure you were alive, but everything got so crazy."

"I'm alright," Rey said, reassuring her. She disentangled herself and moved over to Finn. "But you're not."

Finn gave her a wan smile. "Hey."

She knelt down in front of where he sat, the image of Baize's lightsaber blade piercing his shoulder flashing before her eyes once more. It threatened to provoke her fury all over again. Finn's scream of pain was something she never wanted to hear again. Her fingers made quick work of his shirt, opening it so she could push it aside and take a good look at the wound.

He didn't stop her, but the sudden undressing made him laugh. "Um, good morning to you too? Happy to see you? Gee, Finn, I missed you. No? None of that?"

"I  _am_  happy to see you," she said with the briefest smile. "But I'm also worried about this."

The hole in his shoulder looked angry and raw, and she saw the same blackness creeping in at the edge that had appeared at Ben's wound sites.

"Then join the club," said Finn, motioning to Rose. "She can't stop fretting about it. I told her it'll be fine. Bacta therapy healed me up great last time."

"It won't work. This isn't like what happened on Starkiller."

Rose glanced up at Ben. "Do you guys know what it is? We got him medical attention after everything calmed down yesterday, but it still seems like it's getting worse."

Ben deflected. "Rey has some experience treating wounds like that."

"You do?" Finn sounded surprised.

She fixed his shirt up again and stood, frowning. "Wounds like that almost killed Ben. It isn't going to get better without some help. Luckily we know where to find that help, but you'll have to come on a little trip with us."

"What,  _now_?" Finn looked to Rose, eyes widening. She didn't give him any kind of reaction, so he turned back to Rey. "There's kind of a lot of stuff happening right now. I suddenly have an army. Poe is organizing the next movements. It's important that we be there."

"Not as important as your life."

They stared at one another tensely for a moment. Rey remembered the resolute, though grieved, look on his face when he decided to leave her on Takodana. He didn't have that same look now. She knew she'd win this time.

"Finn, I think you should go with them," Rose said softly.

He frowned, ignoring her to turn to Ben. "Solo, is this really the big deal they think it is?"

Ben lifted his head and let his gaze wander off, removing himself from the argument. "In my experience, there is no convenient time to step away from your army. But sometimes the choice is taken from us."

"Which is why we are doing this now before you get any worse," Rey said firmly.

"Fine," Finn sighed. "But Rose is coming too."

"Fine," Rey agreed.

It didn't take them long to be ready to go. The servants prepared a light breakfast, which Finn and Rose met with voracious appetites. Rey found she still lacked interest in food — which was appalling on a visceral level and she made herself eat at least a little. Ben barely touched his own. Though they did not address one another, the current of perception that flowed between them was full of anticipation. They were both eager to go back to the place where this new chapter began. Especially now that things had changed so much. This time, Rey expected to be able to enjoy the peacefulness of the place without the painful knowledge that Ben was her enemy at war.

When they finished, Ben went in to talk to his mother once more while Chewie took Rey outside. Finn and Rose followed.

Chewie motioned to the Falcon and launched into a little speech about how they had won the old freighter from Lando Calrissian, all the adventures they'd had on it, and what it meant to Han. Rey already knew much of this, but she listened patiently because she loved the Wookie and she loved the Falcon.

But she was not prepared for what he said next.

_Now it's yours_.

She blinked, turning to stare at him with wide eyes. "What?"

Chewie yowled, dismissing her surprise in a manner as deflective and gruff as Han might have done.

"Are you sure?" Emotion made her words thick and hard to deliver.

His great furry head bounced with his leonine roars. Han would have wanted her to have it, if he couldn't. And Chewie didn't want it without Han.

Tears flowed freely now, and Rey found herself full of so much love she didn't know how to contain it. Chewie's long arms descended on her, wrapping her up in terrifying strength. He growled again.

"Okay, okay," she laughed. "I promise. Not a scratch."

He let her go and mussed her hair affectionately.

"Did he just give her the ship?" Finn asked Rose.

Rose nodded. "Yeah, I think so. My Shryiiwook is pretty basic, but that'd be my guess."

Rey, overhearing this, turned to her friends and grinned broadly. "Do you like my new tug?"

"Not really," Finn admitted.

Rose shook her head. "It's a little…old."

"Unreliable," added Finn.

Rey frowned, glancing at Chewie, who only chuckled and told her they weren't wrong. He turned and headed back into the manor, absolving himself of whatever came after.

She looked at the hulking freighter. Yes, it was unreliable. Yes, it would need some work to balance its raging power with its inadequate support system. But so far none of the flaws had been fatal, and Rey was eager for the chance to spend a lifetime rebuilding it. The Falcon had been with her from the start of her grand adventure — the first ship she'd ever flown in combat or off planet. And it had been with her long before, too. How many years had she seen it sitting there in the sand outside Unkar's concession stand? It looked like garbage to her then, but it was familiar garbage, and she'd had no idea how much power the old girl still had. It had carried her throughout all her journeys thus far, and she'd never felt so much at home anywhere as when she was aboard the Falcon.

"Well," she decided. "I'm alright with old and unreliable. Salvaging broken things is what I'm best at. She's perfect for me."

"If you're happy with it, that's all that matters," Rose said with a smile.

Finn shook his head. "We'll just trust you to keep it from falling apart beneath us."

Rey laughed and motioned to the loading ramp. "Get in. As soon as Ben's here, we're taking off."

It took a few more minutes, but Ben eventually did appear, his emotions gently swirling in the same way they'd been last night after he'd emerged from his mother's room. Leia had once provoked anger and pain and chaos in her son. Now, she provoked calm resolution. Rey smiled.

"Did he give it to you?" Ben asked, unsurprised to see her standing by the loading ramp.

She nodded. "You knew?"

"I guessed." He looked more resigned than pleased.

When he got close, she touched his hand lightly. "Are you alright with that?"

If they were going to stay partners, and if Rey intended to keep the Falcon as her own, it meant he'd be spending a lot of time on this ship which had always brought him conflict and discomfort. His was the only opinion that mattered.

He glanced from the ship to her, dark eyes plunging into her own in that intense way he alone could achieve. "My father lost her when I was still young, and as I said before, when he did have it neither of them were eager to see me aboard. It wasn't a symbol of anything good when it was around. To me, it's a junky old scrap heap ready to be sold off in parts. But I know it means more than that to you."

Rey suspected that this confession was not the whole truth — the Falcon was a symbol of everything his father had been, after all — but she chose not to point this out. Instead, she nodded. "It does."

"Then it's fine," he said. "I would have preferred a newer, nicer vessel for us to pilot together, but if you love this one, it's yours. He would have wanted you to have it, anyway."

"That's what Chewie said," she replied with a little grin.

Ben offered no further comment as he allowed his gaze to travel beyond her, moving over the surface of the Corellian craft.

"We can still pilot this one together…" she ventured carefully after a moment.

Here a shadow fell over his face, and a curtain fell over a part of his mind. She knew it would be a sensitive topic to bring up. For all Ben's insistence that the Falcon meant nothing to him, he still had a lot of feelings tied up in that cockpit. Perhaps it was time to face them.

Rey turned and headed up the loading ramp, deciding Ben needed a moment alone to sift through his reaction. She heard Rose and Finn's voices drifting from the main hold, but didn't intend to join them yet. Ben wasn't the only one who needed a moment. She brushed her hands along the sides of the corridor as she made her way towards the cockpit, heart filling with reverence and joy. Han's invitation to her on Takodana was the happiest she'd ever felt until that point, and the first taste of everything that was to come. She'd wanted so badly to accept, but wavered under the stronger, older impulse to go back and resume her lonely vigil. Maz tried to dissuade her, trying to gently hand her the cruel truth long before Ben himself forced her to confront it. But she'd clung to her belief, because it was all she had — it was the only thing that could explain her years of agonizing solitude.

She should have let go. Should have accepted Han's offer. There was nothing for her back on Jakku, and everything ahead. Even if it didn't change Han's fate — he and Finn still would have come for her on Starkiller Base — at least she'd have enjoyed the idea of a future learning from him, however fleeting it would turn out to be.

But somehow it had all worked out. She wasn't crewing the Falcon alongside Han and Chewie on ill-advised smuggling adventures, but she was saving the galaxy and her friends with help of Han's own son, and now she'd be captain of the Falcon herself. Nothing about this made sense, given her expectations for her life a year ago, but she was pleased with the way things had worked out.

She moved into the cockpit. This ship had played a vital role in two wars now, and it deserved a restful retirement where it could be honored as a true hero of the old and new rebellions. But Rey knew nobody would come to honor it. To most, it was exactly what Finn, Rose, and Ben saw. A junk-heap. Chewie, herself, and perhaps Leia were the only one who could see the Falcon for the dogged, resilient beauty that she truly was.

"So no restful retirement for you," she murmured to the ship, sliding down into the pilot's seat. "What do you say we get back to work?"

She flicked on the controls and the ship shuddered to life, purring smoothly under her as if in response. It made her grin.

"You should strike a bargain with it," a deep, rumbling voice said from the access corridor. "You'll take care of it, so long as it takes care of you."

Rey turned around to see Ben hesitating in the doorway. Her heart leapt into her throat. "I'd take care of it even if it didn't."

He moved into the cockpit, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow as he steeled himself against the environment. She stood and tried to move over to the copilot's seat, but he stopped her with a hand at her waist, gently redirecting her back down into Han's seat.

She watched silently as he glanced over the controls, over her chair, over the place where his father's dice had hung before Luke took them. He sucked in a deep breath and stepped forward, sinking into the copilot's seat.

Rey didn't know what to say, or what to do. She felt the Force heaving with Ben's emotions, tossing like a stormy sea. Uncertain how else to respond, she reached out and took his hand.

The moment their flesh touched, she saw Han's face in the moment of his death, twisted, grieved, gentle, forgiving. She saw it from Ben's perspective. Saw his hand reaching out, felt his fingers on Ben's face, on her own face. She saw a younger, handsome Han bending over to pick up his young son and put him on his shoulders, felt the rush of exhilaration from being so high she could meet Chewie eye-to-eye. She saw him showing his growing boy how to take the safety off a blaster, and felt the faint, echoing laughter of that boy when his father had to run from an angry, beautiful, young Leia when she discovered what they were doing. She saw a boy clinging to his father's leg and begging him not to go. She felt Ben's hurt when he heard his parents arguing about him in the night, wondering if he was a monster. She saw the way Han looked at his pubescent son's bursts of anger with resignation, irritation, and growing disinterest. Felt his casual, indifferent enthusiasm the last time he said goodbye, before Leia sent their boy off with Luke. An ache that lingered. The hollow, yawning ache.

She pulled her hand away quickly, as if Ben's flesh had suddenly burst into flames.

He shuddered.

"You don't have to be here," she said softly. Ben's meeting with his mother had put him in a peaceful place, and now her invitation to confront the memory of his father had undone all that good work. She wanted him to know that he could retreat if he wasn't ready.

But Ben ignored her, reaching out to click a few controls on his side of the panel.

"At your signal," he murmured.

Rey turned to her own instruments, looking out at a verdant, mild landscape one more time. She wanted to come back here. Often. Fortunately, she knew that Ben wasn't going to give up a relationship with his mother so quickly after restoring it. Leia's presence here would draw them back again.

They lifted off, and the movement brought Rose and Finn into the cockpit to strap themselves into the auxiliary seats. Ben glanced at Rey, and she at him. Not everything had been made right yet, but it felt awfully close. Within both of them, things were settling into alignment.

Naboo fell behind and the infinite expanse of star-studded space closed in around the  _Millennium Falcon_.

"So where is this place?" Finn asked softly.

Rey thought it fitting that he should be here on her first flight as official custodian, as he was there for her first flight ever. She smiled at the memory.

"At the edge of the known galaxy. Somewhere not on any map. We don't even know its name."

Finn whistled. Ben input the coordinates. Rey was impressed he remembered them, given his state the last time he'd punched his salvation into his  _Silencer_  computer. But then she realized he was in her mind, flicking through it, finding her clearer memory of where to go. This too made her smile. He was welcome there. She would freely give whatever he sought. Once more she experienced the fluttering sensations of this morning churning inside her.

_Are you alright_? she thought, knowing he would hear it because he was already there inside her.

He gave a nod. When she reached, she felt his emotions had calmed. Peaceful again, like they were last night. Maybe deeper now. Han's memory had finally faded from the edges of him, leaving him settled at last.

She gave him one more thought before engaging the hyperdrive. Again, silently communicated but clearly heard.

_I love you._

His fathomless eyes met hers, and even though Finn and Rose sat just behind them, Rey felt they were suddenly all alone. He smiled.

_I know_.

Between them thrummed a harmonious bond of light and dark, intertwining rather than pulling apart. All the sacrifices and missteps had brought them to this moment, standing on the cusp of a new, bright future. And neither one knew fear, or doubt. Whatever the Force intended for them, they would meet it, unflinching. They would meet it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END
> 
> (sorta. Epilogue chapter coming up later today, plus a sequel to play around in)


	40. Epilogue

**Rey**

* * *

 

"Can you teach me to use the Force?"

Rey looked up from her book, abandoning the ancient runes she struggled to decipher. Ben would have had an easier time reading them, but he hadn't arrived yet this morning. It took a second for her to shift her thoughts from the book to what Rose had asked. She stared blankly at the other girl seated across the table.

"The Force," Rose prompted. "Can you teach me how to use it? Or do only some people have it?"

"The Force isn't a power you can  _have_ ," Rey said slowly, Luke's first teaching echoing through her voice. She almost smiled at the memory, but made herself focus on what Rose was really asking for. Cocking her head to the side, she considered. "Technically it's an energy all living things create. This tree, the plants, our hosts. You, Finn, me. It emanates from us and connects us."

"But you and Kylo can do stuff Finn and I can't. All the old legends say you have to be born with it. Is that true?"

Rey hesitated. "I don't… _think_  so. Some are naturally made for it, like our bodies are living conduits for the energy that surrounds us. But it seems that all life should be able to sense it on some level."

She wasn't sure. Luke had made it seem like there were gradations of Force sensitivity — some more attune than others. He had been awed and frightened by the raw power manifested in both Ben and Rey, claiming he'd never seen it like that in anyone else. And if there were varying levels of sensitivity, couldn't it be that even those born seemingly without it could, on some level, learn to harness a basic instinct for the Force?

If Ben were here, he might have a different answer. After all, he was the one who roamed the galaxy with Luke recruiting Force-sensitives for their training temple. But he wasn't here. Ever since they arrived in the village of Kee-git, Ben had elected to sleep aboard the Falcon rather than in one of the tree bungalows. He claimed it was so he could more easily relay and receive messages to the First Order remnants as he urged them to gather in the Unknown Regions, but Rey suspected that was mostly an excuse. Still, she didn't push him. Part of her believed it was good for him to spend as much time living aboard his father's craft as possible. And part of her, the part that had stirred to life when they first kissed on the base in Evryn, thought the nocturnal distance was somehow better for them, especially with others around.

So she, Finn, and Rose shared a bungalow while Finn recovered, and Ben joined them during the day.

Only, he hadn't come yet this morning and Rey was growing impatient for their separation to end. It happened every day. An hour after she woke up, she had already wished for his company several times. He was the first one she wanted to talk to when she woke, and the last face she wanted to see at night before she went to sleep.

"How do you feel it?" Rose asked, drawing Rey's attention away from thoughts of Ben again.

Rey closed her book, deciding this was something interesting to explore. "Come on," she said, standing. "Come on a walk with me."

Rose agreed. They briefly checked on Finn, who was soundly asleep on his own bed. Though his wound wasn't as severe as Ben's had been, he wasn't healing as quickly. The physicians plied him with a medication which allowed him sleep whenever he wanted, and he usually had to take a dose deep into the night when his shoulder began to throb again. It made him dead to the world until late morning or early afternoon.

Rey wondered if the reason for Ben's accelerated recovery had to do with how connected he was to the Force. It was as if every cell of his body was a magnifying glass, and the Force passing through him became focused and clear. She knew it felt that way for her. She tended to bounce back from injury and illness a little quicker than usual too. Perhaps it was a benefit of being as attuned as they were.

The two women wandered through the village, smiling and greeting the farmers and their children as they passed. The natives had grown used to their human guests over the last week, and no longer stared whenever they ventured outside their bungalows. Communication was still limited to Veze, Pru, and a couple others who could speak galactic Basic, but Rey felt the inklings of understanding begin to glimmer at the corner of her mind. It had always been that way with her. Language was a puzzle to be worked out, and when she started to see how the sounds fit together, it tingled in her brain until the riddle was solved and the puzzle completed.

They didn't stay in the collection of trees serving as buildings, instead wandering out into the woods a little. Not far, though. Rey stopped when she was satisfied. Mammoth trees surrounded them, skirted by verdant green plant life. There was so much life on this little moon, the Force practically sang with it.

"Let's sit," Rey instructed, motioning to a clear patch of ground.

Rose sank, folding her legs beneath her. She smiled as she looked around. "I love this place. It reminds me a little of D'Qar. The trees are way bigger here, of course, but it has the same feeling."

Rey sat too, across from her. She remembered the base where she'd first met Leia, and all the rebels. It too was green and full of life. Birdsong filled the forest around them there, just as it did here. Rose emanated with fond nostalgia, and Rey smiled. "You felt at home there."

If Rose was bothered by the intrusion to her private feelings, she didn't show it. Instead, she nodded. "They took us in, my sister Paige and me. It was where we finally felt hope again."

There too came a flicker of sorrow amid the fondness. Rey didn't flinch away from it. She let Rose's feelings move through her, wanting and willing to be so connected to the engineer.

"Everyone who is gone remains in the Force," Rey murmured softly. "They are always with us."

"Show me how to feel her," Rose implored.

Something within Rey brushed away her faint doubt, assuring her that Rose was as entitled to feel the web of connection as Rey herself was, even if she did not possess the same conductive element inside her.

"Close your eyes and just breathe," instructed Rey. "Listen to the birds. To the breeze. Let it all wash over you."

Rose obeyed, closing her eyes, drawing in deep, deliberate breaths. Her hand strayed to the cord tucked into her shirt. She tugged it and withdrew the pendant hiding under the clothing, brushing her fingers over its curved crescent design, curling it into her palm.

Rey remembered Luke urging her to reach out. She remembered Maz and the look of serenity over the little female's face when she tried to get Rey to feel the flow of cosmic energy. She remembered the harrowing, terrifying, intensely electric moment when Kylo's blade held her at the edge of a cliff, when he entreated her, when she finally embraced the feeling inside and let it imbue her with strength.

What experience Rose might have with it would be anyone's guess. She wasn't facing life or death, she wasn't being persuaded by a beautiful, broken man or a wizened spiritualist pirate. She wasn't seeking answers from a gnarled, disillusioned Jedi. Rey didn't know what to expect now any more than she did back then.

"Let your feelings float," she murmured. "Let them open. Let everything in."

Rey closed her own eyes and followed her own advice, comfortable and familiar with the action after all this time. It came naturally. The forest hummed around her, bright and vibrant, full of life and death in harmonious measure.

She felt Rose, another source of life and energy, faintly flickering with dim awareness. In her mind's eye, she saw waves of energy washing over the engineer. It didn't pass through her like it did with Ben, or Leia, or Luke, but rather broke around her like the sea against rocks. Still — if Rey focused hard enough, she could see that some of it  _was_  getting in. Drops through cracks, a thin whistle of a breeze. But yes, something was getting through.

"What do you feel?" She asked her friend softly, opening her eyes.

Rose's face radiated love. A soft, choked sob escaped her. "Paige. I feel Paige."

Rey smiled. She felt a sudden, fierce urge to hug the other woman, but held back. This was a moment between sisters, and Rey was not part of that. Closing her eyes again, she plucked at the webbing of the Force until she found Ben, near and glowing like a huge, bright sun. Further away, much further, Leia. If Paige was near, did that mean Luke was too? She hadn't heard the voice of her would-be master for a long time now. Was he pleased with what she and his nephew had accomplished? Was he satisfied?

Rose expelled a soft gasp of air. Rey's eyes snapped open in time to see her friend rolling onto her back, staring up at the sky with a faraway expression.

"Are you alright?" Rey asked anxiously.

Rose nodded. "I can't really explain it. I just felt Paige. Like she was right next to me. Like she was hugging me. It was as real as if you and I hugged. Is that what it's like for you?"

"Yes, sometimes," Rey replied. It wasn't a lie, though it was far from the whole truth. So much more was happening in the Force which Rose, with her limited sight, could not see. But Rey was pleased that out of everything she was able to feel, it was her sister's living presence.

Rose sat up again. She was beaming. "Thank you for showing me that."

"I didn't. It came from within you. The Force is always there for you to feel, whenever you want."

The other girl flung herself at Rey and hugged her hard, laughing and crying in equal measure. "I'll never be able to lift rocks or influence somebody's mind, but I'm completely satisfied if all I can do is feel my sister nearby."

They embraced one another for a long time, basking in their mutual happiness. Rey found herself full of a strange new kind of satisfaction, one that filled a previously untapped place inside her. Even as they stood to make their way to the village, she marveled at it. Somehow, Rose's joy had become her own. She liked that. Did it come from passing on her knowledge, or opening the window for someone to breathe the same fresh air she enjoyed?

"I wonder if Finn can do that too," Rose speculated, excited now.

Rey felt it too. "I wonder if everyone can."

A few more minutes of silence elapsed between them, but when the village came into view, Rose stopped and grabbed Rey's arm suddenly.

"Hey — before we get back…this is has nothing to do with the Force, or Paige or anything, but…can I ask you a question?"

She glanced at the engineer, surprised by the shift in mood she felt abruptly come over her friend.

Rose grimaced. "I know it's out of the blue, but it's rare that we get to talk alone."

"Ask me anything," Rey replied.

"It's about Finn…" Rose warned. "I like him."

"I know." Where was this headed? Was Rose still worried that Rey was somehow a threat to her feelings for Finn? That should have been settled long ago.

"But I've never had a — a  _boyfriend_  before. Paige did, and she sort of told me about it, but I was too young for all that when we left home and after we joined the resistance we didn't really have time for love interests. I wish she were around to talk to about it now. I'm nervous about all...you know...  _that_. I want to do it, but I'm nervous. How do I tell him? He hasn't tried anything, but I think he wants to. And I know I do, but I'm also kind of scared. I've heard it hurts. I guess I'm kind of a wimp because I'm really worried about that." Rose jabbered frantically, as she often did when she felt awkward.

Rey blinked, brow furrowing in puzzlement. "What are you talking about?"

Rose blushed, a deep color rising in her cheeks, until a beat later when she realized Rey wasn't being confrontational, but was rather genuinely baffled. She made a soft, surprised sound. "Wait…"

Rey waited for her explanation.

The lack of response astonished Rose, who began to laugh. "No, no, you're not serious.  _Rey_ _!_  Come on, please tell me you know about what goes on between...adults. Someone must have told you. But then again, who would have? You were raised on a planet basically without humans."

"Oh…" Rey paused, her confusion fading. "You're talking about mating."

Rose grimaced. "Oh, geez Rey don't call it that. That makes it sound so…technical. So animal."

Rey shrugged. "Sorry."

"But you do know how it works, right? I don't have to explain that?"

"I know how it works."

Rey had lived a strange, mostly isolated life since childhood, but she hadn't escaped the lewd talk that always ran around Niima. She knew ' _how it worked'_  for several different species, all of them certain their way was the best way. Humans were not common on Jakku, but she wasn't the only one. As the youngest and seemingly most vulnerable, she had been made a would-be target a few times by opportunists — but she quickly taught all of them to leave her alone in no uncertain terms. She knew the mechanics of the deed, as they'd been graphically and crudely described to her, but not much else.

Rose wasn't done marveling. "So does that mean you and Kylo haven't….?" Her brow ticked up, nodding slowly. "I admit, I'm surprised. Impressed, but surprised. I always thought he was a raging ball of testosterone. And as soon as it felt like things had changed between you, I assumed it was because of that."

"No." Now it was Rey's turned to blush. She'd supposed, somewhere in the back of her mind, that this growing need inside her whenever he was near was urging her that direction. And certainly she'd felt it zipping through her veins when he'd let his wandering hand explore the skin of her back on Naboo. But it wasn't something she'd consciously faced. It wasn't something she'd really ever wanted. All the talk at the outpost was always so grotesque, it didn't sound appealing. She didn't really know what to do with the background desires stirring into life, so she ignored them.

"But are you guys even a thing?" Rose sounded skeptical now. "Have you at least admitted the feelings you both so obviously have?"

"Yes." Rey decided she didn't want to talk about this anymore, and started walking again.

"Really?" Rose sounded exultant now, scrambling to catch up. "So you're  _together_?"

"I don't know." Though the nature of their relationship had shifted to something that could now include the undeniable romantic feelings each had, Rey still didn't know how to define it. "I guess so."

"Well we're both in a predicament then, aren't we?" Rose grinned. "You can't give me any advice on this topic because you don't even understand it yourself. We both need a big sister right now. Maybe we should go back and do that Force thing and ask Paige more specifically about it."

Rey didn't need a big sister. She wasn't looking for what to do. She was just letting this thing between her and Ben happen, frightening and exciting as it was. Rose might be worried about how to bring it up, but Rey was happier not thinking about it.

"I don't know for sure, but I don't think the spirits of the Force tend to give advice from beyond the grave about things like that," she mused.

Rose laughed.

After a minute, Rey added a little more gently, "You know, given his own background, Finn is probably just as worried about it as you are. Stormtroopers aren't exactly taught about that kind of thing either. He'd probably be relieved to talk to you about it."

Rose glanced at her thoughtfully, nodding. "I didn't even think about that."

Rey didn't reply, and was glad when Rose fell into contemplation and didn't bring the subject up again for the rest of their walk.

* * *

**Ben Solo**

* * *

Ben was disappointed when he arrived at the bungalow tree and found only a groggy, disoriented Finn. Not that he didn't enjoy Finn's company — over the last week he'd been surprised to discover he actually  _did_ — but it was Rey who he really wanted to see. She and Rose had vanished, however, and Finn had no idea where or why. He contemplated going out to search for them, but decided it was wiser to just wait.

They'd gone with breakfast still on the table, so he helped Finn dish himself a plateful and chose a single fruit for himself.

"Thanks," Finn mumbled when Ben slid his plate in front of him. The physicians did not want him extending the muscles in his shoulders, restricting a few key movements. His embarrassment and annoyance at his own handicap was palpable.

Ben pretended not to notice, preserving what remained of Finn's dignity. He turned his attention to a book lying on the table, which he recognized. He thumbed it open, wondering which passage she had stopped on. His gaze caught on a scattering of runes expounding on the need to balance the scales of one's life, for every action necessarily generates both good and bad, but those actions which generate more good for the most people than bad should be favored. It was ponderously written, as most things in the book were, but it made Ben snort incredulously. Had Luke ever even bothered to read this stuff? Probably not. Rey wouldn't have spent so much wasted time trying to convince him if he had.

"What is that writing?" Finn asked, eying the pages. "Never seen anything like that."

"It's ancient," Ben said distractedly. Few people in the galaxy bothered remembering dead languages or writings. But he bothered. His interest in calligraphy had prepared him to understand ancient texts easily when Luke was trying to teach him. He had taken that particular fascination with him when he'd gone over to Snoke, finding records in the archives of the old Empire which few had been able to read or translate. Snoke approved of this learning and encouraged him to seek deeper truths among even more archaic documents. But somehow neither of his masters had ever been able to taint his interest with their own agendas. Calligraphy and runes had always remained uniquely his, and he was able to carry it into this new life without residual memories ruining it for him.

"Yeah, kind of got that by the fact it's an actual book," Finn quipped. "Don't see those around much these days."

"No, you don't."

"Does that have some secret Jedi magic you guys are trying to learn?"

Ben glanced up, amused. "Rey thinks so, but I believe we have everything we need without them. They're just the wandering thoughts of old men long dead."

Finn nodded, grinning. "Good to know you still disagree sometimes."

"Frequently." Ben sensed a stirring of curiosity in his companion, and was instantly wary. One of the benefits of Rey's abominable parentage was that she had no family to be protective of her, no father to disapprove of him. Except she had scrapped together her own weird little family, and they  _had_  disapproved of him in the beginning. Now they'd more or less accepted her choice, but sometimes Ben still felt certain that one of them — mostly Finn, as the closest thing she had to a real brother — would redact that acceptance and challenge his presence in her life again.

It was irrational and juvenile, and he tried to be better than that impulse, but sometimes it still made him feel defensive.

"You'd be level with me, right? Without her here. Just us. You'd give me the truth?"

Ben's wariness heightened. He tensed. "Perhaps."

"Honesty. I like it." Finn pushed his plate away from him. "So you guys haven't sealed the deal yet, right? Cuz Rey's like me, raised on some pretty unreliable information and not much else, and I'm willing to bet she's not ready for that."

Well. That was not at all the turn Ben was expecting. He had braced for something more confrontational. Instead this was…strangely intrusive. He frowned.

Finn lifted his hands. "It's okay, it's okay. I told her the night before we left that whatever she chose, I'd support her. You're both trying to hide it, but it's pretty clear she chose you. I mean, I don't see you two parting ways anytime soon, am I right?"

Ben granted him a single short nod, probing the other man's thoughts to detect duplicity. He found none. That surprised him — and yet, it didn't. Finn was terrible at lying, and his guileless soul contained only amicable friendliness towards Ben now, as well as full trust in Rey. Discovering this allowed Ben to relax. Wherever this line of questioning led, it wasn't to a place of disapproval and hostility.

Sighing, Finn pressed on. "I guess what I mean is, I don't get it. You've clearly got it bad for her, and she clearly likes you too, so how do you stay so relaxed when she's around? I'm asking because I feel like I'm barely hanging on, and you're always cool as a kelkip. Like it doesn't bother you. Like you don't have human urges."

Understanding the question didn't make Ben any more interested in answering. He didn't particularly care for this method of bonding — discussing their individual romantic interests and common struggles. But he recognized a need in his companion for guidance and friendship on this matter which he could not discuss with the current friends available to him. Perhaps he would save sought Poe's counsel, as those two shared a far greater level of trust and intimacy than either of them did with Ben, but Poe wasn't around, and Poe didn't have someone in his life challenging his self-control. If he had any. So that left Ben.

Rey would want him to engage in this, he knew. She was always so instinctually inclined to help Finn, or any of her slapdash family, that she would have pushed Ben to be candid and frank in his reply. But though her influence over him was considerable, she didn't make his decisions for him. He was free to walk away from this. To tell Finn no, to excuse himself, or to just get up and leave without any explanation at all. He could go hunting for Rey and Rose and join them in whatever they were doing. Escape the uncomfortable dance of a delicate conversation.

He decided to stay. Finn was agreeable enough, and Ben decided to try being helpful. See where that led. It was an experiment, anyway.

So he shrugged and said, "I am human. I have the same feelings you do. But it isn't about what you want. It's about what she wants. So, what does she want?"

"I don't know," Finn confessed. A flicker of relief passed over his face, no doubt at having received a response after several tense seconds of silence. "It's hard to think when she's around. Lately the only thing going through my mind is…not something I can say out loud."

The images flashed so clearly through Finn's mind, Ben didn't have to reach into him to see them. He frowned again. Those were unwelcome images, and he could have gone his whole life without picturing them.

He laced steel into his next words. "Where's your discipline, soldier? You control your thoughts, not the other way around."

Apparently this triggered some instinctual programming within him, because Finn sat up a little straighter and squared his shoulders. But his face registered a wince. "You're right. I used to be better at that."

"Until you suddenly weren't." Ben knew Finn's penchant for breaking discipline if he felt it no longer served his conscience, but in this case it should aid his need to do the right thing. It wasn't as if he had a unique struggle nobody else could understand. Ben was better at self-denial, at reigning in his physical needs and making himself master over them, but it didn't mean he didn't feel the same temptations. It wasn't as if he'd made himself immune to Rey's unconscious wiles and charms. It's not like he didn't burn with fierce desire whenever he held her, or kissed her, or nearly anything that brought her within inches of him.

He sighed. "Look, to eliminate your struggle, you must acknowledge it and accept it. Embrace what you feel, and know that feeling it doesn't mean you must act."

"Is that how you do it?" Finn asked, lifting a brow.

Ben nodded. Were this Rey, and were it another topic, he would push her to vocalize her suppressed struggle out loud. Hearing it audibly made it real, forced the mind to accept it. But Ben didn't really want to hear Finn say his reluctant desire out loud right now. They weren't  _that_  close.

Instead, he expounded. "You must ask yourself if giving in to your desire would do any harm to her. If the answer is yes, you put her welfare above your urges. You don't want to hurt her, do you?"

"I wouldn't!" Finn protested. "I would be careful."

"I don't mean in the moment," Ben retorted with distaste. "And I don't mean physical harm. I mean before you act, you must be sure that your shared intimacy wouldn't ultimately bring her harm or grief in the long run."

Finn considered this. He looked troubled. "But how can you ever know that? Those kind of questions makes me think I should just be celibate for life."

Ben shrugged. "That is the safer path, if you don't want to hurt her."

It was also the path both Sith and Jedi alike chose, because of its simplicity, because of its freedom from those messy, complicated feelings that came from attachment and sentimentality. Though neither side chose it out of a desire to avoid harm. That was just Ben's own personal code.

Finn stared at the table. Ben sensed his despair.

He offered hope. "Fortunately you don't have to answer that question alone. Let her decide. Acknowledge your feelings, but don't let them rule you, and only advance as far as she wants. Then wait for her to invite you further."

Finn nodded, accepting this advice. He glanced up. "You sound like you're pretty good at this. Had a lot of experience with women to practice on?"

"No. Just her." But he had instincts, and a strong impulse to respect Rey's heart, since no one else in her life ever had. He would not venture where she did not want him to be. In addition to the unbearable level of vulnerability that would bring him, he did not want to be the cause of her suffering, now or down the road. If that meant he had to wait a lifetime, or never know her in that way at all, he would endure all the physical torments her proximity induced. Because she was more important to him than anything his body might demand.

"Seriously?" Finn didn't believe him. "No other girls, ever?"

"None that I wanted in that way." The fleeting boyhood crushes and the fellow padawan he'd kissed at Luke's temple didn't count, and anything that came after could hardly be called temptation. A passing recognition that Sion wanted him in that way, an idle realization that he could easily take anything from any female he wanted. But however far he'd gone in the service of Snoke, he'd never have allowed himself to take  _that_. Killing could be justified.  _That_  could not. Besides, Snoke was constantly warning him about the dangers of becoming distracted, and he'd had single-minded motivation to avoid the folly of his grandfather.

"Besides," he heard himself confess aloud. "I've always felt the need to avoid accidentally perpetuating my messed up family into another generation."

That made Finn laugh. "Thank you for that. I think the galaxy has had just about enough of your people."

Ben felt himself grin fleetingly. The experiment had worked out well, he realized. He felt somehow more sympathetic and amenable towards Finn now that they'd shared this brief conversation.

And in a stroke of good timing, they heard light, human voices and crunching footsteps approaching the bungalow, signaling the return of their counterparts.

Despite the new camaraderie, Ben was relieved.

* * *

**Rey**

* * *

Rey discovered, with great surprise Ben already there, apparently eating with Finn. For a moment she felt a little awkward towards him, given the conversation Rose had instigated in the woods, but it was hard to feel that way for long. As soon as their eyes locked, it swept away in favor of peace and pleasure. She smiled.

"You're here late. I could have used your advice this morning."

His gaze softened too, his own personal brand of smile — reserved and minimal — skirted the edges of his mouth. "I went to the  _Silencer_  again this morning. I installed the new fuel line, but I don't think there's anything else I can use from the junk-heap that will fit."

"You're stripping my ship to fix yours!" She pretended to be annoyed, but couldn't maintain it, breaking into a grin. The Falcon had plenty of spare bits stowed in its mechanical bay, for as often as it required replacement parts. "I told you it was all too custom. We've done as much as we can with what we have, but I still don't see how you can get her fly-worthy again."

"I could use my residual authority to have a new one made," he mused as she pulled up a chair and sat beside him. Rose moved off to check on Finn's wound. Rey glanced at them, more curious about their interactions now that she knew the depth of their interest in one another.

"You don't want a new one," she said, returning her attention to Ben. "You want  _that_  one."

"I do," he conceded.

An idea niggled at the back of her mind, and she dragged it to the forefront for examination. "You know…" she said slowly, surprised. "I happen to know a place in the galaxy where TIE Interceptor parts are still sold."

"Interceptor parts? Would those fit?"

She nodded, excited now. "Like a glove. Your  _Silencer_  is just a modified Interceptor, after all. It wouldn't be difficult at all to piece it back together using Imperial salvage."

His mind flicked through hers. She felt him rummaging through it, pausing briefly at Rose's earlier line of questioning, but Rey pushed him away from that and showed him what he was looking for. A sandy horizon, a dusty little outpost, a shrewd and unpleasant Crolute junk boss.

He blinked. "You want to go back to Jakku?"

"Jakku?" Finn jerked in his chair, eyes widening. "What the hell, Rey, I thought you were way past that!"

She laughed. "I don't  _want_  to go back to Jakku, but it's the only place we can buy Interceptor parts without attracting attention."

"I don't really care about attracting attention," Ben said, frowning.

"It's the fastest way to get your ship fixed. If you wait until you resume your leadership over the First Order, your life will get complicated. How will you be able to requisition the parts and then vanish again once you have them? Demands will be made on your time. This will be quick, painless, and cheap."

"Not painless." Ben's eyes caught hers and searched them intently. She saw, and felt, his concern. "It wont be painless for you. I don't want to take you back there."

It wouldn't be easy, she knew, returning to that place which had been her home and her prison for all her life. But she didn't care about that. She wasn't the same person now, and she wouldn't let its power over her return. So she pushed aside Ben's concern and said lightly, "Then stay here. I'll get what we need and come back."

"If you're going, I'm going," Ben sighed.

"I'm not," Finn protested.

Rey gave him an affectionate grin. "Don't worry, we won't go until you're all recovered and ready to go back to the resistance. We'll drop you both off."

Finn, surprised, relaxed and agreed to this plan.

Rose touched his hand lightly. "Hey. Something cool happened while you were asleep."

"It usually does," he joked.

She shook her head and rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself. "I mean something  _really_  cool. Rey showed me how to tap into the Force."

"What?" Finn and Ben asked together, both glancing at Rey for explanation.

She'd almost forgotten, in everything that had happened since. The excitement of their success returned, buzzing through her with new energy. "It's true."

"How is it true?" Ben asked.

Finn glanced at Rose as if she'd grown another head. "Are you like them? Have you been this whole time?"

"No, dummy," she laughed. "I'm like you. I can't do what they can, but Rey taught me how to feel it and guess what? I felt  _Paige_. She was right there. I could feel her next to me as clearly as you ar enow."

Ben looked puzzled. Finn was in awe.

"Rose, that's amazing." His voice became gentle and his face softened. "I'm really happy you got to feel that."

She blushed, glancing briefly at Rey. "Yeah. We found this really pretty spot to meditate in. Good place for a conversation. Do you feel up for a walk? Can I show it to you?"

He nodded mutely, allowing her to take his hand and pull him out of his chair. Rey unwittingly recognized the sudden frantic beating of two nervous hearts as they departed the bungalow together, no doubt to have that needed talk. Well, good for Rose. She faced what was making her shy and was seizing the moment while she still had courage.

Ben watched them leave as well, and when their gazes met again she saw the same knowing in his mind as she had in hers. Somehow, they both knew what lay beneath the departure of their friends.

"Did she really feel the Force?" he asked, deflecting.

She nodded. "She did. Not much, just a whisper, but she felt it."

Ben steepled his fingers in contemplation, and she could feel his mind sweeping over the impact of this discovery.

Rey put a hand on his arm. "Ben, I want to try to teach Finn how to do it too."

He glanced at the touch. "Why?"

"I want to know if it's possible, or if Rose was just an anomaly. Think about it. The Force belongs to every living thing. It doesn't need to be guarded jealously by gatekeepers anymore. Not Sith or Jedi or us or anyone."

"You want to teach the whole galaxy to feel the Force?"

"If I could," she laughed. "Or maybe just those who want to know. I don't know the logistics, but I know it would help so many. Just consider it. People could use what little they could feel to inform their instincts, to help them discern and make decisions. It could guide them, on the most basic level."

Ben looked uncertain. She tried to push her own certainty into him, to show him the possibilities coming to life in her heart. He resisted. "If you teach them, you'll end up opening the door for evil people to tap into it too. It might help them in their dark pursuits. You can't predict how they will use what you give them. And if there are any Force-sensitives out there, they will awaken into their abilities and then you really won't be able to control what they become."

"I know," she admitted. The galaxy was a diverse place full of many shades of bad. "But I don't think we should be the only ones keeping this power to ourselves anymore. Someday, evil will rise again, and its counterpart will be raised up to meet it. But if people can feel the difference with the help of the Force, maybe it won't take the galaxy so long to join the fight next time."

He glanced at the book lying open on the table, and she tracked his gaze. He'd opened it to a page she hadn't tackled yet, and couldn't immediately decipher all it said. She recognized the runes for  _balance_  and  _action_. Ben's eyes moved over it quickly, taking it all in, though he seemed to already know what it said.

"This…serves more good than it does bad…" he said slowly.

She considered, then nodded. "I think so. It  _feels_  right."

"Yes." It took him another minute of thought to respond. "It does."

She thrilled, breaking out in a grin so wide it drew a responding one from him. "Perfect. I'll try with Finn, then. And we'll figure out how to make it all work later."

He glanced down and took her hands, his long fingers playing with hers. "If I may return to an earlier topic of conversation — are you sure you want to go back?"

The excitement of her decision faded, replaced by something soft and gentle. "I'm sure. I want to help you fix your ship."

"That's not a good enough reason."

She glanced up and their eyes met again. Deep, dark pools she knew and loved so well. She always felt like she was falling when he looked at her like that. Falling into that warm abyss. "I'm ready to go back and put all of it to bed. To face it with you and make my peace with it."

His fingers left hers, one hand straying, grazing a knuckle up her uncharacteristically bare arm. "I admit, it does sound like a good way to get my ship fixed."

"It is," she assured him, her stomach turning a little flip at this touch. She leaned in, using her now-freed hands to pull his face to hers. There she kissed him softly, relieved and grateful for everything they had, and the harmonious current of understanding between them. His lips worked hers with reassuring insistence.

She pulled away and tugged him out of his chair. "Come on. Let's go find the  _Silencer_  and make an inventory of everything we need to get."

"Best make it a long trip," he agreed, gaze both affectionate and cheeky.

She saw images of Rose and Finn flitting through his mind, and grinned. "Yeah, they might not want to see us here when they get done with their little chat."

His hand found hers, slipping his fingers between her own. "Is it alright if we go like this?"

She blushed a little and curled her hand around his. "It's perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the epilogue, folks!
> 
> First of all, I want to thank every one who made it to the end of this fic and went on this journey with me. Second of all, I want to assure you that IT ISN'T OVER. No way. I've got a sequel that is promising to be similar in length to this one. I'll start posting it in a week or so -- give myself time to finish up the last few chapters and give my editor a chance to proofread the chapters I've already got. 
> 
> Don't worry, I'll update here so you get notified of the sequel when I start posting it. It's called SHADOW AND SHINE and it's a lot more fluff and fan-service, since we already did the hard part of getting them to this place of acknowledged romantic attraction. 
> 
> I do have a question, though. My previous readers of DFN and now SAS did/do not want too much by way of ~steamy content~ so it's still T-rated as it stands now. What do you guys prefer?


	41. Update

Just popping in to let you know that the sequel has begun! There will only be half the number of chapters as DFN, however the chapters are twice as long as these ones, so it'll be about the same word count. Nice long chapters for you to bathe in between updates. Anyway, hope to see you there! You have all made this process so much fun, and I've enjoyed sharing these chapters with you. Let's keep going!

-LR


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